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 AUTHOR
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 413
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?Page 23 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

Lots of people undergo trauma. Some decide to live as victims and some decide to not live as victims. It's a choice. No matter how unfortunate a traumatic experience is, the only path to a happy life is to deal with it and not let it ruin your life.


I don't want to get too far off topic, but I have to take issue with you here. That sounds wonderful and affirmative, but it ignores the fact we all have different makeups. The lady you mentioned attributed her ability to cope with a rape to willpower. Maybe--but many psychological traumas are far more than just "unfortunate," and they often completely overwhelm their victims.

All sorts of other life stresses, genetics, age, an earlier trauma, an existing condition, etc. may make someone vulnerable to PTSD or other psychiatric disorders. A person may have the bum luck to suffer a very traumatic experience at a very bad time. And the disorder which results may be so severe you can't resist it any more than you could an avalanche--no matter how brave or determined you are. The victims of these disorders don't live in he!! for the fun of it. Thank God for the medications and treatments we now have.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 416
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/29/2010 9:15:47 PM

That's easy for you to say when you live in a society liberated thanks to people like me

People like you??
OMG
What is it you, at 19, have contributed to liberate our society?

<< walks out of thread reminding herself that all 19 year olds think
they have the world by the balls.
I think I need a drink on that one!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 418
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/29/2010 11:16:16 PM

There are guys out there that see women as nothing more than a means of getting off. But if women were to stop being so naive about mens needs they wouldn't feel so used everytime some horny Casanova sweeps them off their feet.
So women feeling like their only value is as a sex object is simply because they are naive and not because people like you actually DO treat them as such?! Some women feel that way BECAUSE they are fully aware of how some men view them, NOT because they are naive.



There's nothing to disagree or agree about. You're simply wrong. Your beliefs don't have any weight when it comes to objective facts about biological functions. There is no reason to suggest sex isn't a 'need' just because you don't need it to not die. That's ridiculous. Even Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs puts sex right at the very bottom under physiological needs, right next to shelter and food.
I'm wrong because you say I'm wrong? Good lord boy, grow up! You may choose to subscribe to Maslow's hierarchy, I do not. Just because someone says something doesn't mean it's true. Again, I'll just agree to disagree with you.



If they aren't logical, then the person should be able to disprove them. If it's a question of them not wanting to get bothered by my views, then yeah I'm not saying it's alright to hunt people down and question their beliefs. There's forums such as this for such discussions.
Just because you don't understand the logic behind some people holding the belief to wait doesn't mean it's not logical TO THEM. You seem to think that there's one right answer for all people all the time and fail to understand that there IS NO right answer that applies for all people all the time. It's individual and not up to you to decide the right or wrong way for anyone but yourself to live.



That's easy for you to say when you live in a society liberated thanks to people like me. Imagine being born into a culture where you would become an outcast for not believing in ideas that support sexual repression.
Gee, thank you for liberating me! I've been having sex since before you were in kindergarten, but it's nice to know that you've had SO much affect on my sexual views!

I hold my views, not because of how I was raised, but DESPITE how I was raised. For all I was taught about sex, I was also taught to think for myself and make my own decisions. I hold many beliefs different from my family because I CHOSE to believe what worked FOR ME, and not just listen and follow blindly.

BTW, I HAVE lived in a culture where there is sexual oppression. It still didn't stop me from doing what was right FOR ME, or change my POV on my own beliefs. I hold my beliefs, not because of "people like you" who "saved me" from sexual oppression, but because I can THINK FOR MYSELF...which means, frankly, I don't need some kid who knows nothing about life telling me what is right and wrong in my own life. I truly hope one day you learn to grow up and realize that it's not all about you and that while your beliefs may be right for you, they aren't right for all people.



What's your point? either way, that doesn't happen to me. The girls I sleep with aren't always the type to give a damn about my ego and will be quick to tell me if they aren't getting off.
Yep, cause women ALWAYS admit when they've faked it!



Then don't go out on a date with me or a guy like me. I make my motives fairly clear. Fact is that some girls do use sex as a 'bargaining chip'.
No, some women WANT relationships. It's not a bargaining chip, it's her standing up for what SHE WANTS instead of giving into your immature wants. You only see it as a bargaining chip because you don't want what she wants. Again, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! A woman who won't sleep with you on the first date is standing up for HER BELIEFS, nothing more, nothing less. Trust me honey, NO WAY would I EVER go out with a guy as immature and inexperienced as you.



HER morals/beliefs come via her social setting. i.e her parents instilled her with old-fashioned beliefs. That's fine, let her be brainwashed. But it's these kind of self-righteous girls that talk down girls who don't share these beliefs, by calling them sluts or disowning them from their social groups.
It doesn't matter where her morals/beliefs come from though, JUST THE FACT THAT SHE HAS THEM! You seem so hung up on the why instead of just on the fact that she doesn't want to screw you right away (and after having read some of your opinions of women here, I don't blame them). What you see as brainwashing is what others see as instilling self-control, morals, and self-respect into their children. You say to-mah-to, I say to-may-to.

So you're still very much in a high school mentality if you think grown WOMEN bash each other and disown each other from social groups for having sex. Maybe in your adolescent world they do, but in the REAL ADULT world, that doesn't happen, because you see, most of us have more to focus on in our own lives without having to worry about what someone else is doing in theirs. Most of us ADULTS recognize others' rights to their own beliefs. Don't worry, you'll understand one day when you grow up.



Again what's your point other than a thinly velied insult? the point is that they will only go down town after getting the meaningless 'formalities' out of the way, such as the third date rule.
Just because YOU see dating as a "formality" doesn't mean SHE sees it that way. SHE sees it as necessary for her to feel comfortable enough to go to bed with you...in fact, the very fact a woman may insist on this shows how MEANINGFUL it is for her.
Oh, and btw, it wasn't a veiled insult at all...you implied that they get the pleasure of knowing you out of the getting to know you stage...I was just asking how that's a prize, because nothing you have said here has shown getting to know you as something worth doing.


It slightly upsets me that for a guy that knows so much about science you believe that overcoming trauma in some situations is a choice. As another poster mentioned there are many factors in play, i.e if the 16 year old girl was a little older, had more at stake and was vaginally raped to the point of physical harm caused, she may have not recovered as quickly. What about the soldiers of war who for the rest of their lives suffer from Posttraumatic stress disorder? Decades after their service? Such discussions can't be applied to a large strata of people...
Again, as someone who survived a sexual assault, I know FIRST HAND how to overcome it. It's not a matter of how much harm is done or not -- a sexual assault is a sexual assault. No matter what happened, it's traumatic in any sense, and STILL, the only way to overcome a trauma is to let it go and move on with your life. Hanging onto it will only cause a person to continually relive the trauma (whatever that trauma may be). Healing will ONLY come about when one ACCEPTS that it happened and lets it go as just a bad thing that happened. The ONLY way to heal from trauma is to do this. I'm not saying it's easy at all, and in fact, it took me several years to work through my issues from my sexual assault, but I refuse now to let an incident that happened 15 years ago to affect my life today.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 421
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:15:25 AM

Not because I say so. Because all formal definitions, psychological ideas, collective experiences and biological explanations support me in saying that sex is as much a need for a healthy life as shelter and human connection. Not for everyone of course, i.e asexuals.


Again, YOU subscribe to those definitions, I do not.


Again you miss the point. Only certain women find the need to fake it in the first place.

And YOU somehow magically know the "type" of women who would fake it?! I'm sure every guy would LOVE to hear your secret for KNOWING this. (btw, I'm not advocating faking, because I've never done so in my life and believe it to be counter-productive, but am just stating you can NEVER know for sure).


Thanks to people LIKE me. If not, you'd be disowned from society and labeled a harlot. And no one would even be willing to pay your dowry given you have no chastity for them to own, you'd die an unmarried outcast.
In western society, even though attitudes about chastity have persisted, dowrys haven't been acceptable in MANY years. Nor have most people seen women, in western society, as property, in many years. The sexual revolution didn't come to pass until many years AFTER most people in western society dropped these views. Again though, I have my own views DESPITE what I was taught, not because of them.

Oh, and btw, I'd rather be an unmarried outcast than be accepted but living in a gilded cage.


Lol that's easy to say behind a computer screen. Seduction comes via non-verbal methods. Then again maybe I wouldn't go for you either, if you aren't even confident enough to have a picture.

What? Cause you're OH SO CHARMING I'd have no choice but to drop trou for you? I DID have a picture on here when I first created my account, but I work with teenagers and they "discovered" my account and it was creating problems, so I had to hide my account for several months till it blew over. I don't have a picture now, not because I lack confidence, but because I value my privacy. I get A LOT less contacts without a pic, but the ones I do get now are more worth it.

Oh really? Women, especially married one's will spread rumors about other women having casual sex faster than a wildfire. They'll forbid their husbands to speak to these women and look down on them as a group. Even women on this website in their 50s have discussed this issue. I don't know ANY adult women who would do this. Do you honestly think because a couple of bored people CLAIM that this happens that it actually does? I'd like to know how you know SO MUCH about what married women do and believe. But again, I guess if you hang out with people who have a high-school mentality, you would see these things. What you fail to recognize is that you may notice something like this when it does happen because it IS out of the ordinary.


I have more to offer women I like than most guys my age.
What do you have to offer them? Meaningless sex and to be left like garbage on the curb the next day? You think you have the market on that? You've pretty much stated you see no interest in women as people to get to know and their only value is to please you and serve your "needs". People with something to offer have something to offer outside the bedroom.


"You seem to think that there's one right answer for all people all the time and fail to understand that there IS NO right answer that applies for all people all the time."
And please tell us how someone overcomes a trauma if they DON'T learn to accept it and let go.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 422
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:11:26 AM

I don't know ANY adult women who would do this.

You're kidding, right?!
I think you've gotten so wrapped up in proving Axl wrong......that you've
stepped across into fantasy land!
Women are constantly demeaning other women for having casual sex.
Check out the FWB threads...or any thread where a woman states she had sex or gave a BJ on the first date.
and yes, there are many women that use sex as bait to get a man.
I'd say a large percentage of women having "first date" sex are of the mindset
that sex is "sealing the deal" for them. These are the same women that come on here
and tell us how she was "used" when the man doesn't call her back.

I still think Axl wants women to act "liberated" for his own self serving needs......
but I do agree that men and women alike need to quit worrying about what others
think and do as they please.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 423
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 10:14:06 AM
Maybe I just surround myself with women who aren't so catty as to think other women's business is their own msmicki. I simply don't view posts in a forum on a dating site as indicative of what MOST people are like irl. Or maybe I just have never paid attention to what others say because I don't think, unless it involves them, that's it's any of their business. I was always told that opinions are like a$$holes -- everyone has one.

I feel truly sorry for people who pay attention to what others think of them, I simply choose not to because ultimately, it doesn't matter. If someone has so little to do in their own life they feel the need to berate others for what they do in theirs, that's truly a very immature mentality, and is just something I choose not to be around.

It could also be that maybe I don't encounter this because I don't feel the need to blab about my sex life to everyone I know, so I don't provide ammunition for their fire. Or perhaps I've just been fortunate to find people who aren't as judgmental and catty as the people some of you encounter. When I stated that I don't know any adult women who do this, that was true; if you do, I'm sorry.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 424
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:07:15 AM

If someone has so little to do in their own life they feel the need to berate others for what they do in theirs, that's truly a very immature mentality, and is just something I choose not to be around.


Really??
Ya might want to take a look at your own posting history!
Not that the rest of us aren't guilty of the same......but I sure don't claim otherwise!

and sorry, but I don't believe you when you say you don't know any adult women
that are judgemental and catty. You've been a member long enough here, and responded to the same threads they are in.....to be that clueless.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 425
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:52:31 AM
MsMicki, even though I recognize you from the forums, I would never claim to KNOW you. I have never met you in person, nor held a conversation with you to lay claim to KNOWING who you are.

I simply don't associate IN REAL LIFE with women who are judgemental of others. Online is not real life, and I don't believe anyone would say half the things they say online if they were face to face with that person. And it's NOT just women that are guilty of that. The forums are a bit of an exception because people come here ASKING for opinions -- I'm simply not going to censure mine. IRL, I don't offer my opinion to anyone UNLESS ASKED FOR. If you're going to ask someone what they think of your choices, then be prepared to hear answers you may not want to hear. But again, maybe I simply don't see that judgemental mentality IRL because I don't kiss and tell. Most people I know IRL don't bash others for their choices -- they may not agree with them, but unless they are asked, most of them keep their opinions to themselves.

I believe all are free to their own opinions, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them, or even accept them (as in the case with our little friend here). One can disagree with another's beliefs yet still respect their right to those beliefs. Personally, I actually agree with axl that people shouldn't feel stigmatized for having sex on a first date, but what I DO take issue with is his insistence that his way is the right way for everyone and that anyone who does hold a different belief is ignorant and brainwashed and needs to be convinced of his "right" way of thinking.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 426
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:09:15 PM

I feel truly sorry for people who pay attention to what others think of them, I simply choose not to because ultimately, it doesn't matter.

You do care what people think of you. It does affect you no matter how hard you try. Your emotional reactions would not vary the slightest if someone was calling you out unfairly... or slandered you in public. Or if your significant other thought you were cheating and claimed to have false evidence.

If you don't care of what ANYONE thinks of you, you don't care about anyone, ya know?

We are born to care about our reputation, because it can end up burning us if it's too bad. I instead think before we instinctively care too much about what particular people think of us or potentially can, we should think through how big of a deal it is, and if it's not, and in the end TRULY doesn't matter, THEN to walk past it. But there are many things in life here and there that does matter when it comes to how particular people think of us.
 jeffiam
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 427
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:30:14 PM
I'd guess that somebody(ixion) is just yanking your chain. It's not possible to be that calloused.... but I've been naive before.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 429
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2010 10:21:10 PM
there is MORE to life then sex
why even call it a date?
why not just say the truth?
Looking to FUK????

Personally, I don't want STD's
or losers that will dump me the next day
i DON'T want to be used

it downright hurt my feelings!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 431
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:25:18 AM

That's fine. You don't have to adopt factual realities like a normal person. Delusional people do this all the time and look how happy they are.
What you call delusional, I call the ability to think for myself and not be a sheep. Again, you say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to.


And YOU somehow magically know the "type" of women who would fake it?


Yes I do.
Must be nice to know at the ripe old age of 19 you have figured women out so completely. Give yourself a hand...maybe you can teach the rest of the men in the world something, because in thousands of years, none of them have figured it out. But you have, GOOD FOR YOU!


What? Cause you're OH SO CHARMING I'd have no choice but to drop trou for you?


Not straight away. I have a way with outspoken women tho.


You overestimate yourself and underestimate women. Sorry, I just don't find your misogyny much of a turn-on. Personally, if the fate of the world hung on me having sex with you...I'd let the world die out.


What do all guys have to offer other than that? there might be a select few who can offer what you would call 'meaningful' sex [whatever that is] but half of them are taken, living in their mothers basements playing video games all day long and out there chasing unscathed hymens.
There are plenty of ADULT men who have an interest in women AS PEOPLE and aren't social outcasts themselves. Don't worry, one day when you grow up, you'll learn this too.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 433
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/1/2010 10:03:38 AM
Exactly ST!!

I had some great first time sex......but after a few times together......you relax
and learn things about each other, in and out of the bedroom, that enhance
the sexual experiences.

Axl can boast and brag and stomp his feet all he wants......there are some things
that just come naturally with experience and age.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 434
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:02:53 AM

What I've learned is, once you're into a relationship, sex is a small (but important) piece of the whole pie. Placing all the emphasis on sex is silly.

I've had a relationship or two where the sex was amazing and we couldn't get enough of it, but almost everything else sucked and we split up.

Also, dynamics out of the bedroom have HUGE impacts on what goes on in the bedroom. I'm quite assertive, and have found that other assertive females are my favorite, for example. Jostling for control in sex is something I find hot. That being said, there is no way I'm going to know that after one date. I can be a much better sexual partner after I've gotten to know them first.
That's the difference between "meaningless" and "meaningfull" sex, as I see it.


This mirrors my thoughts on sex to the letter---I couldn't have put it any better. And I agree with you wholeheartedly on your bit about jostling for control in bed being intensely exciting---especially when I'm gaining the upper hand.
 GinaMT
Joined: 3/24/2010
Msg: 436
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:27:57 PM
I didn't read this entire post but if you all are still commenting on the OP, here is my opinion.

Men and women have different takes on sex. For men there is no emotion attached to sex, but for women there is. It's something in the brain that is there for women but not for men.
So men can have casual sex a lot easier than women. I know there are women that do have casual sex, but it's more of a man thing.
Some woman who have casual sex, do so because they don't want a man full time in the lives, so casual sex is a good option for them. But for women that do want a long term relationship, they have sex and they grow more attached to the man.
Of course men in a relationship, want to have sex with the one they love to show their love, I am talking about single guys that just want sex, they feel no attachment towards the woman, that's why it's so easy for them.

Hopefully this made sense, but if it doesn't, well we all know men are from mars and women are from venus. lol
 ugly_dorkling
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 445
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:09:49 AM
some women have morals, some dont, gotta keep em seperated
 cupper3
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 448
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/3/2011 11:15:45 PM

So one should assume that the two of you abstained until post-nuptials? And that if you were not virgins, you'd both been married and only had sex with those particular partners? Or maybe that you've both been "re-born" and that now you've adopted the Bible as your guide to when it's OK to have sex? Just curious


I just wonder which part of the Bible talks about pre-marital sex? Seems to me much of the old Testament is a lot of random fornication going on that didn't wasn't exactly sanctioned by the benefit of any clergy. The new Testament? It's kind of silent on the whole matter also. Oh, except for Paul, who kind of grudgingly said something to the effect, "OK, if you want to get laid, get married. But I rather you don't get laid".

He never said anything about jacking off, so one must assume either he liked the cabin boys or manhandled himself. Wait... there were a lot of sheep around then, weren't there?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 455
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/5/2011 6:46:23 PM
So waiting 3 dates makes it meaningful? I fail to see how the number 3 means anything OP. If it feels right on the first date then it feels right. if it doesnt feel right after the 1st, 2nd or 3rd . then all the sudden a girl is going to have sex because its 3 dates? I dont see the point in having a 3 date rule.

I'm not arguing for holding out for the sake of making it grand, beautiful, and meaningful emotional experience, don't get me wrong... but I would say a 3rd date would differ than a 1st date. At the end of the 3rd date, generally speaking, you have a decent assessment on weeding them out for being one who's worth going steady with. After the 1st date, you've just gone out with them once... so you can be soo much more wrong.... IF one were to feel comfortable having sex with someone who at least is respectable and thru more than one demonstration, date-worthy. I would say there is a big difference between 1st date & 3rd date as far as getting a feel for someone... and I think many people want to get at least a decent feel for someone before -- whether it's for just fun or more.

Women think 1st date sex is weird because there are men out there like the person you are describing/responding to. They do all they can to convince you to do it & then judge you harshly for it. Pfft...childish games. I am very picky about who I date so when/if I decide to have sex I don't have to worry about these issues.

(1) If you're picky about who you end up dating, then it has nothing to do with this really though... because by that time, you'd be past several dates.

(2) If a guy blows you off because you had sex with him on the 1st date -- is that worse than that not happening and by date, say, 5 you have sex, and then by outing/date 7 you find out he is really not your match when it comes to things? Just saying it's best to find out their issues right off the bat than letting things string out and slowly finding out later, and miss out on other opportunities, that's all. I'm NOT saying one SHOULD do it on the first date, don't get me wrong... I'm just saying if that is THE reason why (guys potentially blowing a gal off strictly because of it), then they wouldn't be date worthy anyway. I would just assume it's because of a comfort-zone issue of at least getting to know a guy some.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 458
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/5/2011 9:59:04 PM

why do so many women say they dont like a guy who "just wants sex"?


isn't the simplest answer to this question the most obvious ?

cuz they want more from a man than just sex...as it relates to hoping to find a man for a relationship.


because a relationship IS truly about a lot more than just sex.


yet when they go out and allow men to screw them (when they are NOT in a relationship), even a one night stand...

they did so, because THEY chose to allow that man to have sex with them ...
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 459
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/6/2011 8:17:56 AM


Then don't post misogynistic comments and I'll have nothing to dig


What I post is up to me... I don't criticize some of the crap you post. Although to be honest, I should. However, you are entitled to your opinion as am I. That does not give you the right to repeatedly make disparaging comments...
Next time you start making digs, I will complain to Admin...


I don't see where disparaging comments were made towards you personally. Your posts were criticized because they said two different things, and they can indeed be viewed as reflecting a misogynistic attitude toward women:
mi·sog·y·nis·tic
adjective
reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women.


In my own case, I simply lost interest in them... Primarily because once I'd had sex with them, I didn't know them well enough to care if I saw them again... and I'd already had sex, so I'd simply end up interested in another woman....
Partly, I prefer a challenge... If there was no challenge, then I had little or no interest...


This is a perfect example of a misogynistic viewpoint. It displays a mistreatment of a woman and a callous disregard for her feelings. It also demonstrates that by preferring a challenge in order to pique your interest, a woman has to play games, e.g. "play hard-to-get". It is precisely because of men with attitudes like yours, that so many women feel they must hold off on having sex---even if they are physically attracted to the man, or they'll never see him again.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 460
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/6/2011 9:08:46 AM
^^^^ To be fair, I don't see that last part as misogynistic. Women can feel just the same way, so is that anti-guy? No. Is it weird and wtf? Yes. It's an example of weird turn-offs that people themselves walk into... but until they hold it against THE OTHER as a person, and not just a mere sudden lack of interest, then I wouldn't say it's an anti-gender thing. And even if, if they were bi, they'd be doing the same thing to any gender, and it'd be a people thing.

With that said, maybe some guys (or gals) pull out an "entrapment test", which unfortunately isn't frowned upon enough. In this case, they could think "I'm sexually attracted to him/her... I'm in the mood, and these beers feel good... hey, I'll see if he/she'll come back to my place, and if they're open to sex, great -- at least I get that.... if not, even better -- they're more relationship material....".

A similar example can be found in other forum threads -- where (usually it's) a woman who offers to pay her half of a bill and the guy bites on it -- and she writes him off because he accepted the (fake) offer.

But in the end, I don't think people pre-meditate an "entrapment test" when it comes to sex "too early". I think it's a Monday Morning Quarterback sort of thing, because they feel it's weird after, and don't ever place the arrow of weirdness upon themselves, but instead, the other (new) person.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 462
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/6/2011 10:20:33 AM
Yes, I think it would be misandrist. I've never had sex with a woman who wasn't fully aware of what it was about, I've never had sex with someone I didn't actually like and I would certainly never have sex with someone and think less of her for it. If someone wants a challenge, he/she is hunting trophies and that is a misogynsistic or misandrist attitude.

It could be -- but I wouldn't go so far. Some people put the blame of weirdness on themselves (or half and half or just others or no blame) and think that having sex too early "ruins things". Not everyone who does so thinks the other person is a slut. It's when they look down at the other person in a gender-related fashion (and not themselves obviously), I think it's an anti-gender thing.

I always declined such offers, but I still wouldn't want to date a woman like that based on general principles.

So have I almost all the time, but back when I was more rookie-like and with less money, and the (fake) offer seemed genuine enough, I would bite... but I don't walk into that anymore, unless the woman insists more than once over. However, if I sense a fake offer I may half-humorously ask if that was a fake offer or a real offer -- because games aren't cool and I do want to cover the bill... her response to it will show some character as to whether or not she's date worthy. Anyway, one could say though, that one should decline moving well past 1st base on a 1st date because they don't want to be caught in any trap of the person writing them off because of that itself.

I really have never encountered the kind of weirdness I see in these threads, but maybe that's because I don't go along with the sort of games and hypocritical thinking that goes along with this weirdness.

Well, finding it "weird" after isn't necessarily being a hypocrite. Some people blame themselves or just blame themselves for potentially making the other person feel weird. I certainly haven't when I felt that the gal and I were different people and her interest was so-so anyway... but if someone has found the gal relationship-worthy and seemingly the kind of gal who might not find it kosher, the next day they may be like "Sh!t, I hope that didn't screw up my chances...".

But I guess that also depends on the type of "1st date" it'd be. I think if people were pen-pals for a good while, and had tons o communication beforehand and got to know each other, had a long date spending hours and hours together, sure -- that wouldn't be something to worry about... where a 3 email exchange immediately followed by a nice date then the bedroom might make one worry if the other person's a bit weirded out as far as relationship avenue's concerned.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 468
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/8/2011 7:25:05 AM

Would you feel rushed if a woman said "I love you!" on a first date?

Not rushed, but kinda freaked out -- but yes, thoughts of things being rushed if I were to actually continue down the road with things, sure!

Women want EMOTIONS with their sex.

I don't agree with that in terms of (almost all) women wanting to make love, not make sex, if they are to have sexual relations with a guy pre-relationship. I think it's something else, as far as emotions go...

So, in hopes of not appearing to be promiscuous, makes sure the relationship is going to "go somewhere" before engraving that new digit

Ahhh, that's it. :)

"how many people have you been with?" asked by MEN.

And women who aren't the least bit competitive or jealous of said women don't ask (or assume) that question? :)

In the end, I think it's not wanting to seem promiscuous... if they guy didn't end up liking them, they will more feel that way, and thus, turn the blame on the guy for screwing them over... even though he could have sucked in bed and after too many drinks she realizes that he is NOT for her, and could blow him off and it'd be alright. It sucks when a date seems to go pretty well, we get our hopes up, and come to find out, the other person really isn't that interested -- whether you had sex, just 2nd base, or just a kiss at the end. If you end up sleeping with someone who ends up parting away very soon after -- it's THAT emotion related to sex that really gets someone who cares about their digits... even though they walked right into it as much as the next person (yes, a guy can be like that too lol)
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 469
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:24:03 AM

Ouch someone has had a really bad experience with men. I agree that women tend to attach the emotions with sex more so than do men. What I believe onthis whole deal is. When meeting a ladie be truthful in what you say treat her with respect and remember what it is to be a gentleman . The one thing we have in life is control of our body and no one should ever cross that line. Go into a date with the attitude that you are there to get to know one onother a bit. If both of you feel the chemistry and attraction to one another and is a mutual agreement then go crazy. Ladies if a man ever calls you a slut for having sex of the first date remind him (if he was the one you where having sex with) that he was there to. If he's not tell him it's none of his business . And men be a gracious gentleman you will be amazed it might get you laid more than you expect. Enjoy sex and the beauty of a woman but don't ever make a woman fell cheap or less of a person for allowing you to enter in a guarded area of her life. And you would be surprised some of " the most prim and proper " ladies are the ones who can the most enthused all they need to know is if they can trust you and will treated with respect. Wow let me get off my soap box enjoy

^^I am not sure why this guy calls himself "Bonehead"....appears to be the smartest poster in this entire thread! Kudos to you!!!!
 bff2011
Joined: 4/13/2011
Msg: 472
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Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:52:27 AM
"All generalizations are false, Including this one".

This is a very sexy man! He is not afraid to admit he has emotions regarding sex. I think that in order to not have emotions during sex, a person needs to go out of there way mentally to do so, and thats probably out of fear from the man or the woman or both. I say if you want to use someone for sex, just have the decsentcy (sp?) to ask them first, don't assume.
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