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 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 3
Married but looking .. a dilemmaPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it. The grass is not always greener, and you will hurt your family immensly just to satisfy an urge for a feeling that will not last. Pretty selfish.
 cougar99
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 5
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:11:49 AM

Oh and guys please don't think I'm an easy lay


Thats the least of your worries if you are caught by your husband and family.
So if you find that "exciting", an easy lay would be just one of the labels you will create for yourself.
If you are going to do someting like this, get a divorce, it is much easier seeing someone you love with another, after a dvorce, instead of hearing about it.
Or seeing firsthand, someone you love with another, while you were led to believe everything is all right.
And how would you feel i the tables were turned...
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:26:09 AM
think long & hard...what is it you want from an affair? attention? recognition? it's ok to want those things, but you can get them without cheating. do something for your community, volunteer somewhere.

first, identify what it is that you seek ~ excitement? then do something exciting like skydiving or parasailing.

try to come up with something you can do to supply whatever your life lacks.

the point is to figure out what feeling or emotion you hope to find and discover a beneficial way to achieve it without hurting anyone.
 dentwebb
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 12
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:38:08 AM
Yes Ruth,

It is possible, I have done such before with married women. But Ruth, it will only work if you are able to turn your emotions on at the right time and enjoy, then be able to turn them off afterwards!! Being married has the unique quality of either spouse being able to pick up on "There's just something not right", which brings about a heightened level of awareness and questions. Even if you are able to master that difficult task, the guy may not be able to, thus another potential pitfall. If you are wanting an emotional relationship that includes sex, you best be damn sure you are able to handle it as well as the man you choose! Otherwise, if the emotions get out of control and linger after the time spent together and the phone calls and e-mail messages begin. YOU will get Caught eventually! Then all you fears about cheating or wanting more, will come true!!!!

I do understand your delima, and wish you the best. I suggest you just keep it to sex! That really is the rush you are looking for, and for sure don't make it a habit!!!
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 17
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/29/2006 11:59:46 AM
You say you don't want anyone to be hurt, but imagine if you did find someone, and felt all giddy and excited, and all those things you wish to feel. You meet him, at a discreet place, where you both have to hide (adds to the excitement, though, right?). You have sex with him. And just for the sake of arguement the sex is fantastic. So you're on cloud 10 by now, and are smiling all the way home. You pull up quietly so as not to wake the kids, quickly get undressed and climb into bed with your husband....who has no clue that the woman he married just did this. Now. If you have an ounce of respect for this man laying next to you, how can you not hurt for him? Even if he doesn't know? How can you sleep that night, knowing you have went through the dating, the wedding, the births/deaths in the family, LIFE, for however long I don't know, and have committed this betrayal to someone who loves and trusts you? Still sound fun? Ok, lets continue.

You contine meeting this other man, for the fantastic sex, and you start having feelings for him. And maybe he starts having feelings for you too. So you find it increasingly stressful to see him, because when you see him, you not only have the issues at home to think about, but the issues with him too. You start to hurt inside because you know it cannot last with him/he has a family at home too who is hurting/you know this must end, and when it ends, the two of you will be hurt to have to say goodbye. Still sound fun?

Your husband finds out, and is devastated. He either leaves the home with your children/dog (I don't know what you have) or asks you to leave. The other man is also trying to patch things up with his wife, who he realizes he loved more all along but was just looking for a casual fling. So now you have this separation going on, and of course parents/siblings/friends get involved. Now everyone in your life cannot understand why or how you could do this, and start to wonder if they really know you at all. And what if your children find out? They might not find out today, but when they are older, it's a given that they will. Could you face all these people and tell them you turned this world of yours upside down because you were bored? Still sound fun?

I have never been married, but I know life, and I know people, and have seen this kind of thing before. It really is not rocket science. If you love your husband and he loves you, get some kind of help or shake things up a bit in your existing relationship. If you have fallen out of love with him, do the right thing by him and leave, and give him a chance to find love with someone else. That's my rant for today.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/29/2006 3:17:20 PM
ruth40...if you are disatified with what you have and you have tried EVERYTHING to change it...then let him go find someone else, and you can find someone else also...A relationship means working on it together for the rest of your lives, not give up on it when it gets a little slow...DO something to get that spark back again...just as if you'd find someone else new would be...how come everyone always says they want what they've got but also want more??? Sorry, but you should be happy with what you have and if not, make it better...life doesn't stand still, and either does love...you HAVE to make it happen...put some spark in it, and keep it in there...
And by the way...I do NOT think it is morally right to cheat on your spouse or partner...NEVER is it right to do that in my opinion...if you are thinking of cheating...end your relationship first all the way before you do it....cheating not only cheats your partner...it cheats YOU, out of what you COULD have...if you both worked at it....such a shame...
~Micheline~
 whatif714
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 44
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/30/2006 4:49:29 AM
go rent Fatat Attraction. even if you'v already seen it, seems you need a reminder of potential consequences
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 53
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/30/2006 6:40:44 PM
LOL I'm sure she'll find someone to console her.
 10buck2
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 67
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:57:53 AM
Hi Ruth, I understand your situation because I was there myself one time. I was married many years but most of those were horrible. I was not happy or satisified with anything she did offer me. Her sex drive was almost zero. and she became overweight and nothing but a ****. But I lived with it because of my children. However, I found another woman who did love me and did have many hours of totally blissful sex with me. We were so hungry for each other-not just sexual-but as a companion or partner. We seem to see most things alike and the sexual relationship along with the young, new love was overwhelming. Before her, I felt trapped with a person that was controlling my desires and needs. Thats not correct and will not be tolerated long. One person cannot just shut another person off that way..If you husband is not aware of your needs, then you must wonder whether he loves you or not. If he does not even care whether you are sexually satisified or not, then move on to a man who will or does. Its my belief that if your mate really loves you, then you will have all the fullfillment that you want or need. If he is not doing the things you need him to do-he will not change. Your trapped""""""""". I suggest you discreetly find a man to take care of you in this area. Yes, it can be discreet. I did it for 4 years before I told my wife that I had another woman that I had a relationship with. My wife was so intentionly unaware,unconcerned, that I would meet my lover at a hotel and have all day sex and come straight home and she did not even know it.-I mean I would have red raw marks on my lower lip and chin from performing oral sex on her and she did not even notice it. My lover and I had totally incredible sex on and off all day.- It was so good too. I would go to her house and spend the entire day. I would take off work-we both did. When a relationship is sexually unsatitifying-its really over anyway--think about it-- the sex is supposed to be a sealer of a great relationship and if there is a unconcerned attitude about sex- there is no relationship... So keep looking, you will find a good man that will make you very glad that your a woman-- or you just write me-- I would help you..
 Curiousdish
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 80
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2006 9:56:23 PM
I frankly am really tired of married men looking for "FUN" or discrete sex....in their unhappily married lives.........

I am on a dating site to find someone single........why do they feel they can waste a single ladies time because they are unhappy......or as a lot of men tell me.......they love their wives but wives don't want sex anymore........

Perhaps if they spent as much time on their wives and they did on a dating site looking for sex on the side............their wives might be more interested in them.

Or perhaps they can try the dating site Ashley Madison which is specifically designed for extra marital affairs.............

Yup........it's a sick world out there.............I'm DEFINITELY N O T INTERESTED IN UNHAPPILY MARRIED MEN..........

Or, if you're that unhappy then perhaps you should look at leaving the relationship......and start anew with someone else...........but then...............you have too much to lose don't you like half a house and paying alimony and child support!............
 10buck2
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 81
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/10/2006 9:33:39 AM
A man or woman who is seeking an afffair is not seeking anything except what they can not get at home with there present mate. Its my thought that if I ask my wife to do
 carebear_90630
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:02:50 AM
I do know exactly what you mean, and don't let people that are on their moral high horse tell you how to live your life...I personally went thru the exact same situation very recently, looking for the affection and caring I was not getting at home. Just some closeness warm and compasion. The main thing you should do in my opinion is to try and talk it over with your spouse and tell him your thoughts and ideas, the most important thing you can do it to be honest with him. If you can't work it out with him, then maybe you should think about counceling, and if that does not work then you have to tell that you need to do something, open up your marriage or move on...However, don't look for approval here to do what you want to do anyway...You have to do what you feel is right for you...Don't let anyone else tell you how to live you life, remember we are all just offering you our opinions, use what you like and disregard the rest....Good luck, my situation so far has turned out well, but it has only been about 3-4 weeks....
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 89
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/10/2006 12:35:57 PM
To the OP, how would you like to be cheated on?
 Faithful2u2
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 93
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/16/2006 5:25:09 PM
You have got to be kidding!
I totally agree with Jarbarian here!
I'll say you have a "DELEMMA"
I will leave it at that
I will sign this intellegent women with Morals and Standards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 julysunshine
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 101
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/31/2007 5:49:56 PM
Stop right there Ruth, maybe I can introduce you to my exhusband. He wanted some "excitement" too. He also wanted to cheat and stay married to me. This went on for years and years, and everytime he got caught, he was so sorry. He'd behave for a year or so, then right back looking for that "excitement". Well finally he got so into that "excitement" he left. He moved in with his gf, who drove a schoolbus, he was going to be sooooooo happy, well 3 months later he is crying and telling me he wants to come home. He begged our grown son to help him move out. And after 3years of not being sure if he wanted the cake or to eat it too, I said enough! So 3 days before our 30th wedding anniversary, we went to divorce court. He lost the respect of our grown children, our many friends, and many of his collegues. Our home was sold, yadda yadda, yadda. He married the fifth piece of cake he met. I firmly believe the old saying that what goes around comes around. Maybe you could meet him and you could have some "excitement" together. Just be prepared to give up that lifestyle that allows you to live as you are used to. Be prepared for friends and coworkers to really wonder what kind of person you are. Integrity is not bought, it is`earned. If I were you I'd take some of the OP's advice and look for that "excitement" in your own bedroom.
 Ginger or Mary Anne?
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 103
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/31/2007 6:05:40 PM
Go ahead! DO IT I dare you.
God will say to you that you have free will but there will be consequences for your actions.
Only you can decide if throwing away a marriage is worth it for a fantasy.
 ny_lady_13601
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 106
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 7/31/2007 7:03:41 PM
Here's an easy solution. Be mature about it and get a divorce and save your family the humiliation of finding out you've been cheating. If you think people won't find out, you're only kidding yourself!
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 115
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2007 10:10:10 AM
Well the fairest thing would be to find another "married but looking" person. It will probably end bad all the same.
 Justa Fish
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 118
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:47:49 PM
I understand what you are saying hun, there is more to makeing love than sex. I also am seeking what isn't at home and most women think all I want to do is get them in bed.
 GuitarGuy_
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 119
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:51:35 PM
Have the decency to end it before cheating on him. You will instantly become a whore in his eyes, which is probably the lowest of the low for female insults, next to the C-bomb. If you want something different, again do the right thing and end it with him.


Or hey, maybe rekindle the spark with him. Ever think of that? He might not even realize it's gone. TALK to him. TELL him you are thinking of possibly straying because something is missing. LET HIM KNOW. Grab him and say

"Baby, we have a problem, I don't feel the spark, and thoughts of straying have entered my mind. It's tearing me up inside and terrifying me"


Communicate, or at LEAST do the right thing.




p.s. If I've repeated the common sentiment, my bad. I don't really want to bother wading through 5 pages.
 forumfish1967
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 121
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 8/5/2007 7:31:01 PM
work on what you have
if it has lost its magical moments, you are also to take responsbility for this
the newness and excitement you crave is all about the chase and the novelty and it fades, too
if you have something that you value and want to keep then honor that by honoring your commitment
wanting more is the human condition
it is why we dream, and hope, and strive to improve
it is how we achieve it that makes us humane
 gxulien2
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 126
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:22:20 AM
What about us separated, but not legally separated guys. Do we count as married even though we haven't lived with our wife for a year? Unfortunately the divorce game is one with high stakes. Lifetime alimony, the house, x-wife's rights to retirement, lawyer fees - it's a brutal game. Filing the first paper fires the first shot in the war. Shouldn't we be able to date while we're dealing with this mess, as long as we're physically separated? Or are we excluded from the category of "married". I just wanted to get an idea about what women think about this.
 a12004h
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 127
Married but looking .. a dilemma
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:48:44 AM
There are a least a couple 1000+ people on here in the same situation.

I continue to look even though I often get a nasty self righteous reply.

Each to their own.

Happy fishing everyone.
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