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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 8
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easilyPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It took me too many years to figure out that love/relationships aren't supposed to be hard. You shouldn't have to "fight" to keep anything. If it's not working, it's not working. I think there is a vast amount of truth in the "you want what you can't have" theory. Simply put ~ what is worth "fighting" for to you ~ may not be worth the same to the other person. It took me a very long time to realize that love/relationships aren't supposed to be painful or draining. Best of luck to you.
 Amory Jackson Barrett
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 11
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 8/5/2006 12:28:03 PM
My ex told me that she had met someone else...who owned a plane... so I said "Okay, I'll see ya"... then she argues and asks why I won't fight for her!?!...If she's met someone she wants to be with more than me, what's to fight for?...she bought me "Wild at Heart" as a break-up gift (what's up with that?)...just got to the chapter that says every woman wants to be fought for...How?...When I've done everything I know to show her and tell her I love her ...what else can I do?...when she says "fight for me" does she mean "change for me"?
 matisse808
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 14
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not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 8/5/2006 8:06:21 PM
I think, if anything, most people don't "give up" easily enough. They don't know when to quit. Nobody should have to fight to stay in a relationship (even if it is just fighting to understand, or be understood- that is always tempting. You need to respect yourself enough to realize that when you are suffering too much, that is your soul is trying to tell you that person is not right for you. Move on.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 17
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not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 8/6/2006 10:10:47 AM
I stayed in a 20 year marriage even though it was really over a couple of years into it - I loved him and still do and always will - but the fight went on too long - no one can keep trying to hold it together forever - it takes two to do that! I have had another relationship after my marriage, that sadly I have worked just as hard at - so something tells me next time just move on, because I am the only forgiving and understanding one, so it seems.
I truly wanted my marriage to be until death do us part - if I were to remarry I would hope that this would be true. Happily ever after is not only supposed to be in fairytales!!!
 Brizo
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 24
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not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:22:22 PM
I remember saying this to a b/f (now ex) after he stormed out of the house at some imagined hurt..."everyone deserves to have someone care enough to run out in their undies and shirt in front of the neighbors and ask them not to leave. To have someone shed a tear for them." ONCE....I will only make an ass out of myself a very limited amount of times, sometimes not at all...depends on if the relationship is solid and worth it. And if you are fighting for something she's not interested in keeping, you are going to later feel like an ass. But hey, live a little, humility never killed anyone...

And No, he wasn't worth it. He was playing me and looking for an excuse to break it off - but he got his day in the sun anyways..ONCE...the second time he tried it he learned "revenge is a dish best served cold"
 Krimiariver
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 30
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 8/6/2007 8:37:34 PM
It takes two people who are reasonably committed to each other to make a relationship work. If one wants to leave the relationship how do you "fight" to save the relationship? Do you browbeat them with arguments or guilt trip them until they agree to stay? What happens next time? And the time after that, and the time after that? If both are not committed to making the relationship work, then you cannot give up too easily and get on with your life with somebody who wants to share a life with you.
 tmd4mtd
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 32
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 12/12/2010 3:04:57 PM
To post: "My ex told me that she had met someone else...who owned a plane... so I said "Okay, I'll see ya"... then she argues and asks why I won't fight for her!?!...If she's met someone she wants to be with more than me, what's to fight for?...she bought me "Wild at Heart" as a break-up gift (what's up with that?)...just got to the chapter that says every woman wants to be fought for...How?...When I've done everything I know to show her and tell her I love her ...what else can I do?...when she says "fight for me" does she mean "change for me"?"

Respond: I guess she left you in the first place because you did not show her your love enough to keep her in a relationship. She decided to leave you for an other man and to see what would be your reaction.. is she made a right decision, but you as sounds like do not care about her or to safe a relationship but think ONLY about yourself..
I guess she made the right decision!
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 33
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:58:38 AM
If anything I didn't give up soon enough. I always tried to keep things going long after it was really over. Sort of like a doctor digging up someone that had been dead for 10 years and trying to save their life.

I think now I know when to fight and when to give up.

 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 34
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:21:47 PM
I think I would probably give it a shot, or at least call them and find out how they are.
When you are on the phone you can kind of see where things are, and ask them out for coffee .
Think simple at first.
What have you got to lose, forever is a long time to pine for someone.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 35
not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 2/18/2011 8:11:48 PM
I met somebody with a plane

so why were you looking? There will always be someone out there with more money, a bigger hosue, more cars, hell a bigger plane; why were you looking ? If you went looking, you obviously wanted out. and now you want to test me to see if I can 'compete' ?
get the f out.

that kind of juvenile game playin shiate was best left in Jr High.

reminds me of the old joke.
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?! I am not a whore !
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that you are. Now we are haggling about the price.
 Snatr
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 36
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not fighting to save your relationship/give up too easily
Posted: 2/22/2011 11:54:07 PM
Mine is a long story, and I'm not going to get into too much. Some time ago was in a relationship that involved the mother of my two children, and a married man that was a close friend of her family's.
At the time that it went down, we had been struggling and were fighting more and more. She ended up wanting to move in with her mother. Not long afterwards, I found out she was going to get an apartment. Because we were getting along again, I assumed that she would want me to move back in with her there. I found out that wasn't the case. And in no time discovered the relationship with the other guy.
My first response was to tell her to think of the our daughters, not to mention his family's, and end it. I only hoped to move beyond the affair at that point. She agreed, but the affair continued. I did my share of fighting at that point. I threatened to let his wife know what was going on. And more or less made her believe I was going to go after the guy. But at some point, I backed off, and left her to herself. It wasn't a week or so that she called asking me to come over. In the end she needed help with the kids. I even moved into the apartment with them, as she continued the relationship somewhat on the sneak. Keep in mind we were not sexual at this time. Eventually the relationship ended, but not without a lot of pain on my part. The end came as a result of her getting pregnant to the guy btw.

To this day I still can't help but think I should've dealt with guy on the side, but I'm sure it would only have led to bad things one way or the other.

My advice: Let them know how you feel, and let them go. They're either going to feel guilty for what they've done and have to live with that. Or they'll come looking for you. Either way it's the best thing for you in the long run.

And one more piece of advice: Rebound as fast as you can.

By the way, I'm not sure what you mean by fight, but just before she had decided she was going to live with her mother, we would fight to the point where I swore she wanted me to hit her. I believe now she was trying to find a reason to call it quits with me. I didn't fall into it!
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