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 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 26
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Should depressed People date?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I need to express my frustrations with myself for not being able to reach people in my life who have various forms of a mental problem.

If someone has the worse imagineable physical illness, is covered in blood, puss, and all the smells of sickness are hanging in the air, I can and will rush in to do whatever has to be done to give that person some relief. Yes, I might have to fight the urge to vomit, but I will be compeled to assist anyway, and feel so much better for doing so.

I once was around a severely retarded child. How helpless, useless and frustrated I felt. There was no way to reach her. No way to communicate. Nothing I could do to make her and myself feel better.

When faced with someone who is suffering from some form of untreated depression (I am not talking about dealing with grief), my helplessness takes over. It has nothing to do with rejecting that person because of their problem. It has every thing to do with my own lack of ability to help them and myself with the situation. In that situation, it is my fears and frustration that are the problem.

If I caused any other posters saddness by my posts on this subject I appologize. I hope that you understand where I am coming from.

As posters already know, I have a huge issue with the over use of Rx drugs unnecessarily given out like candy. That has NOTHING to do with the issues of people who have no choice but to take drugs to improve the quality of their lives.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 27
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 9:31:08 AM
Moraima, I think we all are a little like you. If we can visibly see something, then we react totally different to that than that which we cannot see.

If I had blood or pus all over me, you immediately can see visually that there is something amiss. If a person suffers from AIDS, most cancers, diabetes, heart trouble, depression, bipolar, etc. unless someone specifically tells you that they suffer from that affliction, you would have no way of knowing.

I must add, I have no room in my life for people who refuse to seek help or take their prescribed medications for conditions that they are aware of.

Tink, Calgary
 cdn_guy
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 28
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 9:39:16 AM
Holy smokes !! ... moraima just turned on a lightbulb for me. When around people with different forms of mental disorders, chicken soup doesn't work, cold washclothes on the forehead don't work, making a person comfortable and helping them sleep doesn't work, the passing of time doesn't aid in the healing process. Over the years (because of my business), I have had to sit with many friends and see them through the horrors of getting off a serious chemical dependency. And although, extremely difficult to do, I have always had something that I could do to help, something that I thought would help the situation.

It's this feeling of 'helplessness' that I feel when dealing with mental disorders that is the greatest frustration for me -- I want to help and there's nothing I can physically do to help. I thank you, moraima, for pointing that out to me. I had not previously realized it.

cdn guy
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 29
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 9:49:03 AM
I feel like such a pest sometime when I rant on and on about a subject that has touched my life. You all know (I hope) that if you don't want my opinion, I will respect your wishes.

I am glad that we can all get some form of relief in these thread for "our issues".

Recognizing "our issues" doesn't help the other person much, but it gives us a bit of peace when we know why we feel the way we do, and could help us choose a better way to handle "our issues".

ps: My light bulb moments were blessings given to me by various mentors that I have been honoured to have in my life.
 TiggerChick
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 30
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:17:06 AM
Wow, thats a tough one for me to answer. I'm the mother of a 19 year old who has schizoeffective disorder and Aspergers syndrome, a nasty combination of problems. She so badly wants to be "normal" and to not take medication, but she can't. She stopped once on her own, hiding her medication, and it was awful. After spending some time in a hospital psychiatric unit, she realized she has to take the medicine, and it became clear to me that I had to stand over her each time she needed to take it to make sure it went down.
On another note, I just recently got out of a relationship with a man who was diagnosed as bipolar. However, I'm still wondering about the diagnosis. Either way, living with both him and my daughter was a nightmare. He would shut down for no apparent reason for days or weeks and it was just too difficult. Then, when he started drinking (a past serious problem he neglected to tell me about) life became a living hell. Without going into the nasty details, that relationship ended with him spending a weekend in jail, me getting a 2 year order of protection against him and has left me wondering if I'd ever take that chance again. People, no matter who they are or what medical problems they have, have the right to date. Its also a personal choice of any of us, if we decide to let someone with any problems into our lives. Once you've had a bad experience, no matter what you do, its bound to change the way you think and see things. Any man coming into my life has to accept the fact that my daughter is and will be a part of my life until I can no longer care for her.....which isn't easy. I realize that knowing that decreases the possibilities for me by a great deal. But, it also assures me that someone who truly is interested in me will stick around. I'm not sure if I answered the question, but just added my opinion.
 dellyhopper
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 31
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:23:20 AM
It is a sad day when a person who is ignorant of the mental conditions of others can say that obviously a bipolar person is dead in the water. It shows the profound ignorance of the society we live in and in particular the person who started this thread. Having worked as a clinical nurse for many years I know the differences between bipolar, and unipolar and can say that neither bipolar or unipolar is a death sentence to anyone who has the capacity to understand that medication and therapy are the keys to controlling and maintain a normal life . It is in no way better to be unipolar than bipolar, that is the wishful thinking of an unknowledgeable person. How can anyone be so ignorant in this day and age escapes me. I have never seen such ignorance in all my entire life. Dead in the water, how stupid can you be to there are all different levels of mental illness as there are in any medical condition, and with treatment is controlled and these individuals can and do live happy viable lives. In addition there are so many people who are not diagnosed as mentalll ill so don't have a lable on their chest that says, oh goodness that person is bipolar, paranoid psychophrenic, a sociapath, clinically depressed, and other other number or mentall illnesses. How can anyone be so silly as to label and put down a whole group of people when in fact they are individuals with their own distinct personalities. There a many famous people who have the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and they are doctors,lawyers, corporate executives, and have even been a president or two that we know of.
 aScott4u
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 32
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:25:51 AM

It will really be unfortunate if I lose some friends from this site because I am bipolar.




Tink, we love you, don'tcha worry!!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 33
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:30:26 AM
Now if you had two heads, you might lose some friends Tink, well maybe not. Double the pleasure.


...maeflowers
 aScott4u
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 34
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:41:25 AM
Uh, Mae????

Would that be considered a threesome?


OT. Concerning depressed people on medications....IF they are taking their meds properly, what would be the problem???? Loneliness is a major cause of depression, I think, so if you were with someone, be they bipolar (or other 'sickness of the day', per the media) or whatever, wouldn't that be an assistance to becoming healed?

Just my opinion,
Scott
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 35
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:03:49 AM
Actually, Maeflowers, I was the girl in the Wrigleys Doublemint commerical - Double the pleasure, double the fun. teehee, teehee.

Whoohoo, whoohoo - it's freedom day on POF over 45 - I'M OUTTA THE CLOSET!

Don't worry folks, I am on medication, I have been for years and that was just the "normal" Tink kicking up her heels and having a wee bit of fun.

Tink, Calgary
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 36
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:21:01 AM
I am not on any such drug. But both of my (happy with their SO) daughters are. I do get down in the dumps sometimes. Matter of fact I am probably a little bit down more often than I am up. Staying logical at about “medium” is where I normally am.

This singles crap - is most of the cause of my big azz “stall” at around “medium”. I just flat DO NOT like feeling alone in the word - but would never “settle” in hopes that would help get me off of center. That would not only be a temporary helper - but would also be being very VERY unfair to the other person.

Some singles talk about how WONDERFUL they are. They are so full of life - so NOT IN NEED of anyone - it sometimes looks to me it would be an INTRUSION on their happiness to have someone in their life. I personally hope I never get that happy - so happy I would need to change things to let someone become important to me.
 tournesol
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 37
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:38:14 AM
dellyhopper...I guess I took the original post, when he said
dead in the water
to mean that if someone included that they were bipolar in their profile no one would contact them. I'm sure I'm wrong but that is how I took it.
I hate to admit it, but I am one who is ignorant of mental illness or rather, I suppose I am more like someone who is dangerous, someone who knows too little about a lot of things. And so, I appreciate this thread.
And to everyone, don't you think his question about
What is wrong with our world when we have to rely on psycho-somatic drugs to keep our equilibrium?
was rhetorical?
 KentuckyWoman13
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 38
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:41:52 AM

It will really be unfortunate if I lose some friends from this site because I am bipolar.


I just "found" ya! Ain't giving ya up for a reason as silly as that!

Hugs!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 39
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:43:18 AM
I don't believe that anyone here has or would say that, because they have achieved being happily single, that they wouldn't be happier still, if they found the mate that was right for them.

Such a statement wouldn't make any sense to me.

It takes a good deal of work to create a happy lifestyle when single. For me balance is the key. I believe that a person who has found in themselves that balance, have a far greater chance of attracting another person who has also found that balance.

We may use different ways to express this concept in the threads.

I just don't get the theory expressed by "They are so full of life - so NOT IN NEED of anyone - it sometimes looks to me it would be an INTRUSION on their happiness to have someone in their life. I personally hope I never get that happy - so happy I would need to change things to let someone become important to me. "

Don't picking on the poster who posted this. We just see the world in a different way.
 Mac Stevens
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 40
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:43:57 AM
It is hard at times to live with someone that is clinically depressed who isn't on the right meds. You never know who you are coming home to.

Regards,
Mac
 cdn_guy
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 41
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:54:58 AM
Wow, Ron. I hope you realize from seeing me in here the last month or so, that I really go to great lengths to make my points known and not try to personally offend anyone - even the occasional 'nasty' that stops by that the forum mods deal with. But there's been something that's been "sitting in my craw" now for a number of days and through a number of different people's posts that I can't hold in any longer. I apologize that this comes right after your post (msg.44) and I direct this at your words, but it's been ready to burst in me for a while now and I suppose it was your post and the capital letters you used that just set it off.

First, I am NOT a 'wonderful' person - just an ordinary guy, like most others - but I do believe that I have a very good life (wonderful, if you may). And yes, I AM full of life (full of a lot else too, but that's another story). And no, I don't NEED anyone in my life. I would like to have a S/O in my life - of course, who wouldn't when they're single? There are times that are lonely and things that I miss that would be nice to have - very nice to have. I want someone in my life, but I don't need it. And I am happy. I could be happier, of course, couldn't we all if we're single? But adding someone into my life that is important to me is not an INTRUSION on this happiness, but an INCLUSION. And I won't be changing myself to include a S/O in my life. I will be sharing myself. And frankly, I'd rather have happiness, optimism and strength to share and give to my new mate than sadness, pessimism and pity. This is my reality and it works very, very well for me. I don't deny others their own reality, the way they choose to live or how they choose to think. Please, don't deny me mine.

There ya have it. Cdn guy 'loses it' in a public forum. Please note date and time, as it will not happen very often.

cdn guy
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 42
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:01:55 PM
...Uh, scott, maybe you should direct your threesome question to Tink and see what she tinks. So would that be you and Tink, and Tink again?

I just re-read my post and now I'm getting depressed, you'd tink I could come up with something a bit better that this. Back to the "drawing bored", I've got to tink some more.


...maeflowers
 carolina golfer
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 43
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:11:10 PM
I had no idea how ignorant I was of this subject. Reading this thread has been a real learning experience for me. Thank you all.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 44
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:14:14 PM
Bravo, cdn guy. Well said!

And Maeflowers, let me introduce me, myself and I. I'm Tink, here's my other entity, Tink and Tink and Tink's other entity, Tink.

Tink, Tink and Tink, Calgary
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 45
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:17:32 PM
I am only just thinking about what I could get away with if I had a multiple personality (real or not).

Hum............don't tempt me please.

I have enough trouble keeping myself in line as it is.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 46
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:26:15 PM
cdn_guy - I don’t direct anything I say “at” anyone. Unless they have just directed something at me.

This spiel on happy people really comes from all the female profiles I have read in the last three years. To me it actually looks like some (I did not say everyone) gals are going over the top trying to talk about how perfect things are - sometimes it really does look like (to me anyway) a guy would be an intrusion on them.

Also this is very fresh on my mind. I was very interested in a gal recently. Her entire background (all I could get out of her) was ....

I left an abusive relationship and became the WONDERFUL WOMAN I AM - that was it.

Sometimes I wonder why people feel the need to - nail others when something hits close to home. In my case I am getting up there in age but don’t take it personal when someone talks about older people. I see it - I don’t always like it - but if it is not directed AT me - I don’t take it personal.

And on the “loses it” part - I also try not to lose it too often. It is harder when someone JUMPS on something I said (not even to them) just something that is on my mind.

Now cdn_guy - please tell me why I deserved to be nailed over what I said above? I was not talking about YOU or anyone in particular - yet you chose what I said to vent AT ME directly. I get the same thing from another poster here.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 47
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:29:05 PM
I knew about you tink. in the way you haven't responded to my posts

When someones body does not contain enough lithium, they're schzophrenic. They need lithium to be normal. Because they're bodies don't process lithium well, they need to be monitored for the amount of lithium thay take, too much lithium gives them brain fog and makes them slow down with a sickly feeling making them not want to take the medication.

The thyroid produces hormones that provide energy for every cell in the body. The brain and nervous systems are made up of cells. I take replacements for those hormones so I can have the energy to heal the damage done by my immune system to my thyroid and thus indirectly to every other cell in my body.

I was born with it and diagnosed in 1997 and never understood what depression was until it went away.

Your nerves and brain need seritonin to pass signals from one cell to another and if it's not there, you will feel 'depressed' which BTW, is not anything like the feeling of loosing a loved one.

When The cells are finished with the seritonin they 'suck' it back into storage (seritonin uptake). Some people's chemistry makes the seritonin uptake happen before it should and another cause for depression. For this they have a class of drugs called seritonin re-uptake inhibitors.

Anyone needing these chemicals shoud get them because there is no way to 'will' your self out of it when these chemicals are depleated.

If you like someone with depression and care, You would help to keep track of moods and how the medication affects them not take it away.

It's not depressed people that shouldn't date, it's ignorant people that shouldn't date!
 blueiss2
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 48
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:31:22 PM
I would say , if they arent haveing sex, that might be a reason to be depressed, let alone stay that way. Then again depression med. has a tendescy to make you not interested in sex, so either way it,s a no win. Lisa
 cdn_guy
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 49
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:34:55 PM
Again, Ron ... I was not meaning to jump all over you specifically - and I do apologize, as that is probably how it looked. It's just that your post, at the time you said it, with the words you used were what set me over the top of something that has been simmering in me and brewing for a number of days. If you can relate to an analogy about driving ... you drive all day, hot day, cut off here, cars tailgating there, biting your tongue, holding it in, till finally ... one innocent car on a side street pulls out of his/her driveway in front of you and you LAY ON THE HORN. In itself, the one car was nothing ... someone making a mistake, nothing that one wouldn't do themselves (often), but it was the thing that put you over the top.

Again Ron, apologies for jumping on you. You seem like a decent fella - much different than me, but hardly a big deal - but I did take offense to what you and others have said in regard to my lifestyle and the happiness that I feel from it. And out it came.

cdn guy
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 50
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:41:55 PM
Loneliness is a major cause of depression


Depression caused by loneliness is often situational rather than clinical.

Most of us have become increasingly aware of the importance of love and intimacy in our lives. We tend to avoid discussing how loneliness can affect our mental health and well-being. There have been many studies documenting the importance of the power of love, nurturing, caring for, being supportive, intimacy etc.
We've learned that these factors contribute to our happiness and health.
But, when people are dealing with depression, situational or otherwise or as Scott says
or other sickness of the day, per the media
we treat it like the Elephant in the Room

There's an elephant in the room
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it
Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?" and "I'm fine"
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter
We talk about the weather
We talk about work
We talk about everything else
Except the elephant in the room
We all know it's there
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together
It's constantly on our minds
For you see, it's a very big elephant
It has hurt us all
But, we do not talk about the elephant in the room
Oh please say his/her name
Oh please say the name again
Oh please let's talk abut the elephant in the room
For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life
Can I say his/her name again to you and not have to look away?
For if I cannot
then you are leaving me alone....
in a room...
with an elephant

I think it's great that we're not ignoring the elephant.
Keep talking....I'm learning.

Muskoka
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