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 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 151
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Should depressed People date?Page 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Hope I don't delete my profile due to the embarrassment of my post,I enjoy the forums.


I hope your getting help and having had lived through 45 years of depression I agree it's a hell that can only be understood by someone else that's had it.

You should be about as embarrassed as someone is that has allergies, caught a cold or had an accident. It's a medical condition with emotional components.

I admire that you don't want to put anyone through what your going through but you must realize that it is a medical condition but it's not contagious. It shows you, unlike many, are concerned for the welfare of others before your self.

There are some very wonderful non-depressed people that understand and though they may feel sad/helpless because someone they care about has this condition. Their difficulty is in not knowing what to do.

I don't know if there is an equivalent in Canada but in the US there's NAMI (www.nami.org) where anyone can go to learn about mental illness for themselves and for people they care about.

Please don't be intimidated by those that can't/won't understand, it is they that don't really care about anyone but themselves.
 RussetAutumnRose
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 152
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:47:56 AM
I'm not on any kind of drugs, which is almost unheard of, at my age, and I do realize how much of a blessing that is! However, I would never refuse to date someone just because they were on anti-depressants, or any kind of drugs that makes their life better for them. But it would depend on their condition and whether or not they could be fully functional, and the seriousness of their condition.

I would never say anyone was dead in the water because of any medical condition, as far as dating goes. Everyone needs love and companionship. I would say that drugs (prescribed by a physician) are a blessing to those who need them. Whether it's for a mental or physical condition. So my answer is yes, depressed people should date, and be upfront about their condition.
 veebaby
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 153
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:26:38 AM
This is my first post in this thread & I'm putting in a quote from post #81 from cdn guy because I brings up a point that I want to stress to people who have no 1st hand experience with depression.

First of all, I've suffered from depression since my teens and lost my mother to suicide when I was 23. I've had bouts with my own suicidal thoughts & have finally found a medication that works great for me.

cdn guy posted this: "For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else."

What I want to say to people who haven't dealt with depression or with the depression of a loved one is that I have ALWAYS been an optimist! My depression told me for years that there was no reason to go on and that the pain was too much, but through it all I BELIEVED that there had to be happiness and life out there for me. So I just wanted to say that depression and optimism aren't mutually exclusive.

Do I think I deserve to date and have a special person in my life . . . ABSOLUTELY! And that's my etenal optimism talking!

Vee in SC

ps to cdn guy - this wasn't in any way a criticism of anything you said.
 cdn_guy
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 154
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:04:28 AM
No offense taken, Ms. Vee. That quote was actually by Winston Churchill and I used it in relation to the non-clinical forms of depression -- the: 'I just lost my job', 'my S/O just kicked me out', 'I just wrapped my car around a pole' types of depression. This is a much different thing than clinical depression, and often the love of another human being (such as that found in developing a new relationship) can do wonders in pulling a person out of it. Clinical depression is another thing altogether. And to answer the thread question, of course (clinically) depressed people should date. But I think it's important that both people are aware of the illness, that the depressed person takes care to keep up on medical treatments (this can often be forgotten when entering a new relationship), and that the one who is not depressed has compassion, understanding and a gentle hand -- which, when you come to think of it, is what we all look for in a relationship, anyway.

cdn guy
 LadyDreadHead
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 155
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:50:45 PM
I was a therapist treating children and families with Clinical Depression for many years. Even though I'd been depressed in my early twenty's, I didn't seek help for it at that time. I made it through it alone. However, after struggling with a divorce and the murder of my sister in the late 90's, my depression and anxiety became so severe that I had to stop working. Several co-workers that I had considered friends, when this first began, quickly distanced themselves during this time, as though my mental health issues were contagious.

When things were at it's worst, I had difficulty leaving the house, interacting with many people, including my family. I've been seeing a therapist and taking medication, off and on, since before the worst hit and continue to do so today. Obviously, there was no way I could date at that time.

I had difficulty take care of myself as well as taking care of my teenage children. They were dealing with their own mental health issues as well. That was when I bottomed out. That was my depression and anxiety at it's worst. Since then, I have had other things that have influenced my mental health. However, I am now at a point where I think I'm making progress.

Today, I went to meet someone from POF for lunch. I drove an hour to meet him in a neutral spot. He didn't show up. For the first time, I didn't view this as a slam to my ego. I didn't even get angry. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to do this.

My point is everyone experiences depression in a different manner. What led to my depression may not be the thing that influences someone else. It's taken me years to get to this point, and it may take me more to make progress in other areas. This isn't a "pick yourself up by your boot straps" kind of thing. Tomorrow, my anxiety and depression may make it too difficult for me to do what I did today. But every time I force myself to go through something like this, it helps me to see that I can make a step forward. Dating someone with depression is not only possible it can be a healthy step. When someone sees an extremely shy person, they don't say, "Oh my God, they can never date." Depression is no different than that or many other conditions.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 156
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:02:33 PM
To answer the OP:

Depressed people shouldn't date.
People that drink shouldn't date.
Those that masturbate shouldn't date.
Folks that are on dating sites shouldn't date.
If you like Rice Krispies, you shouldn't date.
Over 45 and never married, do NOT date. Please!

What is this thread all about?!?!?

That's the kindest response to this I could give.

Silly silly silly.....
 Artz
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 157
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:42:10 PM
OK I'll give up my Rice Krispies! Now can I go on a date?
 cdn_guy
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 158
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:29:10 PM
K ... I'll give up the Rice Krispies, but could we discuss a 'give and take' thing with the masturbation ??

cdn guy
 MapleSweet
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 159
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:54:52 PM
Dang...and I just made a giant thing of Rice Krispie squares too. Nothin' left to do but eat all the evidence tonight! Now, back on topic: Why shouldn't depressed people date?! Depression comes in many forms & depths, and from many different reasons. Unfortunately, lots of people seem to run from talking to depressed people. I think that's because maybe they're afraid it'll bring them 'down' too or something. I would never ignore a friend or somebody that's depressed, hanging around optimistic people often helps some. A little understanding (or even an attempt) goes a long way. If they want to date, then they should probably follow their heart and just go for it.
 bayrab
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 160
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:34:54 PM
guess I shouldn't date then. Lord knows depression might be like an STD and be transferred during sex.

chris
 Damn Heathen
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 161
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:31:14 PM
Should depressed People date? No (except me). Same goes for the crazies.
 98quira
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 162
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:50:42 AM
If they are seeking help, yeas they should date, it may even help them recover and take away some loneliness. Should they enter into a serious relationship? Again, yes, if they are seeking help and their partner is aware of some of the challenges that may or may not lie ahead but love their partner enough to have a go.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 163
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:28:21 PM
If they're not selfish, manipulative, lying and cheating people, then how can they date?
It seems only those people are what are considered attractive these days.

Mind you, if you don't want to be abused all the time, then it might make sense to give them an equal chance. After all, most people have given the liars and cheaters a chance, why not them? At least it isn't malicious, and they can be quite happy people when they are given hope.

Part of the reason they are depressed is that no-one gives such people a chance anymore, anyway. So dating them will be very likely to make them a lot happier and a lot of fun to be with.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 164
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:45:24 PM
Should depressed People date?


Oh, hell no....dating will only lead to further depression when the dates break-up and finally result in MORE depression. For the love of God, it's an unending cycle!!

God, what a ridiculous question.
 Love_on_fire
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 165
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:59:30 PM
I don't see why not. We have to remember that people can actually HELP other people as opposed to just dating based on ones selfish wants and desires. If people would be more "other" focused as opposed to just being focused on themselves then that would certainly help matters alot.

Now it also depends how depressed the person is, so there is a point to where if someone is really depressed and continually depressed then that may not help and may be a problem.

 diella2
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 166
Should depressed People date?
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:54:46 PM
I think depressed people should be able to date and maybe it'll help. Who doesn't have something hard going on, something that gets you down, even way down. But when I think of some of the people I've seen and met on POF, I really don't know. A lot of them seem lost and they are not going to be able to be there for you. Many do a disappearing act and you'll never know why. Perhaps they themselves don't but it can sure hurt.

I would say sure, try dating to get out and change your life, but you cannot count on it doing so and it may even invite problems you never dreamt of.
 music_fan
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 167
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Should depressed People date?
Posted: 5/3/2009 5:04:48 PM
Hey,

Being bipolar doesn't make anyone less than anyone else.

I'm bipolar but I don't get depressed much since I take meds. Just because someone is biploar doesn't mean that they can't date.
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