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 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 96
Is it harder to date now?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Lol. I can hardly wait until the claws come out on this post. Excellent observations by the way and I'm totally taking this as YOUR observations. I agree with many, not all , and see the same thing in reverse regarding men. Excellent profile by the way.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 97
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/27/2014 6:39:54 PM
I don't think it's harder to DATE now. Not at all! If anything, dates are easy schmeasy!

Fire off a well written, customized message and Bam! I've got a date!

Show up, smell good and let the banter flow. Check.

Dating with a relationship as a result? Very hard indeed.

Very much so for many of the reasons already quoted.

A lot of us have 'been there and done that'. Burned a few times and it's easier to spot bad behavior (i.e. anger issues).

A lot of people are stuck looking in their rear view mirrors still. Many are lonely to varying degrees and just want a body to chat with. I kind of sympathize with these people because they don't have a social circle.

Seems like everyone hears the 2 minute warning in life has sounded and we're all out here trying to find someone before we get even older, yet, we also know better then to put on the rose colored glasses and ignore 'red flags'.

I don't want to grow old alone but I don't want to settle for anything either.

You don't get to this stage of life without some scars and being vulnerable is even tougher.

I actually don't 'chase' younger women and wouldn't mind a mature woman with some life experience.

That being said? I suspect I've met a few women on first dates, not many, that were having menopausal issues and I think they showed up without a libido. I'll probably catch some flack for this, but it ain't that I didn't get laid either. Just a vibe that they were just there to hang out with no expectations. Hard to explain. Fvck, I can hear a stampede coming down the hall now...run!!!

I only considered this after hearing a sad story from a female coworker, 50, whose 38 year old husband is leaving her because she is not 'fun'. She readily admits she is going through menopause (why share with me..) and expects him to understand. I kept my mouth shut but I think she should take responsibility for her own body and not expect the husband to 'deal with it'. Her marriage is over because of her 'deal with it' attitude. Hey, if I can't perform, I'll get a blue pill. Check. Why can't she go to the doc herself?

Yeah, pressing the 'reset' button sucks, and not just for women. Thank god the florist doesn't know me on a first name basis yet!

I'll say this in passing. Keeping and nurturing what you have is a better strategy then pressing reset:)

Anyway...I've rambled enough here. You can tell I know how to type.

I'm gonna pour a glass of wine and make some popcorn.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 98
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History
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/27/2014 7:38:13 PM
@Bluemoon Thank you very much for the compliment.

@Clooney I agree 98%. "Keeping and nurturing what you have is (more often than not), a better strategy than pressing the reset button." Of course, there are the obvious, and not so obvious exceptions of various forms of abuse, sharing a mate, and one, or both people who just don't feel "it" anymore, etc. etc. etc.

However, overall, I do not think that anyone who hasn't been out in the dating world in 10+ years is ready for what the game is now. You gotta' be mentally and emotionally TOUGH! It ain't for the feint of heart.

I tell virtually anyone who complains to me about their relationship (petty nonsense), "You better stay where you are, there ain't NO love out here in these streets."
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 99
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/27/2014 7:43:10 PM
^^^^^^^^^^
You got that right!

Hold sh!t Batman.

I've been raked over the coals by some fierce ladies.

I share the same mentality with the guys at the shop.

Every date is not a '50 shades of Grey', 'Blue Valentine' or 'Wild Orchid' experience.

I'll agree with one of your earlier posts too...

A woman's flirtations don't mean jack sh!t...lmao

There's a lot of middle aged men, such as myself, that have been providers their whole lives.

We're meeting women that have 'been there and done that' with the provider thing.

These ladies want the 'Eat, Pray and Love' experience...

 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 100
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 8:21:48 AM

These ladies want the 'Eat, Pray and Love' experience...


You spelled Prey wrong.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 101
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 8:34:12 AM
^^^^^^^^^^
lmao
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 102
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 10:23:57 AM
Double lmao to Joe's comment.
BTW, haven't seen the movie or read the book, doesn't seem like my kind of thing.
Other than that it looks like somebody resurrected another 7 yr old thread to give us "20 some-odd reasons I'm single".
Is it harder to date now?
OF COURSE IT IS.
Even though I've heard that now the US had more single adults than married adults, I think once you get past age 25, you are no longer in an environment where most of your peers-of both genders-are also single.
So yeah, you are going to find that a lot of interesting,attractive over-45 people have Significant Others or are developing SO relationships. I don't care what anyone else thinks or does, I do not interfere in existing relationships and I am super cautious to make sure that somebody is not lying to me about his relationship status.

OTOH, if you have few or no standards, I suppose it's probably NOT hard to "date".
But generally speaking, for those 45+, I think it is a matter of the numbers being against those looking for a healthy,solid, functional relationship-however the 2 people involved choose to define that!-moreso that those under 25.
Cindy O
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 103
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 10:31:15 AM
A guys rebuttal to the book needs to get published asap...

"Boink, sleep, drink and boink again. A middle aged man's odyssey to self fulfillment"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 11:01:22 AM

Msg 139: 8) lol my ex said when he had the kids in the grocery store he had to beat the women off--try walking around with a puppy --you will be surprised at the number of women who will approach you


When I had a dog, I used to take the dog for walks all of the time on the walking trails in my area, which usually got busy in nice weather, or in my neighborhood. I walked the dog every day-sometimes twice a day-weather permitting. The only people who ever approached me were children and toddlers, who would run up to pet the dog or ask if they could pet the dog. Once the parent(s) caught up to them, they would wait for a minute or less, and say: "That's enough Junior. Let's go." And off they went. I never had one of those Hollywood moments, where a single woman-without any kids in tow-approached me and used the excuse to meet my dog in order to meet me.
 kcycrs
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 105
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History
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 6:11:12 PM

When I had a dog, I used to take the dog for walks all of the time on the walking trails in my area, which usually got busy in nice weather, or in my neighborhood. I walked the dog every day-sometimes twice a day-weather permitting. The only people who ever approached me were children and toddlers, who would run up to pet the dog or ask if they could pet the dog. Once the parent(s) caught up to them, they would wait for a minute or less, and say: "That's enough Junior. Let's go." And off they went. I never had one of those Hollywood moments, where a single woman-without any kids in tow-approached me and used the excuse to meet my dog in order to meet me.


This reminded me over many years ago when I had my god son and god daughter with me as I went shopping in the mall. If I do say so myself, they were the cutest little pair of toddlers you could ever hope to see, especially with matching jean outfits. Now maybe it was thought that they were my children. Although, at the time i had just turned forty. At "worst", I imagined people would think there were my grandchildren. Bottom line, no one, not one female, ever approached. Not even in the Barnes and Noble.

When I return them back to their mothers (they are cousin born a month apart). I asked for my money back because they never attracted any potential dates for me. Even at forty I was desperate enough to use my own godchildren as date lure, to no avail.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 106
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 7:09:55 PM
@KC & Maleman

LOL!

10+ years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman who had a 5 year-old child. She worked in retail, so she worked unconventional hours. Sometimes, I would offer to take the child to the mall (as opposed to him staying with relatives). My then girlfriend, used to (half) jokingly say that I was taking the child to the mall in order to meet women.

Until she mentioned it, the thought had never occurred to me. The kid and I miiiiiiiiiiiiight have gone to the mall 3 or 4 times, in total. Never noticed any female paying me even the slightest bit of attention.

In general, I do not think dogs or children (no matter how cute), work.

In MY opinion, the ONLY thing that CONSISTENTLY gets the attention of women, is you being out somewhere WITH a fairly attractive woman. That works like a charm. Shows you (me) how twisted a lot of women's thought-processes are.

There is SO much truth in humor. Chris Rock is one of the best comedians at wrapping truth, inside of humor, in order to make it palatable. He has a joke (about one of the MANY differences between men and women):

A man looks at his buddy's girlfriend, and thinks to himself, "I gotta' find a woman JUST like her."

A woman looks at her girlfriend's man, and thinks to herself, "I gotta' get HIM!"

Real talk.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 107
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/28/2014 8:33:51 PM
It's definitely harder, my age doesn't help.

My responses;

1) Seems that every man that I am attracted to has (or claims to have), a girlfriend, is living with someone, and/or is married.

2) I am certain there is NOWHERE I could run into large numbers of single men in my age range. I did start going to a few activities at a nearby Unitarian church, with no results so far. I have also joined Meetup events, with no results so far.

3) Too many damaged, emotionally unavailable people. I have met men and conversed with men who admit to being afraid of relationships.

4) I think the opposite, that men have given up on relationships, and are willing to go for sex only. I say this because at least a dozen men have calmly suggested we go for a sex only thing early on, like in messaging before meeting, or on a first meet. They seem to be settled, and just looking for a "opening" to use once in a while. I appear to be good enough for that. If I had known this was going to be a regular occurrence, I might have kept a tally, you know, just for statistical purposes.

5) So many men have 'wasted their youth', in casual or half hearted and mediocre relationships, and assume a relationship with me won't be worth the effort, as if I am also mediocre just because the others were.

6) I prefer healthy men, they do not need to be thin, athletic or muscular. I'm not thin, but I am healthy. I put walking and hiking in my profile, yet men who use canes and walkers do not hesitate to contact me and meet me. . I've also met men who came to our first meet wearing worn out frayed tshirts. What's up with that? You don't need to be a clotheshorse, but a nice clean shirt says a lot. They have let themselves go..............physically AND in terms of style. Perhaps superficial, but, the way I see it, you don't have a lot of control over what you look like, but you have TOTAL control over how you present and package yourself. Torn jeans and shapeless old tshirts just scream, "I don't care anymore"/"F*ck it" to me.

7) Men don't even glance at a woman my age, no matter how I present myself. Tight jeans over nice legs, a pretty blouse, light makeup, long loose clean hair, and no one looks at me. I never smoked so I do not have a lot of wrinkles. They look the other way, I believe that this is largely intentional (they are non-verbally expressing that they do NOT want to be approached, interrupted, or bothered).

8) I don't have a child with me. Still, no one approaches me. NO ONE. I've met 2 men IRL, in 4 years, one introduction, one I approached him.

9) People today (especially in larger metropolitan areas), are more closed off, fearful, and standoffish than ever before. Often, you can say "Hello" to a man or woman in this area, and they look at you like you asked them for $5,000 AND a kidney.
I don't usually try, since they mostly look the other way when I'm nearby.

10) People today almost always seem to be in a state of hectic, frenetic, frenzied rush (whether on foot or in a vehicle). Yup.

11) I have no idea of what a man's restrictions might be on where its ok to meet. I thought men were willing to meet women anywhere. But since it isn't happening, I just don't know anymore. One person gave my number to a man she thought might work out, without asking me first, but he never called.

12) The hypocritical "deal-breakers" (I have to be thin, no baggage, have sex first then decide if we want to date, etc. .......).

13) I do not have a list of fantasy criteria, many men do. I've seen men's profiles that ask for a woman with a PhD, a very tall man wants a woman who is 6' (we are a 95% match on an ok site), of course they want thin, pretty, etc. One profile I saw recently said "you must have a little black dress". Arrgh, last thing I want is a man telling me how to dress at this age. No fantasy left here, just be clean, honest and nice to me.

14) I go out to lunch and have dinner, in restaurants and bars frequently with friends. Have never encountered a man in my age range who appeared to be available or interested or checking me out. I look up, smile, make eye contact, laugh, walk alone to the restroom.

15) I believe men are far more likely than women to satisfy themselves sexually, or to settle for a sex only relationship, or whatever is going on to keep them from considering me.

16) This goes both ways, people seem to take a LONG time to "get over" a relationship.

17) People seem to HATE the idea of "starting over", in terms of relationships.

18) Nobody that I know, "claims" to know any single men. Except for the friend who gave my number out, to a guy who never called.

19) I dated when I had a child. I used babysitters, and once I got to know a man, invited him over after the kid was in bed. Still, I'm alone now.

20) I am not worried about 'keeping up appearances' or "what other people think" about dating.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 108
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 10:24:57 AM
It's easier for me to forego dating because I have an emotional support system (nuclear family I grew up with - 1 sister, 1 brother, a niece, nephew and b-in-law as well as extended family and friends) as well as co-worker friends to converse with so absolutely no rush for me to meet someone. If you are the only one in an area with no relations it is harder.
 josieb13
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 109
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 11:17:46 AM
I absolutely agree with the " you have to be mentally and emotionally tough! It ain't for the faint of heart"!!!! I was with my ex- husband for 13 yrs and have been divorced for 7 years. I have a good job, own my own home, have ZERO debit outside of my house payment and normal utilities and household expenses, car is bought and paid for, and both of my daughters are adults. I am not looking for someone to save or support me and I do not have a list as long as my leg of expectations or deal breakers.

I have been on this site for a while and sad truth is that the most of the men who contact me are either looking for a Barbie doll, naked photos, or just sex.

Is it impossible to find a man my age , or older, who actually wants a relationship ?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 110
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History
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 11:35:36 AM
Josieb: You may try taking all references to hugging, kissing, cuddling, and physical affection out of your profile. As it stands, these are the only activities you propose with a partner. It might not make much of a difference, but it's worth a shot.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 111
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 12:00:57 PM
A problem with dating with the intent of finding that fairy tale romance and life partner when in middle age and older is almost everyone in the 25+ range has kids-and usually grandkids later, and do the parent chant: "My kids come first-always have and always will, so get use to it". If someone tells you that you will always be at the bottom of their priority list, and never be more important than their goldfish, is it any wonder people are not jumping for joy for the chance of being Mr./Miss Chump? Who wants a serious relationship under those terms?
 josieb13
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 112
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 12:04:56 PM
Thank you for your suggestion. I will remove it . I never thought of it that way....
 josieb13
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 113
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 12:20:43 PM
I don't believe that you cannot have both, a relationship with your kids/grand kids and a healthy relationship with a partner. I wouldn't sign up for being the last on the priority list and wouldn't expect some one else to either.
 josieb13
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 114
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 2:58:00 PM
All women? That's like saying all men are cheating jerks!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 115
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 6:00:01 PM
Outside of church or a meetup.com event, I have NO idea where to go to run into large numbers of single women.


Indigo Girls concerts.

However, most of those women are only interested in other women.
 sactownromantic
Joined: 4/4/2014
Msg: 116
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/30/2014 7:01:35 PM
^^Indigo Girls, good one!^^

Yeah when I see "my kids come first" on a woman's profile that's a big turn-off, I realize they are important to her but to me that statement screams "you're lucky if I can meet you in person".

As for dating in general, I would say it is harder now. People have their defenses up because they've been hurt in the past, there are also those who have the bar set too high on what they're looking for.
 josieb13
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 117
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/31/2014 4:10:45 PM
I find online dating to be very hard/ frustrating/ almost impossible! 90 % of the men that message me are looking for naked pics, the quick hook-up, or a FWB. 7 % are looking for the silicone Barbie with the perfect body.... That leaves 3 % that are actually looking for a relationship with a REAL woman!
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 118
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/31/2014 7:47:29 PM
Imway: it is a fantasy to believe that anyone could love your offspring and grandkids as much as their own. They don't share DNA so it will never happen.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 120
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History
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/31/2014 8:59:38 PM
I've found that at my age, dates are almost impossible to find. Too many in my area seem to not care how they look, as long as their comfortable. Many seem to think it's a sin to waste food. And any Meetup groups have simply fallen apart, due to apathy. Now, I don't do church groups, for obvious reasons. I really believe that women have gotten entirely too picky about whom they choose to date. I've taken on a "why bother" attitude, and resigned myself to entertaining myself, and not let it get to me.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 121
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History
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/1/2014 6:43:24 AM
Well, it is harder to date than it was in college, that is for sure. The problem is locating potential dates. When we were younger they were easy to meet on campus or just after college in bars or at parties. Ah youth!

I have learned to not pass up opportunities to say hello when chance presents me with possibilities.
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