Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 gentlehearted
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 74
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?Page 2 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I think that most intelligent men don't get women because we over think. We try to hard to get the woman to like us that it makes women think we are weird. It is hard for us to go with the flow because we always think of what could go wrong.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 3:37:58 AM

(Msg 125) I would love to change that part of me as I truly do value a man with a set of brains on him too.


A "set" of brains? I've never heard it put quite like that before.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 83
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:54:45 AM
Again, for the sake of argument, I'm discussing intuitive types here. In particular, intuitive thinkers. Those who tend to put their feelings aside and deal with the world in a very logical and/or theoretical sense.

This point about intelligence and manipulation. Its kind of bugging me. I've done some studying of personalities through both Jung, MBTI, and Socionics. In these theories, there are a group of personalities that fall into the "NT" category...intuitive thinkers.

I think we are the most misunderstood group of people on the planet quite frankly. Because we can put our feelings aside and deal with things on a purely logical sense, some interpret this as we completely ignore feelings. I still take feelings into consideration. I also take consequences into consideration probably more in depth than most people realize (I just do it quick and don't spend a lot of time waffling over the unnecessary).

I think we might scare people who can't do this. They feel those feelings are the moral compass that prevents things like manipulation. I feel though, that it is the sense of responsibility that many of us feel that prevent us from using our awareness as a tool for manipulation.

You find these NT types in leadership roles quite often. Even if they aren't actually the leader, they do tend to orchastrate a lot and companies become reliant on them very quickly.

We need space and freedom to move though that others might not. Some of us are forced to manipulate these situations to get that freedom. But in the end, its for the greater good so you deem it acceptable.

I find some of my biggest problems have come from co-workers who do not accomplish even remotely what I do in a day getting jealous over little freedoms I have that they don't. It severely hampers my productivity having certain rules placed on me though....like strict work hours. I may not show up at 9am on the dot but I'm also one of the last ones to leave usually too.




 Melodic Euphoria
Joined: 3/22/2005
Msg: 85
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:15:17 PM

I think stupidity is a curse in relationships. Stupid decisions, stupid perceptions, stupid arguements. Stupid misunderstandings.


Ahh...let's see. Work today at Tim Hortons was very eventful. I spilled milk. Twice. Instead of shuffling the boxes of timbits to the corner, which would have made my life a lot easier, I tried to wiggle in the new boxes of timbits into the corner instead. I grabbed coffee pot without looking and it accidentally spilled some on my coworker below, scalding her painfully. Among other dumb things, I was talking to my coworker about composing music and ignoring the customers, while my manager was standing practically beside me. Needless to say, he tapped me on the shoulders, pointed at the customers in line and gave me the stern, I-want-to-strangle-you look. STUPID is my middle name today.

Oh, and my manager also caught me drinking on the job. Coffee, not alcohol, that is. Just when I thought he wouldn't catch me this time...(dun. dun. dunnnnmb!). But I guess I shouldn't be surprised since he now supervises me more closely than he does my coworkers.

I feel so much better now, knowing that I'm destined to be a curse in the relationship...hey eternallysingle, can we switch usernames :P
 Melodic Euphoria
Joined: 3/22/2005
Msg: 87
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:15:32 PM
In conclusion, a successful relationship consists of partners recognizing each other as persons who is far more than his/her intelligence, just as Tori Amos is far more than just a musician, to give you another example. In a successful relationship, neither partner overanalyzes the traits of the other partner and takes his/her loved ones entirely, flaws and virtues & intelligence and all. I once fell in love with a guy who wasn't too bright academically, but he was such a soulful & charismatic person that I grew to care about him a great deal. I mean, really...what's the big deal about intelligence, as long as two people speaks the same language and are loving and loyal and devoted to each other?

I'm not going to change my mind now; that's my final verdict on this matter.
 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 89
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:18:54 PM
Hmm I did that test...came out a Lavender Indigo. I guess that makes me very aware in a rose-colored glasses flaky kind of way.

I am DEFINATELY not detail oriented. People like that boggle my mind...or well annoy me. I did not do well in school. In fact, I rarely attended and came up with very creative ways to get around actually attending school. I think I found that more challenging than actually going there. I actually had the worst attendance of any student in the school.

Level of education is absolutely no sign of intelligence. Its a sign of how much knowledge you've been exposed to in a certain area. If you can attack problems in a global way, detailed knowledge of subject is useful...but not necessary. You can figure out what you need to know and only search for applicable information. I don't know if this is something that can be taught. It feels too instinctive.

As to intellects who bully with their intelligence, I guess I would question if they are really intellects or just people who are book smart. I am personally pretty secure about my own intelligence and don't feel the need to undermine anyone elses.

There are those people out there who are very smart and I'm sure they have soaring IQs but they completely lack awareness. Without awareness, they will be limited as to how they can apply their intelligence.


 Polly_G
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 96
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2006 2:41:00 PM
If it ever came down to arguments She would own Me.....

and that's just not a risk I'm willing to take..........


A HA!! This is what I run into as an intelligent female who happens to be a kick ass debater. It really hurts some men's ego to be beaten by a woman.

Fortunately, I don't actually like to argue with a partner. I tend to be pretty calm and discuss things. Its the rest of the world that I will challenge when I feel my opinion needs to be heard. The one closest to me gets special treatment and priveledges
 Mrs.Bucket
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 99
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 7:44:22 AM
-Women are not turned on by intelligent men-
Oh god!!! I love intelligent guys, i yearn for intelligent guys. As much as i love my bf and god bless his hockey loving soul....if the conversation isnt about survivor or hockey FORGET IT. He's lost, but not only that he has no interest in learning about anything. Sometimes i'll get over excited when i learn something new and i'll be like, "HEY!! did you know that abortion was actually legal in the catholic church up until 1869!!" He'll be like "no" and then i'll say ,"we'll isn't that interesting?" and he'll be like "no" with a vacant look on his face. Sometimes it makes me wanna clock him, other times it makes me pinch his cheeks...
But i have to say overall that i just love a person , ANY person who knows things whether they are important things or just interesting non useful pieces of information. Someone who knows their stuff makes for awesome conversations...
 athletic_funny4
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 102
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 12:16:46 PM
Intelligence is not a curse for a relationship. People who "think" they are bright and get rejected or dumped on a regulare basis tend to run and hide behind the excuse that they are bright and therefore intimidating to lesser mortals. When in fact they simple refuse to look at the real reason things aren't working for them such as peronality flaws or average looks.
 looking4lv
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 111
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 4:17:38 PM
I do prefer an intelligent man...so few are on this site that I have encountered..is it me or my profile...feedback is appreciated and expected.tys
 Melodic Euphoria
Joined: 3/22/2005
Msg: 112
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 4:56:41 PM

Okay so you're stupidity shines at work. But you haven't given an example of stupidity in a relationship, which is what we are talking about. So, you're still safe. For now...


The only HUGE stupid thing that I can think of that can end all potentials to a continuing relationship are lies. Disloyalty. It doesn't take intelligence to counteract such stupidity, as it really isn't the lack of intelligence that leads one to commit such sins in relationship, but the weakness of one's character. Anyway, my final verdict is final
 looking4lv
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 113
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 5:06:25 PM
thanks for the respond, but I don't have any stupidity at work that shines...can't afford it, people live are in my care...sorry if I did not comment on how you would have liked. new on the site, not looking for confrontation... but I do respect an intellegint man...lots of people are smart in there owm way. Some people get caught up in what they deem smart, I like to look at the whole package, the experience of the person before I make any judgement. I feel alot of men are stupid in new relationships because the tend to focus on the physcial/ the outside of a person instead on the complete person.
 rayz_dio
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 125
view profile
History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:09:29 PM
emotional quotient, isn't that the new standard? we're screwed cause we care? and i guess thats just not what i experienced that women want.
 liliLH
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 131
view profile
History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/15/2006 12:47:49 AM
[quote addisonron1]Intellectuals need to compromise.

And the intelligent ones do. It's one thing to be smart in a specific area and the other to cope with different life situations. Like stated before, intelligence isn't something thaught on universities.
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/16/2006 6:32:55 PM
It is not always a matter of being egotistic. I found it helps to always remember what is important to the one you love. Next time she talks about something important to her make conversation, and maybe learn a thing or two in the process. Sometimes it is easy to dismiss what the one you love is talking about as idle chit chat when your mind is full of big thoughts, all the while she is feeling rejected or inferior.
 Apellation
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 138
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/21/2006 12:56:21 PM
Intelligence isn't a curse by far... However, it can become a hassle.... Most people despise others who know more than they do... some consciously, and others... well! who cares.... Nevertheless, if two people can't correspond on an intellectually-balanced level... how can they ever feel consumed by the other, when the mind is totally deprived of noetic stimulation? And moreover, who needs an insecure lover?
 BuschBrosFan
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 142
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:57:00 PM
I think if someone is intelligent and above average in looks... there is a different plateau for dating. I think women, for example, don't expect the smart guy to remember all her likes and dislikes, she wants him to teach her something new, take her to somewhere new. Expand her boundaries.

Par exampe, she tells him she loves roses and chocolates. He brings them to her. She says: LAME! He takes to a local gardener or large outdoor facility that deals with floral and landscaping and says to her: "This and this would look great in your backyard, I bet I could do that!" Crap like that.

Women are dying to see what our mental limits are. They love to get into our heads. Thats why they are so dangerous at times. They love to tell us what their likes and dislikes are, and its up to us to figure out how to work with them!

Sorry ladies, I dont have much opinion on how guys think about you, although I know many guys can be intimidated if you are more intelligence than them. You are on your own on how to fix that!! Dumb-down maybe???????
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 146
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/29/2006 9:50:13 PM
Education does not = intelligence. There is one trait that I have learned to require and that is intelligence. I had a different view years ago ~ but realized that I was forever bored with the relationships in my life. It finally makes sense to me that I simply can not stay mentally attached to someone who does not believe in lifelong learning. If I am not studying something, I'm reading/researching something. If there is no interest in the world at large, sociology, psychology, religion, politics, medical information, etc., etc., etc., I simply find that conversation ceases and then there is very little left to hang on to. I know little tidbits of information on lots of subjects, but a lot about very little (most likely nothing actually.) But I spend a great deal of time researching topics that pop into my head. I have to be able to relate on that level with those in my life. It is a curse really ~ it's so hard to find that type of intelligence combined with humor (strange/twisted/dry/witty/sarcastic sense of humor.) It's just one more roadblock for a long term relationship ~ thankfully, I have some brilliant friends ~ I am so very grateful for them.
 Natscha
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 147
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/29/2006 10:29:09 PM
Intelligence a curse?

Of course, I mean who on earth wants someone who can stimulate their mind? Give me an idiot any day.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 152
view profile
History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:00:10 AM

(Msh 211) My ex-husband is extremely intelligent... that is what attracted me to him. My ex-boyfriend was the same way. If a man can have a sense of humor, along with being intelligent, I'm sold.


EX-husband??? EX-boyrfriend??? If they were both intelligent and both are EXs I would think intelligence would not sell you.
 mortalexplorer
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 153
view profile
History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/30/2006 1:33:19 PM
I strongly agree with BCDream.

But to go outside of this dating site, the "Brave New World/zombie" personality exists all over the world and is visible with both sexes.

In the end, I have a few strong friends, a strong relationship with my family, and formulate the best possible balance with introversion and extroversion.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 158
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/30/2006 6:43:33 PM
It is both a curse and a blessing. Few men that I have met really appreciate a woman who has a sharp mind. Maybe it is because I live in the South, since most of the men I have dated have not been native Southerners, and they did appreciate my sharp wit, quirky sense of humor, fairly bright mind and understood that an intelligent woman is not controlling or a feminist and they do not have to compete with her or try to be condescending, since neither one of these things will work with these women.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >