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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 239
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?Page 4 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Without having read the entire thread, I'll offer my (somewhat warped) $0.02;

I'm both smart and a smart ass. I'm often told I'm wise beyound my years... maybe because I've been through more stuff than the average middle-aged,middle-class, midwestern woman?

Is it a curse? Probably. Will I "dumb down" in order to be "sucessful" in relationships. Yes, absolutely;the day AFTER I learn to speed skate over frozen Hell.

AS for how I relate to the rest of the human race, I can be friends with anyone who's one degree smarter than a box of rocks. For a romantic relationship I really need a thinking man. He need not be a college grad or remember tons of trivia but does need to have some native intelligence.

From what I read of the first few posts, I think a lot of people may be confusing "intelligence" with "book learning" or being "intellectual". There is a difference!
Cindy O
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 240
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/15/2007 10:48:42 AM
Msg 332 - Not quite correct, at least not for me...I don't care if the guy is more intelligent than I am as I'll learn more from him than not, and I love learning; and as I'm pretty intelligent myself, then he might just be genius level ;) But along with intelligence, he must also have common sense - something that isn't too common anymore, whether one is intelligent or not. It might sound terrible, but I have no patience for those who lack common sense, nor for stupidity...and not because I think I'm the most intelligent person around; there are people much more intelligent than I am...and much less...But if one can't hold a good conversation about anything except sports or some idiotic TV show, then sorry, I don't have the patience or interest. There's so much more to life, so much more out there to see, wonder over, and discuss...and while mindless drivel is good once every great while, I don't like wasting my life over the petty, insignificant stuff. There's nothing more invigorating or stimulating than an good, intelligent discussion on a subject two people both have feelings about...and it's amazing what 'sparks' that can lead to elsewhere ;)
 ~Ames~
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 241
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/15/2007 11:06:07 AM
No way. The first thing I notice about anyone I am genuinely interested in is Personality. Intelligence is ranked shortly behind (I don't have the patience for ignorant people...men or women), and then comes attractiveness. I would rather have a semi-attractive guy with brains instead of a muscled up meathead ANYDAY.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 242
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/15/2007 12:13:57 PM
>>Does that clarify my position?

As much as it can be clarified, I guess...sounds pretty subjective, then, who is on a level playing field.
But some things just are subjective, and there's nothing wrong with that.

What do you think of my hypothesis that people with high IQ's tend do be dysfunctional at a higher rate than the general population?
 Thudpucker
Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 243
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:11:29 PM
Equal “yoking” is very significant in any relationship.

A smart, intelligent person yoked with another smart, intelligent person is a pretty good match. Likewise, a person of average intelligence yoked to another person of average intelligence is probably a pretty good match, too. Life might be tougher for two persons of below-average intelligence, but they can make it too, and they are probably a good match.

The problem may surface if a substantial difference in intelligence is yoked. The sparks may fly, and the relationship may not survive.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 244
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:11:29 PM
exanimo, I agree...but people who only know one subject and don't want to know about anything else...or people who think they're the only ones who know anything about a particular subect and don't listen to and learn from another who does know more...or people who think they know everything about everything and really don't know anything, are simply irritating to me. It's fine if they're just someone one talks with occasionally, but not if you're looking for someone to be your SO.
 Laddy_lady
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 249
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:01:09 AM
Going back to the OP, how asinine! Where did you find these articles that suggest women are not turned on by intelligent men? Just as water seeks its own level, intelligent people gravitate toward other intelligent people, male or female. I prefer to spend time interacting with people that can teach me something every day. Intellectual are not doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone...They find like minded individuals.

"What can they do to change?" Better Question might be...Why would they want to?

One more thing...The frontal lobe does not have much effect on intelligence, specifically IQ, which measures convergent thought process. It has a major effect on impulse control and how one uses their intelligence.
 Anchises
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 250
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:03:26 AM
As they say, the largest sexual organ is the brain!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 251
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:33:30 PM
That is true, for me anyway.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 253
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 2:49:58 AM
>>True intelligence comes from the heart not the head
>>I couldn’t have summed it up better
>>You’re obviously an intuitive as me, INFJ is my personality type.

Funny, I'm a highly intelligent INFP, and I think it's a lot of hooey (referring to the first quote above)

>>they sometimes feel like a square peg in a round peg world.

Now that I can relate to.
 MB58SC
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 254
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:15:45 AM
Intellectual intelligence is only a curse when followed by low emotional intelligence.
 marshw
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 255
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:31:02 AM
You people are thinking about this stuff way too much. Get out and meet some people! People from here. People in your neighborhodd. People anywhere! Cut the email banter and meet! See what happens. Be smart and safe, but meet. As long as you're on email, you don't even get the real person because they can spell-check, grammar-check and call their mom or Dr. Laura to make sure they doing it right.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 256
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:55:08 AM
"Emotional intelligence" is pop psychology nonsense. I'm not surprised that HR people are enamored of it. Theirs is a made up job anyway.
Is that really what Laissez-faire means? I don't speak any French; I only knew it from the phrase Laissez-faire politics, which I was taught in grade school meant hands off, leave alone.

Edit: Proponents of "emotional intelligence" can't even agree on what the definition of it is.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 259
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:22:46 AM
>>I think you haven’t properly considered this if you believe positive thinking isn’t effective in bringing people to improve and excel.

Oh sure, to a point. But there are innate differences in mental abilities, and encouragement doesn't always change that.

CrazyDiamond97
I hate those kind of arguments, and I'll go out on a limb and bet that most intelligent people don't consider insults and name calling to be productive activities.
The "winner" is such arguments is always the person who can yell the loudest or be the most insulting--such behavior belongs on the Springer show.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 262
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:10:55 PM
>>that is the point of intelligence, being able to recognize and understand more quickly than others

I agree with that--I see shortcuts to solutions all the time that usually get me to the answer faster than others.
I'll analyze things for awhile if they warrant it, and the situation doesn't call for speed.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 263
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:37:34 PM
^^Reread my post. When the situation calls for speed, an intelligent person will take advantage of his/her ability to quickly see solutions.
When a problem is complex, and there is time for a leisurely analysis, then that is what an intelligent person will do.
IMHO.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 264
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:43:12 PM
One thing is true.....there are people who are lucky enough to be really stupid but for some reason they alway's seem to be having the time of their lives. This I think everyone would agree is alot better than being a genius and miserable.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 265
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/19/2007 10:00:29 PM
Intelligence is never a curse. It is only a problem in a relationship when an intelligent man or woman is attracted to a non-intelligent (I wrote "stupid" then changed it) person.

Non-intelligent people try to manipulate every bit as much as a smart person--that is not a trait of intelligence, but a human trait. Savvy smart people, however, do it so much better than their less intelligent brothers and sisters--just as they do so many more things better.

Why should an intellectual be frustrated, isolated, and alone? Being smart does not mean lacking attractiveness or lacking in social skills. Less intelligent people should stop whining about "smart" people, and smart people who ARE lacking in social skills should stop whining that people aren't attracted to them because of their brains. Both sets should work on their personalities.
 MB58SC
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 266
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:04:45 AM
Let's put things into perspective. Hitler was brilliant. His intelligence was the worlds curse (we can assume they think that, but it's not necessarily a fact), but the cause of his unusual behavior was abuse, illness, as well as a host of other environmental factors.

When you are brilliant, but aren't programmed with socially, culturally or otherwise important skills which serve you and others in a constructive way, the consequence is that intelligence is directed in ways which can injure, or minimally, remain apathetic in the lives of those connected to that person.

So, like guns. Intelligence doesn't injure people, the values, virtues, and environmental factors when combined, and destructive in the life(s) of those which the individual comes in contact with, become a curse.

It's all meaningless really, because even that is a judgment. There is no absolute label one can apply which will be universally accepted by every human being.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 268
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:19:15 AM
>>Calling analysis "leisurely" misguides the idea of what analysis is and what its value is. That is my quick view.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in that statement?

I think mostly it isn't a curse in relationships; it just doesn't help any.
I think the more important question is, is intelligence a curse in life? I think the highly intelligent are often maladjusted. Children abuse any other child who is different in any way, and that includes brighter children. So you're off to a bad start in life right there.
Most, but not all, highly intelligent people become educated beyond the norm--either by going to colleges or universities, or they do it on their own, by reading.
And that brings prejudice from some people in adulthood.

Some people who are highly intelligent are snobs about it; but even those who are not snobbish about it--those who feel that being gifted constitutes a responsibility to help others less fortunate--are often labelled as elitist snobs.

So the highly intelligent person finds interpersonal relationships harder from day one.
And that may contribute to problems in romantic relationships.

I also would like to reiterate that the people on this site who say they value intelligence in a partner, are probably not referring to genius level IQ's. (which some sources arbitrarily designate as 140 or above).
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 269
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 9:00:49 AM

Some people who are highly intelligent are snobs about it; but even those who are not snobbish about it--those who feel that being gifted constitutes a responsibility to help others less fortunate--are often labelled as elitist snobs.


In a society where we do not value intelligence and are taught to be "modest" and "humble," even acknowledging that you are smart often labels a person "elitist." We are expected to hide our intelligence--and other talents--under a basket and say, "Ah, shucks, I ain't smart [insert almost any other adjective that describes something a person does really well, or even an adjective that describes good looks]." We are supposed to minimize our accomplishments and denigrate our positive aspects. When most of us receive a compliment, we cannot merely say "thanks" but feel the need to downgrade whatever is being complimented.

If I say I am a smart, educated woman, a lot of people will tell me that I shouldn't brag when, in fact, I am merely stating facts. There are nine types of intelligences, though, and we should recognize the multiplicity and variety of human abilities. It is a fallacy, however, to state that ALL people have a "gift" or intelligence in some area--some people are just plain stupid or talentless.

As to the "lucky" and "happy" stupid people, you are right, I have met people with limited intelligence who are always smiling and laughing, of course, they couldn't read, hold a job, live alone, or be trusted with sharp objects. I also used to live in the country, down the road from an enclave of seemingly inbred people whose IQs put them in the range of those able to live alone but not able to get a driver's license. These individuals never seemed to smile, having almost perpetual looks of vacant sadness in their eyes. Their houses were shambles, junk stacked in the yards, dogs and an occasional turkey running here and there. They (people and dogs) walked up and down the road with garbage sacks, going to the store and picking up stuff from the side of the road to put in their bags. The only relationships those people were going to have were with others of comparable mental ability.

I wouldn't wish that plight on anyone. And given my druthers, I would rather be smart and suffer through the plight of being an elitist in search of another elitist than searching for a man or woman dumb enough to breed with me.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 270
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2007 9:59:24 AM
Nikos,


Philosophy and sex are the ultimate bedtime ... leisures , for the priviledged ones!


Having spent most of yesterday in bed with someone discussing religion, philosophy, mythology, psychology and how the universe works, I can vouch for that.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 274
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 2:53:56 PM
Metaphysicalman, saw this one and couldn't resist......First of all, I do think Intelligence IS a curse in relationships, although I love an intelligent man, and may go so far as to say it is a must with me, as I am intelligent and need mental stimulation. I am a rare breed, though. Now for the questions.........I have noticed a disproportionate number of smart cookies on this site and have wondered about that for quite some time.

As far as women being turned on by intelligent men, I think they are more inclined to be turned on by a physically muscular body, and those men who work their minds more than their bodies are not going to get as many ladies.....sorry.

Are intellectuals egocentric? I think there are some that are, but there are many who are not, especially those into metaphysics, except for the fact that they are always looking for that perfect state of being.

Are intellectuals manipulative and controlling? I think in subtle ways, we are, and as you mentioned, usually to a relationship's demise. If only we could break free of the intellecual barrier and enjoy a relationship for it's illogical and fun nature, and refrain from too many expectations, we would probably have more success in relationships.

Do we have unrealistic projections and expectations? I think we sometimes do. Intellectuals seem to categorize things and try to make things follow some logical order, and when that doesn't happen, we assume all is lost and even sometimes we create the demise ourselves, if unknowingly.

Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone? Sadly, I think many are. There are different types of intelligence, though. I have noticed in my family that the oldest and youngest have the most book smarts, but the middle two seems to have more common sense. I cannot explain that, but what can we do to change? I would have to say get to know ourselves intimately first, and know what our innate weaknesses are. Then strive to work on those. If we have no common sense, find friends that do and have them help us develop that in ourselves. When we have done that, we can then maybe find a partner that can tolerate us...lol. I always look of course at someone who catches my eye, but immediately see if they also catch my mind. If not, I look elsewhere. I believe that only one who can catch my mind and eye will also win my heart.

Say what you will, this is just my humble opinion. Good thread, though OP!
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