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 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 276
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?Page 5 of 59    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Nala 1 writes in msg 385,
If only we could break free of the intellecual barrier and enjoy a relationship for it's illogical and fun nature, and refrain from too many expectations, we would probably have more success in relationships.


Very well put. I think that's the "problem" people have with relationships, intelligence-wise. I found it difficult to meet an intelligent lady who could also enjoy being "silly". Not everything has to be done for a purpose. Some things are just fun.

One example that comes to mind is movies. My experience has been that intelligent people like movies with a moral or story. While there's certainly nothing wrong with that sometimes I enjoy a movie simply for the entertainment of watching it. An action movie or an outrageous comedy. I don't have to walk away after the movie and contemplate the "message". The enjoyment was in the actual watching of it.

"enjoy a relationship for it's illogical and fun nature". I like that!
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 277
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 6:46:07 PM
>>In a society where we do not value intelligence and are taught to be "modest" and "humble," even acknowledging that you are smart often labels a person "elitist."

True.
BTW, I have noticed that intelligent members have flocked to this thread like sharks on chum.

Many qualities can separate a person from the pack--looks, athletic ability, intelligence, artistic talent--and it is not the recognition of one's gift that makes for a snob. No, it is the notion that the gift makes you better than others--that's what makes a snob.
I have an IQ of 138. It does not make me any better than anyone else--it just makes me better at doing mental tricks than most other people.
My mental abilities lean towards the verbal, and the scientific. I try to share them with others who were not so lucky as I. I have a website where I and others with knowledge of veterinary medicine help pet owners for free.
I have tutored other college students, without recompense.
I have learned another language, for no other reason than the sheer fun of it.
I believe in the concept of noblesse oblige.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 280
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:16:44 PM
>>well said nikos you are absolutley right!!you rock man!

Yeah, but he rocks slowly!
Sometimes, a quick solution is in order. Let's say, you are calculating the angle at which you must launch a boulder at an opposing army. Take too long, and they will overrun you.
What? Too Archaic?
Then make it the escape velocity of a sattelite (sp?). Launch it too fast, and it is on it's way to venus, instead of protecting us from al qeaeda (sp again?).
Maybe, just maybe, time is in short supply when an intelligent person has to solve a problem.

>>Being able to spell 'genius'
Cut him some slack, I am extremely gifted when it comes to the english language, and languages in general, and as you can see, I am not always certain of spelling.
 dandydan45
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 283
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 8:51:42 PM
Hell give me a woman with brains any day. Nothing more sexy whan a lady with wit. The smarter she is the more I feel attracted.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 285
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 9:12:12 PM
Dug, foolish pride can be the downfall of anybody.

It's silly for us to be fighting among ourselves. We have more in common with each other than we do with most people.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 286
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/21/2007 9:25:02 PM
I am a brain man, I will take an intelligent man anytime, I would rather go out with ordinary looking guy with brain than a good looking guy who cant even start a conversation. I am always attracted to a smart guy. But hey love conquers all, never know what we are getting when it comes to love chemistry. Any intelligent guy around here?
 Anchises
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 291
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 5:06:31 AM
"They are usually the one's mouthing off using obscure words making the rest of us scramble for our dictionaries."

Your observation is unconscionably and overweeningly Draconian, as it is derelict in its self-enthralled cogitation of dating through reductio ad absurdum rather than via the acknowledgement of the mating ritual's inherent Brobdingnagian convolutions.

 MB58SC
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 293
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:32:39 AM


Lol. There may be something to that. Narcissistic personalities like to think they are good at something - generally something they think is important. But I don’t think there’s a direct correlation between narcissism and intellectualism - pseudo or otherwise. A narcissist may realize he or she is not the most knowledgeable person in the world, but they may feel they have outstanding intuition, great beauty or possess some other characteristic THEY prize highly.

I find that intelligent people are not any more likely to be proud than anyone else. Pride is found in many places: money, vehicles, looks, athletic prowess, career success, sophistication, knowledge of a particular subject matter, children... You don’t have to be smart to be proud. I would go so far as to say the inverse is probably true: intelligent people are more likely to be aware of themselves and be aware in their relationships. I hypothesize that intelligent people are more likely to reach a higher state of awareness and learn a sense of humility sooner.

What I have run into is a tendency to associate well-spoken, passionate speakers with intelligence, and verbal stumblebums with density. That’s my curse. I’m attracted to the fiery attention seekers because we have stimulating exchanges, but I abhor the whole over-the-top, hyper reactiveness that seems to go along with it. – If there are any mute, intelligent women out there I’d love to hear from them.


Loved this post.
 SteveHD
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 294
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:41:18 AM

Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?


Generally it's a curse, only if you're dumb enough to believe you're smarter than your partner when it comes to the two of you's relationship.

You may have book smarts, street smarts, money smarts, but your partner is just as educated about your relationship as you are when it comes to how you interact with one another.
 Anchises
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 296
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 9:39:33 AM

"Your observation is unconscionably and overweeningly Draconian, as it is derelict in its self-enthralled cogitation of dating through reductio ad absurdum rather than via the acknowledgement of the mating ritual's inherent Brobdingnagian convolutions."

Care to explain in english language please .


Sure! The poster is Nuckin' Futs. (Just kiddin')
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 300
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:12:36 PM

Everybody on here is intelligent,


Even the guy who emailed me to say that his "balls ached" for me?


They are usually the one's mouthing off using obscure
words making the rest of us scramble for our dictionaries..


So, if I have a large vocabulary, I should use simple words just so you can understand?


The smarter one gets, the less they rank on the fun scale....from my
experience anyway.


Your experience is just that, YOUR experience--you can't apply it across the board to everyone. What is "fun" anyway? Some people think that sitting in front of a TV watching cars go endlessly around a track is fun. Perhaps intelligent people just have advanced fun.


it's more than likely you're an intellectual and I'd be forced to ask you to leave before I get my shot gun.


You shoot intellectuals? My, my . . . a bit of not so repressed hostility there. Did the smart kids make fun of you in school?

It is amusing, all of the people in the forum who insist that they want nothing to do with intellectuals or smart people . . . as if we would associate with the hoi-polloi, anyway.



 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 303
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:54:31 PM
e-wok, I went to the address and saw Donald Sutherland scream.

Were those the hoi-polloi caught in his teeth???

Gwen
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 308
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:55:43 AM

I don't think I heard anyone say they want nothing to do with smart people.


I suggest rereading the posts--a lot of them are disdainful of intelligence, including the guy who said he would greet an intellectual at the door with a shotgun.

Egocentricity and feelings of superiority are, as was stated, personality traits. Those who think that they are superior really bug those of us who know we are superior.

(Who said smart people don't have senses of humor?)
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 316
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:13:45 PM
>>Most folks can give you at least one major sports personality in every major sport but can’t tell you a single Nobel Prize winner.

Linus Pauling. :P
Ghandi.
Mother Theresa.
Jimmy Carter.

Interestingly, Alfred Nobel first won fame by inventing TNT. A newspaper later mistakenly ran his obituary before he actually died, It mentioned this as his claim to fame.
Alfred was so appalled that this is what posterity would remember him for, he founded the Nobel prize.

>>can’t name a single, contemporary genetic scientist.

Watson and Crick. Oh wait, they aren't contemporary. How about the fellow who established the evolutionary link between dinosaurs and birds? Sorry, can't remember his name.

To the guy below: convince me.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 321
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:52:30 PM
>>Intelligence, IMO, is not about WHAT you know or how much of it you know, but WHAT you do with what you know.

Of course--but you can't do something with nothing, can you?
 Anchises
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 323
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:16:42 AM
^^^Please note that you shouldn't have used asterisks around your word, but quotation marks. Now do you wanna chat about the Chavez-Castro axis and its effect on Nicaraguan Neo-Sandinista politics? How about whether Skinhead Tattooed Mutant Quilters should be able to adopt? By the way, I think I'm God's Gift To Women due to my multiple studly qualities, do you concur?



Just kiddin', livnitup... how are things in the Pitt? Lived there for a while but had to run away when moss started growing on my head.
 Tarika
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 324
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 1:10:05 PM
Intelligence has always been an aphrodisiac for me in a relationship....oh ya...
 burkel
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 325
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:06:57 PM
There is a difference between intelligence and common sense. I would rather have the common sense and personality. As long as the intelligent person can have a conversation at several different levels-great! Otherwise he should think of finding something interesting in every day life so that he is not a bore. He also should not be so content as to find his TV to be his best friend. Intelligent or simple-please be interested in me. I will ask the questions about you and when you initiate some giving of info that is okay but please don't monopolize the conversation. And please do not repeat yourself. I am no expert but "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" was helpful.

B
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 327
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:49:02 PM
The interpretation of 'intelligence' is bound to vary with each individual, as too will be their reaction to what they perceive as intelligence.

I've seen brilliant people treated like shmucks because they simply have poor social skills, or are so focused in their mind that they don't bother with things that others do: like dressing well (or at all in some cases), eating well, presenting themselves well, etc.

In the end what it comes down to for me is not so much what the other person knows or can do, but what I inspire them to release. Naturally, any mind, no matter how gifted at birth, can become a wasteland, like the body, if not kept well. I don't particularily care for the company of those who arn't inspired to live their life well--but this, in the end, has little to do with intelligence, but more to do with a spiritual connection to being alive.

ss
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 328
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:50:35 PM
I consider myself an intellectual. No it is not the same as intelligence--I was intelligent at 4 years old, but I was not an intellectual yet.
Being an intellectual requires life experience and education, as well as thoughtfulness, and the ability to think well.
 Trainrek
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 329
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:36:57 PM
Um....would taking your SAT's when you were 12 count as intelligence?
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 332
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/25/2007 1:46:39 AM
>>Intelligence is something many people resent

Yep. Mostly because they think it is an automatic ticket to success in life, which isn't true.

>>It said both people must be within about 5 IQ points.

God I hope that's not true. Since most of the population is clustered around the average, that would mean anyone at either extreme has virtually no one to choose from for a mate.

>>Um....would taking your SAT's when you were 12 count as intelligence?

At the risk of stating the obvious...it would depend on how you did.

>>I purpose this:
We here are all of relatively average intelligence, but those we like to label as "average intelligence" are slightly below...

I think you mean, I propose this.
And no, you're wrong. It's pretty obvious to me from reading the posts here that this thread has attracted a number of unusually intelligent people.

>>Look, ladies and gentlemen, the OP was hardly what one would describe as a profound question; it would certainly not be one that intellectuals hanging around here would get preoccupied with :) And even if they chose to, the "debate" would end in appox. 60 seconds.

The discussion has evolved beyond the original question. This is the natural tendency of any discussion, no matter what rules the POF forum nazis make about staying on topic.
 Anchises
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 333
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/25/2007 2:23:26 AM

Mostly because they think it is an automatic ticket to success in life, which isn't true.


I would say that most of the truly exceptionally intelligent people I have met are total washouts. Even if they manage to end up in a lab or get tenure, they still have the social skills of a demented wallflower.


It's pretty obvious to me from reading the posts here that this thread has attracted a number of unusually intelligent people.


I would think that a fairly large percentage of POFers can be categorized as intelligent. Then of course there are the few rabid horny hyena zombies that can always be counted upon to embarass themselves and upset everyone else.


The discussion has evolved beyond the original question.


OK, then my personal answer to the OP question is: It is a blessing. If both of you share common interests and can speak intelligently about a variety of subjects that exceed "a little to the left... oooooooooooooooohhh..." then you are in for a lifetime of excitement and intellectual stimulation. If you don't share similar outlooks and somewhat-comparable intelligence levels then you don't belong together anyway.
 yayawhatever
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 338
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/25/2007 6:19:43 AM
In psychological terms, "intelligence is based on the individual's ability to survive in the given environment." and there is no such thing as "common sense."

There is a line from X-Files that is appropriate here. I can't find the quote so I'll paraphrase. The sherrif in effect states, "my father always said, that a truly intelligent man doesn't go around trying to prove that he's intelligent, everyone just knows that he is."

A gifted child is different and may need some assistance with socialization, and if they are very gifted, they will have read that and understood their need very early on.

A few true blue friends and the ability to adapt is a clear sign of true intelligence. Some of us knew that we were different, and different was not acceptable to most other children, but had no interest in being normal or average and thought being a freak was kind of okay. LOL

It is always good to remember, that we cannot all excel in all areas. An intellectual may not feel that a mechanic is intelligent, but mercy! Their job requires a lot of technical knowledge and ability. The checker at the grocery store has to remember a lot of codes and processes and be quick thinking all day long. How would we all survive if we were all intillectually minded?

Integration is what gives us all the ability to take what we know and what we have to offer and share it with others.

One of the relationships where I learned the most, was with a man who no one would consider an intellectual, but his ability to listen, process and share honestly as a friend was unparrelled by any of the self proclaimed intellectuals I have ever met. I learned about life, and about friendship, and about so many other things from a dear man who often referred to himself as stupid, but in many ways he's the smartest man I ever met.

An IQ may be high, and the letters behind a name can be added to every couple of years, but the ability to survive and thrive truly define intelligence. Don't you think?
 MB58SC
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 339
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 2/25/2007 6:21:54 AM
I wouldn't know intelligence if it bit me in the rear. My IQ is hovering around 55, or was it 54? Inevitably the consequence is I can't add or subtract.

2 + 2 =.... 3.9
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