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 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 1085
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?Page 54 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)
It has little to do with your IQ in a relationship. It can be off the charts. It has everything to do with how you relate to someone else in a relationship. What good is professing to have or actually having high intelligence if you don't know how to relate to people on a personal level? If you took two people with the same IQ score, it wouldn't mean they have the ability to relate to each. In fact, some of their relationship problems could conceivably arise from the ego attached to the intelligence.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1089
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:01:11 PM
I was actually committed to one back in early 2007, because of a medication that should have prevented a full manic episode along with stress of a marriage failing. At the time of my breakdown, I had nearly completed building a 4 axis cnc from raw materials completely of my own design. As it turned out, once I recognize I was in an acute manic state, I was that much closer to solving the problem, by refusing the one medication that caused my deteriorating mental state, and was released 4 days later.

Your latter sentence has no relevance, at least to me. Actual accomplishments that benefit others, in my opinion, has a considerably higher value than a title and potential for such accomplishments.


Interesting. I was committed in 2005 after trying commit suicide because of the medication prescribed to me over a misdiagnosis of Bipolar Axis I with mild Schizophrenic symptoms, Panic Disorder and Social Phobia. Interestingly enough, I've never exhibited any of the actual symptoms for these (I am a volunteer public speaker, for example), until they put me on medication to "fix" me. None of the people I encountered in the hospital were on any level of reality, and didn't even know anything about the diseases they were diagnosed with. They were, however, clearly mentally ill.

I have no idea why you interpreted my sentence as being directed at you. I specifically said, "others", to include doctors who misdiagnose people with high IQs because they do not understand them, and others who claim that having an IQ above 150 usually means you have a mental illness. Until there is a study done to confirm this, where the tests given by a psychiatric hospital confirms the illness and a Wechsler IQ test is given at the time they are mentally ill to confirm their IQ is above 150, I will say that it is wrong.

I agreed that empathy and compassion are not inherent in people with high IQs, but I see that across the board, and I doubt everyone here is a genius. I think that both of those traits are learned qualities, and having a high IQ makes it significantly easier to learn those traits and understand others.


It's my experience with women who self-describe as intelligent usually define intelligence along the lines of "agrees with me". I guess that's understandable if one's mating differentiation strategy is intelligence, but I've found intelligence is not so easily defined, and seems to be several quite different things that make the notion of intelligence not very useful.


It's my experience that all humans with brain function are intelligent, including women who self-describe as such.

Making up definitions of intelligence doesn't make intelligence lacking in usefulness. It is substantially easier to learn, understand, think logically and abstractly if you are more capable of doing so. Yes, I realize that was a "duh" statement.
 twofish22
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 1092
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History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2009 11:13:45 PM
Yes lawyers have feelings ,but they are negotiable. I apologize, I really can't hate anyone on principal till after they graduate law school. How ever no bartender ever poured me a drink,scarfed 1/3 of it down, burped, handed me my glass and billed me for the rest.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1094
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/14/2009 3:21:17 PM

It was my only hospitalization in adulthood, but there were 3 others when my illness manifested. Much of those 'symptoms' are relative to what's going on in a person's life. I've always had bipolar II disorder (depression to hypomania) but when I take a substance that manipulates dopamine, well that all changes. Getting to the awareness of how acute my condition was took a short black girl telling me, "You talked too much". At the time, I was asked if I had any form of gainful employment, which was sorta silly to me, as I've had my own business since 2000. So I told them every job I had since 1985, in detail. TMI. Of course, when I had recognized it for myself, all I had to do was note the difference between meds and stop the one that was causing it. I cleared up within a day.


Talking too much is a symptom of mental illness? This is news to me.


I really didn't take that comment personal, and in fact other than mention how irrelevant it was,. When I train my employees, sometimes I give them little instructions other than, "assemble this", to make them think. Of course it frustrates them, and in the end, it does what I want. It makes them think. There are really only 2 things I have to do to make something. First I have to decide to do it. Then, I do it. IQ has absolutely nothing to do with that. I've met several very talented individuals who chose a course of action that effectively castrated their abilities. They had plenty of 'potential' and yet became very unemployable. Potential is good, naturally, but it's the end result or bottom dollar that matters.


I think you are mistaken. This entire paragraph is irrelevant to High IQ in relation to Mental Illness.


Considering the feelings and opinions of others isn't rocket science. It's more like actually caring enough to be considerate, and possibly, on occasion placing oneself the the shoes of the other person, especially on occasion when someone's mad at me helps. Caring enough to do that is important, but I've yet to see anything to suggest that it's related to IQ.

I'm not talking about people who do care versus people who do not. I'm talking about those that do not realize that what they say to someone, though honest, could hurt their feelings. Learning to form criticisms or explanations in a compassionate way can be learned. I don't know if one can become someone who cares, when they didn't before. I feel that lacking the feeling of caring towards others is part of a personality disorder.

The reason someone who has a high IQ could learn to be more understanding of another person than someone with a lower IQ could, is because they are more teachable. Someone with a higher IQ has the ability to understand things more easily than someone of a lower IQ. That's just part of what IQs measure. :shrug:
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1096
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History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:21:09 PM

Are the two belief systems compatible? I imagine that a person who just wants to be happy won't care much for finding things out. A person who has a strong will to find things out won't care much or settle for just being happy. The two belief systems are at odds and likely to conflict

Where on earth do you get this stuff? Do you actually think that, for a person who enjoys learning, somehow learning is laborious and precludes enjoying life? Because, buddy, I got news for you - I LOVE learning, LOVE finding things out and am one of the happiest people I know. Learning makes me happy!!! Hunting for information - sometimes it's practically detective work - is fun! Exercising my brain is fun!


Law of human nature #3
Humans are beings of reason. To every effect there must be a cause. To every cause a reason. A reason without the scientific method is still a reason and in most cases its all the reason a human needs.

Again, what bizarre dimension are you going to to find BS like this? There is zero such thing as a 'law of human nature' and that was just a bunch of gobbledygook!

Dude, you are a scream!
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 1098
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:36:23 AM
Are we talking about the kind of intelligence you define as being able to remember what's written down in a book or are we talking about the kind of intelligence where the person has their own individual mind and can think out of the frame........Couldn't be too bothered with the first kind of intelligence, the second one is a must as I love having discussions with someone whose mind is independent.
And that my friend is something unique and something a person cant learn.... something you dont learn from a book.


I think that you must have a bit of the former to reason in the latter. Otherwise you're just speaking gibberish, and loose crediblity. For instance when I go on a nature walk, I see an interesting plant or animal that I'm unaware of I will go and look it up in a field manual to learn about it. That however, doesn't take away from my interest or love of its beauty, it reinforces it. I can love an O'Keef or a Matise for it beauity and unquiness, then I can read about how they moved art forward. Reason is like the Borque period, bring light out of the dark. I guess that is why that is my favorite artistic period.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1099
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:21:54 AM

What if you reached a point, where the things you want to find out, cannot be found in a book?


Abstract thought + logic + experiments + math = discovery and/or invention

 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 1101
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/17/2009 12:18:08 PM
" It should not matter what kind of education or job you have."

Education or job has nothing to do with intelligence.

Intelligence is nature - education or job is nurture
 Codeguru
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 1104
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 9/3/2010 7:29:23 PM
Usually intelligence is measured by people with opinions who don't shut up about them. So that is a curse I'd say. Real intelligence, maybe not so much. Just because you're used to talking and flinging the crap that is your "philosophy" all over the walls doesn't mean you can program a VCR worth a damn...

Codeguru
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 1105
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 9/3/2010 8:34:12 PM
My view has always been based on the fact that intelligent women have always attracted me, and really stupid ones have never attracted me. You can place the sexiest woman you can create in front of me, and if she's got no perceivable brain activity - it's going nowhere.

Nice to look at, but not much else to offer.

I've actually faced that situation once, head on, and stopped it dead. The woman involved was quite a cute sexy one, indeed better known to all as the office "eye candy". About ten minutes into our "date" , my thoughts suddenly turned into ways of possible ending it as quickly as possible, because time had apparently stopped.

A minute seemed like an hour...

Any thoughts of having sex with her were now countered with the almost impossible to imagine probability of what lying in that bed next to her would involve, since there was almost nothing this women could/would ever talk about other than popular TV shows and women's magazines.

Now a varient of what is also attractive to me is the intelligent woman that's able to pull off that "ditzy" side of her successfully, think of someone like Teri Garr, for example. That's sublime, if done properly.

See my "gold standard" for what I seek is embodied in that Tracy/Hepburn type of relationship of old movies. Sure it's just a film, but in reading about those two it was essentially what their relationship was like in real life. Being able to go toe to toe with such a woman in a relationship is what keeps life interesting, and the possibility that I will perhaps one day run across it is what keeps life worth living.

 Wyatt Earp1
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 1107
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/31/2011 12:29:36 PM
Killa funny! Being intelligent is good when the right woman recognizes it & LIKES it. Otherwise many women {and for women who are brilliant-many men} don't like it imho. There's a saying about political slogans "make for a 6th grade level."
So it's best to dumb yourself down, chill and talk about everyday stuff less you scare the brain cells out of your date ;)


_________________________________________________________
Codeguru posted:

"Usually intelligence is measured by people with opinions who don't shut up about them. So that is a curse I'd say."
 Georgygirl7
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 1108
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 6/24/2011 12:13:02 AM
I've heard
that
intelligent people read,,,,right???

Well how about we try an experiment
We take away all their books
except
'Winnie ther Pooh' (Milne said he wrote them for adults)

When they finish,,
,for dessert they can read
'The Tao of Pooh'

A truly humbling mindwashing experience

Now these' humble' single people with 'holistic' minds\
might have different relationship experiences

ps,,,i have a confession
I had to google the word 'dessert' re spelling
I didn't even catch it until I reread my post(for the third time)
I was panicked that it would be too late to 'edit'

I want to be like Pooh
It wouldn't have bothered him
He would have simply said,,,,'same thing'

Back to the books for me

Another confession
I havn't read all the Pooh books,,,,and
I never finished ''The Tao of Pooh"
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 1109
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/23/2011 9:57:11 AM

Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?

What about manipulative and controlling? I think intellectuals have a great capability of manipulating and engineering a relationship, often in extremely subtle ways. And usually, I might add, resulting in failure!

Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?

Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?


so..ultimately, how 'smart' are they if they "know everything" but aare alone & miserable?

I don't think that intelligence itself is a problem.

people who brag about how intelligent they are and hold themselves out as "superior" to others probably have a hard time making friends and having good relationships, though.

"Intelligence", OK, "cocky, arrogance, not so much

BTW the majority of people I hear brag about heir "intelligence" really are not at the highest end of the Bell curve..they are probably just slightly brighter than most of the people they know so they feel all**** & arrogant about it.

in other words, IMO & IME, those with IQ's of 105-110 brag about it, those with 130-150 or more, not so much
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 1110
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 7/23/2011 4:54:58 PM
Sheesh.... nuthin' seems to bring out more weird, basically defensive arguments than the subject of "intelligence"! And it's hard to believe that some folks actually seem to be arguing for LESS intelligence (unless maybe it's true what they say, that "ignorance is bliss")!!

From Psychology Today, "6 Clues to Character":
"Whether you wish to take an inventory of yourself, gauge the suitability of a partner, glimpse what a friendship might hold, or preview a child's trajectory, here are six key candidates for your attention:"

The 6 key character clues are Drive, Happiness, Goodness, Friendship, Intimacy…. and at the top of the list… Intelligence!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201104/6-clues-character
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 1111
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:57:11 PM
LOL



[b> metaphysicalman
Has anyone ever noticed, how many smart cookies are on this site? Men and Women. I for one don't think it's just a proportionate number. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, they just naturally gravitate to the forums.

But I have read articles, that suggest, apparently many women are not particularly turned-on by intelligent men.

Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?

What about manipulative and controlling? I think intellectuals have a great capability of manipulating and engineering a relationship, often in extremely subtle ways. And usually, I might add, resulting in failure!

Do they have unrealistic projections and expectations?

Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?

What can they do to change? A frontal lobotomy, is probably not an acceptable option! <


It is a challenge.
We live in a world where too many people just want their 'fun' button pushed.
Expanding your mind, just like maintaining a fitness routine, is not necessarily fun.

In POF, much like the real world, you have to suffer through the dumbs ones while searching for that intellectual soulmate.
Unless you can find someone that you love that isn't a genius but isn't an airhead either.
Also, you don't have to be attached at the hips and share all interests.
You can hang with groups that like to discuss quantum physics and your significant other can watch baseball or something like Oprah.

Now if you're tired and just want to have fun but don't know how to put up with idle, blah-blah, chit-chat, just go to the bar and get drunk.
Alcohol is forever the saviour when it comes to dumbing yourself down to their level.

But yes, it can be a curse.
I have a friend...who is nice.... but sometimes the dumbness is quite aggravating.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 1112
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 4:18:30 AM
50 doesn't have to worry about having cursed relationships.

50 should already be deleted or banned from any posting because of his (?) spamming.

The troll believes it wins no matter what. If anyone responds, it thinks it won for getting a response. If nobody responds, it thinks it wins by default.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/23/2014
Msg: 1113
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 5:21:50 AM
I don't think intelligence is a curse.

If you're intelligent, and humble, to me that could be a sexy trait.

Its someone who only focuses on what they know, and don't appreciate the life experience of others, that may alienate themselves to a life alone.

I went on a date with this one woman, who felt the need to open an argument with everything I said, just about.

When I first spoke to her, I was struggling to understand how such an attractive woman could struggle to find a good guy. I realized quite fast, within minutes of talking to her.

It was her desire to make me feel small, so would argue until I agreed with what she said. It got annoying, quickly. I mean, both should be allowed to have their own minds.

I would up ending things, quickly, as my brain couldn't handle any more of her.

She was insanely smart and well read, but very arrogant about it, which made her very unattractive.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 1114
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 11:49:31 AM

Ainen
50 doesn't have to worry about having cursed relationships.

50 should already be deleted or banned from any posting because of his (?) spamming.

The troll believes it wins no matter what. If anyone responds, it thinks it won for getting a response. If nobody responds, it thinks it wins by default.


Thanks for your insults and opinion Ainen.
It is not a matter of thinking I won a debate.
It is whether the opposing party has produced evidence to support their accusation.
As for just getting a response?
If you were around to see how this all started, you have seen how this POF forum was already infected with malicious people who immediately attacked the messenger instead of the message. After failed efforts to defend myself, I gave the "haters" what they wanted unfortunately...and that was some troll bait.
Other threads I posted on was for legitimate conversation.
Thankfully there are still people who would respond to the topic of the thread, instead of attacking me.
Easy to distinguish the people for legitimate conversation from the haters.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 1115
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:03:51 PM

The troll believes it wins no matter what. If anyone responds, it thinks it won for getting a response. If nobody responds, it thinks it wins by default.


Bingo. You left out the best one where the troll believes it wins by making sure it has the last word. How? By taking up all the rest of the 21 responses in AAG so that one can't respond to his infantile posts.

It's akin to a child who claps his hands over his ears and screams, "Na na na na naaa! I can't hear you!"
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 1116
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History
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:26:23 PM
Ainen and Halcyon are calling the thread resurrector a "troll" via issuing ad hominem attacks on what was a relevant opinion?

I would say, "you can't write stuff this rich", except... well, they did.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 1117
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:45:04 PM

Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?


Yes.


Are intellectual types too wrapped up in themselves, too full of themselves, in other words, too Egocentric?


Sometimes.


Are many intellectuals doomed to be forever frustrated, isolated and alone?


Yes.


What can they do to change?


It's not always them who needs to change.
Intellectuals rarely engage in "mob rule" or "herd mentality", which often does need to change to produce better results.


Has anyone ever noticed, how many smart cookies are on this site?


LOL.
That was a good one.
Oh, you were serious?

Well, the comment WAS made way back in 2006, and things have certainly changed on online dating sites since then.

Carry on.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 1118
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 1:07:20 PM
Ainen and Halcyon are calling the thread resurrector a "troll" via issuing ad hominem attacks on what was a relevant opinion?

I would say, "you can't write stuff this rich", except... well, they did.


When the troll posts stop (check the posting history) only then will the "ad hominem attacks" stop.


Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?


Only if there is a significant disparity in intellect between the partners.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1119
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 2:32:33 PM
Is intelligence a curse in relationships? sure is in the forums, lol. truly intelligent people rarely follow herd mentality, unless they find it actually makes sense. But, there are people who aren't intelligent, but "cunning". they can waste their brains on finding a smart way to chase after a dumb thing.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 1120
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 4:54:43 PM
lililH

I am with you. Intelligence is a basic requirement. "Intellectual" is different, they can be too cool and analytical, often not sexy at all, as they don't take care of their appearance and live in their heads. That is a generalisation I know.
Smart savvy men are more likely to be successful but those with a very very high IQ can be quite strange and eccentric.
If I had to dumb myself down in order that the guy feel superior or non threatened, I would just move on. What we need is commonsense and street smarts to do well on this planet.
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