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 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1376
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?Page 56 of 59    (19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59)

Three similar posts...Senior Technology Manager...Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!


If that's all you guys have for a comeback...... no wonder.

Anyway, I manage mostly global software implementations. I have about 300 people working on my teams - about 35 direct reports. We are implementing a system to automate 140 billion in annual payments from the company I work for to it's vendors in Singapore, Yemen, UK, Nigeria, Colombia, US, Canada and Norway. It's the top project in the whole company. We are on schedule and on budget. This is one of 4 projects that I lead right now. I'm not going to bother nit picking multiple posts on a very rudimentary website that's not my responsibility and I'm not getting paid for now am I.
 butterbattle
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 1377
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:10:24 PM

Humans use only about 7-10% of their brain, and those are the smart ones. Approximately 90% of our brain is not used.


That's a popular myth, but not true.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-we-really-use-only-10


So many intelligent people have written about how hard it is for the smarter onein the relationship. I would be interested in the opposite point of view that has been underrepresented here. Can we please have a few stupid people reply now so the thread becomes more balanced? Thank you...


Hahahahahahahaha.
 exogenist
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 1378
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:44:47 PM
@Merrylass

And how large is your sample group, exactly?


I was replying to a post about my opinion regarding the severely intelligent or severely skilled. That is why I began the paragraph saying:

This is completely subjective and the opinion of myself solely.

You then said:

Have you heard of Asperger's syndrome? Autism? You might want to have a look at the information about them.

I've looked up quiet a lot about it. Especially the case of Daniel Tammet. My original point was that the incredibly intelligent usually suffer from a low social intelligence. It could be expressed in the form of dementia or personality disorders. Its interesting that many great achievers (Thelonias Monk, Nicola Tesla, Micheal Faraday,...) suffered from some sort of mental or personality ailment.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 1379
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:07:15 PM
[if you want to consort with someone similarly talented, the pool of available choices is much, much smaller.]

Of course, that it true, but the curse is not, then, the talent. The curse is being willing only to consort with someone similarly talented, ie. social ineptness. If all artists, musicians, etc. sought only those similarly talented to have relationships with , they'd have the same problem, don't you think? Your pool gets smaller as your mind narrows. Not much to do with IQ, but breadth of "mindedness" shall we say?
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1380
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:24:03 PM
Bandito

I don't post to cange the minds of guys who think like....that. It would be futile.

I post to change the minds of women.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1381
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:24:14 PM
If you are posting your own opinion, then statemetnts like "the incredibly intelligent usually suffer from a low social intelligence" should not be stated as though they are definitive fact.

And since it's just your opinion, why bother offering it? It could be my opinion that people who post to forums all hate watermelon. I'd be incorrect and it would be pointless to post it since it's incorrect.

I'll say it again: opinions about issues which have been studied and about which there are facts and proofs available are irrelevant and, therefore, a waste of everybody's time.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1382
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:26:01 PM
Bandito

I don't post to change the minds of guys who who insist they are superior. It would be futile. They don't make a habit of using their minds otherwise they wouldn't be like that in the first place.

I share information with women so that they can better stand up to the put downs - if they want to.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1383
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:26:42 PM
Bandito

I don't post to change the minds of guys who who insist they are superior. It would be futile. They don't make a habit of using their minds otherwise they wouldn't be so obnoxious in the first place.

I share information with women so that they can better stand up to the put downs - if they want to.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1384
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:27:07 PM
Bandito

I don't post to change the minds of guys who who insist they are superior. It would be futile. They don't make a habit of using their minds otherwise they wouldn't be so obnoxious in the first place.

I share information with people so that they can better stand up to the put downs - if they want to.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 1385
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:27:28 PM
Bandito

I don't post to change the minds of guys who who insist they are superior. It would be futile. They don't make a habit of using their minds otherwise they wouldn't be so obnoxious in the first place.

I share information with people so that they can better stand up to the put downs in their own minds - if they want to.
 newname4metoo
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 1386
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:45:08 PM

But its interesting that individuals with IQ's above that usually come with some form of dementia or conflicting social quirks.


They do?

As it happens, I do know some brilliant people, and they are not demented. They have no social quirks either, although one of them is very quiet at social functions.

Do you have proof of what you claim?


Imagine that...and someone who can't even post correctly


LMAO

Maybe try to figure out the quote feature before you go bashing other poster's technical skills.
 citizen_joe
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 1387
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 9:02:24 PM


Taking this back to relationships. I started seeing someone, we get along well enough. But, she was concerned about conintuing it because I'm smarter then her. Her words, not my own. So, there is an example of intelligence killing a "relationship".


The last person I met from this site felt intimidated by my intelligence, like she had to keep up or something. It's really not like that for me. I've given up on meeting a woman with even one of my disciplines, but it'd be nice just once to get more than a blank stare into space. My own preferences really seem more of the artistic variety as an inspiration to my own creations. Attracting a brilliant woman even within a 50 mile radius is pretty rare, but a woman with a good heart and ethics... Wait. That's a bit difficult also...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1388
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 10:37:34 PM

Sshhhhhh - he has a wee-wee.

*awed silence*

Really? Are you sure? I'll have to take your word for it. Must be it's smaller than women's brains.
I nominate him for this years' No Bell Prize in Resentment.
On topic...is intelligence a curse in relationships? Not that I ever noticed. It's been my personal longstanding experience that similar levels and type of intelligence seem to make for the most stable relationships.
Cindy O
 BruceBanner2k
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 1389
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 10:40:51 PM
OP....


I'm intelligent myself, so it doesn't bother me in the slightest........


 exogenist
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 1390
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 11:02:48 PM

Do you have proof of what you claim?


William Sidis - The guy had serious personality disorders.
Nicola Tesla - Obsessive Compulsive disorder as well as a host of others.
Michael Faraday - Dyslexia
Thelonius monk -Asperger's syndrome
Daniel Tammet - Autistic Savant
Winston Churchill - Bipolar disorder
Abraham Lincoln - Depression
Isaac Newton - Believed to have Bi polar disorder / Asperger's syndrome and a host of others.
Albert Einstein - A study by Cambridge and oxford shows that he may have had Asperger's Syndrome
John Nash (a beautiful mind) - Schizophrenia
....ect. And that's just to name a few.



As it happens, I do know some brilliant people, and they are not demented. They have no social quirks either, although one of them is very quiet at social functions.


Indeed there are many brilliant people without social quirks. However if you study the most influential and most profound of geniuses then you will find a correlation between mental illness and their brilliance. Those are the class of people I was referring too.



If you are posting your own opinion, then statemetnts like "the incredibly intelligent usually suffer from a low social intelligence" should not be stated as though they are definitive fact.


Firstly:



Forum: A medium for open discussion or voicing of ideas, such as a newspaper, a radio or television program, or a website.


Secondly



Idea: An opinion, conviction, or principle: has some strange political ideas.


It would seem from the definition of a forum opinions are very much allowed. Also it is well within my rights to express such opinions regardless if a person finds it helpful or not (free speech).

Lastly:

The statement "the incredibly intelligent usually suffer from a low social intelligence". Is based upon a factual observation. The statement is not definitive as I made use of the word "usually". Implying that the set of "severely intelligent" (being the ones who are well over societal norms for proficiency in a certain area or skill and are far less than 0.01% of the population) have a majority of their population that are inflicted with some sort of mental ailment.

For further information please visit these websites:
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2002/june12/crazy_genius.html
http://www.canada.com/health/Genetic+link+between+mental+illness+creativity+Study/1808555/story.html
http://www.oflikeminds.com/GeniusMentalIllness.htm

There are also many books at the library and Amazon which address the issue to which I drew my conclusion from.
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 1391
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/11/2009 11:02:54 PM
"Can we please have a few stupid people reply now so the thread becomes more balanced?"
Thank you, balance is restored. Dilbert votes for the four managers who posted the same thing, and he reminds you that there is no 'I' in 'team'...
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1392
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 1:24:00 AM
I'm intelligent myself


Isn't that a requirement of being human?


The statement "the incredibly intelligent usually suffer from a low social intelligence". Is based upon a factual observation. The statement is not definitive as I made use of the word "usually". Implying that the set of "severely intelligent" (being the ones who are well over societal norms for proficiency in a certain area or skill and are far less than 0.01% of the population) have a majority of their population that are inflicted with some sort of mental ailment.


You know, I don't honestly believe that all of these people were definitely mentally ill, sometimes the things that doctors cannot understand get categorized into mental illnesses, all of which fall into the categories of social disorders, panic disorders, anxiety disorders, mood disorders and psychotic disorders.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I have studied it to the nth degree and have come to the conclusion that I most definitely am not bipolar. When I was taking the medications they prescribed to "fix" me, I tried to kill myself because my mind felt dead and empty.

That which someone is unable to comprehend or abstractly hypothesize about is generally given an answer that is readily available and fits as well as possible under a mental illness or with divinity and mysticism.

An ex of mine once asked me, "What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need to know the answers to everything, why do you need to figure out how everything works? Can't you just accept that some things just 'are'?" I responded by crying and never returning his phone calls, but in hind-sight, I know how I felt like responding. Of course, I accept that some things just are, in the universe and nature. But if there is an answer I need it, if there is knowledge to be found, I will find it, and it's a strong part of the fiber of my being. I feel like there is something wrong with people who do not feel this way. I feel that there is something wrong with people who will just accept whatever fits within a model even if there is doubt, I don't understand how people do not have working theories on anything that they question, or of anything that leaves doubt in their mind.

If I said that I observed that all of the people with average-low-range geniuses were likely mentally ill, I would be verbally accosted. Even though it's true, since most of the general population falls into this category. Think about that.
 exogenist
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 1393
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:58:52 AM
^^^I have a theory.

But if there is an answer I need it, if there is knowledge to be found, I will find it, and it's a strong part of the fiber of my being. I feel like there is something wrong with people who do not feel this way.


That is what I would call a base belief system. It dictates every aspect of your life. My theory is that incompatible base belief systems cannot coexist without mutual respect and understanding. Compare it to this comment:


All I want to be is just happy...


Are the two belief systems compatible? I imagine that a person who just wants to be happy won't care much for finding things out. A person who has a strong will to find things out won't care much or settle for just being happy. The two belief systems are at odds and likely to conflict.

Now how many people on the face of this planet can say they harbor a strong desire to find things out regardless of being happy? If we look at the economy its obvious that the majority will go out of their way to relax and be happy (hollywood, mtv,...ect.). But how many people are going to libraries just for the fun of finding things out (There's an awesome book called "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out" I recommend everybody to read)?

My theory is that the manifestations of mental illness within the highly intelligent community is due to social disorders or "misunderstandings" brought on by the inability for the highly intelligent belief systems to relate with the belief systems of the majority. It can be a lonely place for the person who doesn't think and operate like the vast majority of humanity. I know because I spent the whole of my school life being told that I wasn't normal and should see a councilor (I think they thought I was mad but never once did I think that I was abnormal). Nevertheless, it is apparent (especially to neuroscientists) that intelligence isn't as simple as it first seems. Personally I believe the difference between the highly intelligent and a normal professional isn't IQ or the like. I believe it is the type of base belief system that "needs an answer".



That which someone is unable to comprehend or abstractly hypothesize about is generally given an answer that is readily available and fits as well as possible under a mental illness or with divinity and mysticism.


Law of human nature #3
Humans are beings of reason. To every effect there must be a cause. To every cause a reason. A reason without the scientific method is still a reason and in most cases its all the reason a human needs.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 1394
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:58:51 AM
Tarnished Night:
First Thank-you. However, I don't believe her departure had anything to do with envy, but more intimadation. She had a preception that she wouldn't be able to keep up with me. Which, is silly because it isn't a foot race. I thought she was pretty and charming it is unfournate. So like the Artist fellow, that appears to be the problem. So I want to kinda ask this, instead of intelligence being the problem, could it be your partners preiception of trying to keep up that is the problem? Bright or not so bright isn't the issue with me; what I really want is someone open to new ideas, and empathic.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 1395
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:07:23 AM
Bosox, and Exogenst:

Mental illness, has very little to do with intelligence. It is usally an imblanace of nero-chemicals. A subject which I have learned quite a bit about since my brain injury. Case in point there was a fellow in the 1800's that had a rail-road spike go through is head into his brain. Before the accident a charming well liked fellow, after which he became a jerk. He had to same level of cognition as before the incident. So really these issues are mutual exclusive. You can also look at socio-paths that are brilliant, but have no regaurd for humanity. Then you have Narrisic Personality disorder which person tries to sound accomplished and brilliant to cover their low self image and esteem. I could go on but I must depart for work. Have a good one all. I will try to return this evening.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 1396
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Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 6:24:14 AM
Nice post exogenist...that idea resonates with me..I don't remember ( evidently intelligence doesn't stop old age..lol) if I mentioned this before on this thread..but, my mother insists my first word was "why"...lol..

I know that I have met some really nice guys who not only didn't understand why I needed or wanted to know "why", but, saw it as some kind of flaw...like I couldn't just "be"? ( which may be true to some extent) They thought conversations probing the whys were boring and counter productive...and not a good use of time.

My own non scientific and totally unproven theory about why some really brilliant people lack in other areas of behavior has always been: When God , or nature/biology gives someone extrordinary talents in one area, there is bound to be some shortcomings in others...because no one can have it all. I have also wondered if one part of their brain is so overdeveloped that it dwarfs another?

Not being in the "brilliant" category, I can not make a personal observation about it..lol..but, I'd venture to guess that any emotional/mental shortcomings I may have probably have some correlation to my brain and the way it functions..which includes my mental thought processes.
 PrankerPoet
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 1397
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 6:35:11 AM
Take some olanzapine [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine] that'll dumb you down ;) might also make you fat though ...
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 1398
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:20:17 AM

Mental illness, has very little to do with intelligence. It is usally an imblanace of nero-chemicals. A subject which I have learned quite a bit about since my brain injury. Case in point there was a fellow in the 1800's that had a rail-road spike go through is head into his brain. Before the accident a charming well liked fellow, after which he became a jerk. He had to same level of cognition as before the incident. So really these issues are mutual exclusive. You can also look at socio-paths that are brilliant, but have no regaurd for humanity. Then you have Narrisic Personality disorder which person tries to sound accomplished and brilliant to cover their low self image and esteem. I could go on but I must depart for work. Have a good one all. I will try to return this evening.


Gagdetdoc.

I know. My point was that doctors misdiagnose people all of the time, usually because they cannot find a "fit" for the symptoms, so they take whichever one fits, instead of admitting that they do not understand the person.
 citizen_joe
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 1399
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2009 1:21:21 AM


You know, I don't honestly believe that all of these people were definitely mentally ill, sometimes the things that doctors cannot understand get categorized into mental illnesses, all of which fall into the categories of social disorders, panic disorders, anxiety disorders, mood disorders and psychotic disorders.


Intelligence is often the gift that comes with a mental illness. The most creative time of year for me is winter months, when the stress of cold triggers euphoric hypomania (Stress + I love winter), and usually, something good comes out of it in terms of inventions. There's nothing wrong with thinking different and often people get caught associating a stigma with mental illness, obscuring the gifts.. It has its uses and when applied constructively, is a source of creativity. That old cliche, "there is a fine line between genius and insanity", is almost right. There is no line and if there is, the line doesn't matter.
 CyrusOne
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 1400
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 8/13/2009 2:20:51 AM
Man these last post got me thinking and doing some research... I guess it's not normal to be "intelligent"?

If I did my calculations right I have "NPO". Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well as "DPD" or Dissocial Personality Disorder.

Now I'm not a person who likes to talk about himself to seem smart or successful. I just like knowing things... I know a bunch of facts that people may think are useless, but what's "bad" about being open to facts and ideas?

I know for a fact I'm not perfect, nor am I trying to be. I'm not "sick in the mind" because I choose to listen to my MP3 player while everyone watches MTV. I prefer listening to music because it relaxes my mind and lets me think about whatever I want.. it helps me think.

I've had this be a problem in a relationship. One of my exes always told me that "I ask too many questions" and that I "think too much". I told her to go to hell and she got mad. How am I "wrong" for being curious? How am I wrong for wanting to know things if it might come in handy someday?

Intelligence isn't necessarily a curse in relationships, but it might even be a curse in society. I sometimes get ridiculed by my family and close friends because of some things I think of... and things I wonder about and say. It sucks having your own family think you're "weird" because you think about things at a different level or just plain different.

Back to the topic of my post, because I don't choose to associate myself with society in a "normal" and "constructive" manner I'm sick. Wtf? Just as people can say "no" to something you're offering them... I choose to say "no" to people's company at times.

*sigh*
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