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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > She broke my heart and my mind (venting)      Home login  
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 51
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
OP: I know exactly where you are coming from. It's hard it's really hard. When you fall in love, seriously in love it hurts. I still hurt very much so. I know the circumstances are different but the emotions are the same. I physically witnessed the man i was deeply in love with when i was just 19 being covered in a sheet. I went through some very tough times, and sometimes i didn't think i would make it through life. Here i am 29 years later with children etc, life has to go on. We will never forget our first love, tragic as it may be, but we still must make that choice to move ahead and gain something from our lives. It took me a long time to come to terms with what had happened, but life is not always fair, it's something we all have to face and eventually good things will happen. Your only 24, same age as my son and trust me i have nursed him through some very trying periods, now he's as happy as larry, it's patience and self discipline. Don't get me wrong, we'll never forget those we truley loved it will always be with you, but just keep it tucked away in a special place in your heart. I put your situation down to a kind of breavement, it's as bad as my experience, you need to grieve, and when you have you need to move ahead.
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 52
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:35:22 AM
sorry for everyones hurt....we all been thru getting our hearts ripped out of our chests...but as the old saying goes..."only time will heal all wounds"

i never got closure at first with my ex after 25 yrs together so i came up with my own. to many years was wasting before my eyes ...i had enough of crying and being hurt so i woke up one morning an said no more!! i will not allow him to ruin my life or emotions anymore... so i took his personal things he gave me like letters an so on buried them an said good bye. since then i was able to move on and live my new life as i choose too and its great...i am much happier with myself....thats what worked for me. but then again..each to their own..might work for you and it might not....who knows til u try it to you.
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 53
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:49:19 AM
I turned my breakup into Country and Western songs:


Hope things get better. No matter how hard I've tried to blame others for my problems, they stay my problems and I have to work on them.

Though my love is so strong for her, I do not believe In love as I have defined it, and don't believe I can get that in return. I don't believe I can feel love or trust in anyone again.

.... I just feel now that opening myself up to love is a weakness that I can't allow again, but what is the point of life without love. I believe i'm a living paradox, wanting what i now hate and fear.

I'm not your therapist (I sure hope that you print your msg. and give it to your therapist), but I suspect that you are justifying and romantasizing hurtful, distorted thinking. Keep trying and get a therapist that works for you if your current one doesn't help.

I used therapists and gave up on my old loved one after only 20yrs: 5yrs cumulatively imprisoned for stalking (but they didn't understand my love was so pure), and getting shot several times by her husband, she, and their kids. Them whippersnappers were mean shots when they hit their teens.

Good luck, get serious about doing some work to relieve your pain and confusion.

Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 54
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She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:58:10 AM
Write her a letter letting her know how you feel, you don't have to post it, just write it, it helps work out the feelings you have toward her and lets you say what you have to, and helps you to move on past it, It is not good to dwell, trust me man, I know.
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 55
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:13:21 AM
I knew I shouldn't have come into this forum. lol NOthing really interesting in the other ones.

You don't need any closure or any stupid psychotheropy. What you need is education. The right kind this time.

Knock it off. Come up to present time.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 56
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:15:51 AM
2 things going on here. 1 is transferrance. You have said yourself that you are trying to blame others. When a relationshgip doesn't work out, both parties want to blame the other. The man cheats, the woman says that's the reason she left, but never gets to WHY the guy felt the need to cheat. You share the ups AND the downs/

Part 2 is that if you are still whining about this 2 years later you have moved beyond obsession and are into dementia. Why do you insist on wanting someonw who has made it clear she doesn't want you? Just some stupid male ego thing?

This is like people who sue to get a job back after being fired. Why do you want to go back to someplace you know didn't want you knowing you will be walking into a situation where you will be given so much grief you will quit on your own?

We're supposed to quit measuring our d!ck in junior high school. Let it go and move on. Stop beating a dead horse.
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 57
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:27:09 AM
Mate I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation and I have not seen my ex for over 2 yrs. I still love her above anyone else and think about her daily. I have tried to date and meet new women but find i am totally unable to fall in love. I keep chasing that first butterfly that flew in my guts the first time i saw her.
Life is not rainbows and lollypops and we only have one shot at it dude. You just need to push on and acknowledge your feelings as they present themselves. I also isolated myself after the break up and didnt talk to family or friends untill very recently, if thats what works do it, your true friends and family will understand.
Its also important to take the positives out of this. You will never be hurt like this again i dont believe cause u will not let it happen. (that can also be negative if u let it)
life goes on even if it seems hard
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 58
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:32:37 AM
To: inneowithgeo

I think he may have some serious problems as in low self-esteem and dependence. I don't think "snap out of it will work". Getting to the right therapist will be enough of a job. God bless him, he's suffering.
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 59
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:22:09 AM
I wholeheartedly agree with Bobbill. It is also heartening to see that "MOST" people have posted compassionate and "USEFUL" feedback! I don't think that (from reading this guys original post) that it is very hard to determine that there may be some somewhat larger issues at play here.
I have said it before in forum postings and will say it again: If you are not a qualified therapist of some is much more helpful to say nada than to say the kinds of things that INNEOWITNGEO and KEEPINGIT said.
It is just NOT very helpful and meanspirited as well
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 60
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:49:01 PM
you sound like such a b!@#$'re heartless...hopefully one day you'll grow up and learn to have empathy for others. people like you make me sick.
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 61
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:51:25 PM
by the comment was for username FELANIE!!!
Joined: 3/10/2006
Msg: 62
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:27:39 PM

by the comment was for username FELANIE!!!

No need to go off on her man.

Hey now. I like Felanie. Shes right in a lot of ways. You don't pamper this stuff. You will only sink him more. Playing into an abberation is just as nutty as the abberation itself.
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 63
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She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:54:17 PM

Some of the very insightful advice given here from others has been THEIR TRUTH.

The nayboarofthebeast brings up an interesting idea. As much as we want to believe in a universal "truth", it’s a fallacy. Truth is a fluid thing. If you go chasing after your ex for answers, gator, you may never get one that satisfy you because her perceptions of your situation and yours may just be too fundamentally different to support an explanation that will fit both.

I'm in the same situation with my ex, who I just can't seem to get a satisfactory explanation from on why she feels there's no hope for our marriage. Personal breakthrough. ('')
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 64
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/13/2006 4:54:05 AM
Gator1331: I am so sorry. I think the best thing to do, is to get (another therapist); I understand that pain. It doesnt do any good for people to tell you that there are other women out there, when you are still in love with someone else. You can love again (I know that doesn't sound possible, but we as humans all have that potential.

You feel that way, because you are in pain, and see no way out of it.

Opening yourself up to love is not a "weakness"...we ALL want love and validation, but you have to give it (I know this gets old) TIME.

We all want to be out of pain, right NOW.

I was in love with with someone who just stopped calling, etc. and I know the shock of that.

You have thoughts of suicide....I hope you will call a suicide hotline; they know how to help, and can direct you to a good therapist. You feel your life is over....and you feel hopeless and helpless, but there IS help. I hope you will reach out and get it. You are worth it, dear friend.

Perhaps you might write her a letter (and send it) telling her of your feelings, etc....she probably will not respond, but the idea is to get your stuff OUT and where it her.....

Again, I hope you will call a suicide hotline. Getting better takes time.

I wish you (eventually.......)love.

Hugs, Rossal
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 65
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/13/2006 2:01:41 PM
Well some new faces on this one today!! Anyways, a couple of points here....Bobbill!! MY MAN!! GOOD CALL ON THE COUNTRY TUNES!

But a few that have made me get back on track:

"I Got a Brand New Girlfriend"- Steve Holy
"Plan B"- Keith Anderson (Highly Recommended)
"I'd Settle for a Slow Down"- Dierks Bentley
"I never saw her leavin' comin'"- Gil Grand

Now enough of that because, I could go on and on and on, and that's no good.

Second point to everyone thinking that Gator1331 here has to snap out of this... I'm not over mine, and I've done everything anyone can throw out there! I don't need to explain myself, because I already have earlier on, but even though people are happy with themselves, doesn't mean that at the end of the day, when the dust settles from your fun, that you're not allowed to miss someone. (keep in mind Gator1331 is "Venting" not whining) As a matter of fact, it's been over a year and half for me, and I know tonight when I'm out of town in a different city at an airport chalking my airplane, I know I'm gonna think of her... Suddenly my day will be put into perspective which really sucks, because I'll think of all of the good times, and the bad, and how I was maybe to blame... and then I'm going to call her... if she doesn't answer, I'll leave a message. I won't say much, but I'll say alot! Moments before I would have been flying!!!! ARE YOU ALL KIDDING ME!!! Life doesn't get better than that, and yet she still creeps up! Give the guy some slack here! For all of you people who are bent on statistics, here's one for ya. It takes twice as long as you were with someone to move on to the point you were at before you met them, provided of course that was a positive state.

One other thing I've noticed is that the people telling all of us to "grow up", "Get Over it!"'re all older... No offence intended, but didn't you ever have someone when you were younger that you just couldn't see past until the next person came along? Have you been hurt by that next person? Now here we all are...on an internet dating site...we're all the same! We're single. Anybody here think they're superior in being single and are therefore qualified to be rude!? I would think not.

Rower1... LETTERS ARE PHENOMINAL!! I think I've written at least a half dozen here and there, just to get it out. Amazing how much better it makes you feel!

Anyways, I'm headin' out. Away from the Internet...away from pretty girls... off to my happy place, where she will still creep up. Maybe on my own accord, or maybe I just need another three years because that's what the statistic says... So everyone take care, and play nice in the sandbox.
 Black Wasp
Joined: 3/12/2004
Msg: 66
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She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/13/2006 7:07:20 PM
In reply to the original poster... I know what you went through, and I know what you still feel too. Its real murder I know. Sometimes it is good to go through therapy. What is better, is if you talk with family a lot about it, or those that used to know her fairly well. You have to make yourself believe, that she is an empty person, who never really felt a certain way about you, they way you felt to her. she was missing that part, the true connection for love and careing. You didnt need to be folled like that, nor treated like that. Someone like her, does not deserve your feelings. Do your best to cut a piece of your heart out and throw it away. It's not love you know, it's just a curse that will only eat you up. She is poison.
Heal yourslef and be the man you know you are. You will find someone better, someone who is real. Your still pretty young.
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 67
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 12:47:21 PM

I meant for my 1st post to piss people off, people need to know sometimes that they are still alive, even though they think they they have already died..
What better way than through emotion...????

Ok being a woman myself and being in 2 long term relationships ..I have seen alot of good times and bad times...

For someone to pass on advice like yourself in such a manner shows not only that youre a bitter lady but it shows that you too have some growing up to do...

Mannerisms dont stop the moment you start typing in a forum they follow you through life...shame on you..and may you one day feel the pain as I am sure we all have- and am sure the next mate you find on here will be surely reading your comments on how to deal with pain within the relationship..Good Luck to you girl ,your going to need it.
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 68
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 1:44:27 PM
oh my god...thank you so much for what you said hypoxic....
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 69
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She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 2:02:46 PM

For someone to pass on advice like yourself in such a manner shows not only that youre a bitter lady but it shows that you too have some growing up to do...

Well you are certainly entitled to your opinion "lil", however, I am also entitled to mine. Just because you have read the OP differently than I, or perhaps even taken a different viewpoint, does not mean that you are right, and I am wrong. The forums are for posting to the OP however we see fit. If you don't like what I have to say, I guess that is your problem.
Next time I post to a forum, I will make sure that I get your opinion on what I am going to say First..

Have a nice day.
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 70
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 2:30:34 PM
Felanie your advice sucked and the proof is the the crap you are taking from others for it.

If you feel like it's ok for you to dish out hateful, spiteful advice, be prepared to receive the same from others.

It's called "KARMA". Do unto others as you would have done to you.

Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 71
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She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 4:47:32 PM
Ok, just to be fair, what are you doing with your responses???
ballet - you need to re-read my post - I think you missed the boat on that one...
jarbarian - perhaps you are right
What makes either of you think that coddling is the way to go when dealing with an issue???
I am just curious too, as to what kind of judgement you pass from reading 2 or 3 comments?
If you want to talk about narrow minded, and cruelty, or lack of compassion, I suggest you read a few more of my posts before you make any reference as to the kind of person I am. After all, it is what I did for the both of you.
Free-for-all... get your digs in... *shakes head*
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 72
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 4:55:55 PM

ROGER THAT!!! I mean let's be honest guys! I've looked through alot of these things tryin' to figure out my own issue and one thing is pretty clear. Guys seem to hurt a tad more than women...

That's a load of crap if I've ever heard it. Women hurt over important things like whether their kids and family are doing okay. They don't act like a big suck 'cause a relationship has ended. Blood is thicker than water, maybe guys should stop being so selfish and realize the world doesn't revolve around them; they might not feel such angst when their puny worlds crash in on them.
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 73
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 7:27:05 PM

You sound like a great guy. Now where can women meet nice guys like you.

Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 74
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/15/2006 7:38:37 PM
Thanks Nikita. You have to move to Orange County, California :)
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 75
She broke my heart and my mind (venting)
Posted: 8/16/2006 11:16:49 PM
WOW...ok mstoyo. I don't think anyone is being all to selfish here... I was merely saying that guys seem to feel down and out a little bit longer than women do. At least that's the perception I get. Personally I've had a couple of girlfriends who've decided to move on without me, and it seems that it happens with alot more ease than for guys. If it makes my statement easier for you to take, I'll say that I myself have noticed that I seem to take things harder than the women I've had in my life. Nobody ever said the world revolved around them, and the next time you think that you're the only one hurting over something, then quit hurting and realize that the man in your life is trying to fix things, instead of dwelling on them! Men after all are "Mr. Fix-it"
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