Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Poems And Quotes  > Pummeling      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 501
Snapshots: March 28, 2009Page 21 of 52    (12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52)
A 70 year old Chinese woman
from up the street
turns her head
to acknowledge my greeting:
Djo sawn!
Djo sawn!

And as she continues on her way
I note in the angle of her walk
the shy young girl she must have been.
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 502
Snapshots: March 28, 2009
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:43:57 PM
Simple to begin, culminating in a window opening into a grand perception. Nice.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 503
Snapshots: March 28, 2009
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:51:01 PM
Many thanks, sweet I.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 504
view profile
History
Snapshots: March 31, 2009
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:22:00 PM
my lunch break is over....
as I am gathering to leave the break room
I catch sight of her, having entered while my back was turned....
courageously and bravely I approach her, now with her back towards me,
I speak her name questioningly....
as she turns to meet me eye to eye
I ask if we can hug, afraid of what her reaction will be
for the other day we spoke too strongly....
to my great relief her eyes fill with light as she smiles warmly
her arms reaching round me
meeting me honestly with love as we hug
 lipotufu
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 505
Snapshots: March 31, 2009
Posted: 3/31/2009 7:06:25 PM
if we touch we are home.
if i touch myself i am home.
if i touch you i am home.
if you touch her you are home.
touch me.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 506
Snapshots: April 1, 2009
Posted: 4/3/2009 5:09:49 AM
I caught sight of a young man’s face
at The Mission, yesterday,
blind with self-pity
and rage.

An alcoholic since many years back
who kept trying
to try to try to quit:
booze, or life.

Volunteers swarmed around,
eager to talk him out of it,
as if they, or he,
knew what it was.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 507
Snapshots: April 3, 2009
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:12:41 AM

Sitting on a stone by the lake
Through the passing of Springs flowers.
Their sweet fragrance a reminder
Of their Beauty.

A duck lazily draws on the surface
circles of joys and sorrows and faiths
I can read the liquid crusades
Of my existence.

Sitting on a stone by the lake
I watch a bird flying so high.


Oh, how I love this! For the small, delicate strokes throughout, like the almost reticent brushtrokes of traditional Japanese watercolours, and especially for


I can read the liquid crusades
Of my existence.


And for those very quiet last two lines, so free of ego!
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 508
Snapshots: April 4, 2009
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:12:06 AM

Grand -mother of three
She was cheerfully leading the caravan
In the alley of the supermarket.
Spring vacation soon ending.

You could see she was the kind
Who compulsively caress the bottle.
Hers, wasn't a naturally round face.
Neither refined, nor attractive.

But to the children
She was a goddess.

Their origin
Their blood.
Their Cauldron .


Wonderful snapshot. I especially appreciate how it moves from the scrupulously observed exterior, to the assumption of the children's thoughts, and especially those deeply felt last three lines.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 509
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:29:00 AM
Wings, the preceding is captivating and with strong concrete images but I wish you hadn't clipped your lines so short. A relativly short line, in my way of reading, implies something dramatic or of heightened importance. One after the other kind of exhausts the significance of any of them.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 510
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:06:25 PM

Second Try, lol...
Just for you Alyosha :)


Before I express my point of view on this vs the previous version, suppose you tell us which version you prefer, and what you think are the relative merits of each?
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 511
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:58:29 PM

I like the second one better.
The 1st one is interesting (perhaps) only because it is a wierd conglomeration of words together in a dense fashion without much meaning. It is more like a stupid diatribe.

The second one is more fleshed out, like a longer complaint of life, that God can make some sense out of if He is still listening to my garbage, LOL!


Yes, I too prefer the revised version, mostly because there's so much more freedom in it, whereas in the first one you seemed to be enslaved by the form you had chosen. And there is so much more life in the way you move from the shorter lines to longer, more lyrical ones.


I have struggled with my belief in God and my set of convictions that stem from Faith for many years...


I on the other hand struggle with my UNbelief! But in either of our cases, it might be well to remember Yeats' observation: "Out of our quarrels with others, we make rhetoric. Out of our quarrels with ourselves we make poetry."
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 512
view profile
History
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:34:21 PM
^i really loved this latest write of yours....
yes....'truth (is) only found in naked eyes'
and through naked eyes too, i believe,
for only then are we free to see
and be seen truthfully
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 513
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:44:20 AM
I found so many striking lines and images here, that flow out of each other, that it's a shame to single any of them out but I was especially struck by these:


all it entails within

the machine of a hand's grasp...



I saw the grapes of wrath,

I saw the angels of despair,

I saw the frequently neither

here nor there



our hearts over shadowed the

heavens with each and every silly

caress...



we carried the luna of surprise,

the lunes of paradise...

but truth was only found in naked

eyes...............................................


Thank you!
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 514
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:46:47 AM

'truth (is) only found in naked eyes'
and through naked eyes too, i believe,
for only then are we free to see
and be seen truthfully


True, true... Reminds me of the wonderful epigram by E.M. Forster: "Only connect..."
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 515
Snapshots: April 7, 2009
Posted: 4/9/2009 11:48:21 PM
He never looked with any eyes
I trampled around him ..master of disrespect
that's me, I danced this tune, until his eyes came up
Zeroed, pinned me tight.
Step out of my hazardous path, he tersely spoke
then left.

lol.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 516
Snapshots: April 12, 2009
Posted: 4/12/2009 1:33:58 PM
A little girl,
hardly bigger than
a half-spent minute,
bursts suddenly into tears.
Her father, a lanky Khassid,
bends down
and wraps his arms
practically three times around her.
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 517
Snapshots: April 12, 2009
Posted: 4/12/2009 11:07:44 PM
So very fine. Should we all have experienced this special kind of affirmation.
especially appreciated... "hardly bigger than ..a half-spent minute, bursts suddenly into tears."
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 518
Snapshots: April 12, 2009
Posted: 4/13/2009 6:02:26 AM
Thank you so much, dear I., I viewed this from the window of my car but felt it as if I were there beside them, that little, little girl and her quite sudden (as it appeared to me) outburst and the immediate, whole-hearted attempt to comfort her.
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 519
Snapshots: April 12, 2009
Posted: 4/14/2009 11:50:54 PM
After your arms crept around me
I noticed forget -me -nots, sun was two times beyond noon.
As the surrender happened, I could not curse
The moments of agony
Liking the feeling of surrender
to...warm arms, warm heart, warm nurture.
Please walk me home.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 520
Snapshots: April 12, 2009
Posted: 4/15/2009 7:00:03 AM

After your arms crept around me
I noticed forget -me -nots, sun was two times beyond noon.
As the surrender happened, I could not curse
The moments of agony
Liking the feeling of surrender
to...warm arms, warm heart, warm nurture.
Please walk me home.


After the happy passion of most of the poem, there is something so deliciously ambiguous in that last line! Is she asking for a calm return (a walk rather than the storm that preceded it) to home - with him, the home she hopes they have found or made together, or...

Is she saying That was pleasurable but accompany me now to where I really belong?

The ambiguity is NOT in my view a fault in the poem but rather an occasion to go on thinking about it and wondering... conjecturing that even she is not sure which way she means that last line.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 521
Snapshots: April 15, 2009
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:02:31 AM
It’s funny
how you can be out walking
on Waverley on a bright, sunny day
and you say “Bonjour”
to a perfect stranger
and he responds “Bonjour”
that second syllable sounds like
What’s the point? What,
in God’s name,
was ever the point?
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 522
Snapshots: April 15, 2009
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:20:10 PM
Alyosha...this poem is wonderful. Wonderful. And....ummm..ambiguous?? I think when one writes, one is lost in the writing moment....the muse...the voice that calls you beyond and into an existence that approaches mysticism.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 523
view profile
History
Snapshots: April 17, 2009
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:18:34 AM
^^ wonderful words of moving thought
feeling overflowing like a gurgling stream
in the moment...completely...being...
even while reflecting in the past
you speak in the now...beautifully...
the reading brings a deeply grateful
feeling of serenity and tranquility
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 524
Snapshots: April 15, 2009
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:55:34 AM

Alyosha...this poem is wonderful. Wonderful. And....ummm..ambiguous?? I think when one writes, one is lost in the writing moment....the muse...the voice that calls you beyond and into an existence that approaches mysticism.


I'm not sure what you see as the ambiguity in this - although, of course, what I thought I heard in that man's "Bonjour" might very well have been a projection of my mood, but as to the "mysticism" it is surely what you say about being lost (or found?) in the moment of seeing... a letting go, as much as possible, of one's ego.
 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 525
Snapshots: April 18, 2009
Posted: 4/18/2009 7:17:09 AM
I shall affirm
the light, the day, this pebble
that lodged itself in my sandal
and obliged me to stop
here
at this particular station
of my cross
to notice this particular
mild-faced child
who rests his eyes a moment
on my face, then carries on,

having blessed me.
Show ALL Forums  > Poems And Quotes  > Pummeling