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 wwvandenhoek
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 82
what do you mean when you say no chemistryPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
actually you know what, I just realized I must be a expert in chemistry as I took it in grade 11 and 12 ;), Anyways, ya it didnt make any sense then and ....looks like it still doesnt, so, dont worry about it :) be happy

i love bob marley
 SparkintheDark
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 86
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:09:52 AM
For me... chemistry really is about an instant 'click' ... and it's pretty apparent if that click is there or not. I don't have to sit around and get to know someone. Click... for me, is more about attraction. Now, not to say I don't give things more of a chance with people who there was no click with... in fact, I had given things a chance with people who I wondered about. But after a date or two, if it wasn't still there, it just wasn't there.

Try not to take it too personally. Seriously. When the right woman comes along... you won't get that "no chemistry" email the next day :)
 MotleyGrrl
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 91
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/6/2006 5:56:24 AM
^^^^totally agree! you took my answer!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 94
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:33:27 AM

looks like everybody has a different take on this. what I still dont get is if there is attraction physically, you get along great, have a few laughs, end it with a kiss and she still says there is no chemistry im still lost as to what gives.


~OP~ Just my opinion and what has happened in my life, if you kissed her and then she responded that there was no chemistry ~ it probably meant that the kiss did nothing for her. That happens. I dated someone a couple of times that was an amazing guy. Handsome, intelligent, really funny ~ but the kiss doomed the whole thing. It was flat (for lack of a better word.) Nothing there. And the minute it was over, I knew we were friend material only. It's a feeling that you either get or you don't. That is the physical chemistry part for me. If I don't want to kiss him again ~ it's time to be pals.
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 100
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:59:33 PM
chemistry = attraction and it means you didn't elicit enough of it in her to make her want you. Sometimes, I elicit a lot of attraction in her....then drive her home...sorry, lady, I have a headache...
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 107
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/19/2006 6:49:40 PM
It is because you haven't met the RIGHT woman yet. It has nothing to do with how you look or your personality...is is all about that CLICK.

Your looks and personality etc are right for some women....you just haven't met them yet.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 108
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/19/2006 7:24:27 PM
Hey guys!!! no chemistry doesnt mean that the man dont have money!!! I have met some men that have plenty of money and mind you, they are so truthful telling me that he has plenty of money and to me its a turn off. I work hard to get what I want and dont need anyone to give me money or support me. No chemistry means no attraction and usually one find that out on the first meeting, that means too, that no more second date, thats the purpose of meeting in person. why is it that most guys thinks that all women are gold diggers?
that hurts on our part. Please !!! know what kind of woman you dating first before you judge us.
 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 110
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/21/2006 7:58:23 PM
No chemistry means something is missing, it can be lack of physical attraction, not enough interests in common, different lifestyles or values as well as status in the community. Not being well groomed, poor communication skills, a sloppy dresser, being cheap, oh there are so many things, either you connect with someone, or you don't. My daughter and I have a list of 10 things we look for, and if 8 out of 10 are there, you might have a chance, but a score of less than 7, uhuh, it just aint gonna happen, forget about it.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 117
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:15:46 AM
it means that when you were together...something didn't "click" for them...move on dman...I asked the same question a few weeks ago and your getting told the same thing...even tho I may think my date and I are hitting it off, he is thinking elsewhere...only thing that surprises me, is why do they say "I will call you" then send you an email saying the "chemistry" wasn't there....people say they don't believe in "love at first sight" but I think the chemistry thing is right along the same lines....if the sparks arnt flying and I am not head over heels then the "chemistry" isn't there...BS!!!! Now if I go on a date and the conversation is great and we are enjoying each others company then, to me, that means we are getting along and that maybe the "chemistry" will evolve...guess I am too old-fashioned and believe in being fair....but you know what..thats ok..cuz I know there is someone out there who feels the same as I do...I just keep on keepin' on!! Good luck dman and have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 120
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:07:14 PM
If a man says there is no chemistry he means if a woman is the last woman on Earth he still would never want to have sex with her. (my .02 worth).
 C-Lo25
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 123
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 2:32:30 AM
I honestly think that its just a generic excuse that people (men and women) give so they dont have to be brutally honest. They dont want to feel guilty for potentially hurting the other individuals feelings because they are probably not interested in you because of something that is very superficial. At least you get that much though. Ive dated a few women on PoF and the date will go great then ill never hear anything from them again. I just say "their loss!!" If a woman doesnt want to take the time to get to know me then thats too bad for them. Alot of people are never satisfied so they continually seek the next best thing. You also have the types that are only interested in superficial characteristics. (Those are the ones that constantly complain about dating jerks and douchebags. .. Haha!) Personally, im satisfied with a woman not wasting my time with multiple dates if she feels there is no "chemistry"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 128
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 8:01:20 AM
Going to a web site that's full of people with failed relationships is the worst place to ask about chemistry. Everyone here at some point had that special chemistry that made them think they found their perfect partner for life. Then at some point, reality kicked in and realized that the chemistry was a delusional, childish state of mind. But some people don't learn from past mistakes or refuse to grow up and a lot of the women are still looking for their mystical knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and take them to the fairy tale land of total perfection and men are looking for the perfect wife who doesn't get fat and is always sexy looking.

So personality, compatibility, common interests and goals in life are tossed aside if there isn't instant chemistry within the first millisecond of meeting someone. Then these people looking for perfection start whining "How come there aren't any good men/women out there?"
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 129
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 8:16:59 AM
The problem with the word 'chemistry' is that it means something different to everyone. If you read all of this thread as well as others on the topic, you'll find people that insist:
1. Chemistry is all about physical attraction
2. Chemistry is about looks
3. Chemistry is the 'spark' when you get along well
4. Chemistry is the combination of compatibilities (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) plus physical attraction
5. etc.

So each person who says there's 'chemistry' or not will be meaning something different.

True compatibility will spark attraction eventually if not initially. Msg 79 had it exactly right:


Chemistry involves a deep desire to want to be with someone physically because they stimulate you in every way possible.

And one final thought: interviews with people who stayed married long-term showed that both spouses truly believed their spouse was a good person. You can't figure out if you're truly compatible and if somebody's truly a good person on one date!

If someone passes on you after one date, either something you've said or done has indicated to them that there's some fundamental incompatibility (for instance, if someone makes a bigoted comment, that's an instant deal-breaker for me), or else they're dumb enough to believe that 'chemistry' can be detected instantly or not at all. In either case, you don't need them in your life!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 131
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 10:58:42 AM

We don't like the way you smell, or look, or talk to us, or talk about your former loves, or family,,,, basically we don't like the way you make us feel. Something is just off, and we can't always put our finger on it, so we call it chemistry.


While I never use the term 'no chemistry', the quote above comes the closest to mirroring my concept about what the term 'chemistry' means. I'm usually able to put my finger on the reason(s) why I don't think someone is compatible with me. It's often something about their personality that I pick up on---such as giving off a vibe that they might be controlling.
 4rumOnly
Joined: 5/27/2010
Msg: 132
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 11:54:51 AM

ok, so I have been on here for a few months now and I have met some really nice women. I have yet to have a "bad date" They have all been really nice, intelligent, lots going on for them. We get along great, go for a cpl drinks, laugh, everything seems to all be going great. Even have ended the night with a kiss on occasion. Then the next day or two I get the email saying sorry no chemistry. Someone please explain this one to me. What does chemistry mean to you?


It means I didn't feel a romantic connection. It may have been a nice date.
We may have shared laughs and whatnot, but the romantic connection just
wasn't there. For most ppl, I think romantic connection includes: physical,
intellectual & emotional connection. Some can even take it to spiritual
level of connection too.

You could have had a great time, carried an interesting conversation and
even shared humor BUT it could have been they were not physically
attracted to you. Harsh but true.


Perhaps it was more of a friendly-chemistry they had with you than
anything. Try not to read too much into it. We simply cannot expect to be
everyone's cup of tea. Be glad you had a nice date. If it doesn't lead to
anymore dates, its not the end of the world. Its just one more date closer
to meeting another that might be the one for you!

 C-Lo25
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 133
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/10/2010 11:13:18 AM
I agree 100%!!! People are out there looking for all the wrong things and they always say things like "where are all the good men/women?" Some people are looking for a lasting relationship with that gorgeous man or woman with the perfect body and aren't really concerned with looking for whats needed to make a relationship last.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 136
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/11/2010 3:51:17 AM
Chemistry is much, much deeper than spark. You can't have true chemistry on the first date. In those situations, what you think is chemistry is actually just spark (a combination of lust and infatuation). Spark is that instant physical attraction to another person compounded with the infatuation you feel when you want to get to know them more - and thus can't stop thinking about them.

Chemistry on the other hand is only achieved after you've spent time with the person and have gotten to know them for who they really are. By sharing in-depth conversations about topics other than your favorite movie or dream vacation getaway.

Spark can be one sided - chemistry is mutual. You can't have chemistry with someone who doesn't reciprocate the interest, attraction or desire to be you.

Chemistry is a deeper desire to be with someone, getting along, sharing similar interests, being able to communicate equally and effectively, understanding each other, and so forth. All spark tells you is that the other person turns you on enough you could bang them a couple of times.

It really takes an inexperienced person to not understand the difference between the two (spark and chemistry).
 handrelief
Joined: 6/24/2010
Msg: 138
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 10/29/2010 8:24:29 AM
I can hardly pay my bills, but I wouldn't expect a woman to do that for me. In theory, love (or whatever one wishes to call it) is supposed to surpass money.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 140
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2011 10:33:45 PM
It means that I don't want to have sex with you.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 141
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/12/2011 2:22:05 PM
What Gwendolyn said. If I can't imagine having sex with you at any time in the future, there's no point in dating you. (Although it's nice when there's enough mutual "friend chemistry" to pursue that form of a relationship.)


this is woman speak for you don't do anything for me and never will. i wouldn't worry about it too much though. live your life, be successful, and then you can sit back and laugh at them for wasting their life over an unemployed alcoholic.


Seems like you're projecting there just a tad...bitter, much?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 142
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/12/2011 7:49:33 PM

this is woman speak for you don't do anything for me and never will. i wouldn't worry about it too much though. live your life, be successful, and then you can sit back and laugh at them for wasting their life over an unemployed alcoholic.


Ya know, I have said "no chemistry" to MANY men, yet I am not wasting my life over anyone who is unemployed and/or an alcoholic; indeed, I am not wasting my life over anything or anyone.
 adamni
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 143
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:54:11 AM
What if you don't have any chemistry about you at all. How do you get it? I've now been on over 15 dates over the past 3 months, a couple from here and alot from match, and all have said there is no chemistry. I need to be a chemical, how can I be a chemical?

I must admit, I am an expert now at taking rejection, I simply laugh it off, but 15 dates - the number is getting high, and I try different types of girls too.

But I must admit, in my opinion, chemistry should be nurchured, and takes more than one date
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 144
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:12:06 AM
The word "chemistry" = "physical attraction"

In fact, most catch phrases used in online dating (or dating in general), is often code for "physical attraction".
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