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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why do Single mothers push men away?      Home login  
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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 51
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Why do Single mothers push men away?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

There are two kinds of nice guys. The first is the nice guy who would be great as a spouse of someone without kids, or the spouse of someone with really young kids (age 5 and under). The second is a nice guy who also knows how to handle people in general, who understands how kids think and won't let himself get walked over and won't let kids push his buttons while at the same time genuinely liking kids and capable of winning them over. This would be a guy with direct experience at dealing with older kids. Guys who were once step kids themselves or guys that work with kids for a living or guys that looked after kids a lot growing up or volunteered a lot with kids such as coaching.



Apparently you haven't dealt with American inner city(ghetto) youth. They will walk over you, try to trip you down the stairs, and then try to sue you for looking at them wrong. One of the reasons I went from teaching to being a cop. At least, I can now trip the little **stards back!
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 52
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/9/2019 12:26:05 AM
Lol, I used to be a youth worker. Worked in a group home for young offenders. I was actually good at that job until the manager changed and suddenly I was being asked to do handcrafts with the kids at the kitchen table instead of letting them watch Netflix or play video games. The kids respected me and did their chores for me and completed their homework and stuff when I was there because I actually let them have downtime and I gave them a certain amount of freedom. But the manager began implementing all kinds of ideas she probably got out of some text book for working with kids. She totally couldn't understand why the kids wouldn't cooperate with her "great" ideas. And when I got written up for not going along with the new manager's system, I was forced to follow it and the kids started rebelling on me. Made me start to hate my job so I eventually quit to work with old people. It is such a different demographic.
 rnyc
Joined: 4/20/2019
Msg: 53
Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/12/2019 8:40:03 PM
I hate to say this, but before you date a single mother is best to know and ask why and how she became a single mother. It might tell you alot. should you stick around or run for the hills?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 54
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/13/2019 8:27:47 AM
Hmmm. You might not get honesty though. Just like when a woman asks a guy why he's not with his baby mama. You are always gonna get a version which makes him look better.

My reason for becoming a single mother: I got pregnant before I got to know someone and stayed with him, not out of love but because I thought I was doing the right thing. And I had two more kids with him because I was always optimistic everything would turn out in the end and we could be a happy nuclear family living in a nice house. I think going through so much turmoil in my own childhood, dealing with my parents' chaotic relationships, including their own and subsequent second marriages which failed, caused me to really want to make things work with the father of my child. Now I worry that I'm dooming my own kids to unhappy relationships when they get older.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 55
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/13/2019 10:13:34 AM

I hate to say this, but before you date a single mother is best to know and ask why and how she became a single mother. It might tell you alot. should you stick around or run for the hills?


I think a lot of people ignore the red flags if they really like someone. That happened to me. If you ask about their past, you just get answers like: "We were just careless" "It just happened", etc. People are careful when they cross the street but not as careful with pregnancy in general which is sad. I can't believe how many times I see women posting things on social media like: "I'm pregnant again!" when they're not even in a relationship with anyone and had a one nighter with their ex or a random guy. You really need a friend or someone to give you a reality check when you're really into someone. The same thing with long distance relationships and other barriers. It's fine to date single mothers but you have to be aware that those relationships are way different from a childless relationship. I won't date anyone with baby rabies either.
 Carrolllll5858
Joined: 3/14/2016
Msg: 56
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/13/2019 7:22:28 PM
The single mothers around here where I live seem to not get passed or haven’t been able to move on from the ex. And I don’t get upset being the father is the father but, it sucks when the mothers come on pof and write how they want love or something long term and then turn around to go back to their ex whether they lead you on or not.

Again that’s around where I’m at, idk about everyone else here
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 57
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/13/2019 8:26:27 PM
It's guys too on here that aren't over an ex. The problem is, most of the newbies to pof have just broken up with someone, that's why they are on here. Most of the guys on pof that have been on long are either bitter, weird or have some other reason why they are still single , either that or they are guys that are just looking to play catch-and-release. And from what I've seen, any guy even reasonably dateable gets snapped up fast. In my geographic area I seem to have talked to all the guys at least once and it is exciting when a newbie comes on.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 58
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/14/2019 9:20:11 PM

It's guys too on here that aren't over an ex. The problem is, most of the newbies to pof have just broken up with someone, that's why they are on here. Most of the guys on pof that have been on long are either bitter, weird or have some other reason why they are still single , either that or they are guys that are just looking to play catch-and-release. And from what I've seen, any guy even reasonably dateable gets snapped up fast. In my geographic area I seem to have talked to all the guys at least once and it is exciting when a newbie comes on.


I don't think that's true for all guys. "Some" guys that have been single for a long time may be weird but I've been single for over a year but it's because I'm looking for certain qualities this time around and I would prefer to date someone my age. Not settling is a good quality.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 59
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/15/2019 1:37:34 AM
The "not settling" part is the hard part to figure out though. I was so close to deleting my profile today. For the last 4 and a half months I've been avoiding the dating side of pof, I have just been coming on to the forums. The longer I stay off the more I wonder what's the point of going back on...To make an idiot of myself? To hurt myself by exposing myself to rejection? To chase an unrealistic dream of finding a guy to be my partner in life? Because I know that I don't want to settle for a guy who makes me feel bad about myself or doesn't love me or isn't kind or isn't attractive to me. And if I won't settle, that pretty much forces me to be alone. If I was thin and beautiful, then I could imagine I could find the type of guy I'm looking for, but I'm not. To a lot of guys I am not desirable because I have kids. And I definitely won't settle for someone I am not completely into because I don't want to do that to my kids because it would only end up in a breakup.I started crying actually tonight while scanning my Facebook, I'm so pathetic. I'm tired of seeing all the happy families with both parents around them and I think about how I am never going to have that. It really sucks. I don't want to be alone but I think I have to let go of this foolish notion of ever getting to fall in love with someone who loves me back.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 60
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/15/2019 10:14:17 AM

The "not settling" part is the hard part to figure out though. I was so close to deleting my profile today. For the last 4 and a half months I've been avoiding the dating side of pof, I have just been coming on to the forums. The longer I stay off the more I wonder what's the point of going back on...To make an idiot of myself? To hurt myself by exposing myself to rejection? To chase an unrealistic dream of finding a guy to be my partner in life? Because I know that I don't want to settle for a guy who makes me feel bad about myself or doesn't love me or isn't kind or isn't attractive to me. And if I won't settle, that pretty much forces me to be alone. If I was thin and beautiful, then I could imagine I could find the type of guy I'm looking for, but I'm not. To a lot of guys I am not desirable because I have kids. And I definitely won't settle for someone I am not completely into because I don't want to do that to my kids because it would only end up in a breakup.I started crying actually tonight while scanning my Facebook, I'm so pathetic. I'm tired of seeing all the happy families with both parents around them and I think about how I am never going to have that. It really sucks. I don't want to be alone but I think I have to let go of this foolish notion of ever getting to fall in love with someone who loves me back.


I tried dating a single mother and it wasn't really my thing. Some people can handle it and some can't. Dating is just as hard for childless guys like me as we really have to put ourselves out there and make the first contact or approaching in person. Anyone can be thin, it just takes some work. I don't have a perfect body but I'm working hard to be healthy and have a good figure. Pretty much everyone around me has a partner as well. The women in their 20's, 30's and 40's that aren't taken are usually alcoholics or crazy in some other way. I imagine the same goes for the men. Don't ask me where to meet people though because I really have no idea. I've tried just about everything I could think of.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 61
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Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 5/15/2019 12:01:08 PM

Anyone can be thin, it just takes some work.


These words continue to infuriate, frustrate and sadden me because people who say them are clueless about just how hard it is for some people. I try extremely hard to have a good diet and remain physically fit but at the moment I weigh 202.2. I continue to yo-yo between 195 and 210. I am sure that if I ate a normal average diet for most people and exercised a normal average amount, I would weigh over 250. Women in my family just tend to weigh a lot. Women in my family are tall and thin like pencils until they hit 17 or so then suddenly we balloon. It's genetics. Yes, I could probably get to be thin if I became anorexic or if I followed a really complicated scientific diet (basically quit enjoying food at all) and exercised constantly but that would start to make life a tad unenjoyable plus make it hard for my kids to be around me so I won't go to those extremes. My goal is to just live as healthfully as I can but retain enjoyability. Also, I think that if I managed to get down to my goal weight, it might be extremely difficult to obtain and if I did meet a guy at a thin weight I would always be stressed out and anxious trying to keep that weight so I wouldn't lose him. The truth of things are that I need to be ok with my current weight and any guys that date me have to accept it too.

People who have never struggled with weight are absolutely clueless about how difficult it is for people that do struggle with weight. Absolutely yes, some people can lose a ton of weight and keep it off. But there have been studies that have shown that roughly a third of men and about half of women who weigh a lot are genetically pre-disposed for it and their bodies work against becoming a thin weight. I have a thyroid issue that causes a lot of problems for my metabolism. Its just something I know. When I was in my senior year of high school, I played on the rugby and soccer teams and I suddenly started gaining a lot of weight. I went from 138 pounds to 178 pounds in 3 months and lost a lot of energy and felt tired a lot. I had a family history for hypothyroidism so I got tested for it and sure enough that was the problem. I went on meds too. And ever since it has been an uphill battle. When I had my kids, with each pregnancy my weight went up. From July 2017 to August 2018, while changing up a lot of things and getting into a good regiment of diet and exercise, I lost 41 pounds. It was a lot of work but with each month the weight came more slowly off. Winter sets me back because my metabolism and energy gets worse so I regain some weight. Now, with a lot of work, I can maybe lose weight and keep it off at a rate of 2 pounds in 3 months. Last year at the end of August I was at 197 and by the end of this August I hope to get to 194. Yes that's only 5 pounds year to year and at that rate I will be at my goal weight of 162 by the time I am 43.
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