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 Chippy2
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 25
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
When I first split with my ex wife 12 years ago, she called me her best friend, but I came to realise I did not know her and her deepest thoughts at all, now she is a total stranger to me in every sense of the word. I recognize the physical form, but the person inside is completely unknown to me, even after spending 17 years with her.

With a couple of my ex girlfriends in the later years, the friendship has grown afterwards, because we did, and do care about each others feelings. We also respect each other for who we are and the honesty within our "relationship" to each other.

This is why I say yes and no.
 IdoAllmyOwnStunts
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 27
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 12/11/2006 5:28:18 AM
OF COURSE! ..........as long as i get to hold the remote
 michael4957
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 29
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:49:41 AM
yes I believe it is possible to remain friends
 Krimiariver
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 35
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 8/7/2007 6:33:56 AM
One of my best friends is an old girlfriend of maybe 15 years ago. We were and are friends, and there was sex, but ultimately we both had the good sense to realize that we would not be good together. How many people actually have a sense that things would not be right, only to get married and divorced with all of its incumbent hurts several years (or kids) later? To this day if we visit each other's homes, we stay there, even though she has been married for 9 years and I am single (that's about honor and trust). If either of us needs anything, all we need to do is to ask the other.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 40
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:30:48 PM
Yes you can and I have and we are still friends till this day and its been over ten years
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 50
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/14/2011 9:17:15 AM
Most of my female friends that I would consider to be -good- friends are the ones that I've had sex with. I think it was helpful that the sort of mystery of sex wasn't "on the brain" anymore. In a sense (at least for my particular circumstance) it relieved the tension. The other nice thing about it was that when they were between relationships, I had sometimes been turned into the designated dial-a-fvck.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 51
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/14/2011 10:04:22 AM
I think it's usually over-simplifying things to distinguish "just sex" from emotional attachment. I'm sure there are exceptions, but for a lot of us there's always affection involved. Maybe a few minutes of one-point contact--if that's really all you want--is just sex. But kissing, whispering, undressing each other, exploring, and fondling for hours, spending the night in and out of each other's arms? That's a whole different thing, and it can be very intense and intimate. After experiencing that even a couple times, if you also like each other in non-sexual ways, you may not be able to spend time together without feeling like more than friends. If you can't be in love, sometimes it's better for you both to go your separate ways.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 53
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/14/2011 10:28:43 PM
yes as long as feelings are not involved ( which most cases there are a little ugly word we like to call JEALOUSY ).
 4asongkc
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 55
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/16/2011 10:24:49 AM
Once again, it's not an exact science. Everybody's different. There are no right or wrong answers.

@Todreamandbelieve: You are absolutely right, women (not always, but more often than not) will tend to be more emotionally affected by "crossing that line" than guys.
We're just wired different, there's no good guy or bad guy there.

@Somvara: absolutely correct, that it is to a great degree, about emotional maturity. It's not a contract or an obligation to each other once that's happened. You're consenting adults, obviously there's a mutual sexual attraction going on. And not a thing wrong with that. It SHOULDN'T change your relationship, although if you wind up falling in love with each other as a result, there's nothing wrong with that, either.

I'm friends to this day with a woman who I was friends with first, became lovers briefly, and remained friends afterwards. We've known each other for 25 years now, have both been through marriages and divorces, both have children. I've been FWB's with a couple of other gals who I've since lost touch with (nobody's fault, it was all good).

Interestingly enough, THOSE are arguably some of the best relationships I've ever had with women, because there are/were no strings attached; either direction.
Do I love them one bit less? Absolutely not. I am still friends with a woman who I've regarded as the love of my life, and the lover of my life as well. That took 25 years as well to finally reach that point! But I'm happy to say that we are truly "there".

@Marnie71: I promise this is not directed at you personally, but WTF is up with being furious with the guy whom you see as just having an agenda? He never treated you any differently, one way or another. He was your friend, unconditionally. So he was secretly crazy about you. Why is that a crime?

I want to understand that, sincerely. I confessed my feelings to a woman who was my former boss. I genuinely considered her a friend, someone whom I trusted with info that I didn't say to just anyone. I believed she felt the same way. I was already convinced that she didn't have the same romantic feelings, which is the main reason I'd never breathed a word to her about it. And that was OK! I was being a big boy about it, for crying out loud. We'd worked together for 13 years, before she moved on. Not once during our tenure together did she ever know a thing about my feelings. Whether it was against company policy or not, there's no way I was going to cross that line at our jobs. Not a chance. In fact, I didn't confess to her how I felt about her until a year AFTER she left her job. She reacted the same way as you. I've never seen her since.

I say all of this, Marnie, because I've forgotten how many times I've read women's sentiments on this site who want to "find their best friend", as well as their lover, soulmate, etc., etc., etc.. You had the brass ring in your hands, and you threw it away??? I'll take furious over disappointed and bewildered, any day, Marnie. What is up with that, anyway?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 56
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Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/16/2011 12:01:21 PM

bullielover62:
I have found that penile insertion changes things, whereas just playing around, maybe some backdoor action and a dildo being inserted into the vagina by the guy, instead of his real thang, keeps things at a level women can handle.


Now that is some post. (Wiping sweat from brow).

I don't believe I have ever gone that far, and not gone all the way. Maybe I'm not as experienced as I thought I was?

Yes, perhaps it's time I went back to school for some "advanced studies".....
 luv2 holdu
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 58
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:56:46 PM
Hello:

It depends on the situation. If both agree to decide to stop the sexual relationship then I can see it as working out, but if one person still wants the sex and the other person doesn't want to have sex any longer then it probably won't work out.

I left lovers after two years of having sex them when they found religion and stopped wanting to **** a married man.

I still love them, but I couldn't be friends with them any longer.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 63
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/16/2011 8:11:21 PM

In my world my feelings run parallel with my desire...Just because you want something, doesn't make it right to leap at it


This is the major difference between men and women. Men take a logical approach to sex: "I'm horny and she's horny, so we should have sex and everybody is happy and satisfied."

Women let their ever changing hormones do their thinking instead of using their gray matter between their ears, which many times causes more problems to any situation because women over-think every situation. Women are saying to themselves: "I'm horny and I know he's horny, but I must come up with a thousand reasons why we shouldn't have sex and come up with another thousand why we should have sex, and I must psycho-analyze every reason for and against having sex before making any decision. It's so confusing."

It reminds me of cartoon characters who have a tiny angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other shoulder, and the one is saying "Go ahead and do it." and the other is saying "Don't do it. You'll be sorry", which totally confuses the issue.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 64
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/16/2011 9:05:03 PM
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?

Of course they can be friends............as long as they don't sexually abuse one another!



But what happens if they want to sexually abuse one another?

Answer....well then they can't be friends, simple as that.
 mr.nike
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 65
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 6/17/2011 12:12:26 PM
Thats called gropping .
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 66
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/11/2011 10:09:44 AM
This is something I'm wondering myself lately. . .just ended a relationship with someone I was dating for a couple of months. Most of his friends are women he's dated. The thing is, I think this can only work if both parties have no hope of the relationship restarting, no residual feelings, and that there is no desire on from either side to have sex with the other person again. Other than that, I don't see how it can work. I think if there was a friendship existing previously before dating/the relationship it's possible, but more difficult if it jumped straight to being a relationship, and there was no prior friendship beforehand.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 67
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/11/2011 10:57:52 AM
I think theres a variety of reasons many might genuinely believe this couldnt happen after sex the most common ones seeming to be

1. To a lot of people the "modern" thing to do when you stop having any form of relationship with them seems to be to cut off all ties and contact with them thereafter and carry on like they never existed. Which bizarrely seems to be very common even when kids were produced during the relationship

2. And possibly the most common one, they werent actually "friends" before or during whatever type of relationship they were having, they just interacted as a prelude or stocking filler inbetween rutting sessions

3. They cant be friends with anyone they have had sex with because its what they have been brought up to believe is what you "should" do

4. They dont want the fact they still talk to any ex's putting new conquests off

5. Theyre not completely over them

6. They have a tendency to shag anyone if drunk enough and want to avoid that risk with someone they've already nailed

7. What IMO is "odd" views or issues pertaining to sex, mostly overly romanticised ones or people who live their lives by social expectations and indoctrinations of how people "should" be and what/how theyre supposed to think, feel, act and react in given situations rather than just being their own person and doing what they want



I have a few very good friends that either in a relationship or as a one off I've nailed in the past, But where we had either had, or been building some degree of friendship before that happened or where the friendship grew during or even after the rutting period

At the same time though, the majority of women I've either dated or slept with werent really much more than acquaintences anyway. Or in the case of more casual or functional interactions werent that far above being strangers in any real sense of actually "knowing" someone

I think a lot of people nowadays have a tendency to use the word "friend" for people they barely know. And will even try to apply mindsets that only belong in an actual friendship to the interaction from the get go.

So although they would say they didnt maintain the "friendship" what theyre really talking about is a superficial veneer that is really an acquaintence labelled incorrectly as a friend
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 68
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/11/2011 11:40:29 AM
This is an interesting question, and being a woman who can do this with certain friends and certain other friends, anyhow, here’s my take on it.

1. I am friends with my ex-husband.
2. I am not friends with my ex boyfriend.
3. I am not friends with this guy I dated after my ex-boyfriend above.

I do not want to be friends with this new friend in my life that wants to have benefits while being my friend. I do not want to have the benefits; I just want to be his friend. He wants it both ways. So, I stay away from him! People like this have no self control and need to visit places that offer those services.

My ex-boyfriend (see #2), does not want to be my friend, which I don’t understand why other than the fact is he is in love with me and wants more than just being friends. Too bad actually, because I know that we are better off as friends then boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s his loss, but I don’t think about it.

Doctor Seuss is in my head. Lol… 1, 2, 3…

So to answer the question, it really depends on the emotions of the individual parties.
For some people being friends after their relationship crashed and burned, can’t deal with the fact that in all reality they should have just been friends in the beginning. One or the other person is still “in love”, while the other is not “in love”. Sometimes it’s better to never cross the line between friendship and a POSSIBLE love connection, because after a time, it turns out not to be a love connection, and time spent sometimes can be a loss.

So the other that is still “in love” will refuse a “friendship” after the fact. While the other that is “not in love” can offer the friendship, because they don’t have deep emotions for that person other than a friendship emotion.

What you got with your problem is; she has more feelings for love then you have for her. That’s the problem, so she CAN’T be your friend until she grows up and realizes that love has to go both ways for a relationship to be real.

This has nothing to do with her thinking you are attractive, because she does think you're attractive! She just doesn't want to be your door mat at night, or your booty call when no one else is around, and that is what she is afraid of, or she just can't deal with having feelings for you and seeing you as just a friend.

Don’t worry, there are other fishes in the sea who can be friends after the relationship is over.

Take Care.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 69
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/11/2011 12:18:33 PM
I do believe men and women can be friends after having sex. It's happened to me. I had FWB's and i am still friends with them. You just gotta put it in your mind that it's just sex and nothing else.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 70
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 10/11/2011 12:20:43 PM
Its a bit like sharing a pizza with someone really innit lol

(but hopefully with fewer bits of pineapple, mushroom or ham and way less cheezy tasting)
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 71
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/29/2012 5:11:27 PM
I think they can, but both of them have to accept that nothing is going to happen beyond the friendship phase, and have no hope of it.
I've recently tried being friends with an ex boyfriend. .it's funny how it worked out. Ironic, really. He broke up with me. .twice. .then we try being friends, but everytime we meet, I somehow get the sense that he wants more. We hang out by grabbing a bite to eat in public places, but after months of trying to be just friends, he comes clean, and says he wants to get back together. By this time, I have already moved on, having dated one person for some time, and gone on several dates after dating that person didn't pan out. I'm no longer attracted to him in that way, and just have friendly feelings. I guess he was holding out hope that my feelings hadn't changed. So now, once I made it clear that I wasn't interested, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Friends was just code for "I hope she finds me irresistible again, and wants to sleep with/date me" :(
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 74
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/30/2012 6:13:29 AM
,
I truly think if you are both involved in a truly deep meaningful longterm relationship where when yo are away from each other you have feelings about her and she you at different times while apart, then you have true love for each other. i truly feel the act of sex between two loving adults s the most beautiful thing in the world.
yes, i beliee it increases the bond between both of you, it blends the bond whichcan only be broken when one or the other begin to look in other directions.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 75
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/30/2012 7:32:35 AM
The trouble with the phrase "having sex" is that it means different things to different people. If it refers to a detached, passionless kind of experience, I think a lot of people probably could stay friends afterwards, because they never became much more than that. But the more passionate and intimate and erotic you are with each other, and the more satisfying the experience is, the harder it is to say where sex ends and love begins. And the harder, afterwards, to forget about all that when you're together.
 raid_on_me
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 78
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/30/2012 5:21:35 PM
Yes, I am pretty much best friends with my son's father. I think it really depends on the maturity of the people involved. A lot of people can easily step back and see that their ex SO is pretty much a nice, honest person but it didn't work out for them. I don't think it could work out if an ex SO was a liar and secretive.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 80
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WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 1/31/2012 9:34:30 AM
I think so, depending on the people involved. Not everyone can handle being a friend after sex. I am friends with a few ex-lovers. They are great guys, but for various reasons the romantic part didn't work out. I think it also depends on how the romantic or sexual part of the relationship ends. I am not friends with every man I have slept with, some because I found out they weren't someone I would want as a friend and others because they couldn't go back to being just friends.
 ridddder82
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 81
WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:04:46 PM
Doesn't it depend how the relationship started or ended to see if a friendship can follow?

I mean I became friends with a woman who I wan't really attracted towards, who threw herself at me, and we did some naked play, but not sex. Afterwards when I wanted to remain friends she barely talks to me cause I rejected her in a way. So I see that friendship not lasting. However, I have many ex girl friends whom I am still friends because the relationship was a mutual split, and we ended on a good note. We were friends in the begining, and are still friends now.

The only ex girlfriends who are not friends are the ones who hurt me a lot, or were unreasonably cruel, manipulative or needy. One must decide at the time of breakup if you want to move on, or if losing that connection is positive or negative. Granted new girl friends get very jealous of old girl friends, and you will always have those things to deal. However, some people are more mature than others, and can cope with the emotional feelings in a more adult way. Everyone is different, and it is better to not beat yourself up about their inability to handle the situation, being an adult doesn't always mean people act like one. Nuff said.....
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