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 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 12
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lonely within a relationshipPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Been there, done that, and yeah, it's the worst. If I'm going to be lonely, I'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely with someone else. At least if I'm lonely by myself, I can do something about it. Although, I have to say that I've gotten to a point where 90% of the time, I don't feel lonely when I'm by myself. The other 10% . . . that's tougher. :P
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 9/9/2006 6:14:45 PM

Thank you, your post have made me feel a little less alone. He and I have been together for nine months. We don't talk. He used to look forward to talking to me on yahoo before he would come over for the night, now he doesn't answer my messages but still comes over. We spend no time together outside of the bedroom and I am getting frustrated. He just ignores anything that might look like confrontation, even if is just conversation about serious stuff. I want love but as long as I wait for him to decided how he feels I am left alone and lonely. I am really beginning to think I am waisting my time.
The saddest thing about reading that is the part about waiting for him to decide how he feels. I hope you've decided how you feel and act on that. It's not that how he feels isn't important, but if you've been together awhile and you have to wait to know how he feels, he isn't being honest and communicating with you.
Relationships like life are dynamic, they don't survive without movement. Not always forward, but if they stagnate, death is imminent. I have been where you are, in a lifeless marriage where I felt like I was constantly trying to give it CPR. You can't breathe life into something that's dead. The most alone I ever felt was being married to someone and more alone that I'd ever been. I'll never be there again, won't allow that to happen.
You don't talk....if both partners aren't feeding the relationship, giving it the life sustaining time and attention needed to keep it alive and flourishing, then it's already dead. No relationship can exist without communication.
I'm sorry this is where you're at, OP and hope that you understand what I said was only to help you.
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 16
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 9/9/2006 7:08:28 PM
Superbly Moving, great poem!

I was loneliest when I was married. Now I'm alone, but not lonely. I have lots of friends and no one is b!tching when I spend time with them, or making me choose....
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 27
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 9/11/2006 11:51:58 AM
three rules to avoid being lonely in a realtionship

1 Communicate
2 Communicate
3 Communicate
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 34
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 9/11/2006 6:40:55 PM
I haven't read the other posts yet, but for me that is the worst kind of loneliness there is, to be with someone and feel completely alone and lonely. I perfer being alone completely rather than be with someone and be lonely.Reminds me of the song. "sleeping single in a double bed". It is much worse sleeping "alone" in a double bed with your partner right there beside you. It is like being hungry and we just aren't sure what we are hungry for. No matter what we eat, we still feel hungry. Same thing with sleeping with someone and being lonely. No matter what is done, nothing takes that emptiness inside away. For me, the thing I most long for is the intimacy and the more the other person seems incapable of providing it, the lonlier I become. I perfer to be alone anyday over being with the wrong person and having that empty, sick feeling of lonliness.
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 40
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 9/23/2006 10:24:15 AM
I just read your message ... that sucks ... I know because I experience it myself ... Feeling not wanted is bad and it makes you feel like crap ... The way I think about it is you live once and if you don't feel that from your partner then you find other ways to fulfill that ... if you know what I mean .... if its any consolation you’re not alone … we can chat if you want ….
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 43
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 12/29/2006 10:32:12 PM
I waited 17 years hoping I would someday be on her list of things to do - people to know - husbands that are living in the same house. I never moved up one notch on her totem pole.

Her kids - her parents - her sisters - her friends - everyone out ranked me ... then she dumped me lol.

THEN (litter Mr. Get A Clue) waited around the bottom of her list three more years.

I FINALLY got and stopped picking up the phone lol.

subliminal message > get an old geezer - they are dumb as a bucket of dirt but their cute.
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 53
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/4/2007 4:18:44 PM
I was in a marriage for over 25 years and most of it was spent alone due to his business. He worked all kinds of hours..morning, noon and night which left very little time for me.
So I did most things on my own.

We lived in the same home but had completely different lives. He didn't want any children and was adamant about I adopted a dog and started looking after children on my street for parents who wanted to go back to work. I did all the work inside and out of my home, along with cutting paychecks for the workers, his business accounting, banking, picking up supplies...all this and looking after children too. I would bring them with me when doing some of these things.

That is how I passed my time. I might as well have been on my own other than I wouldn't have had a home and all the material things that went with it...LOL..big deal.. material things don't keep you warm at night.

I was so envious of some of my friends who's husbands were attentive and was home for dinner and spent every night with their wives and children and there I was on my own in front of the TV, eating dinners alone most nights with my sweet dog beside me.

I would never wish that kind of marriage on anyone.

Now that I am on my own, I have been well trained on how to live alone. But now I choose to be alone not lonely...there is a difference.

I love my independence and have loads of friends, male and female...lots of family around me, neighbors that are wonderful and my business in which I make a very good living at....all started...and with helping out my neighbors, all those years ago.

I started my own Pre-school daycare business and after 25 years, I now have a very good reputation with a long list of clients wanting to join. I guess I could thank my ex. He often said that he wished that I was still that little naive girl he married years ago. I laugh at him and thank him (sarcastically) for making me the independent woman I am today.
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 64
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 4/14/2007 6:35:43 PM
“lonely within a relationship”

ugg ............ would someone delete this dang topic.

Who needs a reminder of living this for 20 years .................
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 65
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 4/14/2007 7:00:32 PM
Yes...while I was married.
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:34:53 PM
ugh, the sad stories here are just more evidence how hard it is, how truly lucky you have to be, to have a relationship work and last.

It really is a lottery where you don't know whether you've won or not until years after you bought the ticket.
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 68
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:03:15 AM
This is what happened in my marriage. I was so lonely. He drank. He worked too much.

I left.

I am feeling lonely with the bf I have. I feel I'm not a priority anymore for him.

We see each other once a week. It is Wednesday night now and I haven't heard from him since I left his place on Sunday. He does that to me and I am just tired of it.
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 70
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:37:14 AM
i think everyone can relate to this feeling
best to get out while you can and be single
at least then you can explore your options

Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 73
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 11/30/2011 9:59:30 PM
Yes, I feel this every day. It's sad to be with someone and want to "be" with someone who doesn't get that they are rarely there even when they are there in the flesh. It's a tough and lonely situation I wish I could fix. Leaving is not always an option, explaining gets you nowhere but frustrated because they don't understand, and hoping is futile. But I hope and explain and try until I’m all tried out and when leaving is the only option left to do I’ll try some more.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 76
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 12/1/2011 7:36:32 AM

when i was living with my sons dad he would come in from work and go on the computer or go down the pub...

No wonder you were lonely in the relationship and he found other ways to entertain himself. Instead of referring your kid's dad as your husband or boyfriend, you make it sound as if he was nothing more than a sperm donor. Did you give him just as much attention and effort to make it work after the kid was born, or were you totally focused on the kid and he became priority number two?
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 79
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:43:56 AM
Yes, and there is nothing worse. I learned I would much rather be alone, than to be lonely in a relationship. For me some of the most painful aspects were the wasted time and the wasted potential. I learned a lot about myself during that time, but it was an ugly way to learn. If you are in that situation get out now... If it's a marriage, communicate your needs and demand they hold true to their vows, and get counseling, or something... But, that has to change now!
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 87
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lonely within a relationship
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:31:03 PM
I was lonely in my second marriage. He was a long distance truck driver. I had just had our first child so wasn't working. All week, just the baby and I.
He was home weekends but then spent all his time shining up his pretty truck. I was still alone with the baby. I remember standing in the doorway watching him, holding the baby, wondering if he was going to spend any time with us.
He never did. He bought more and more chrome for his truck which needed to be polished to impress strangers on the highway. Sad. I had 2 more children with him before I left.
Like others I'd sooner be lonely alone. It's worse being lonely when you're with someone.
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 92
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:41:06 PM
If you are lonely in a relationship then you are in an emotionally unhealthy relationship where none of your needs are being met.

Divorce is the only remedy to a lonely marriage. Breaking up is the only answer to a lonely reationship.

Breakups are not the end to anything. Breakups are healthy because you gathered up the strength and the courage to take your life back and look for happiness.

Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 94
lonely within a relationship
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:29:10 PM
IowaDarling- I think a lot of people will relate to this, I know I do. After 15 years of marriage I found out my ex had been lying to me throughout our marriage. I tried to save it, we went to counseling twice. His attitude was pretty much, now you know so deal with it.
His family had a lot to do with it. He had major attachment issues with his mother and brother. After the truth came out, we bought a new house and moved forty minutes away from them. I didn't move just to put distance between us, but it was for sure a motivating factor. You would have thought we moved to the moon. He basically pouted and shut me out emotionally. It was as if he was in withdrawal because he couldn't get his mommy fix all the time. By the end, we lived like room mates. I couldn't stay in denial. There's nothing quite like realizing I was a third wheel in my marriage. I called it quits a year and a half ago and I'm happy I'm out of it. If I'm going to be alone that's better than being married and lonely.
Btw- He started looking for a replacement when the ink was barely dry on our papers, he finally found one that didn't reject him, so she's about to move in with him and guess who also lives there, you got it mommy and brother. Poor thing, I wonder what will happen when she realizes she's with a little boy and not a man and mommy starts in with acting like a jealous lover instead of his mother, better her than me!
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