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Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 9
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So, you had an affair with a married woman, continued to date her for nearly 2 years and now wonder if a relationship (yours I suppose) can work once started as an affair?

Well, considering that you are looking for someone else to "cuddle" according to your profile, I would have to say...HELL NO!
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 10
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 9/12/2006 4:58:15 PM
well, when i met Darren he never once mentioned that he was separated & we had an instant connection afterwards when he was asking for advice about his separation with his wife that was in calgary. Darren & I had an instant connection seeing that it also happened to me that my ex fiancee cheated on me as well & yet I never want to re-consider getting back together with anytime soon.... Darren loves his wife seeing that they were together for 14 years - so as a friend I helped him by being a good listener & a friend at the same time... we connected in every way possible.

well, we were planning to date if his ex wife never called back to patch things up seeing we have that instant connection- sexually & emotionally & open communication made it more interesting for the both of us. Now that he is patching things up with his wife working things out what just happen between us.... I still want to be friends with Darren but he is shutting me out despite i have numerously emailed him to be friends.....we had an instant sexual connection too & Darren knows that oh too well bec he even said that if his wife never called him we would be dating.... but unfortunately she did & he shut me out forever!!! I want Darren to know I am happy for him & his wife & I just want him to know that It would be nice to be at least be friends despite all the instant chemistry we had together when we met.... Darren things will work out!!!
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 12
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 9/13/2006 6:45:46 AM
Have you heard of Karma? Or "Do unto others....."? Don't you think he might cheat on you?
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 21
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 9/13/2006 9:30:45 AM
Happens all the time.

Obviously when it does, even if it's regarding total strangers, the people who have been cheated on can only grit their teeth. They want to know that there is some karma out there that punishes cheaters and exacts some kind of vengeance for their suffering.

But the reality is, alot of the time, cheaters do prosper. Sometimes the bad guy does win in the end.
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 44
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:16:06 AM
I have known only two so far who while married, cheated on their better halves. I personally don’t get it! I do understand the fact that a marriage might be in danger after a certain period of time due to lack of excitement for some, sex, communication or whatever else you can come up with. The problem here is that a lot of people don’t even want to try to solve a problem anymore. Take the easy way out by cheating…disgraceful!

As far as I am concerned, if a person wishes to be out of a marriage or common law, the very least you should do is to make a move before you cheat on your husband, wife or partner. It’s called respect and having enough integrity to do the right thing before anything else happens.

As far as I am concerned, I could never trust a woman who had affairs. If she didn’t respect the sanctity of marriage or her common-law partner, there’s no way I would trust her as I am sure that I would be next.
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 52
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 12/3/2006 11:04:54 AM
While it CAN happen it is very unlikely. Greener pastures can come along at anytime and this person has already shown a willingness to go graze there rather than either work on what he/she already had or walk away and make a clean break. The doubt that this person would treat you any differently should be prominent in your mind and will on its own prevent any sort of meaningful deep relationship..... in essense it was a piece of a55 on both sides and should be left where it was.
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 53
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 12/3/2006 12:55:22 PM
I t hink it honestly depends on the strength of the relationship.

My uncle married the woman he cheated on my aunt with (I couldn't really blame him - she was a b!tch through and through) and they remained happily married till his death.

My father in law married his secretary. They had been having a very long term affair, decades long...they were very devoted and happy. They were just two nice people caught in a very bad situation.

What can I tell you about each of these situations? Well, given their devotion to each other, think of the years they cheated themselves out of their hearts desire by remaining married to miserable people.

This might seem as if I condone cheating..........I don't, I think it's wrong. I have been the other woman, and have also strayed from my marriage. I regret both.....I have also been cheated on........
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 56
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 4:37:05 AM
This is a very old thread, and it's evolving.

My opinion:
The definition of a relationship starting out as an "affair," as opposed to it starting out as a normal interest in someone new, is based on whether the person is MARRIED, or has just been DATING the person being left behind. Thus, the only difference between the (generally) easily accepted situation where a BF or GF decides to switch to someone new, and the (generally) reprehensible situation called an "affair," is that a formal and legal commitment is being broken in the latter case.
The reason I'm pointing this out, is that the question of whether a relationship begun as an affair has more or less chance of continuing long term, has more to do with the exact people involved, than with the LABELS attached to their getting together. Just as is true with boyfriends and girlfriends taking up with someone new while still dating a soon-to-be-discarded person, if they are more compatible with the new person, they will be more likely to stay with them. If on the other hand, the primary REASON they went with the other person was simple NOVELTY, or REVENGE, or some other specious reason that had nothing to do with the qualities of the NEW PERSON, then the relationship will likely fail quickly.
The added element that the MARRIED CHEATER has to deal with, is that their word will no longer be trustworthy. Since they have lied to get what they want, no one will RATIONALLY accept any promises from them going forward. Hence it is UNWISE to begin a new relationship before formally ending the marriage.
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 58
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 10:40:09 AM
Nope.. I've known a few that started like that .. and the last one I know of,. is ending in divorce this very year..Working at an Auto parts store,. you get to meet a few women occasionally.. I was installing a battery for this hott/sweet lil Mexican thing and from what I can tell she was likin' me too.. (you know body language smiling big,. was from TX but had this WILD Cali-Valley gurl drawl) Then,.. we start talking about her husband in the service (funny, i didn't even notice that BIG frikkin ring too) Anyway, she starts thanking me a LOT for just putting in the battery (a 5 min job, well that I streached to 10 to look her over real good )Then she starts asking me when I got off work, what days I worked because she "insisted" on taking me to lunch or dinner for all my effort. I told her no that it was just my job, and before I could shut myself up I just blurted out Well if you really wanted to do something,. she could buy me a beer on dollar night. I thought she was going to cream her pants.. She took down the name of the bar, the day (lastnight) and said she'd be there, and buy me a beer & some shots of tequila (we were breifly touching on some of my past escapades before)
I was actually excited,.. then the guilt started creeping in,. By last night I was hoping she didn't show, and luckilly she didn't..if she had I know I wouldn't be too proud of myself today..put a little alcohol in me in my condition right now..(lonely/horny) and I'd done her 7 ways till Sunday...I know,. i so suck..
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 59
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 1:28:21 PM
Have a good friend whose marriage was over in fact, but not legally. He'd been sleeping on the rec room couch for five years. He didn't dissolve it legally because he wanted to be around for his boys, who were still small. He met another lady at school (he was getting a new degree), they started living together, and got married two years later. They're going on twenty years now. And very happy.

Closer to home, my ex left me for another woman, lived with her for four years, married her before the birth of their baby, and left her for another woman when the baby was 6 months old. He married that lady and has been with her for 15 unhappy years.

Guess what I'm sayin' is that like everything, it depends. . . . *Why* we are so anxious to make *rules* for everything, I have no idea. We won't be happier or healthier either way.

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