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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 53
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I t hink it honestly depends on the strength of the relationship.

My uncle married the woman he cheated on my aunt with (I couldn't really blame him - she was a b!tch through and through) and they remained happily married till his death.

My father in law married his secretary. They had been having a very long term affair, decades long...they were very devoted and happy. They were just two nice people caught in a very bad situation.

What can I tell you about each of these situations? Well, given their devotion to each other, think of the years they cheated themselves out of their hearts desire by remaining married to miserable people.

This might seem as if I condone cheating..........I don't, I think it's wrong. I have been the other woman, and have also strayed from my marriage. I regret both.....I have also been cheated on........
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 56
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Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 4:37:05 AM
This is a very old thread, and it's evolving.

My opinion:
The definition of a relationship starting out as an "affair," as opposed to it starting out as a normal interest in someone new, is based on whether the person is MARRIED, or has just been DATING the person being left behind. Thus, the only difference between the (generally) easily accepted situation where a BF or GF decides to switch to someone new, and the (generally) reprehensible situation called an "affair," is that a formal and legal commitment is being broken in the latter case.
The reason I'm pointing this out, is that the question of whether a relationship begun as an affair has more or less chance of continuing long term, has more to do with the exact people involved, than with the LABELS attached to their getting together. Just as is true with boyfriends and girlfriends taking up with someone new while still dating a soon-to-be-discarded person, if they are more compatible with the new person, they will be more likely to stay with them. If on the other hand, the primary REASON they went with the other person was simple NOVELTY, or REVENGE, or some other specious reason that had nothing to do with the qualities of the NEW PERSON, then the relationship will likely fail quickly.
The added element that the MARRIED CHEATER has to deal with, is that their word will no longer be trustworthy. Since they have lied to get what they want, no one will RATIONALLY accept any promises from them going forward. Hence it is UNWISE to begin a new relationship before formally ending the marriage.
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 58
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 10:40:09 AM
Nope.. I've known a few that started like that .. and the last one I know of,. is ending in divorce this very year..Working at an Auto parts store,. you get to meet a few women occasionally.. I was installing a battery for this hott/sweet lil Mexican thing and from what I can tell she was likin' me too.. (you know body language smiling big,. was from TX but had this WILD Cali-Valley gurl drawl) Then,.. we start talking about her husband in the service (funny, i didn't even notice that BIG frikkin ring too) Anyway, she starts thanking me a LOT for just putting in the battery (a 5 min job, well that I streached to 10 to look her over real good )Then she starts asking me when I got off work, what days I worked because she "insisted" on taking me to lunch or dinner for all my effort. I told her no that it was just my job, and before I could shut myself up I just blurted out Well if you really wanted to do something,. she could buy me a beer on dollar night. I thought she was going to cream her pants.. She took down the name of the bar, the day (lastnight) and said she'd be there, and buy me a beer & some shots of tequila (we were breifly touching on some of my past escapades before)
I was actually excited,.. then the guilt started creeping in,. By last night I was hoping she didn't show, and luckilly she didn't..if she had I know I wouldn't be too proud of myself today..put a little alcohol in me in my condition right now..(lonely/horny) and I'd done her 7 ways till Sunday...I know,. i so suck..
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 59
Chances a relationship can work that started as an affair?
Posted: 11/5/2010 1:28:21 PM
Have a good friend whose marriage was over in fact, but not legally. He'd been sleeping on the rec room couch for five years. He didn't dissolve it legally because he wanted to be around for his boys, who were still small. He met another lady at school (he was getting a new degree), they started living together, and got married two years later. They're going on twenty years now. And very happy.

Closer to home, my ex left me for another woman, lived with her for four years, married her before the birth of their baby, and left her for another woman when the baby was 6 months old. He married that lady and has been with her for 15 unhappy years.

Guess what I'm sayin' is that like everything, it depends. . . . *Why* we are so anxious to make *rules* for everything, I have no idea. We won't be happier or healthier either way.

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