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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 84
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVEPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Another side of this is: many of us, both sexes, start out by LYING TO OURSELVES first. Our lust, or sense of need, or long-conjured fantasies lead us to tell ourselves that "this is the ONE!" and in a flurry of hope and self-delusion, we say all manner of things, trying to make things follow the fairy tale we imagined.
When reality starts to sink in later, people have varying reactions: sometimes, especially if it's early in the relationship, the now embarrassed person will simply run away. They said all sorts of things, and now they just can't face trying to explain that they were all a result of self-delusion.
Some try to force themselves to make a go of it anyway, and become abusive, subconsciously or consciously hoping to make the OTHER person leave.
Both men and women alike, tend to want to blame the other one for this phenomenon, and it is certainly true that sometimes one was more self-deluded than the other.
Guys end up being the more famous sex for USING illusions to get what they want from women, but I wonder how much of that is a result of the ancient cultural "rule" that the guy has to be the initiator? One of the side benefits to being officially designated as the "weaker sex" has always been that when BOTH people are to blame, the guy gets the bulk of it.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 85
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 4:55:27 AM
why can't you be honest from the beginning?

really. this is like asking why dogs lick their balls. because they can.
i am not saying that guys are like dogs. it's a metaphor; don't get carried away.
i'm saying that you are asking entirely the wrong question.

did you ever hear the phrase, "caveat lector"? that applies to relationships too.

before doing pirouettes in your pink tuu-tuu over how great you think some guy is, take the time to get to know him first. there are no short-cuts. (well yes, there are.. but they're incredibly risky.)

relationships aren't like transactions where we trade our virtues for the chance to "fall in love" like it's falling off the turnip truck into a bed of roses, so why did you approach it that way? let me guess... because romance itself is a magical end and you thought that guy was the means to getting there? the very fact that you asked your question the way that you did hints at the deeper issues. so i would ask, "why did you fall in love with a liar?" or maybe... "why did you make a big emotional investment without hedging your bets?" implicit in your question is the statement that you were misled and therefore cheated out of something, but you were at least 50% of this deal. caveat lector.

this isn't a blame-the-victim game, but since you're the one standing there holding the bag, you need to recognize your own role in this and your subconscious motivations for pursuing this relationship in the way that you did. in understanding how you did that... you'll be a whole lot less likely to make the same mistake again.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 86
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 5:31:44 AM
Why do men lie......?

To get laid......

If women were "easier", men would not need to lie at all.......

Isn't this rather obvious?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 87
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 5:57:09 AM
I don't think most men ""lie"" to get a woman to fall in love with them...

The lies of course are only to get a girl to have sex with him...

Since many/most girls deep down want a man to be in love with them and them be in love with a man- having sex with a man often creates emotions and attachment to a man that makes them feel as tho they are in love with the man.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 88
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 6:19:23 AM
I think many people lie about what they want, to get what they think they want...then when they actually get it, they realise they cant keep up the charade...and the poop hits the fan.

I found when dating that there were too many men willing to be anything I wanted them to be. Sad really. And I know women who are the same.

The key is to know who you are, what you want and all you can do is hope the people you 'play' with are as accountable for thier own wants and desires as you are. This is a risk we all take when we let people in...
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 89
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 4:17:48 PM
Insecure/vulnerable/lonely women fall for that kind of stuff. You're easier to spot than you think.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 90
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 9:37:57 PM
Insecure/vulnerable/lonely women fall for that kind of stuff. You're easier to spot than you think.


Yes they are! ...they're the ones selling us on how independent they are and how they don't NEED a man etc...... a few well placed compliments on something they don't normally get complimented on and a soft caring touch with some doe eyes..... yeah they're done!


Now....this is where they identify themselves by denying it!

VVVVVVVV Sorry Boondock.....I didn't figure that one was much of a secret...kinda obvious!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 91
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/9/2011 9:45:44 PM
^^^^beHAVE now JCO...don't give out all the secrets!

kinda like those online who say "no game players, no sex on the first date, etc etc""

""I'm looking for LOVE"" ie, I'm looking for a ""feeling"" of love, so someone give it to me, so i can feel it....
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 92
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 2/10/2011 10:55:13 AM
sometimes-miss, very funny! sounds like you've been married!!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 93
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 6:37:43 AM

why can't you be honest from the beginning?

Because we learn that all we have to be, is 'good enough'. Sure, you have a long list of wants in your list of who you want to be with; but when we see you with the creeps that treat you like dirt, we learn that what you say you want, and what you really want and need, are two entirely different things. While most men are willing to admit to what is 'good enough', few women are; I guess you've all been brainwashed by the feminist manifesto of 'never settle', and 'having it all'.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 94
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 6:46:52 AM

Because we learn that all we have to be, is 'good enough'. Sure, you have a long list of wants in your list of who you want to be with; but when we see you with the creeps that treat you like dirt, we learn that what you say you want, and what you really want and need, are two entirely different things. While most men are willing to admit to what is 'good enough', few women are; I guess you've all been brainwashed by the feminist manifesto of 'never settle', and 'having it all'.

So your saying you'd be happy being someone settled for. Nothing wrong with that. Personally? I have no interest in being someone that is settled for . How sad would it be to wake up every day knowing I was good enough but not really what he was actually looking for ~ I just happened to be OK. (MANY men have lists WAY longer than my "list" ~ I'd rather take my chances with one of those men than a man who has no list at all.)

(Nice guy posts are soooo inducing. We don't all date men who treat us like crap ~ some of us just haven't found or been found by the man we see a long-term future with or those we have seen that many not have seen that in us. Not really quantum-physics, simply a meeting/dating reality.)
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 95
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 7:18:06 AM

So your saying you'd be happy being someone settled for....How sad would it be to wake up every day knowing I was good enough but not really what he was actually looking for ~ I just happened to be OK.

IMO that's not the point being made.
IMO "settling" is a childish concept.
IMO settling is a concept based on the idea of things being the same. Based on preferences. Like ice cream. Can't find strawberry, settle for chocolate.

But as far as people are concerned they aren't all ice cream with the only difference a minor one in personal subjective singular taste but really all the same.
It's more like one person is ice cream, another is a beach towel, one person is a dvd player, another motor oil, another a piece of gravel, another a tree.
People are individuals and in practical application unique.

What many people try to do with lists is take the flavor of ice cream from one person wanting to avoid the cold, mix it with the healthful vitamins of a broccoli person wanting to avoid the taste, mixing with the comfort of the beach towel avoiding the way it looks, and so on.
Not realizing you can't build a person like a recipe.

You have to figure out who they are, what they can do, what they will do, and be content with who they are in reality. Not that they don't live up to some idealized frankenstein person based on traits that are in many cases impossible to combine or incompatible in one person.

Of course some people have lists that are so vague and subjective to be virtually meaningless and really simply identify that the person is simply looking for someone to be an extension of them, to learn what that person wants, and will be content adopting that persons idea of who they should be. And there are a lot of people that do this. They tend to be highly insecure and have low self worth, waiting for others to define it for them.

People that seem to think others are extensions of themselves, or are trying to build a frankenstein partner are the ones that are easiest to lie to and manipulate. But that is what they are seeking, someone that will adopt all these traits that will never occur naturally all together and the only way to get it is through a lie.
IMO
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 96
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 8:36:28 AM
Hmmm..had friends that told stories...mostly to get their way....lies only come back too bite ya....happens with woman too....like wanting security so bad anything would go...too bad..then they end up on Judge Judy....lol!
 Civilized Rebel
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 97
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 9:52:31 AM

Why do men lie to get a woman to fall in love then when she does fall in love and she finds out the lies the man gets mad and runs off.....why can't you be honest from the beginning?


I'm not so sure that very many men do. To hear them tell it... they have the highest of hopes for each and every contact that they make. They are always sincere... at least until something comes out of left field. Then they will not want to get any closer. What happens more often is that the dude tries very hard -- even after he sees that there is nothing there. More often than not a woman can't get rid of these guys try as she might rather than him just vanishing.

No telling what is at work in individual cases. It might be that you are selecting primarily those who can and will run off. Most women find the very opposite to be true and are just as fed up. Maybe you can get a woman friend to send her needy refuse your way... I don't know. I kinda doubt that you would go for that either, especially if you weren't attracted to those sorts in the first place.
 Whatisnewwithyou
Joined: 1/25/2011
Msg: 98
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 9:54:28 AM
"Why do men lie to get a woman to fall in love then when she does fall in love and she finds out the lies the man gets mad and runs off.....why can't you be honest from the beginning?"

^^^If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, get an ugly woman to marry you. Now that I have told the truth, when should I expect the countless emails from women begging me to marry them and father children with them. I also want to be a stay at home dad and do nothing but watch "3 Stooges" episodes, smoke cigars and drink gin all day while the nanny raises and nurtures the family. So now that the OP has heard the truth, can she handle the truth is the question?
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 99
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 11:39:18 AM
Easy there on the men lying becuause if you think about it, it takes one to lie and the other to believe the lie. So this said, why were you so willing to buy his lie?

It takes a big person to look at themselves in all situatons and see and lesrn from the mistakes they did. In this situations, you believed in his lie and got hurt so, what do you now see you could have done?
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 100
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 11:52:43 AM
You don' t have to lie, you just have to keep your mouth shut. They will take care of the rest. If they are attracted to you they are going to invent you anyway. At least at first. Then they find out you are not their wish/dream and you are a liar. I'm actually a decent person. Believe it or don't.

This kind of misunderstanding happens when women are in a hurry.
 RockyMountainThunder
Joined: 12/2/2010
Msg: 101
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 12:56:42 PM
I am to lazy to lie. I have no desire to remember what I invented. I can barely remember what really happened from day to day
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 103
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 6:39:15 PM
Sometimes I lie to women by saying I don't lie and that I am not like them other guys who lie to get sex and whatever. Because if I wasn't lying why would I be trying to paint myself as different, when that is the same lie that every man uses? But, wait! I really am different. Because I don't care, right?

But I'm just lying. That's all.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 104
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 8:18:02 PM
That's assuming that the premise of the thread is correct. But if you assume that men lie to get women to fall in love with them then you have to assume that women are powerless victims. When actually neither scenario is true. Women have misread who I am when they were in a hurry. My complicity was in going along with their pent up yearning because of my own poor judgment.

As far as anybody not being able to win for losing, the people on these forums would hang you for stealing a loaf of bread. I mean there is no such thing as human foibles around here.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 105
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/8/2011 9:02:27 PM
I don't know if the OP was referring to love or sex. As a young man I sweet talked and cajoled for sex. I mean young. A teenager. As an adult I didn't have to do that. What was I going to lie about? My height? I was right there. I was so transparently what I was anyway.
As you say, everybody puts their best foot forward. That's courtship. By the time there is love hopefully you are willing to make some allowances for deficits of character. Everyone having different levels of toleration. You work it out or you don't. Or you do for a time and then you don't.
Anytime you get the kind of blanket question/statement; " men lie to get a woman to fall in love"; because that is not a question. It's a rant looking for support, for verification, for agreement.
Nothing will be resolved or learned here. It is an opportunity: "I'm different from them other guys, pick me."
Or like minded women can vent. Or men can present that they will stand up to the status quo, or what have you.
The question won't be answered because it was not a question that can be answered in the first place. It is a statement of dubious fact.
 music46038
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 106
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/9/2011 4:01:06 PM
Why do liars lie about anything? To get what they want. Hope that helps.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 107
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/12/2011 1:29:49 AM
"WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE"

try asking yourself! next time you stomp off into the sunset cos he gave the wrong answer to "does my bum look big in this?"
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 108
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/12/2011 6:53:45 AM
Women have tendency to fall in love with their "ears" for one thing!
We are not unwilling participants, for sure! If he has a lot of characteristics you were looking for ie: established,good friends,says all the right things,fun,the sex was great....we're in like flint.
I have learned there are stages to any relationship. First, the initial attraction,then we try to get to know the characters and flaws of each other. One can camouflage(lie) for awhile but once the passion wears off...the truth will be revealed.JMO
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 110
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 9:18:28 AM
I do think it is odd, in the thead, that there are posts that blame women for believing lies. I find that really strange. Essentially finding equal fault with the liar and the one who believes the liar.

A successful con requires a person who does the conning and a person who is willing to be conned. It's impossible to con someone who doesn't want what you're selling.

These people who say that, that the woman is just as much at fault because she believed the liar, have these people never been lied to, in any situation and believed it?

Not in a very, very, long time. Once I figured out that manipulation is about appealing to greed, I didn't find it very difficult to see when a person was trying to push the right buttons.

No matter what: give him the benefit of the doubt, you're an idiot. Be cautious and circumspect: you're messed up.

A person who believes nothing is just as much an idiot as the person who believes anything. The only thing that requires intelligence is figuring out what to believe and not to believe. However, most people will overlook the obvious if you hold out the right carrot because you're appealing to some greed on their part and they want to believe the bs. Read the thread on wingwomen for a good example.
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