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 Whatisnewwithyou
Joined: 1/25/2011
Msg: 112
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVEPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Nothing like waking up to realize you can't change someone into what you want them to be and then turn around and call them a liar for it. If women and men were 100 percent open and honest from the start, then I doubt hardly anyone would pair together.

If it is to goood to be true then it probably is, and as far as this subject is concerned both genders lie to each other. If one falls in love with a liar, whose to blame? The liar or the believer?
 nothemommy
Joined: 2/26/2011
Msg: 113
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 11:59:00 AM

Why do men lie to get a woman to fall in love then when she does fall in love and she finds out the lies the man gets mad and runs off.....why can't you be honest from the beginning?


Awesome and totally valid question, I mean, all men lie, right?
So, based on that fact, I'm guessing he figured he could do better but you'd do for now?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 114
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 12:53:10 PM

In general I disagree with you.

You can disagree, but the bottom line is that the person being lied to pays the price, so ignoring how the person being lied to allows him/herself to be manipulated doesn't solve the problem.

However, I still believe that both men and women who are conned in love matters are not equally culpable and that their fault is that they are too eager to be deceived and to believe what is unrealistic or 'too good to be true' or whatever.

I'm still trying to figure out what those ``love matters'' are.

I think it is quite arrogant to condescend to people who are hurt by those who play false with them.

Think whatever you wish. You can't manipulated without your consent.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 115
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 1:39:43 PM
Most people aren't as consciously calculating in their interactions with people as some would like to believe. Men lie, women discern? But it is usually not until the past tense that the dynamics of the interaction come into focus.

Everyone puts their best foot forward. It's a good idea to take ones time. Women who were attracted to me were in a hurry and they were inventing me. They saw the attractive qualities in me. They didn't see my lesser qualities. And everybody has them. I take responsibility for colluding, for letting it move too fast. It happens. But what the hell? One can be too careful. It's just life.

As far a apportioning blame for failed relationships, that's between the two people involved. "Hard nosed" pseudo sophisticated pronouncements about how the "victim" is as much to blame as the manipulator is just ersatz posturing and empty rhetoric. It "sounds" good, sounds worldly and wise, but it means nothing. Because you weren't there. You can speak for yourself only. If you can do even that.

You might think you can't get worked but I doubt it. Everybody that is human has weaknesses. If you are without desire or ego...
But you are not.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 116
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 11:27:52 AM
Also if a woman believes a man's lies and is then considered to have allowed herself to be manipulated does this mean that we should assume all men are liars and not believe anything they say?

I'm not sure what is so difficult about this unless people get in way over their heads 5 minutes after meeting someone. You don't have to assume a person is lying. You can take it at face value and determine the veracity of what you are told before reaching the point that it matters. If a guy tells you he's 10 years younger than he is, so what? At worst, you will waste between 30 minutes to a couple of hours meeting him in person. You might even enjoy the conversation even though you don't want to date him. I'm trying to figure exactly what men can (and apparently often) lie about that would cause concern beyond being par for the course in a world where some people lie. You aren't turning your life's savings or offering up your virginity to someone based on nothing but his own description of hiumself. Presumably you are going to meet him and make a few judgments based on more than personal hype before doing anything rash.

I mean seriously - If a woman lied to me, it wasn't a life-or-death thing. I'd find out before getting to the point that the lie mattered. It's not hard to accept things at face value if you use a little common sense to make judgments as you go.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 117
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 11:37:47 AM
Dont you think as people, both men and women, we should treat each new person on their own merits and judge the interaction with being truthful to ourselves based on our past experiences and knowledge?

We all should know that not every person we meet will be "the one" or even move beyond a friendship kind of relationship.

Personally I think a lot of people are wanting "the fairy tale" so desperately that they ignore signs/signals that show this person is not the one, and when it blows up in their face, blame all men/women.

We all know there are people out their with agendas, be it sex, financial gain, and players who say what they think others want to hear to get what they want. If we fall for their game, shame on them. If we continually fall for it, then same on us.

I think it sucks being desperate, because people fail to see how special they are and that they deserve better. We all should know our personal value before trying to find someone to share your life with.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 118
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:39:07 PM
I agree with AzureAngel's earlier post about taking a persons word at face value till determined otherwise. My post was about the number of times people have been hurt by meeting someone they were interested in and instead of waiting to see how the relationship unfolded, began to build a relationship in their mind because they wanted a relationship so bad. Then if things didnt work out as they imagined blamed things on the other.

There are many people out there who do not listen to what a person says and for some reason in their mind they think they are going to change the other persons over time. I am sad to say but I have done it too. Since I figured this out and began to watch the signs more carefully I have not had any problems. People are not sometimes honest about habits/lifestyles that are deal breakers for them.

The best way to find "the one" is to first know what you want from a partner, what you have to offer them and what kind of a relationship you are looking for. Then its a matter of kissing a lot of toads/toadettes to find "the one". People forget to think with their heads and feel with their hearts.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 119
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:55:22 PM
~OT~ This thread really should have been titled "Do most men lie to get a woman to have sex" because I'm not really seeing many who think one does lie to get an emotional response, merely sex. Where I have issues with the whole "lie for sex" idea is that there's not been a man in my life that I've had sex with that I didn't wish to have sex with. No one promised me a lifetime full of exotic travels, a picket fence and lifelong love, in exchange for sex. When I've gotten naked, it was my own decision, and although I'm certain I've been lied to in that past, I can't pin-point one specific incident in which I got naked by they lies someone told me. Maybe I've been lucky ~ maybe I have spidey-sense or maybe I'm just smart enough to know when bullshiit is being spewed my direction. The reality is: believe what someone does before you believe what they say. Tough thing to do at times, but ultimately that is what matters. JMO
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 120
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 2:23:36 PM

In my post I was suggesting that the lies are something fundamental about the man - not whether he looks younger than he is or not or not something you will find out about in one or two dates - something about what they want out of life; what would make them compatible with you - fundamentally about who they are.

I really don't think people lie about that, at least not unless you pick up on it immediately as an act. I think those difference are really differences in what people mean when using those same words. For example, my fiancee said that she liked going outdoors to hike and camp. I like those things too, but we seem to have radically different ideas about what that means. I really don't think it's worth my while to go hike and camp unless it's some serious effort out in the middle of nowhere where I'm unlikely to see someone else for days. The camping part amounts to a sleeping bag and a minimal tent which hopefully won't leak if it rains.

My fiancee's idea of hiking is a couple of mile stroll on a nature trail (which to me is dull) and her idea of camping is setting up a tent with an air mattress in a national park next to the car. To me, that's like going to a hotel minus the amenities that make going to a hotel tolerable. Neither of us lied. However, she seems to think I don't really like hiking and camping just because I think her version of those things is boring. What she expected when I said I liked those things was that I liked doing those things her way. It actually never occured to me that anyone would consider what she does to be hiking and camping. She gets enjoyment out just strolling and looking. I get enjoyment out of the physical struggle and adversity.

I can think of lots of other things where a real difference might crop up, but not neccessarily because anyone is lying. You just have different ideas about what those things mean and to accomplish them.
 nelsonjfc
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 122
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 6:03:32 PM
Well, I'd say that if they go to the extent of lying to get the love of a woman it's either because of egoism and pride or because they really care and are trying to impress. It's based on the society each person is part of and the education one receives I would say. You take the same person who lies for love and put them in a place away from such influences and they can become super honest, and you can take a super honest person and subject them to such influences and they become a liar, you know.
 nelsonjfc
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 124
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 6:31:20 PM
Look ForumInterlude, in 6 on-topic pages, the best contribution you make is that?

go discuss that in the appropriate thread, ok?

and don't judge me by your standards, please.

Oh, and by the way, sometimes people accuse others only because they do it themselves...

after all, you don't see me going to other threads in order to criticize you, do you?

so who's seeking attention?

that's another example of "Why Men Lie".
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 125
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/16/2011 12:18:06 PM
I do not believe men lie to get women to fall in love with them. I do not think men care if a woman falls in love with them. If men lie, it is because they want to use you for their own sexual fun.
 shadow7057
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 126
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/18/2011 2:39:45 PM
Its hard to tell a liar from someone who is telling the truth, especially in love, when part of you wants to believe them.. but I like to think that when you do finally meet the right one, it will feel just a little bit "different"..
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 127
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/18/2011 2:59:55 PM
because some people (not just men) are morally lacking and their standards say any type of behaviour is okay if it reaches their desired aim, no matter what the cost to another
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 129
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/20/2011 11:42:53 PM
^^^^^ That's one of my sayings!
Yes, you look fat in that!
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 130
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 1:12:30 AM
^^"yes, size does matter"...

i don't lie either!...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 131
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 4:40:14 AM
^^^^^^^ Of course it does! Duh! The only people who claim it doesn't are the ones who are on the wrong side of SIZE.... be it body size or.......

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 132
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 6:36:35 AM

This thread really should have been titled "Do most men lie to get a woman to have sex" because I'm not really seeing many who think one does lie to get an emotional response, merely sex. Where I have issues with the whole "lie for sex" idea is that there's not been a man in my life that I've had sex with that I didn't wish to have sex with.


This does seem to be the "crux" of the matter, doesn't it? So, in one regard, the OP was "misrepresenting" when she started the thread, right?
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 133
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 6:49:56 AM

yes, size does matter


Dayum, you mean my problem all this time has been that I'm hung like a church mouse...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 134
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 7:04:44 AM

This does seem to be the "crux" of the matter, doesn't it? So, in one regard, the OP was "misrepresenting" when she started the thread, right?

I'm not so sure this OP was misrepresenting, I think many people confuse sex for emotional attachment. And I also think many people don't investigate their own feelings before posting threads in here. People hear what they wish to hear, not always what's being said. JMO
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 135
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WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 7:27:14 AM
Well, I have heard that because male sperm are somewhat more vigourous than female sperm, "short" men tend to have more male children than "tall" men. If that is true, then size does matter. On the other hand, there should be no difference between "fat" and "thin" men of the same "height"...
 solovibez
Joined: 9/16/2010
Msg: 136
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 8:23:55 AM
..Ooh I like to take stab at this...

OP to me you must see the flaws clearly of both sides. Lying is a poor maladaptive behavior yes. People learn it to avoid punishment or disappoint at an early age. I do not think a child can be blamed for developing this habit for it is in his nature to try to avoid pain, especially from an imperfect and abusive environment. This will be carried into adulthood embedded into his personality unless he realizes it in a significant way and drops it.

So my generalized observation is that women who complain about men being liars is that they tend to be "hooked" on romanticism as unrealistic as it is. They crave to be swept off of their feet and have delivered to them some very whimsical yet complex wishes ever after. Unfortunately, most men aren't raised to be monogamous Romeos, at least not in this culture. Instead of fairy tales, porn is fed to them for example. Thus the typical male fantasizes simple, uncomplicated sexual fulfillment. Other things like loneliness, social status, and economics play a big part as well for both sides.

As I calculate, the stage is set for a collision course. Both sides desire opposing things from ea other. The aloof females will continue to demand for the unrealistic. When they find a guy willing to play the role it is only a matter of time before he finds its no longer cute, it is too much to ask and bails. Conversely, the immature males will lie to be able to fit into these fantasies in order to get a piece, and if its really good and she makes for a great trophy, stick around only to have it blow up their face when the lies are discovered.

Both sides are wrong for neither lying nor being insatiably out of touch with reality is healthy and sustainable long term. Also lies can only work on those who live in a lie themselves.

Peace
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 137
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 8:33:51 AM
Men don't lie to get women to fall in love. Not even on our agenda. Men lie to get laid. It's women who buy those lies and then fall in love with the guy.

The way I see it, it's women's fault. If you're stupid enough to buy their lies and build a future together in your head based on those lies, you really kind of deserve the "hurt"

Everybody lies. Your parents lie, guy on commercials lies, your government lie ... get used to it. It's part of being "adult" ... to separate s*hit from bull.

 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 138
WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/21/2011 9:46:22 AM

Why do men lie to get a woman to fall in love then when she does fall in love and she finds out the lies the man gets mad and runs off.....why can't you be honest from the beginning?


I suspect it is for the same reasons that women lie to get a man to fall in love, then when he does and he finds out the lies, the woman becomes angry and runs away ... why can't they be honest from the beginning?

Fear of rejection is a strong candidate for the "why".

It's better to be yourself and for the other to be their self. This is truth in advertising so that both or all parties can see what they're getting from the beginning. No bait and switch with the "real" person making an appearance too late in the relationship to easily and with the least expense, end the charade.

Best,

ACP
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