Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > judging a book by its cover      Home login  
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
judging a book by its coverPage 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Msg 197 - right on the money. People like what they like, that will never change. We can post about it until we all cave in and die from the monotony of it all, but it STILL won't change.

No one (yikes I feel like I have said this 8 times already) has the right to treat anyone badly for what they look like. But dating is just a different ballgame.

Believe me, there are people who think I am no big deal, or downright ugly and that's their right. I don't think everyone should be attracted to me, in fact I am happy they all aren't! That would be ridiculous. By the same token there are people I don't think are a big deal either. It's life.

Gardennut - Rainbowfish said "replusive to me". That means it's how she feels about it...she didn't state that they are "repulsive" generally. You took that one word out of the sentence.
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 23
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:10:43 AM
Again, my words are misconstrued. I never said you had to have the same morals as I have. I didn't even say you had to have morals. I gave you an example of what I consider lower than low - sunk. In that example, the person is attracted by a face, then discards the whole being because of three letters. And that is not preaching or spreading my opinions. It doesn't matter what morals you do or don't have. That is just flat wrong. Not because it is my opinion, or your moral standard. It is just flat wrong. Read the example again. For real this time. And also note that I said I personally witnessed the example happen. So again, read what is there and not between your imaginary lines. And please, quit putting words in my posts that aren't there. I haven't put them in anyone else's.

How is it wrong? Because YOU say so? Clearly the majority of people don't feel it's wrong to dismiss someone on a dating site that they aren't attracted to... whether the issue is facial hair, bra size, smoking habits, height or weight, who are you to make the distinction for others between what is right and what is "flat wrong"
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 24
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:23:51 AM
Dude.... clearly you are unable to make your point if everyone is taking your posts the same way.
To clarify, you either think anyone who isn't attracted to women / men who are classified as BBW's is "flat wrong" and "lower than shallow ... sunk", or you just flat suck at communicating your thoughts.

Guys, this is turning into a flame war. This thread is in jeapardy of being torched.
Nah, it's not flaming yet, just trying to cut through the layers of blubber to get to the heart of the matter (pun intended)
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 26
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:30:53 AM
I can't see why several of you are jumping on Noel and in at least one case abusively. He was NOT judging anyone's romantic choices but that if they dismissed anyone as a romantic prospect, they might still consider them a prospective friend.
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 29
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:21:46 PM
Maybe its just men in general are ignorant. I am not saying I am a 10 by any means but I am sporty and active and feel that the cover of my book lol is appealing. I do get attention for my looks by some ... but all they care about is the looks ... they don't take the time to see what on the inside. So I guess that no matter what end of the spectrum women are at our personalities are overlooked regardless.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:47:53 AM
I agree Gardennut. I don't know why it does either.

If you are happy with your weight, then there's no need to discuss it. That goes for skinny, not so skinny, whatever. There are two categories only: 1. Happy with yourself or 2. Unhappy and in the process of changing that to make yourself happy.

There is no category 3; as in - no one wants to listen to someone not happy, unwilling to change and complaining about it.

No matter what, people will be attracted to you in all weight categories. And there will be people who aren't attracted to you. There's really nothing else to say.

If you love yourself, you don't care who wants to date you and who doesn't - because those who don't won't be worth your time, and you wouldn't want them to date you unless they wanted to.

I agree with Thorn too. You should be attracted to the person you are with body, soul AND mind. All three are possible, and one is not wrong for wanting it all. Those who say it is are afraid that they are missing one of those three. That's a matter of looking within yourself, not pointing at people who don't want to find it.

What you think is attractive and what I think is attractive is different...otherwise, everyone would want the same people. It's not the case. So someone going by looks FIRST only justifies that person and the person they find attractive, it does not throw a million people in one category.

Those who go by looks ONLY are different, but I say there's someone for everyone. Some people just don't care what's on the inside, and that group of people isn't worth a thread. They will never change, nor will they care. Same for people who are into personality ONLY. That works for them - but not for all. Some are into people with a Nobel prize and could care less about looks or personality. And on and on.

Added: And I agree with Curves too, not only does she say some good stuff, but she's from my state. Course in order to visit her I'd have to pack a lunch for the trip as it's over 30 mins away! (RI joke) : )
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 32
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/12/2006 10:58:52 AM
Pardon me, but exactly at what point did the definition for the word "Preferences" get exchanged with the definition of the word "Prejudices"? Did I miss a memo someplace?? Everyone has a right to their personal preferences when it comes to the appearance of another, and there is nothing prejudicial about it.

Well said, and true. Argument or not, it's just a fact.

Take interracial dating, for example. Choosing to date someone only within one's race is indeed a preference, and a valid one. However, can it not also be a prejudice? Let's take a member of the KKK. It is unlikely that he will date a black woman. This is his preference, yet also a prejudice, is it not?

Let me clarify here. If you ARE ATTRACTED TO someone of another race (or hair color or body type) but choose not to date them because of something you were taught, or from some generalization that has nothing to do with your personal life or that person, THAT'S a PREJUDICE.

If you are attracted more to a certain race (or hair color or body type or eye color) because it intrigues you romantically, and you PREFER dating people of that culture or race (or are not generally attracted to a certain race or culture, hair color, body type, etc. and prefer not to), and are civil and social with that culture beyond dating that's a PREFERENCE.

Therefore, it is rarely a "preference" for a KKK member not to date a black person, that's almost certainly teaching and conditioning. If he's not attracted, fine - but if he is and won't go there, yes - that's prejudice.

Carry on, thread-like people.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/12/2006 12:50:58 PM
What is just a fact . . .The there is prejudice or that we have a preference (a choice)?

Specifically, this below is what I was agreeing with. I quoted it also. What's the confusion?

Everyone has a right to their personal preferences when it comes to the appearance of another, and there is nothing prejudicial about it. - Thorn

It's been (edit) established that he means when dating because it was an ongoing discussion.

Ugh fine, let me rephrase it.

Predjudice is when you don't associate with or date someone you like because of something biased you believe or it means making a choice based on what does not relate to that person in particular, or the attraction to that person.

You can say that a choice is taken away from someone who is attracted to you if you aren't attracted back. That's not prejudice, that's something you chalk up. Sometimes people don't like you back. It's part of life.

If they don't associate with you at all based on some judgement that is not personal to you, but a generalization (i.e., you have red hair, you are Jewish, you weigh more than 150 lbs, you are over 45 years of age, yadda yadda) it's a prejudice.

And P.S. on the choice thing...some choices are prejudices. The original discussion was PREJUDICE and PREFERENCE. Choices are a generalization of all that.

With dating it's different because it involves attraction. MOST like it to be part of the deal. For those who don't need to be attracted, well good for you. Can't we all just accept this stuff and move on instead of trying to dissect it for our own indivivual experiences?
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 34
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:06:22 PM

OSQ, will you marry me?? You are the first woman in my entire life to make an assumption about me that was actually CORRECT! So would you prefer a 1ct. solitaire, or the paper ring from a nice Cohiba instead?

Actually I reworded that to "established" so that it wouldn't look like opinion since it was actually there as fact. But you can always go with the paper...I'd hate to get a REAL ring and never wear it. : )
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 35
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/5/2011 9:07:09 PM
"- although, some are quite easy on the eyes....."

And that is where the whole thing is flawed...
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:22:07 PM
that's human nature....most people, if they get to choose, will want someone who is beautiful inside and outside...
If you don't look good, then you've already failed..
How would total strangers know about your inner beauty? They only just met you/saw your profile on pof....they only have the looks to go by....if you're not attractive enough to grab their attention, they won't waste time getting to know you because that takes alot of time..
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 38
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/27/2011 4:24:48 PM
Looks like a duck...walks like a duck...quacks like a duck...anyways, I don't date ducks.
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 39
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:04:55 PM
IMO the cover will be justification for spending a night with someone or a short space of time, but the rest of the book is what decides whether you would want to spend time around them long term

But if the cover isnt something you like the look of why on earth would you want to flick through the pages to begin with?

If youre talking about platonic friends then yeah, the cover ISNT important that much

But we arent, the topic here is romantic entanglement and for that the entire book not just the cover OR just the contents are important

Someone who is hot but vacant wont hold attention for very long, and someone who is fantastic to get on with but as nailable as road kill squirrel is never going to be more than a platonic friend at best and I wouldnt want to be the partner of someone who ONLY liked one facet of me either as it wears thin pretty quickly from either side of the coin too
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 40
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 11/5/2011 5:30:45 AM
Heres a thought

If judging a book by its cover is sooooooo bad

How many people would tell a person to piss off if they admitted they had decided to talk to them above everyone else in the room because they thought they were attractive or handsome?

Not many I would expect, so the entire premise of the objection here is really nothing more than jealousy and sour grapes when you think about it

Pretty much everyone WANTS a partner to find their "cover" appealing, infact if they didnt not many people would want to carry on seeing them

So the topic becomes a bit of a null concept really
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 41
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 11/6/2011 1:39:53 PM
I totally agree with you on judging a book by it cover i am a over the road trucker but it seems i got a lady in every state of the USA wow where are they i am a normal guy just hard worker and looking for that someone special to be in my life to hug walk along sandy beaches or in the bush with cuddle up on cold nights instead i am out here & keeping america running in all kinds of weather .SO YES DO NOT JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 42
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:20:35 PM
Yes, i totally agree, people judge a book by its cover, even though they say they don't....first lie in a profile of so we speak "honest" people.....
they see you....and... They say they are looking for another honest, caring with sense of humor.....but they cross you off up front because you don't match their imaginary picture.....And you see them month and years later.....still....
People are so busy looking for that perfect, imaginary person, and a lot of times they miss that imperfect person who could make them perfectly happy......
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 43
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:41:55 PM
FOUND OUT.....alot of girls judge me to me a TOOL, MEAT HEAD, COKY, CONCEDED, mean or intimidating.But i am far from those things! i didnt even know that till i started asking girls, alot of them do judge before getting to know someone. For a while there i thought i was just unattractive and i let it bring me down.

Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 44
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 12/31/2011 11:53:07 AM

Posted By: tigerspawn on 10/27/2011 310 PM
Subject: judging a book by its cover
Message: I hear you. If we were all blind and depended on other senses to get around we would fall for completely different people.

I read about an experimental study where men and women met (kind of like speed-dating, but not so fast) in an evironment that was really dark (and I don't know how they set it up, but it was dark enough that people couldn't see anything about the other person). In that situation, people were still attracted to certain people and not others--things like voice, smell, content of conversation, etc., became much more significant. Most people still found the other attractive even after looks were revealed, too.

I think there is a big difference, also, between "finding someone I'm attracted to," and "getting the most physically attractive person I can."
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 45
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 1/8/2012 4:58:54 PM
exactly! has happened to me too many times to count....and unfortunately me not being attracted pretty much guarantees that they will be or vice versa..
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 46
view profile
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 1/8/2012 6:48:32 PM
This is NOT a complicated subject!!

The answer is very simple!! As much as we'd like to DENY IT... HUMANS are all just ANIMALS and a very basic PRIMAL instinct is to MATE and REPRODUCE!! And all animals look for the mate that will produce the most genetically strong offspring!! Basically genetic perfection!!

Yes we have evolved to be able to control our basic urges to a certain degree... but there are still PRIMAL instincts that we can't shake!! There is a documentary called "THE SCIENCE OF SEX APPEAL"... you should watch it, it's very interesting and informative and will answer your question in more detail!!

Bottom line is... we all have preferences in what we think is physically attractive and those will often OVER RIDE the LOGICAL things we know may be good for us (that beauty on the inside thing!!).

Happy fishing!!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > judging a book by its cover