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Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 157
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I can understand a mother's devotion to her children overriding her desire for a partner.

I have no children. I would really like to learn to embrace celibacy just for the desire to be happily celibate. I have no other reason or distractions.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 158
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/1/2010 4:26:04 AM

I have no children. I would really like to learn to embrace celibacy just for the desire to be happily celibate. I have no other reason or distractions.


Regardless of other distractions in our life we will all go through periods of celibacy.. Now let me take this period for instance..

Would I rather not be celibate and in some kind of friends with benefits situation that left me depressed and wanting for more?

My motto is as long as you remain true to yourself you are in a good place spiritually speaking.. I find when in that place you embrace it ..You know your inner self is well and it matter not if you are in a relationship or not.

Try meditation or some kind of spiritual connection to bring your the peace you look for.

nativerock
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 159
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:56:23 AM
Just wanted to add one more thing.. Usually when people are sooo focused on sex it has more to do with what is actually going on in their emotional world...

When all is well in your emotional world you tend not to be so focused on it..

The path is to treat yourself like you would like someone else to treat you.. embrace life, living and loving daily..

There is all kinds of love to share.. I know I do a prayer every single morning first thing when I wake up.. I am grateful for another day here in paradise, some of my friends have not had the amount of time here I have had and been blessed with...

nativerock
 Frank1371
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 160
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:57:06 AM
For me celibacy is a way of life. Being a man I thought it would of been hard for me but to my surprise it isn't. I guess the fear of getting a STD, STD that can kill you drove the message home. Meditation and finding inner peace within myself helps me through the feeling of isolation.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 161
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/1/2010 12:07:27 PM
I'll admit I'm celibate by choice. Unfortunately NOT my choice , but by the choice of the entire female population!
Doesn't anyone beleive in the mercy shag any more?
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 162
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/2/2010 4:55:25 PM

Celibacy comes into force when you would rather gouge your eyes out or crawl thorough glass and vomit instead of doing someone who is gross, has delusions of being more than he is and has no idea as to how repulsive he is yet feels entitled and then there is that lack of personality. 'Tis exhausting.


You make it sound as if those are the only possible choices. Hard to see that view of things leading to many merry Christmases. Let's hope that brush you're painting with isn't so broad it includes everyone with Y chromosomes.
 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 163
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/2/2010 7:53:52 PM
It does my heart good to see that some men in here are selective. There are way too many who just want sex without love.

Anybody can have sex, but without love it means nothing, in my opinion.

So true, so true. I have been celibate since July of this year. Its good for the soul, well my soul anyhow. I agree, sex w/o love for me is empty and meaningless, been there. done that. At my age and having experienced being in love at once in my life, I continue to search for someone who wants me, all of me, not just the physical person.
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 164
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/2/2010 9:54:42 PM
sometimes you just need to clear off the cobwebs...hence my re-appearance in this site...looking for Mr D*ck
i'm currently interviewing
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 165
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/2/2010 11:07:04 PM
^^^^pencil me in, say around 11ish, then we can do lunch.^^^^^
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 166
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/3/2010 2:53:51 AM

So true, so true. I have been celibate since July of this year. Its good for the soul, well my soul anyhow. I agree, sex w/o love for me is empty and meaningless, been there. done that. At my age and having experienced being in love at once in my life, I continue to search for someone who wants me, all of me, not just the physical person.


When you are in that place you really are in a good place and embracing your true spirit.. Good luck continuing the journey while loving and keeping true to yourself..

Love and light
nativerock
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 167
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 3:14:15 AM
Been celibate for some time. Going to continue until I find someone who wishes to have an exclusive relationship with me and I desire that too.

I always did wonder if men wanted relationships too ...good to see that women are not the only one's who think on that level....

That gives me great joy knowning that men can be on the same wave length as us!
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 168
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 6:00:55 AM
In reading this thread, I'm struck by its connection to the one I started about the mirror. In fact, I think it may more more directly "reflect" a few things about being single over 45. It surely seems as if many many people our age are missing out on the joy that happens during a comfortable, companionable, and romantic connection with Someone Special. And that many many people our age very much dream about having this kind of loving relationship and are "here" hoping to find it.

And yet. . . few seem to have had much success.

It makes one wonder whether/not people our age are willing/able to look in the mirror and recognize who they have become (and not just physically -- in all ways).
For example: there are countless numbers of profilees who will not even receive e-mails from anyone more than 5 years older than themselves. And yet they are actively seeking persons up to 20 years younger! There are countless numbers of profilees whose photos doctors would indicate "morbid obesity" -- and these people specifically state, "I am only attracted to slender men." Or even more direct, "Please do not write me if you are more than 20 pounds overweight." Not to mention profilees with "children living at home" who state, "not interested in meeting a guy with children living at home." And retirees without cars who are on public assistance whose profiles read, "The woman I'm seeking must have a career."

Could the above suggest a disconnect between what people think they have to offer and what they in fact have to offer? Are so many of us who would much prefer intimacy over celibacy unwilling/unable to recognize that we need to actively seek people with whom we are more practically compatible and therefore more likely to find what we are looking for?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 169
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 10:33:36 AM
I am not, and will not choose that path....unless that path is chosen for me.....

One of the main reasons that my marriage failed, was that link to one that enjoys and wants sex often, and one that could go the rest of their life without it......

It is amazing how so many seem to change from the dating and relationship side of enjoying sex and each other, to not really caring all that much once married and busy with life. It is so nice when I see two that, no matter what, continue to enjoy sex and each other, and make it a priority, as much as they do work and family.

I do not jump into bed with anyone, and if you want me sexually, you have to jump through my hoops of being tested and understanding that no matter what, we enter and leave each others bed clean and healthy.....the rest just happens.

cd........
 Silver-Dove
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 170
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 5:04:14 PM
When my son wa si his twenties he had a bumper sticker made that read:

"I'M CELIBATE...but not by choice"
 cooler online
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 171
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:14:37 PM
Celibacy is a choice when you’re in your teens or twenties and hormones are racing full tilt. Fast forward 30 years and suddenly everyone is starting to look like your parents. At our age it’s what we have not what we chose.
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 172
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 10:26:29 PM
eghads! YOu mean people don't have realistic thoughts about what they are looking for in a companion.....MUST have been too many faery tales when they were younger.

 bbinpa1220
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 173
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/11/2011 11:28:01 PM
Electra, you sound very classy. Promiscuity is a BIG turn off for me.

Who wants to be with people who has been with so many?

Personally, I judge. If I find out that my potential partner had a promiscous past, it would be a deal breaker for me.

I am proud of my choice. Sex without love and commitment....unsatisfying. We all know the feeling.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 174
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/12/2011 1:56:07 AM

Who wants to be with people who has been with so many?

What is "many"?
Since the general wisdom says, that on average it takes three dates to become intimate, how many partners would qualify you as a promiscoius person?
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 175
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/12/2011 3:02:51 AM
^^^
Well, now you are introducing another dimension.
I would agree that loving quality is enhanced by a longer and deeper relationship. I don't think the reverse is true - a lover (man or woman) who has been doing the very same thing (or not doing it) for thirty years with one partner, is not guaranteed to perform any better.

IMO, it helps to have experienced several partners, but it also takes time to know each other and to get into sync. But then, some lovers are just natural - they don't need any training.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 176
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/12/2011 7:49:22 AM

VelmaValento:
I guess what I'm saying is the men who have been the best lovers are those who have been less promiscuous rather than more so. Maybe because they value quality over quantity? Maybe because their feelings for their partner run deeper? Maybe because sex for them is more than an entertaining tumble in the sack?


How can you pass judgement if you have not directly experienced? You cannot judge men as lovers unless you have been with more than one, right? And you cannot compare promiscuous men with non-promiscuous men unless you have been with more than one from each category, right? So......

I myself have found that the number of past lovers has absolutely nothing to do with their being a better lover. The absolute best thing that a woman can bring to bed is her enjoyment of the experience. If you don't think sex is the most fun that you have ever had, bar none, then we are not compatible.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 177
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/12/2011 8:46:23 AM
Msg 218

^^^I am not talking about men who have had only one partner, but, who, for the most part, have been in long term relationships/marriage as opposed to being single for long periods of time and having many partners. Also, just because people are in a long term relationship, it does not mean they were doing 'the same thing for 30 years.' I guess what I'm saying is the men who have been the best lovers are those who have been less promiscuous rather than more so. Maybe because they value quality over quantity? Maybe because their feelings for their partner run deeper? Maybe because sex for them is more than an entertaining tumble in the sack? Maybe I am answering my own question, lol.

I fully agree with you.

The question still remains - how many is too many for the POF standards?
I think, we need two numbers - total count and count of long term relationships. Preferrably, graphed linearly over the time axis.
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 178
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/14/2011 2:49:33 AM
It's a choice? Oh gee ,I used all my dating money to pay off the house,lol.

 PearlsofWater
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 179
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/14/2011 6:30:41 PM
I've been celibate for about 9 months now, since my last relationship ended. The other day I was telling a friend that some of the most peaceful times of my life have been when I'm single. I think that a person who is happy with their life and does not bemoan the fact that they are flying solo is pretty cool in my eyes. It shows strength of character and a sense of self that cannot be easily taken away. Personally, I think it's hot!

When I was younger, and someone struck my fancy, and the opportunity presented itself, I'd indulge in a little makeout session, probably a little too quickly. (in my own defense, I was not "loose", these encounters led to long term relationships).

Now that I'm older and wiser, the thought of knocking boots with someone I barely know is out of the question, and to be honest, cringe-worthy. Quality over quantity is my M.O. these days. I am looking forward to the day that I have someone riding shotgun with me, but until then, life's pretty darned good as it is. There are no mistakes....everything is as it should be at this moment.

C
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 180
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 7/16/2011 1:20:35 PM
BAD sex with poor frequency, lame intensity, surrounded by pretense and fenced parameter hurdles of Do's and Don't ad nauseum ?
vs No sex.
.... and you wonder why internet porn is so popular.
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 181
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:24:36 PM
I'm celibate because I can't afford not to be with all of the STDs that are floating around and constantly going on dates with men who lie about what they really want. Telling me what they THINK I want to hear in hopes of getting me in bed. I want the whole package unless a man wants the same thing, then what's the point? If I am not good enough to date, get to know, love and marry; then I am not good enough to sleep with either. I tell men all the time, I am not a car; you don't get to "test drive" me. If you want to go on a test drive, then go to a fckng dealership! I rather live out the rest of my life alone than to give any of it to so low life lying ass dirt-bag. Life is hard enough and since I can do bad by myself; I can very well do without drama and bullsh!t.

I have been by myself for a little while now and it is wonderful actually; I'm n0t dealing with a insecure abusive man. I have everything and I mean absolutely everything that I could possible need. Just would love to have that special someone to share it with. But he must be the right one.
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