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 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 182
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
As so many others here have said, each in their own way, if the quality will not be there in a potential relationship, it is better not to have it. Celibacy is not the lifestyle I prefer, but I keep in mind that lyrical line from a 60's (I think) song ... "It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along." It's an excellent reminder not to settle for anyone but the person with whom you will be happiest longterm.
 Iascaireachta_arĂ­s
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 183
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 10/27/2011 8:46:01 PM

"It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along." It's an excellent reminder not to settle for anyone but the person with whom you will be happiest longterm.

^^^Ditto that! ^^^
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 184
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:37:38 PM
I am celibate and not because I'm frigid (do they still use that word?) Those that think by the third date they should be boinking, that's your thing and I respect that. So many think celibate people can't get laid or hate sex. Not true.

I agree with not to settle for anyone but the person happiest in long term. If that means no sex for awhile I'm ok with it.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 185
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History
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 10/29/2011 8:40:43 PM
I started out reading this post thinking "maybe I'm the only one" but it looks like I may
have lots of company.
I have been married and divorced, had a few short term relationships and of course none
of them worked out.
I decided to start self therapy and try to figure out why my relationships kept failing.
To keep this short, I discovered that I was happier alone than I was tied down. so I would
manipulate the relationship, the girl (lady) would leave and I could play the heart broken
poor man.
Thus I decided that I didn't really want to be in a relationship in the first place. I was
only doing this to myself because it's what society says we're supposed to do. I heard
many times from family and friends, "You can't live the rest of your life alone. You need
to find someone to grow old with."
Well I am happy to say that I have spent the past 19 years alone. No sex with anyone.
No relationships that I would end up destroying, and no more broken hearts.
I still think about having sex with someone but givin the amount of time that has past
now, I don't think the little guy even works anymore.
I don't miss it anymore, in fact I can even joke about it now. Imagine me bringing home
a date and then explaining to them that if they think they're going to get laid, they're out
of luck.
Anyway, I'm a happier man and I can much better enjoy the company of women. Going
to dances, I have had a few that would like to come home with me, but I very nicely tell
them that I came to the dance alone and I will be going home alone.
So at 59 years of age, sex is just something that I did when I was a younger man.
19 years, and when I get to twenty, I'll stop counting.
 cupper3
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 186
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/1/2011 7:01:27 PM

...
Well I am happy to say that I have spent the past 19 years alone. No sex with anyone.
No relationships that I would end up destroying, and no more broken hearts.
I still think about having sex with someone but givin the amount of time that has past
now, I don't think the little guy even works anymore.
I don't miss it anymore, in fact I can even joke about it now. Imagine me bringing home
a date and then explaining to them that if they think they're going to get laid, they're out
of luck.
Anyway, I'm a happier man and I can much better enjoy the company of women. Going
to dances, I have had a few that would like to come home with me, but I very nicely tell
them that I came to the dance alone and I will be going home alone.
So at 59 years of age, sex is just something that I did when I was a younger man.
19 years, and when I get to twenty, I'll stop counting.


No one should judge another's choice, but your choice certainly is not mine, and I am 60.

My celibacy period lasted over 10 years; I was in a marriage that only worked for the kids, and my morals said no stepping out, even though I was dearly missing the physical part.

When I finally got divorced after the kids grew up, I was like a kid in a candy store. I had no idea women found my sexy, or that they at my age (I was in my 40's then) wanted sex as much as I did. The three date rule was not only prevalent, it appeared to be a 2 date rule in most cases. My relationships all lasted at least 6 months, most longer, so it was not jumping from bed to bed.

I recently broke up with a good woman who was 17 years younger then me. We had dated for 2 years, and I am back looking, albeit I am pretty selective (and it is not all about looks). Am I looking for 17 years younger again? Nope, only if it happens, but I also have no problem looking at someone older then me.

The important component is that once compatibly and goals are sorted out, sex defiantly needs to be part of the equation. It always has been, and I can't see that changing.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 187
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/2/2011 8:50:31 PM

dynastywhite:
Well I am happy to say that I have spent the past 19 years alone. No sex with anyone.
No relationships that I would end up destroying, and no more broken hearts.
I still think about having sex with someone but givin the amount of time that has past
now, I don't think the little guy even works anymore.


I don't want to get too personal here, but I find this quite .... what's the word I want? Unusual? Disturbing? Possibly even weird?

There have been periods of time when I was celibate, not by choice, but I always masturbated, and frequently, and there was never any doubt about the equipment still working. Masturbation is GOOD for you. Check with your doctor if you don't believe me. If you have been celibate for 19 years, without even masturbation, you NEED to go see a doctor. Seriously.
 lordismybanner
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 188
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/5/2011 8:55:56 PM
yea i think its a positive and great strenght to exercise your GOD given ability to abstain ... my thoughts are on the purpose of being santified bibical purposes;
also prepareing ones self for a future mate ...even more the reason .....
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 189
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/7/2011 8:16:57 PM
^^^Exactly. And "goin without" does not equate to celibacy in my opinion. To me it is rare that someone is celibate by choice. Just because you are without a partner and not having sex, to me, does not make you celibate.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 190
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/9/2011 4:39:52 AM
I have been celibate awhile...relationships take work, I have found many people our age have drama & baggage & that is VERY DRAINING. So if you had job issues & family member(s) w/ medical issues, that drains you, then you have no emotional energy left for BS from the opposite sex. UNTIL you look at the calendar & realize you are almost breaking your own personal record. Now I understand why men have wanted NSA, flings, FWB & use sites like AFF. They wanna get laid w/ no BS. I bet there are many people who are relationship material who don't have BS, that you could have a non-draining relationship ( & sex) with...where are they?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 191
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/9/2011 5:46:14 AM
^^^^^Most are in relationships with like minded women.....:)
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 192
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/9/2011 8:30:30 AM

^^^^^Most are in relationships with like minded women.....:)


Ahh nothing wrong with the good old buddy system..
 sweetblue62
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 193
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/9/2011 6:52:04 PM
to Halfevl333,

No it is not easier for women. Not this woman.
I do not care how many toys are manufactured, I want the real thing.
I want a man, his hands to touch me, his arms to hold me, his lips to touch mine, his , well, you get the idea.
I want to be made love to, self gratification cannot take the place of the real thing!!! EVER!!!
The passion, the initmacy, mmm, yes, it is all good there.
As a woman who is sexual and sensual, I want a man to love me and to make love with.
That is my desire.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 194
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/12/2011 3:41:51 PM
Masturbation is GOOD for you. Check with your doctor if you don't believe me. If you have been celibate for 19 years, without even masturbation, you NEED to go see a doctor. Seriously.


Sorry, but I don't understand why I should go to a doctor if I'm happy.

I'm a loner and I have no desire to complicate my life by getting involved in
a relationship that I don't want in the first place. Not fair to me and it's not fair to the
person I'm going to end up hurting.
I can still enjoy myself at dances and parties. I'm just not willing to give up my
freedom.
Masturbation may very well be good for you, but don't you first have to imagine that
you're with someone first? Being as how I can't imagine myself being with anyone,
masturbation seems to me like a total waste of energy.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 195
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:56:20 PM
^^^\Because masturbation is really important for prostate health. That's what you should research or discuss with your doctor.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 196
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:08:18 PM
Dynastywhite - man, there is something really sad about you. Get yourself over to Pattaya, Thailand, or Angeles City, Philippines. Complicate your life.

You may find that you're not dead enough to bury after all.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 197
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:50:00 AM
Is this what our society has come to?
I'm happy in the life that I HAVE CHOSEN.
Why do people want me to be unhappy?
Why is it, that because I choose to live alone, by myself,
I'm wrong?
Not everyone in this world needs to be with someone in order to make them happy.
I make my own happiness.
Society seems to believe, that for me to be NORMAL, I have to live an unhappy life
style.
I've lived the life of getting up in the morning and fighting with my wife all the time.
I've lived the life where arguments every day seem to be the norm.
Well if this is what others say is happiness, I'm sorry, I don't want any part of it.

I live a stress free life. I take no meds for stress related ills. No heart pills, no blood
thinners, anti-depressants or any othe kinds of pills. AND I drink a case of beer a week
and smoke like a chimney.
AND surprise to all who seem to be concerned, my prostate is still working fine.
Yes I do get it checked out once a year, and no it's not swollen or anything else.
So why is it that I should live an unhappy life just to make other people happy.
Perhaps you are unhappy and you believe that everyone else should be too.
Maybe I'm the one who has found what you seem to be looking for.

I don't have to travel to Pattaya, Thailand, or Angeles City, Philippines. There are
many women right here in this town that are available. I just don't want them.
I don't need them to make me happy.
I hate the taste of parsnips and I'm not going to eat them just to make someone
else happy.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 198
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:20:56 AM
DynastyWhite, my mother is one such person who enjoys being around people when she wants to (e.g., cards night at the community hall with a few of the 'locals' a couple times a month), but to live alone. She is very happy, has friends and relatives she sees or talks to on the phone, has her own car to go out where/when she wants, and delights in her garden and playing on computer, etc. She is living what is FOR HER a very full and satisfying life and lifestyle. So I agree with you ... not everyone is happiest being paired up, and they should not be encouraged to do so.

Re what your married life was like, I'm sorry it was so unpleasant for you. The only suggestion I have (please ignore it if you don't agree) is to continue with your life how you most prefer it, but to keep an open mind re the future. That way, should true love come your way, it might be considered rather than be sent packing out of hand. But unless or until the real deal comes along, I have no doubt that celibacy is working for you, so why change?
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 199
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:59:24 AM
Glenoran1

Thank you for understanding.

Yes I do keep an open mind and if the right lady comes
along, I'd be at least willing to give it a try again.
I do have one confession to make as far as the right lady is concerned.
I'm afraid that I have now set the bar so high that even the
Blessed Virgin Mary would find it hard to measure up.

Quite simply, I'm not into being hurt again. By keeping the steel gate locked,
getting hurt again just is not possible.

True that "true love" will never be discovered, but at almost 60, I don't think
my true love is anywhere to be found anyway.
I don't miss it because I have never experienced it.

Thanks again
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 200
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/14/2011 11:41:18 AM

I'm afraid that I have now set the bar so high that even the
Blessed Virgin Mary would find it hard to measure up.


I think that is what happens to most people as they age.. The desire to couple is not as strong as it used to be so we can set that bar higher than anything we have ever seen..

However my neighbors have no problem with me being single.. Some of them silently wish they had my life, and one even vocalized that wish to me.. So I know what I hold in my hand and to change that he would really have to be something..

I am very happily single and have enjoyed a good relationship a long time ago.. Unfortunately he passed away young.

I do count my blessings daily since so many women I meet these days have never experienced that in their lifetime..

Namaste
nativerock
 WheresWestley
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 201
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/15/2011 9:17:37 PM
I agree with you completely! The concept of bed hopping is not for me, yet somehow I feel flawed for not doing that. I have put my child first and now have God first (close second to my child), and can't find my Mr. Right.
Perhaps my standards are too high, or perhaps I'm looking in the wrong places or not looking enough. I don't know. But the loneliness just for a human touch (even just holding hands!) is getting mighty old, especially when your friend can't stop talking about their escapades*sigh*.
So, good luck to you, and don't change for anybody! I know I won't!
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 202
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/15/2011 11:15:36 PM

Quite simply, I'm not into being hurt again. By keeping the steel gate locked,
getting hurt again just is not possible.


You are a perfect idiot.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 203
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/16/2011 2:58:23 AM
You are a perfect idiot.


And you say that, why?
Maybe because you feel that your life style is the way everyone should live?
Or maybe it's because you enjoy being yelled at so you yell back at your mate.
I also suspect that you enjoy disagreeing with your mate and having your mate disagree with you.
You know what? If happiness for you is all the above, stick with it.
I have flamed no one in this thread and for you to call me an idiot just shows everyone
who has posted in this thread what sort of person you really are.
I don't even see a photo of you, so you also enjoy hiding behind your keyboard.

As for your profile, maybe you're the one who should wear the muzzle.


Your level of conventionality might make it difficult for you to tolerate people
with beliefs different from your own. Although such people might be fun on first dates,
once you begin talking about serious issues, you might find their unorthodoxy
unsettling and even offensive.

This is from your Chemistry Test Reaults. I don't need to say more.

You can call me anything you want. I in turn will call you nothing, because that's all you are - nothing.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 204
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/16/2011 9:56:47 AM
I may not agree with your thoughts on this but I certainly respect them, you must do what works for you.

I don't want to bed hop either but I'm certainly not going to beat myself up if someone peaks my interest and I saw "aw, what the hell".

I do find it sad that someone is so wary after coming out of a bad marriage/relationship. We all should heal and move on. But to say "never again" to the opposite gender is again very sad. I'm happy to hear that you will entertain the possibility of meeting someone. Please don't let what one person did to you tarnish us all.

As for "perfect idiot", well, what can I say - stupid is as stupid does. Just shows that you don't need to be a genius or even a decent human being to post on here. you don't even have to be kind or intelligent.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 205
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:33:32 PM

As for "perfect idiot", well, what can I say - stupid is as stupid does. Just shows that you don't need to be a genius or even a decent human being to post on here. you don't even have to be kind or intelligent.


Well, you certainly have my number, Welsh.

I apologize for my brusque and insensitive post. It's true: I should have a muzzle.

But really, if you close your heart to protect yourself, you close your heart to everything good as well.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 206
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History
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 4:34:28 AM

I apologize for my brusque and insensitive post.


Opening or closing my heart does not have to involve having sex with anyone.
I love a few different people but I have no intention of having sex with them.
And yes, some of them are females my age.

I also accept your apology
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