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 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 207
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Anyway, I'm a happier man and I can much better enjoy the company of women. Goingto dances, I have had a few that would like to come home with me, but I very nicely tell them that I came to the dance alone and I will be going home alone.
So at 59 years of age, sex is just something that I did when I was a younger man.
19 years, and when I get to twenty, I'll stop counting.


Wow do not often read of a man that has been celibate that long a time.. The longest for me was 14 years and presently am into for another 5.. You may never hit the 20 Isay that because why limit yourself to the possibility.. I just think you have yet to meet the one that turns you around.. At least that is what my hopes are..

nativerock
 aboutgettingby
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 208
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 1:14:09 PM
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?


No


Celibacy - more common than people admit?


Probably
 ruspukin
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 209
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 1:17:30 PM
celibacy should be used to cultivate deep meaningful relationships....even married people need to have times of celibacy...celibacy prevents one from a false sensation of love, and if one can control their sexual urges, than they won't use their partner for that satisfaction. In our culture, we us the other as a tool for masturbation, and not as a person who deserves unconditional love. Sex doesn't make us love one another more, in fact we can actually lose respect for the one were with. That is why so many leave a relationship after they have become intimate. Its funny that most , if not all divorced people, have had premarital sex...ironic, isn't it...
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 210
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 3:55:41 PM

celibacy should be used to cultivate deep meaningful relationships....even married people need to have times of celibacy..


Indeed it is a state of love and not lust... That is not to say that you cannot experience lust and love with the same person. However they are two very different emotions.


In our culture, we us the other as a tool for masturbation, and not as a person who deserves unconditional love. Sex doesn't make us love one another more, in fact we can actually lose respect for the one were with. That is why so many leave a relationship after they have become intimate.


The above paragraph I am trying to understand.. Are you trying to say once you engage in sex you cannot have unconditional love? I certainly understand that sex does not make us love one another more because it is a different emotion than lust.. By those moments should dance between one and the other..

nativerock
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 211
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 4:11:38 PM

Quite simply, I'm not into being hurt again. By keeping the steel gate locked,
getting hurt again just is not possible.


"And a rock feels no pain
And an island never
cries." (P. Simon)

You deserve a heck of a lot of credit: you know yourself, and you're upfront about who you are and what you need. Honestly? I sure hope not to spend another 14 years without One Good Guy to rock my world (and my bed. . . and the carpet in the family room. . . and the. . . ).
But if i don't have the good fortune to find him, so be it. I'll never, however, keep the steel gate locked. Because I know only too well what I've been missing this past half decade!

 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 212
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 5:33:55 PM
Well put. And the quote from Paul Simon's "I Am A Rock" was something I was thinking, too, reading these posts.

To each their own, of course, but for me, I will never lock that gate. I was fortunate enough to have had a wonderful husband, who succumbed to cancer and other illnesses. But there may be another wonderful guy out there for me (and me for him). If I find him, fabulous! If not, at least I'll be open to the possibility.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 213
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:22:43 PM
I simply cannot understand why anyone would "choose" to be celibate. Sex is a primal need and to deny it is unnatural.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 214
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:30:58 PM
^^^^ Gwendolyn, I suspect that what is 'natural' for one person may not be natural for another, for whatever reason. Also, choice comes into play.

There is no one right way to live a life. Each life offers its own opportunities for self-expression, experiencing, exploring, but again, we get to pick and choose which opportunities we partake in.

At least, that's my take on it.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 215
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 7:06:38 PM
food, water, shelter, sex are the top of the human hierarchy (in that order pretty much)

once those needs are secured (which is an ongoing process) but once those needs are no longer a struggle and are somewhat fixed for us, there is a need for self actualization, which is where i think so many of us are.

kaylee
not to say they cannot all work or don't work in tandem, but we are then afforded the luxury of realigning our priorities/needs.
at 60 i have had enough sex to last a lifetime if i could never have it again.
i have enjoyed sex in a loving relationship. i no longer want sex for the sake of physical satisfaction, it has to be wrapped in a relationship now.

and i am also on a journey of self actualization that i could not travel in the same way as i do now when i was a younger woman with children and spouse.
life is good because i am good with me, and good with the things i am focused on.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 216
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 7:23:47 PM
Msg 245

Quite simply, I'm not into being hurt again. By keeping the steel gate locked,
getting hurt again just is not possible.

All I can say,
Better to have loved and have lost some, than to give it up
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 217
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:09:34 PM

Gwendolyn, I suspect that what is 'natural' for one person may not be natural for another, for whatever reason. Also, choice comes into play.


I can understand physical reasons why people are celibate, but that is less than a "choice" but what "nature" has dealt them. Catholic priests choose to be celibate, but we have seen time after time the grief that choice has brought to them, and it is not just in modern times that this has been so.

IF person is healthy and his/her sex drive is not affected by physical (or mental) obstacles, again, I can't see why anyone would "choose" to be celibate and give up sex as a deliberate measure instead of circumstance.

Of course, celibacy doesn't rule out masturbation, so I suppose celibate people still have a measure of sexual satisfaction.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 218
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:22:09 PM
variations in sex drive perhaps?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 219
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:01:22 PM

variations in sex drive perhaps?


That's one thing covered by physical/mental "conditions."

I dunno, maybe I am just too concerned with sex. (Grin.)
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 220
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:09:43 PM
no, i don't think it is necessarily a medical or physical condition.
some are born with a lower libido and live quite happily. that is the natural level of hormones or mix for their bodies. at least that is what i think.

now, it is another thing if someone has had a higher libido, hormone levels change, and the libido falls, and they are unhappy with the change.

i have always had a high libido, and totally enjoy sex, but without the right partner and no desire to seek out the wrong partner or obsess about the absence of sex in my life, i have shifted some gears to enjoy other things in the interim. if in fact this is an interim.

i would welcome sex and break the celibacy if the interim passes............grin

kaylee
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 221
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 8:41:49 AM
I still think there is a difference between "celibate" and "going without while waiting for the right partner to come along". To me celibacy is a lifestyle choice made by priests or for some other (to me) weird reason. I have not had an intimate relationship for some time yet I don't consider myself "celibate".

And as for finding the right/perfect/made for me/not gonna do it with every Tom, Dyck and Harry attitude - I understand this but there is also not a damn thing wrong with a mutually satisfying romp in the hay with someone who will do for now or the moment. We're all adults. Sex is a wonderful thing when enjoyed between two folks in love and it can also be a hell of a lot of fun between two adults who respect each other...for the moment.

And as for high/low libido - I want to know this before hand. If you don't match me - we don't match. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life hoping he'll match my level and vice versa. It ain't gonna work.

I'm not celibate - I'm on hiatus.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 222
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:04:26 AM
welsh,
agree about the match on libido

and also agree on the respectful, consenting adults thing. just not what i want right now.

celibate really means abstaining from sex (usually for religious reasons) , but not limited to those reasons, but it was interesting to know that in the far past anyone who wasn't married was celibate. i guess that was when people only had sex within a marriage.

i agree, celibate or hiatus, both indicate not getting any right now to me.........

kaylee
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 223
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:19:30 AM
I did have a discussion with a forum friend regarding "lack o nookie" and we determined that when you reach a certain period of time without any - we should market ourselves as "born again virgins". I'm thinking it shoud be a 2 year limit without and then I get my virgin status back. Might be a good marketing tool...or maybe not.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 224
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 4:12:26 PM
Gads! If that was true, I'd be a long-time 'born again' virgin. Been somewhere between 5 and 6 years, and before that once every year or two for a few years. The marriage vows should be changed to "in sickness and in health, and in celibacy, if it comes to that" (wry grin).
 melazone_at_hotm
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 225
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:14:00 PM
I'm celibate....not happy about it ....I want some physical contact but since my last relationship they guys I meet r pretty weird so they didn't get any...lol.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 226
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:26:20 PM
Celibacy sucks.. for sure

but it isnt about LIBIDO!

when i have sex.. i have LOTS of sex.. when i dont.. i have none.. just like that.

Ive determined that sex is what sucks me into the BAD relationships that ive had..

its like a drug.. and im snorting it.. SO.. i will not have sex again.. till i meet someone actually worthwhile.. screw it.. no FWB's.. nadda..

I am so sick of the passing of boyfriends.. that i refuse it!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 227
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/5/2012 9:51:30 PM
^^^^^^I agree Debbie
and its nice to see your picture back up.

I dont consider myself celibate in between boyfreinds.
Its just that I wait for the "right " man to come along into my life
before I have sex. and I could go years without meeting him.
come to think of it, I have made a few mistakes, since the "right" one
has never appeared. I only thought he did. lol

Cupid keeps missing.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 228
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:03:17 AM

IF person is healthy and his/her sex drive is not affected by physical (or mental) obstacles, again, I can't see why anyone would "choose" to be celibate and give up sex as a deliberate measure instead of circumstance.


I can see why there maybe times one elects to remain celibate for long periods of time. I know after my first husband passed away my focus was elsewhere on raising the children and making sure I was making a good living to support them..

For others it could be a psychological edge, personal empowerment or perhaps a connection to a higher purpose in life..

A yogic discipline of brahmacharya (sexual restraint) is prescribed in the Yoga Sutras, an ancient text outlining an eight-fold path to spiritual enlightenment.

nativerock
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 229
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:04:59 AM
Choice? Not mine!

Some people never get tired of the chase. For others there comes a time we want to stop and smell the roses. If someone's going to make me run after them at this age, I guess it is my choice to tell them to run along ahead and to wait for someone who's going to walk with me.
 barra61
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 230
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:26:02 AM
QUOTE: -[For myself, I became celebate because I got tired of boreing men who do not know how to make love. They think "erotic" is the name of a video game. They are tasteless and crude. How sad. There is an elegance and erotic nature to sex. Men don't get it and I am tired of trying to teach them. I think it is a lack of culture.]

And looking from a different perspective , perhaps the modern aggressive female has deterred many men from "Making Love" as his lack of sexual fulfillment( quite different from female fulfillment) turns him toward aggressively getting what he can.

You see , females have absolutely no idea of the "Natural " need for a male to fulfill his needs.Yes, sadly that is the way we are made!!You might be astounded how the sex drive overtakes the male mind .It's not just about the Big O , it's just a natural drive that's instilled from birth. And for most , lasts till death.We "really " cannot change the way we are made.
But most are able to control it to fit in with the world in which we live.
Until a compromise is reached, I doubt either of the sexes will be ever satisfied.
That "compromise" appears to be drifting further and further away , as we all seek to "do our own thing" so to speak.
And the funny part is , "doing our own thing " is pretty boring without the sex

Until this problem is sorted, celibacy will remain a common alternative .
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 231
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:52:02 AM

You see , females have absolutely no idea of the "Natural " need for a male to fulfill his needs.Yes, sadly that is the way we are made!!You might be astounded how the sex drive overtakes the male mind .It's not just about the Big O , it's just a natural drive that's instilled from birth. And for most , lasts till death.We "really " cannot change the way we are made.


A constant battle no doubt about it.. I am honestly thankful I was born female..The older you get I imagine the harder it is to find.. Unless you have a big wallet then the world is your oyster.. I would never want to walk in your moccasins..

nativerock
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