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 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 227
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?Page 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
^^^^^^I agree Debbie
and its nice to see your picture back up.

I dont consider myself celibate in between boyfreinds.
Its just that I wait for the "right " man to come along into my life
before I have sex. and I could go years without meeting him.
come to think of it, I have made a few mistakes, since the "right" one
has never appeared. I only thought he did. lol

Cupid keeps missing.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 228
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:03:17 AM

IF person is healthy and his/her sex drive is not affected by physical (or mental) obstacles, again, I can't see why anyone would "choose" to be celibate and give up sex as a deliberate measure instead of circumstance.


I can see why there maybe times one elects to remain celibate for long periods of time. I know after my first husband passed away my focus was elsewhere on raising the children and making sure I was making a good living to support them..

For others it could be a psychological edge, personal empowerment or perhaps a connection to a higher purpose in life..

A yogic discipline of brahmacharya (sexual restraint) is prescribed in the Yoga Sutras, an ancient text outlining an eight-fold path to spiritual enlightenment.

nativerock
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 229
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:04:59 AM
Choice? Not mine!

Some people never get tired of the chase. For others there comes a time we want to stop and smell the roses. If someone's going to make me run after them at this age, I guess it is my choice to tell them to run along ahead and to wait for someone who's going to walk with me.
 barra61
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 230
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:26:02 AM
QUOTE: -[For myself, I became celebate because I got tired of boreing men who do not know how to make love. They think "erotic" is the name of a video game. They are tasteless and crude. How sad. There is an elegance and erotic nature to sex. Men don't get it and I am tired of trying to teach them. I think it is a lack of culture.]

And looking from a different perspective , perhaps the modern aggressive female has deterred many men from "Making Love" as his lack of sexual fulfillment( quite different from female fulfillment) turns him toward aggressively getting what he can.

You see , females have absolutely no idea of the "Natural " need for a male to fulfill his needs.Yes, sadly that is the way we are made!!You might be astounded how the sex drive overtakes the male mind .It's not just about the Big O , it's just a natural drive that's instilled from birth. And for most , lasts till death.We "really " cannot change the way we are made.
But most are able to control it to fit in with the world in which we live.
Until a compromise is reached, I doubt either of the sexes will be ever satisfied.
That "compromise" appears to be drifting further and further away , as we all seek to "do our own thing" so to speak.
And the funny part is , "doing our own thing " is pretty boring without the sex

Until this problem is sorted, celibacy will remain a common alternative .
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 231
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:52:02 AM

You see , females have absolutely no idea of the "Natural " need for a male to fulfill his needs.Yes, sadly that is the way we are made!!You might be astounded how the sex drive overtakes the male mind .It's not just about the Big O , it's just a natural drive that's instilled from birth. And for most , lasts till death.We "really " cannot change the way we are made.


A constant battle no doubt about it.. I am honestly thankful I was born female..The older you get I imagine the harder it is to find.. Unless you have a big wallet then the world is your oyster.. I would never want to walk in your moccasins..

nativerock
 Stevenin2012
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 232
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:42:34 PM
I think if you are using a vibrator often it is not true celibacy, just solo sex?

Not having ANY sexual activity is my concept of celibate.

Your reasons seem a little faulty: yes, sex with shame and humilation are no fun and should be avoided but the cure is having sex in the context of a solid relationship, not choosing celibacy if the shame and humilation, etc. are the causes for it?
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 233
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 1/30/2012 12:23:12 PM
My work colleagues are mainly female and only a couple of them are married, one happily and one an arranged who's husband works abroad all year & never tells her when he is returning. All us single women are celibate because we need trust and emotional commitment before sex.
A lot of my male friends seem to have the idea that single women are always 'up for it' & sleeping around with passed down false stereotyped labels thrown in, & what some of them fail to see is that we are not chemically driven by sex hormones alone and do not need to brag or score.
I think there are far more celibate people than is ever known due to the bad stigma of 'whats wrong with you?' which you have so rightly commented on stopping openness between the genders as fear of being hit on or insulted.
All the best.
Starfishgazer x
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 234
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:22:42 PM
I never in a million years thought I would be celibate for as long as I have been but finding a guy whom I can form a long term relationship in which sex is a part is near impossible. But I have now invested so much time in waiting it just seems stupid to give up just for a guy who will disappear the next day. So I keep waiting for Mr. Right.
 risingmist
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 235
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:52:32 AM
I refuse to sleep with men who cannot or won't use a condom. Which means celebacy largely. I have heard every excuse on the planet and there is no way I am going to do it (work in healthcare) with one. Ever. I have met ONE man in my entire life who was mature enough to use a condom. And I so enjoy seeing him when he is in town. Everyone else? Not.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 236
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:51:05 AM
This thread is a breath of fresh air. I've been celibate, or abstinent for a few years now - something I probably wouldn't have done when I was younger. Finding a 'relationship' seemed to be higher on my priority list... and being sexually active as well. It hasn't been a conscious choice really, I just came to a point where I'm pickier about relationships and I don't mind being alone - AND I'm no longer interested in anything casual.

If and when the right person comes along - that's a different story. I have a high libido and in the context of being with someone I admire and feel comfortable with...

I do find that I am judged though... like singlehood is unnatural or there is something wrong with me for not being in a relationship or hooking up with every date, i don't know. Many people can't comprehend that one can be happy outside of a relationship - but I am, and that makes it easier to be selective.. it's a want, not a need.

I have no 'moral' grounds for abstinence, it is just the choice that fits where I am at in life right now. Maybe I just want more than the physical side. Opportunity isn't the issue either. This thread has given me things to think about... I also admire those men who have posted who know themselves well enough to have made this a conscious choice... gives me hope because one thing I would be looking for is someone self aware.

Peace
 jujubean52
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 237
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:30:04 PM
I think you and angelic blonde hit the target deadcenter.
So many men on here want to be huffypuffy if a woman doesn't want to be intimate on the first date, but in this time of meeting 10 to 15 people everyday on POF ... and not wanting to be rude so i try to answer every one... i just plain don't have the time or energy to have sex with every man that writes.
I have three lines of interests listed and none of them are sex with men who I might not even know their real name!
For me i would rather hold out for a man who is so committed to me that he will indeed block out entire weekends to be with me doing shared interests such as hiking. My best spontaneous sex has been after hiking three hours to a waterfall. .. but it couldn't even come close in comparison to the 4 hours of sex/cuddling/snacking in bed sex we had the next weekend and for the duration of our marriage a month later.
For me that is the real truth. i am a glutton by nature ( and medically. i do really have gout which is a n inherited condition) It is controlled by resisting the temptation to eat all the many items you have craved in the past, including all forms of alcohol. So if i date a man and get use to getting his sweetness it really hurts me to the core when he turns out to only have time to date me when his wife/girlfriend/boss/mother/roommate is gone again. It is like i have withdrawal. so for me, though i miss the intimacy i know from my past experiences that the fall is just too painful to have to live through again.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 238
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/11/2012 12:45:25 PM
I think there are more people who have celibacy thrust upon them than there are people who voluntarily choose this path.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 239
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:14:53 PM

I think there are more people who have celibacy thrust upon them than there are people who voluntarily choose this path.


I think most likely this pertains to a lot of men, women do not have it thrust upon them and always have a host of options.. I imagine those options in a few years time will go down as well but so far not yet..
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 240
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/11/2012 4:43:19 PM
I was thinking about my dry spell one evening and couldn't sleep. I got up and turned on the tube to an info-mercial about a new product called the Prosti-vac. I was so impressed with the machine I ordered one on the spot. It's amazing I've had a smile on my face since I plugged er in. My carpets have never been so clean, just don't shine an ultraviolet light on them. Next I'm going to get one of those new fangled Majic Cracks.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 241
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:02:40 PM
I don't think "having a dry spell" or "waiting until I find the right one" or "haven't had a date in 2 years" is what I would term as celibacy. It just plain old "going without". If all the planets were aligned and people's relationship needs were being met there would be a whole lot of sex going on.

So to me the majority of you are just holding out until you find what you want. In the mean time I'm sure there is a lot of self pleasuring going on.

There is nothing wrong with casual sex if that's what you want and there is nothing wrong with waiting until you find someone that suits you if that's what you want. Personal preferences...but to me saying "I'm celibate" is not the correct use of the word.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 242
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:11:54 PM
^^^ I have to say I agree, Celibacy is a choice you make not cause you cant find a worthy partner, and using a BOB is self sex and you aren't being celibate you are just not using a partner.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 243
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 2/13/2012 9:37:44 AM
BOB means battery operated boyfriend.
 dynastywhite
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 244
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:20:09 AM

I'll never, however, keep the steel gate locked. Because I know only too well what I've been missing this past half decade!


I also know what I'm missing out on, and I'll gladly live without it. Pain and heartache,
arguing and fighting. Nope! I can live without it.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 245
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:49:58 PM

I think most likely this pertains to a lot of men, women do not have it thrust upon them and always have a host of options.. I imagine those options in a few years time will go down as well but so far not yet..


I'm not sure that I agree with ^^^ totally. I think we all have choices. Not necessarily good ones. It could be like an episode of "How Low Will You Go".
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 246
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 3/30/2012 3:05:14 PM
I was in bed the other nite and a couple of times there was a buzzing noise coming from my nitetable...figured out ole Bob was at it as his battery needed to be replaced!

Another time, my daughter called me at work...said in a husky voice "this is Bob, I am calling from your nightstand"! I darned near fell off my chair

OT: I have known some of my women friends who have not had physical contact with a man in 15 to 20 years..how the hell does that even happen? I don't care if you have a bob or not
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 247
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:49:42 PM
I have chosen to be celibate. It's not a dry spell.

I get the remarks of age and menopause hormones out of whack; believe me, all my bits are still over charged and God help the man I meet and spend the rest of my life with.

Those that want to have sex that is your business but there isn't a thing wrong with those of us that choose not to.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 248
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 4/3/2012 2:14:01 PM
Risingmist, you are so right. There are a few of my African-American female friends who would be over 55 and alive today if they had insisted that the men in their lives wore condoms.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 249
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:26:47 PM
I am with you. I prefer sex and affection together and wont settle for less. If that means celibacy, so be it.
I think older people are often celibate for long periods as they dont have the opportunities or the drive for a sex life.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 250
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:30:47 PM
Basically they just want to get it in, get it off and get going lol!! Great lovers are rare and naturally in relationships already and so you dont get to make love with them unless they are players and who wants that??
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 251
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:44:49 AM
^^^Hello again Damsel/Vallievoom. New profile, cool.

"I prefer sex and affection together and wont settle for less. If that means celibacy, so be it."

I think most of us feel this way. I just think that while waiting for that great relationship we are "going without". to me "celibacy" is a life choice usually made for religious reasons (not always but usually). And to we are all confusing celibacy with going without sex until the right one comes along.
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