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 hiker4
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 272
Joke of the day !!Page 2 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
A woman suspects her husband of cheating and hires a detective.
The detective catches the husband meeting his mistress at a motel and is not able to film but he can slip a microphone into the room.

Taking the evidence to the wife he hands her the tape. She plays it and hears the mistress moaning, "thaaaat's happiness, thaaaat's happiness". The detective laughs and says sorry that was the wrong speed. He switches the speed setting and plays it again.

"Thats a penis? THAT's a penis?"


Now one for the ladies...

A woman who has quite a large bottom, but very small breasts goes to the surgeon and asks about augmentation. The surgeon tells her that he thinks she looks fine but that if she wishes, he will perform the operation. "Thank you very much, Doctor. That's what I want". The Doctor replies "However, based on your anatomy, I think we should try a non-invasive method, first." The woman is puzzled and asks what would that be? "You should take a handful of toilet paper each day and rub it between your breasts." The woman is even more puzzled now and asks "How could that help?" The doctor answers in a matter of fact tone,

" Look what it's done for your ass."

Midnite Plow Boy!
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 287
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 2/28/2007 11:35:03 AM
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and
cook venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic--and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their
priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass---and the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist
and raised as a Baptist but now you are Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The
priest was called immediately by the neighbors.
As the priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary, and prepared
to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba,
clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over
the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you was raised a
deer, but now you is a catfish."
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 288
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 2/28/2007 6:43:16 PM
wow interesting cant belive i read the whole thing message 204
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 292
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 3/2/2007 10:57:07 AM
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local
Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and
every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the
lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a
statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.

" Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After
a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the
bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for
me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you
like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
" You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig
leaf on that statue, the lights go out." "Now, how about that drink?"
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 293
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 3/2/2007 1:59:13 PM
You know your to horny when .........................

1) A hoover seems like the best option for a blow job.
2) You try to use quagmires ideas to get laid.
3) When a hot dog bun just has to do.
4)when your grandma looks pretty damg good in her housecoat.
5) You get a hard on when the dog licks your hand.
6) You hit on chicks in divorse court.
7) You get a job at a funral parlor to get laid.
8) You shop at ann summers for your newly purchased sheep.
9) Your cat buys you an inflatible doll so u leave it alone.
10) The ladynext door no longer leave pies on her window sill to cool.
11) All your wrinkles have diserpared
12) The crack of dawn look good.
13)you wank off to an episode of the golden girls.
14)When your dog hides from you.
15) Your pharmacy is out of ky jelly and suggests you buy stock.
16) When your right arm is bigger than yer left.
17) Watching reruns of rosanne gets you hard.
18)When the highlight of your day is turning the washer on fast spin.
19) The skin on your hands are the softess around coz all the vaseline you use.
20) You need 7 computers to store all your porn.
21) when you wake up in the morning all wet and sticky from the waist down.
22)When the pizza boy wont deliver to your house.
23) Your mobile is always dead coz of the vibrate feature.
24)Looking at a box of klenex turns you on.
25) Both wrists have carpul tunnel syndrome and you r only 25.
26) You think marge simpson is one sexy lady.
27) You see a pic of whoopie goldberg and get a hard on.
28) The 400 pound girl in the grocery store starts to look pretty dam fine.
29)You wish the hooker walking by your work would come in and give you a freebie.
30) When u see a bunny you think playboy.
31) You are happy the bananas are still green.
32) When you leave dirty messages on your own ansering machine.
33) Just hearin the word wood makes you hard.
34) You try and open the door but your hand wont move of the nob.
35) When you go to sexahlism anon meeting to get laid.
36)When you scratch your balls to releve an ich and come all over your arm.
37)Your fav socks are crusty.
38)When you no longer have batteries in your kids toys.
39) When A&E start charging you to remove hoover attachments.
40) If you got a penis.
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 302
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 3/4/2007 4:09:06 PM
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 South, just outside of Washington.

Nothing is moving north or south.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened; what's the hold up?"



"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al

Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise,

they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going

from car to car, taking up a collection."



The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"



"About a gallon
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 311
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 3/14/2007 6:57:02 PM
> An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
>
> After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
>
> The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
>
> The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
>
> The elderly woman repl ied, "Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
>
> The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
>
> The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
>
> "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
>
> "Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
>
> That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuri ng himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
>
> The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
>
> The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
>
> The president was happy to oblige.
>
> The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."
>
> The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
> "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!":yay :
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 313
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 3/14/2007 9:05:25 PM
a priest, a rabbi and a minister all walk into a bar one day...the bartender looks at them and says..."what is this?...some kind of a joke?"
 doza2007
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 316
Sex Secret
Posted: 3/15/2007 10:55:58 AM
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that f**king fence wasn't electrified."
 knoxman
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 350
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:12:39 AM
A newly married(less than 2 weeks)young couple are talking to a preacher about joining his church.
Preacher:Well we're kinda old-fashioned here. You've gotta pass a test to join.
Young Man:Sure, what's the test?
P:You two have to abstain from sex for 2 weeks.
YM:Okay, we'll do it.

2 weeks later, the preacher asks them how they did.
YM: Not too good. We're doing fine till yesterday. That's when I saw her reach up to the top shelf for a can of corn. I started getting excited. Then I saw her bend over to get a can of peas. Well, that did it, and we made mad passionate love right there.
P: Well, folks, you're not welcome here at our church anymore.
YM: That's okay, preacher, we're not welcome at Food City anymore, either.
 knoxman
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 351
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/25/2007 6:27:23 AM
3 guys car breaks down out of town. They walk to the nearest farm and ask the farmer if he can put them up for the night.
Farmer: Sure, y'all can sleep in the barn. But, my daughter sleeps there too. Healthy lookin' 21 year old. I don't want any of you messin' with her. If you do, somethin' bad'll happen to ya, ask anyone, I'm pretty mean around these parts.
The 3 men agreed and went to the barn. Sure enough, the next morning, the daughter came running out of the barn. Her hair was mussed, dress half-torn, wearing one shoe. "Daddy, They misused me, Daddy!" the girl screamed. The farmer grabbed his double-barreled shotgun,and yelled,"All right, you guys! I told you not to mess with her! Now, line up against that wall, and pull your manhood outta your pants!".
The men did as asled, and the farmer looked at the 1st man and asked,"What's your occupation?". He replied, "I'm a lumberjack. I chop trees down." The farmer grabs a hatchet,chops his member off, saying"No more sex for you." He looks at the 2nd man and asks him what he does for a living. " I'm a butcher. I work at the grocery in town." he answers. The farmer grabs a meat cleaver, chops, and says"No more sex for you". Suddenly, the 3rd man starts laughing uncontrollably. The farmer asks "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see what I did to these other 2 guys?"
To which the 3rd man replied, "I work in a lollipop factory".
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 353
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/25/2007 3:46:41 PM
How To Bathe A Cat

(Note: Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in Wilmington. He writes a column for the Morning Star called "From Paws to Tails." Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat : )
Dear Dr. LaCroix: I've heard that cats never have to be bathed, and that they have some sort of special enzyme in their saliva that keeps them clean. This doesn't sound believable to me because there are definite "kitty" odors on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our white hearth. Is this true about the saliva? If we do decide to give "Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington

Dear NSP: Fortunately for you, several years ago a client gave me a written set of instructions about cat bathing which I am privileged to share with you: Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

A. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself.

I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy.

He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.

You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case.

As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 354
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:20:06 AM
FIRST TIME SEX
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!". The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 356
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:07:35 AM
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and
values. Stu said "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married,
did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what's her maiden name?"
*****************************
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of
my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must
have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
*******************************
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, "the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself".
*******************************
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a course he
has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put
the curse on you". The old man says without hesitation, "I pronounce
you man and wife".
*******************************
A father looking over his son's report card says, "one thing is
definitely in your favor. Youy couldn't possibly be cheating."
*******************************
A defending attorney was cross-examining a coroner. The attorney
asked, "before you signed the death certificate, did you take the
man's pulse?"
"No," the coroner replied.
"Did you listen for a heartbeat?" the attorney asked.
"No"
"Did you check for signs of breathing?"
"No"
"So when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken ay steps
to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner, weary of the browbeating, said, "well, let me put it
this way: the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but for all I
know, he could be out practicing law somewhere"


 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 359
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/26/2007 11:17:13 AM
Subject: forest gump goes to heaven
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to
Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However,
the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see
you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though,
that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you
have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope
that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it
was."
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is
only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the
next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now
that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell
me your answers."
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in
the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy.
That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that
is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I
guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.
How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied
Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the
only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a
year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January
2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. "
Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going
with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite
what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that
one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you
tell me God's first name"? Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my
first two questions, but just how in the world did you come
up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied.
"I learnt it from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH
ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folk.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 360
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/26/2007 1:59:21 PM
> > A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
> > Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
> >
> > Of course. What may I do for you?"
> >
> > "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
> > mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
> > and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could
> > carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
> >
> > "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
> >
> > "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
> >
> > When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
> > official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
> >
> > "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
> >
> > The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
> > have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
> >
> > "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
> > which is, to date, unused."
> >
> > Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 366
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/26/2007 6:54:33 PM
Newfies adrift in a lifeboat...

Two Newfies, Jarge and Eli, were adrift in a lifeboat.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Jarge stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.

This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Jarge immediately blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into Molson Canadian beer."

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into beer and the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Eli looked disgustedly at Jarge whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment Eli said, "Nice going Jarge!

Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 371
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:17:09 PM
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland ...

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.


The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the far mer. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"


"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"


The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....




"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO


 Baba_Ganoosh
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 372
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:28:17 PM
ok, this looks like fun:

- A penis says to his his balls "Get fookin' ready, we're going to a party"

- His balls reply "Fookin' liar". "You always get to go inside & leave us outside knocking!"

/Baba/
 Baba_Ganoosh
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 373
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 4/30/2007 1:37:46 PM
i can't resist:

***TRUE STORY***

- A friend of mine meets a woman at a bar. They hit it off. Upon going back to his place, he goes to the john to change his clothes and get in some comfy gear. when he returns, he finds what he believes to be this hot naked chick under the sheets, but completely underneath the sheets. he calls out her name a couple times, but no answer, so he comes closer.

edging towards the bed, he sees a hand-written note on near the end of the bed, with this on one side:

- "Take off your pants. Get on top of me. Take your time and do what you need to do, until you are satisfied"

a little arrow is drawn to turn it over. It reads:

- "SINCERELY YOURS, THE TOILET!"

Upon reading the message, he rips off the covers. who rips apart $350 pillows??

needless to say, he didn't get any ass that night...

/Baba/
 morefunwith2
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 375
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:35:12 AM
A Virgin Redneck

Two rednecks got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"
 wyndee
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 377
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:28:09 AM
Now that was short and sweet lmao
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