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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 154
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice ColumnPage 16 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
"Don't they call the portable ones.... BOB?" Aw corn dogs, now I gotta try and act all innocent like I don't know what you's talkin bout. Well ferget that crap, I read the National Enquirer a few times. Well BOB is the battery operated portable model, I mean the man portable, ya know like you can take 'em with ya. They ain't planted in the ground or nuthin.
 Fort Garry Dark
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 155
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 5:22:39 PM
I'm so glad ya all havin a nice time down there. But up here, we're having a cold winter night, it's storming. Now I know sugar's all heated up about the snow - but lawrdy, she's in another part of town - there's 6 inches (or more) of snow on the ground. Plusing she's busy tonight.

So what's a guy to do when he's stuck at home and it ain't worth going outside? Should it involve batteries?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 156
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 5:27:05 PM
Fort Well ain't much worth lookin at on the TV. But hey you's here with all these lovely women, what's wrong with that? Well and one ole dame with bad knees.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 157
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:06:02 PM
If it's true that Kap's batteries never run down... let me know when the biddin starts! Free shipping! Can't pass up a deal like that!! WHOO HOOOO!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 158
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:48:41 PM
kap Keep your drawers on....noone's talkin bout puttin ya in a box. I'll leave THAT one be.....(whoa Bea is fiesty tonight) but you can be shipped off on one of the aeroplanes. Have Kap Will Travel, I think it's called a slave auction 'round here. They do it for charity.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 159
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 6:54:56 PM
Kap-- make sure them financial records are real handy... if you aren't bringing anything with you except rechargeable batteries- never mind. The batteries is all we need, forget the financial records!

BOB will be packed in a box and sent to someone who is less fortunate!
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 160
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 7:01:55 PM
Nope, don't think I won- just getting prepared!! Making sure he knows he won't have any competition with BOB, or anyone else!!
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 161
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 9:05:28 PM
Kap honey... what will win the bid?? Hold on while I check the bank account...
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 162
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 9:10:41 PM
Indigo- You sure are giving up easy! Were you just being a ringer to run up the bid?? I'm getting the idea that these black market auctions just might be rigged!
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 163
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 10:11:34 PM

the highest bid on Kap? I'll double it and throw in a dozen donuts


hey, i would like to add a lasagna dinner and devil's food choc cake from scratch on top of indigo's bid
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 164
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/30/2006 10:47:06 PM
ok, 3 dozen donuts, lasagna dinner, devil's food cake, breakfast in bed, and a pot of fresh brewed coffee.
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 165
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:26:46 AM
i used to make what my godfather called tennesse rocky mountain mud pie....that has jack daniels in it. i have to try to remember how to make it but it sure was good. he used to sneak me a few pieces here and then when he made it.

oh, on top of my bid, looks like i'm gonna have to add a case or 2 of packing tape since kappy still needs it to get to here.

ok, now so far my bid is.....3 dozen donuts, lasagna dinner, devil's food cake, breakfast in bed, and a pot of fresh brewed coffee, 2 cases of heavy duty packing tape, and poss. some tennessee rocky mountain mud pie..........
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 166
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:47:30 AM
I'll offer every meal in bed... and even feed it to him! Served any way he would like... did I mention the serving platter is very rare and unique?
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 167
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 7:43:27 AM
Dear Ms(rs) Beatrice...

What would you do for a clandike bar? I rode a bicycle from Chicago to New Zealand... the gal that went with me was as cold as a glacier.... but she was also so fine and femininenine... (I have an 'i' and 'n' problem... it's genetic) Anyway she was a fine right wing christian repubican [sic]. (she had a 'b' and 'l' problem... but she could sing Ave Maria so good that i survived severe frost bite by running and beggin her not to sing.)

Anywho...

I wanted her really bad and she wanted me. So help me please Ms(z)(rs) Buttacakes. Or will I have to settle on a liberal type gal?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 168
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 3:07:02 PM
Well it's Red's auction, thank goodness for that, I ain't gittin involved.
statue, I'd just make sure she ain't got no fakie parts on her. Don't want no woman like that, be just as well up with one of them blow 'em up thangs. If you want her, then go for it, just make sure you gots your financials all in order. A good woman is worth a hefty askin price these days.
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 169
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:18:50 PM
Dear Miss Bea, please excuse me interupten yur colim

I bid all the above and I gots the cabin, I also promised Kap 1 beaver, 2 moose and an igloo.
DD
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 170
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:31:17 PM
Dear Red

Seems I have to hitch up the dog sled and round me up a few cariboo, gonna trade em in for a big bass boat with them fancy brass railings, oh nad I gots me some eskiomo's building a dock for to park the boat at
DD
 Fort Garry Dark
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 171
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:32:10 PM
Gotta love all these beavers being offered for Kap. I have to meet this guy.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 172
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:39:21 PM
Well Miss Devine....love the name...woohoo!!
This is Red's thang the biddin wars over her cuzin/brother. Their family tree is too complex for my simple mind.
There's not such thang as interupptin....so don't even think about apologizin for that..you ain't.
"1 beaver, 2 moose and an igloo." The biddins being handled by Red, but since doin this column and buyin them magazines, it's make me a bit more worldly so to speak. And I know that ..just from readin mind you that offerin a beaver don't necessarily mean an animal type thang. A beaver, strictly speakin in the animal term here, is a rodent with buck teeth that like to chew thangs. I wouldn't want one myself, lessen I had a door that needed fittin or some useful thang like that. And a beaver meaning the other thang, well daggum, I need to quit readin them cheap trash thangs, got my mind all polluted.
Two moose? Maybe I need to consult with Red 'bout this biddin thang...it's biddin not a swap meet. Now there's time when a nice pan of lasgna would be most welcome, but it all comes down to what the bank will accept as a deposit. I don't know where y'all bank, but never was able to take no food to my bank and get a legit receipt. They seem to want the green stuff, and I ain't talkin salad.
I'ts up to Red it's her auction, but heck fire, if you can't get a cashier's check or money order, which are financial stuff...be hard to be doin any bizness.
Dang, I'm so thankful I got my Sally Struthers mail in thang...I know how bizness works thanks to that.
 DevineDene
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 173
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 5:55:01 PM
Dear Miss Bea


Thank you kindly for your advise. Being from Northern Canada I'm not sure of these green backs you speak of. Up here we do a lotta trading. I will be tking the caribbo to the trading post and will ask about them.


Dear Red
I sure do think your cousin/brother is one fine Alabamy man, so please let me know if you wants them green backs or iffen I should just send you all the stuff. Cept the igloo of course it won't last it all the heat you got down there. If Kap likes the igloo, we can keep it for a winter home for ice fishing.

DD
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 174
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:00:02 PM
Well smack me upside the head call me stupid and get it over with. DD lives in Canada, so the moose and beaver thang..well just doesn't translate to the suthern states.
Keep the offers a comin gals, and Red you best be keepin track. He's your brother/cuzin.
If ya need help with the financial stuff, I'm well qualified. Just go down to the Walmart and get you a ledger. Don't be skerred, I'll tell you what to write and what colum to put it in. Ain't a thang..I'm qualified.
edit Devine, it's all about negotiable currency and them irritatin currency transactions. I knowed what it's called just can't recall right now. Blame it on the daggum Walmart. Went down there, and they run out of Geritol and offered me Suthern Comfort as a replacement. Didn't know that was a powerful liquor, so been knockin it back like I would the geritol. Those folks in the pharmacy should be..well taken out of town. Can't really complain much, the bottle I got and the bottle I used to get...well heck fire. It tastes soo good...I been choking down that nasty tastin Geritol for years and a gaggin..who'd have thunk it. That Sutern Comfort thang goes down REALL smooth..even full strength. And don't even think about givin me any crap I thought it was for medicial purposes.
I tell you what, when I get up tomorrow and get properly dressed ( no small feat in itself) I'm gonna be a tropin down to the pharacmetucial (hiccup) at Walmart bottle in hand, if there's any left...and givin them a piece of my mind.
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 175
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:11:41 PM
ok ladies.....try to beat this one................how about pumpkin pie with pecan and caramel topping with coolwhip, all of his meals served to him in bed with a red rose for a week, up here in the sticks with the hicks away from everyone, a "custom" bow & rifle display case/bench made with my own 2 little hands, a "custom" fishing rod & gear holder also made with my own 2 little hands, a full body massage after i bathe him..............ooooops, i nearly forgot about dessert.........me with strawberries and whipped cream.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 176
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:35:14 PM
Well I am a bit liquored up, mistake in the pharmacy...blame them.
Seems these biddin wars are gettin a bit lopsided. Now kap may be cute and all...bein generous here, but girls!!
Puppies are cute, when they ain't chewin on your good shoes and pissin on your new carpet. Heck y'all are offerin up some good stuff here. And punkin pie, with whipped cream, the good kind, I'm as much a sucker for that as anyone, But girls, gather 'round and listen to what Bea has to say. I make my own bestest punkin pie and get the good whpped cream. Thang is, that's not what you offer up to a man. What's be got to swap for that? The answer is nuthin. If he's got a good bank account, gold card, fat wallet, then we're atalkin. Maybe. Look at this way, always works for Miss Bea, men are like children and puppies...most of the time, they're more trouble than they're worth, but they're cute when they're sleepin. There'll ALL cute when they're sleepin..most times they're not.
Do I have to make this the suthern IE wise woman's motto?
If it needs to be done then Bea WILL do it.
And just for the record and all, I'm not a whinin or complainin 'bout the mixup in the pharmacy.
I will tell y'all this, my geritol is covered, if I get a bill for the Suthern Comfort the stuff may hit the fan.
(hiccup) Well maybe not...this stuff is GOOD!!
 Fort Garry Dark
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 177
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Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 6:48:01 PM
I'm getting a lot of comfort from your Suthern advice. Sounds like you are tonight too.

Now what should I do about e-mails that get ignored? No response. Keep sending? Cut off all contact?

I am one confused fishie tonight.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 178
Beatrice Buttcake's Really Really Bad Advice Column
Posted: 10/31/2006 7:08:59 PM
Dark- since Writer wants to be selfish about Kap and says he ain't up for biddin off, I'm looking for a new man. Send them emails to me and ur problims solved! No more ignored emails as long as you send ur financials with them (I been listening to Bea about this).

Now if you insist on sendin them to other women, you'll just have to wait for Bea to take care of ur problim after she's got all the comfort she needs!
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