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Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 26
STDsPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Good thread for discussion purposes.

Not only herpes but other stds should be discussed here. I am going to mention chlamydia

Chlamydia, being the most widely spreading STD in unprotected sex with multiple sexual partners , which can easily be taken care of by antibiotic. However, at least 50 percent of the infected do not show symptoms and are silent carriers (asymptomatic), who pass on the chlamydia to other sexual partners in unprotected sex.

Medical science and researches are looking at Chlamydia very closely. Science is yet to prove that the silent carriers( asymptomatic) with the long term present of Chlamydia in their body possibly causing prostate cancer, chlamydia pneumonia, eye sight degenration, joint problems and possibly a host of other health problems.

There are few others such as genital warts, syphillis ..etc.are incurable and the infected will spread the stds to their sexual partners. The spreading multiplies as they continue to have new sexual partners in unprotected sex.

Folks, take responsibility on your own health and others is definately a good thing.

There are many other links for stds on the net for your own researches. It is your life. Knowlegde is wisdom for sure on the sexual health. Health is wealth, without health, one has nothing.

Take care, ladies and gentlemen.
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 27
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:03:28 PM
I found a site that shows picture of herpes and so forth....

Thanks Diana Marie for the link, I always wondered what it would lQQk like, now I know what to watch out for.. Nevah seen that b 4.. I think everyone that has it and knows they do, should ONLY date other's that have it!! Keep it "in the family" so too speak!!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 28
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:31:55 PM
~OP~ You're a brave woman to post this here, and you handled the idiocy early on with much class. For me, any health disclosures that need to be made should be done early on. Obviously ~ there will be those that simply are not equipped to understand the realities of herpes and probably even fewer who are willing to get the facts versus listening to over-blown, undereducated and most often erroneous accounts of the disease. I think it's important to disclose your history when you feel that you would like to date someone exclusively and are prepared for his reaction, no matter what that might be. Obviously ~ it should be done long before sex. JMO Good luck to you.
 The Grateful One
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 29
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:02:31 PM
After reading many of the posts on this topic, I could not resist to add a few more things.

First of all there are two strains of the Herpes Virus that humans encounter. There is Herpes Simplex 1 and 2. Although one strain is known to be genital herpes and the other as the common cold sore, both strains are interchangeable as to where they can appear on the human body. The bottom line is that herpes is a cold sore. Depending on the literature that is out there, up to 60% of the population has broken out in an infection at some point in their lives.

When talking about STD's, there is one thing that I find that is always being left out ... Personal Hygiene. People always talk about the use of condoms as though they are the "be all/end all" to disease. That is only one part of prevention. Think of it this way ... if a doctor/surgeon is conducting an invasive procedure on someone, he/she is wearing latex gloves. Why is that? For protection from diseases that may be passed on from bodily fluids by the patient. Once the procedure is over, the doctor removes his gloves and what does he do immediately afterward? ... get the picture? This is something that is not emphasized enough in the texts that I have read regarding STD's.

Guys ... after sex, when you are conducting Personal Hygiene upon yourself with a warm cloth, another preventive measure is "usually" triggered ... it starts in the bladder. I call it flushing the system. Sorry girls, this does not work entirely the same for you.

Another protective measure is getting to know your partner. Even those nights when you may have had one too many to drink, you can still keep in the back of your mind that you should be aware of what you are about to get into. I call it Organoleptic Testing ... this is the use of your 5 senses. I think we all have an idea of what "it" should look like, feel like and smell like ... and yes, many of us have a good idea of what it tastes like. No, you dont have to go down with a flashlight and a magnifying glass but keep it in the back of your mind while you are in the "exploratory" phase of your intimacy. So, what about your sense of hearing ... that can play an important role too. Ever hear your partner go "OUCH !!!" when you were touching them. Now did he/she say "OUCH" because you touched them the wrong way ... or was there another reason?

Chances are that if it doesn't look good, smell good, feel good or taste good ... it probably ain't good. Bottom line is that I wouldn't F*** anything that I wouldn't eat. I mean c'mon. When you go to the grocery store to buy a steak, you would normally go for the nice pink one as opposed to the one that has a slight brown tinge to it. Why? The chances are greater of you getting sick from the steak that has a slight brown tinge (maybe not much greater but greater nonetheless). However, it does not mean you will get sick nor does it mean that the nice pink steak hasn't been injected with a***nic.

Education goes a long ways people. If you have come in contact with an STD, it is in your best interest to learn what you can to prevent the spread of the disease. You owe it to yourself and to the community. You also owe to yourself how to protect yourself from contracting these diseases. They have been around for hundreds and thousands of years. Yet people act so surprised when they have been diagnosed with one.

If I am dating a woman who asks me to have a test done before engaging in sex ... I am all for it. She has every right in the world to ask this of me. However, she will be coming to the doctor's office with me to ensure that I am having it done and right afterwards we are going to her doctor's office. In fact, I will even go one step further in conducting the tests myself.

Again ... education goes a long ways. The internet is full of information and most of us have computers in our homes and/or at work. So there should be no excuse. From time to time things will slip up ... that is part of nature. However, much of it is ignorance.

Well ... that is my 2 cents worth.

P.S. I think its safe to say that most of us are aware that condoms are not 100% safe ... hence the more recent term "safer". I do not know this statement to be completely true ... did you know that even while wearing a condom properly that an HIV virus can still break through the pores of the condom? I have looked this one up several times over the years and there seems to be controversy as to whether it is true or not.
 The Grateful One
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 30
Posted: 10/5/2006 10:05:24 PM
Boy ... I didnt know that A-R-S-E-N-I-C was such a bad word. It was blotched out with *'s in my post above.
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 31
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:31:29 AM

Here is a hot topic that I have not seen a thread for yet, and I think it is time.

Perhaps you should look again. I put in std in the search box and there were 47 threads that were started -- only a few successfully. So to say your particular subject has been done to death would be an understatment.
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 32
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:14:18 AM

I tell people i get tested for everything once a year...and they freak what is wrong with you have something...what is up with you? this is for my peace of i can continue to be disease free...ive had men i was dating cheat on me...and i'll admit i'm not always good with condoms, since i hate anytime things seem out of whack, i'm getting checked out thoroughly...and i've been lucky and told i'm clean every time i've been tested... - belly18dancer

I also get tested once a year for the whole battery. It's also for my own peace of mind, as I have tested clean across the board every time.

*knocks on wood*

I wish more people did.
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 33
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:24:22 AM
Let's see....people lie about their age, weight, height, whether or not they smoke, whether or not they have children, whether or not they are married and yet they are going admit to having an STD on their profile??

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

I think that is VERY private information and should only be shared by you to someone you intend to become intimate with. What is the point of letting the whole (POF) world know??
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 34
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:44:03 AM
Well, Joy, one advantage of that would be that others with herpes (remember, we're talking 20-25% of the adult population) would approach OP. It's only by talking openly about these things that we can slowly remove the stigma. After all, it's just cold sores down below. 90% of us have cold sores and they won't kill you.
One discreet way to do it is to put 437737 somewhere in your profile. It's a code for herpes.
OP kudos to you for your courage. I don't think there can be too many threads on this topic. We all need to be continually reminded, IMHO.
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 35
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:46:58 AM
my personal belief is that you should tell anyone that you are planning to be intimate with that you have an STD. just for the safety sake of argument.
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 36
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:57:12 AM
I seriously doubt that the stigma of having an STD will ever be removed. It is what is is.

And to say "it's just cold sores down below" is a rather small-minded way of looking at it. Personally the idea of having cold sores on my 'kitty' and it being a life-long issue is a pretty big deal and rather disgusting, IMHO. You say it as if there is no consequence and most people will overlook someone having 'cold sores down below'. Not me! I would NEVER knowingly sleep with anyone who has any type of STD, even with a condom. Accidents do happen.

But I still maintain a dating profile is no place to list this VERY private information. Surely there are dating sites out there for people with STD's.
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 37
Posted: 10/6/2006 5:21:14 AM
op, thankyou for this post. it is a very important topic and one that frankly, not enough people take seriously. does any one remember the huge scare that went thru every one when aids blew onto the scene? what about that little boy that had had a blood transfusion and then caught aids? how he was ostracized from his school and society at large? this is what is going on now with some std's. herpes is an excellent example. you would think we'd all know better, but look. we don't. how about the cervical cancer? now they have a vaccine for it. a year or two ago, they told women that you could only get it from being a tramp. hmmm. guess they were wrong. a person can have things happen to them, that may be bad, thru no fault of their own. did a person have intercourse? yes. does it mean they had intercourse with a bar full of bikers? no. bad things do happen to good people. my town has one of the highest std rates in the country. it is an extremely scary situation here. there are clinics that people can go to to be tested for std's. these places are free here, because the std rate is so high. the next relationship i am in that broaches the subject of sex, we will both be going to the clinic for a test. i used to think it was un-romantic. now i know it's just not safe to play with matches. since i realize bad things can happen to people that don't deserve it, i would like to think that my decision to stay would be based on the person. it is something to think about, if a condom breaks, what are the risks? i would need to be thoroughly educated on the subject, and like i said, it would really depend on my feelings for the individual. good luck op. thanks.
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 38
Posted: 10/6/2006 5:24:58 AM
you should tell them asap...

I dont have any STD's but met lots of people with them...
from online....
glad they told me soon as I dont want any part of that.
I can be friends with someone with STD's but a physical relationship
is out of the question.

I think it would be wise to let them know sooner than to
spend a lot of time and then have someone you have
gotten to know... suddenly leave.... or risk a lawsuit... as
I would sue someone for not telling.... it would be worth
it to me to ensure medical costs... long term. I have told people this too...
a few confressed then to having herpes to hepatitis...
which I want no part of...

I would say to tell them before you meet them.

So many people have herpes OP.. I dont think you would
have any problem finding someone who has it too.

I have found many with STD'd also do not believe in protected sex... strange as
that is and many do not even know much about the diseases they have. Like genital warts.
I want no part of that at all.

I am speaking about INCURABLE diseases. Like HIV, herpes, hepatitis....
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 39
Posted: 10/6/2006 5:52:48 AM
That's why you are supposed to get tested before having sex with anyone. And I mean anyone at all. I'm not even letting a man near me before he gets tested first.
I don't need to pay the price for someone else's mistakes.

OP, you should be very honest about this. It's nice you have come forward and revealed this. You seem like a nice person. You will have to tell them whether they like the news or not. Afterall you would not want someone else to catch it , would you?

Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 40
Posted: 10/6/2006 5:54:05 AM
To the OP...I admire you for wanting to be straight up about your having an STD...but I see no reason to put the information out there in the very beginning...there is no need until you see that the relationship might end up in the bedroom. I would definately tell before the first kiss. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes...I can think of a lot ice breakers for the first date that make about as much sense...

1. I'm on birth control
2. I have a terminal illness
3. I just got out of a mental hospital
4. I just got out of prison
5. I have a colostomy
6. I gave my kids up for adoption

There could be any number of things that are part of you that you might not want to share with everyone you meet. I guess, my best answer is to do what you think is best for you...when you think it best serves you and the person involved with you at the time.

Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 41
Posted: 10/6/2006 5:59:15 AM
I met this girl once from online as a date buddy
and she had some kind of plastic surgery on her legs
and it didnt come out so good.
It left her with legs that had saggy skin that looked
like she was 90 ( she was in her early 30's)
She started to tell guys she had a deformity because
a few dropped her the minute they saw it.
After awhile she thought it was better to tell them beforehand.....

She showed me and I was freaked as it was so bad...
looked like an elephants legs with saggy skin
and very out of proportion. She couldnt sue the doctor because
she is the one who asked him to remove so much fat...
leaving her that way.

she met someone and got married... but she did tell him
before meeting him she had severe deformity
because it was soooooooooooo severe.

Not an STD but this is along those lines of
something being wrong.

I think when you try to cover those things.. people are surprised
and suddenly drop you. If you give them the option and truth...
then they arent so freaked out....
and they have to option to accept it or not.

Tricking them is not the way to go.
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 42
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:48:56 AM
Yes of course they should bring it up, at least before they get to the point of having sex. I have been told their are dating sites just for people with certain stds.
 Red Head Guy
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 43
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:04:09 PM
If you choose to have sex with someone both parties should be aware that it is possible to get something even though both may never have shown anything in the past. Some STD's lie dormant, some there are no tests for, and some are as harmless as the common cold for which there is NO CURE. Herpes is one STI I don't think I would want to get, if I were to know a partner had it early in a relationship I am sure things would be different than finding out later. One advantage to getting it out in the open so soon though is that you get to weed out alot of ignorant people you may of otherwise spent getting to know in vain.
 The Grateful One
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 44
Posted: 10/6/2006 9:53:28 PM
In 1998 I met a girl and we dated for about 2 or 3 weeks. During this time there was no sexual activity until one evening she wanted to talk. She stated that she was very interested in me and that she wanted things to go further but there were two things that I needed to know about her before we carried on.

The first thing she mentioned was a medical condition she had ... nothing to do with any form of communicable disease. I said ok ... that is one. What is the other thing I need to know. It took her several minutes to come out with it and she was almost in tears before she finally brought out that she had a case of herpes. She immediately said to me that I could run and that she would totally understand.

I kinda laughed after she mentioned it because I had many different things going through my mind and I said to her ... was that all? She asked me why I wasnt running. Because I work in the medical field and have dealt with many people with many different kinds of disorders, there isnt much that could surprise me. Had she told me that she had AIDS, that would have been quite a different story.

In her story leading up to the point of actually telling me, she mentioned that she met a guy a couple of weeks before she met me. It was him that she got it from. What she also told me was a bit in conjunction with what I had in my previous post. She was with the guy and they were fooling around when he complained of pain when she touched him. At first she had thought she had touched him in the wrong way but she had become suspicious of something when he complained of pain more than once. It was dark and she wanted to turn on the lights but he wouldnt let her. She had even considered breaking the moment but he was also being somewhat aggressive. She felt trapped so she finally gave in and went ahead with things. Four days later ... she felt the consequences of that night.

Ok .. she was young and she made a mistake. She admitted to it and took corrective action. She let me know of her situation before engaging in any sexual acts that may cause the spread of the disease. For her efforts, I granted her possibly some of the best four years of her life. From time to time she would have a break out and she would let me know. We were responsible adults and we took care of things. All I can say is that despite the fact that I have had sex for four years knowing that this person had come in contact with Herpes, I have not had one genital break out ... even to this day. I have had a number of cold sores in my time but I had suffered those even before I met with her.

Many people arent as understanding about this kind of issue for a number of different reasons. Many people are uneducated about it and only understand that its yucky and that is all they want to know about it. Other people are more educated about it and may be more understanding of the issue. How each person deals with it is their own issue. If they choose to have nothing to do with you, that is their right. Dont feel bad or ashamed because of it.

I get a chuckle out of the few comments that I have read that say ... I would never have sex with anyone who admits to having Herpes. Consider this ... if you have had sex with 10 people in your life, there is about a 60% chance that each one of them has had a Herpes outbreak that you do not even know about. (So, that averages out to be about 6 people). And remember ... there is no difference as to whether they have a lesion on their mouth or down below. Its all the same.

I guess I can take it more lightly than most people because I know there are much worse things out there that can actually kill you if contracted. Herpes is an annoyance and it is embarassing ... nothing more. It is something that may occur only once in your lifetime or several times. If you are unfortunate enough to be someone who suffers multiple outbreaks, there are medications that can help alleviate some of the symptoms ... however, as already stated in this thread, there is no available cure at this time.

To the OP ... I congratulate you with your forthcoming and I hope that by reading each post has given you the opportunity to learn more about what you are facing. I also hope that you have taken the opportunity to check out some of the websites that talk about this condition. It is very difficult to know how to respond to something when you do not know all of the facts. The more you educate yourself about something like this, the better it will be for you to deal with it. In fact, you will also be able to help others who face a similar situation.
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 45
Posted: 10/7/2006 1:11:32 AM
Hi arita, I also have herpes (type 2). I personally tell guys that I have herpes as soon as I feel a connection even if it's not written in stone. I personally prefer to get it out of the way before deeper feelings are present. Rejection is a lot harder once you've developed a relationship with someone. I find people have appreciated my honesty and no one has rejected me so far. That said, I don't think you HAVE to tell people right away. I think it's fine to wait and see if they have more potential than that. I think most importantly you tell when you're most comfortable. Obviously before any sexual encounter but you strike me as an honest woman, you obviously wouldn't have started this thread if you were the type of person to have sex and tell later.

I commend you on being so honest about herpes. I am also very honest about it and I think if more people were open about their status and it was talked about more, the stigma would be greatly lessened.

I think it would be a great idea to have a box we could check to indicate we have STDs. I personally would be honest about it. If people cannot accept me regardless than I don't want them in my life.

Best wishes,

Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 46
Posted: 10/7/2006 1:29:07 AM
The Grateful One, I think you really summed things up nicely. Many people are fearful of STDs and they still see them in a very stereotypical way. Thank you for your informed post. I've noticed many posts about STDs that are varying versions of "ewww gross". It's a very immature way to look at things. I hope your post inspires people to get educated.

Another thing I'd like to mention for all of you guys out there who say "I'm clean". There is no test for HPV in men and many people who have it won't show any symptoms. It's likely that some of you who claim to be "clean" do have something and are passing it on to your partners.
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
Posted: 10/8/2006 8:15:06 AM
Its my biggest fear dating. Thats why I wait a long time and if that times comes then protection all the way
Joined: 8/5/2004
Msg: 48
Posted: 10/9/2006 4:34:37 PM
OP, I agree with the others who say you're a brave woman. I don't think your having an STD says anything bad about you in anyway.

My now EX cheated on me,and I'm paranoid about the whole thing. I found out that you have to wait three months before you can get tested....three months, with no piece of mind.......thats hellish not knowing.

Just because you have an STD; don't mean you did anything wrong.
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 49
Posted: 10/9/2006 5:31:09 PM
education education education...i'm amazed at how much people do not know about STDs...get informed...and please inform your teens...they think they're safe because they're doing oral sex, humping and grinding, anal instead of vaginal intercourse...they think if the girl or boy they're with has only been with one or two people, they're safe...or if they look nice and wear clean clothes, they are nice and not infected....they are so ignorant....they have sex younger and younger, before they've been given the straight facts from their parents

herpes can lie dormant for a long long time...before an no one knows when they're going to have an outbreak...and now they're saying it is contageous even when there are no symptons present...

my brother got an outbreak as a teenager...he's never had another one...but obviously still carries it within his body...he's had two kids...which means....unsafe sex...i mentioned it to the mother of one of his kids and she freaked...she had no idea he'd ever had anything like that...

so no people do not tell...luckily u can spot herpes outbreaks...on the lip or genitals...but there are many more that show no outward signs...from ones very easy to cure, to the ones that are deadly...people need to be educated and be cautious...
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 50
Posted: 10/9/2006 5:35:14 PM

There is no test for HPV in men and many people who have it won't show any symptoms. It's likely that some of you who claim to be "clean" do have something and are passing it on to your partners. - JenovasWitness

That's true.
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