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Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 51
STDsPage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well I don't believe you should start off your first greeting by going, Hi, My name is ______- and oh by the way " I have an STD for life." But if you even think there might be a second meeting, tell them at the second meeting. But also be prepared with all the facts. And be prepared for that " Oh no, now i have it also. A lot of the population is still uneducated about Herpes. There has been alot of information on Aids, but it usually kills. Herpes is not really understood. It has not recieved the attention it needs. As for myself, I get the cold sores. I have had them since I was about 6 or 7. So yes, I researched herpes. There has to be someone out there who can overlook what you have. Good luck and keep fishing.
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 52
Posted: 10/16/2006 12:29:16 PM
Not true. A close friend of mine recently had a scare, he contacted his Dr. and will have blood work done in 2 days to determine whether or not he is infected. I didn't think there was a way to find out either, but apparently there is.
 The Grateful One
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 53
Posted: 11/7/2006 11:32:54 AM
I know of viral culture swabs that can be taken when a lesion is present. However, these tests can be unreliable in that you may get a false negative. I dont know how reliable blood tests are though.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 54
view profile
Posted: 11/7/2006 11:37:27 AM
I don't think it should be right out there on a public profile...because many are very embarrassed about the fact that they have STDs in the first place, therefore, aren't about to advertise it. If someone wants to be upfront they can do so in private messages among them and those they chat with.

You're right can't win through losing.

Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with any STDs.
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 55
view profile
Posted: 11/7/2006 3:25:20 PM
i recall a week i had not slept in 3 days..and i was going through profiles and i responded to two ladies and i got these two ladies some how mixed up with each other i thought one was the other and the other the other ..well i went out with this lady ..she was very beautiful and we had lots in common ..she thought i was mr perfect ... well the date took us back to my place and we were watching tv..for some odd reason..i brought up a weird conversation... and i said one night i was looking at profiles and seen one woman who said she had herpes..i said who in there right mind would go out with her. and she said you would be suprized.. well she went to the bath room..she stayed about 2 hours later when i walked her to the car she gave me a kiss on the lips.. when she got home i phone her to see how mr perfect did... guys just have to know... well she said you scored an ,,a on least she was honest,,2nd she loved my sence of humor ..she loved how i dressed ..she said your almost perfect but would i go out with you again..... this shocked mr perfect..she said no.... i said did i hear you right...she said yes did i would not go out with you..i saidd...i thought i did everything so right..she said go look at my profile and yourll see why ... well i looked at her profile and i seen where she said she had herpes..i felt so bad..but for what ever reason i brought up the herpes conversation.... i thank god....i did...and yes i would want some one to tell me from the star of our friendship..i have a family to think about and dont need that around my children..its very sad how some of these people get stds...but still i have take care of number one first....
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 56
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:09:04 PM

1) how did you get STD in the first place? ......says it all.
2) Honnesty is not a part time job, so do tell right away your partner.
3) How many will really tell the truth on profile (my bet 0)
4) It's no one else business to know but you and your partner..not several thousand stanger..unless you go LIVE on TV to tell everyone the day you have one...oh! wait! JERRY!

Does anyone have butter for the popcorn?

I don't have any butter for your popcorn but I do live in Jerry's town if you want tickets to that crap. I do however have a few websites that I could recommend to anyone that will explain HOW you can contract an STD if you really need it.

It still amazes me how many people think they are invinsible. Especially when most people think they will have symptoms if they have an STD and most don't bother getting or women.

For example, HPV (which is an STD)..This is from the CDC website.

Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.

80 percent by the age of 50?? Pretty high percentage if you ask me. In fact it is such a concern now that they actually have an HPV vaccine for women.

Get real, before anyone judges someone else or bashes them for asking a vailid question. Get the facts.

I give the OP credit for bringing up a valid topic and her concerns. My suggestion would be to just bring it up early in the relationship. I have some very serious health problems, including problems with my pancreas and liver. When I first met my boyfriend was when I was first started having problems. I never hid anything from him and told him right away. I let him make his own decisions on whether or not he wanted to get to know me. I don't know what the future holds for me and I guess I figured it was just better to get it all out in the open and let him decide.
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 57
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:43:07 PM
i've been reading all your comments... and, i admire you for saying all you have.... as, i'm in the same situation... as, my ex-husband gave it to me after an affair he had... and, i generally tell the guy who's wanting to see me up front... i've had a lot of them not even show up for our first date... but, i take great pride in being truthful... i, also, believe if a guy does have a problem with it... he is generally only looking for sex... nothing more... as, if they are really looking for more than that i don't believe it should bother them as bad... and, if it does bother someone that you have it... then they aren't the one for you anyhow...and, i really am not sure if there is a right and/or wrong time to tell someone... as, like you already said... you have the ones that tell you well you didn't have to tell me yet... but, then you also, have the ones that say my goodness, why didn't you tell me sooner... therefore, just be yourself... and, tell them when ever you feel it's right... have good luck in your search... and, may good bless you....
 dorkfully geekalicious
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 58
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:17:13 PM

Well AFAIK there's only 3 incurable STD's: hepatitis, herpes, HIV

I would think if one had any of the curable ones like HPV or chlamydia

HPV is NOT curable.
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 59
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:09:07 PM
How liberating!

I would like to commend Arita on her openness and willingness to share something so intimately personal!

Reading the 58 or so responses to it was a treat as well. POF suddenly got more interesting and I actaully log to read and respond to the new and controversial topics posted. Dayum, this is better than looking for men, but thats for another thread!

Having a check box for STI's/STD's is a great idea but it's a matter of actaully being honest. God knows that most people infected with STI's/STD's didn't secerely seek out infection, it happened because their partner at that time wasn't honest about his/her own sexual health or simply have not known that he/she was a carrier of such virus(es)....and/or the list goes on and on et cetera.....

This brings me back to Arita, the maturity she has shown about this delicate topic is a great example of the people that I want to meet not only on an intimate level but meeting someone with the same morals and education of sexual health is important and something that I value.

As for "when you should bring it up" depends on the person. In my case, do it when you feel most comfortable and love shall set u free!, that was a little over the

Well, good luck on your fishing Arita! I wish u the best and all that u are looking for...For everyone else, good luck to you too!

Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 60
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:30:18 PM
My ex wife has herpes, after our third date she sat me down and held my hand before she told me. She was sure i was going to jerk my hand away, was looking for a response. She is very beautiful inside and out. When she would become stressed out she would have an out break, she would always let me know when she felt it coming on. We were married for nine years and never once did i worry or live in fear of being infected, and i have never been infected. People can have a normal relationship, it's all about being open and honest with your partner!
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 61
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:15:43 PM
I dont think the topic should be discussed until intimacy becomes an issue. Definitely before intimacy, but after the person know the infected persons personality and character.

I dont think in Canada it would be considered constitutional - so I dont know. But I dont think it is everyones business - only those who share intimacy.

Personally I wouldn't want to think about or deal with the issue of a man I was dating having STD's until intimacy became an issue and then I think it could be handled in an intellegent, respectful manner.
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 62
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:42:26 PM

Thanks Diana Marie for the link, I always wondered what it would lQQk like, now I know what to watch out for..Nevah seen that b4..I think everyone that has it and knows they do, should ONLY date other's that have it!! Keep it "in the family" so too speak!!

Why should someone date only others with STDS .. there are precautions that you can take ... but yes there are always a chance you can get something. A girlfriend of mine got Herpes from a guy she met .. she asked him face to face if he had any STDs ... he looked at her and said NO. So she thinking that that was ok and using a condom .. things would be fine. Less than a week later she received herpes. She went back to him and he laughed in her face and also tried to put the blame on her. Later during a phone conversation he revealed because he loved sex so much .. he went ahead in having it. But you see .. she is paying for it because people who don't read up on .. being ignorant towards it ... refuses her. She does tell the guys she starts dating .. I don't blame them if they do not want to continue seeing her but they OR YOU .. could meet someone that won't tell you at all. Oh ya you need more than a condom to keep from getting STDs. But I can just see how many guys would want to use dental dams to cover her.
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 63
Posted: 4/13/2007 11:16:05 PM
Have sex with someone with an STD ? no thanks, not even protected sex as accidents do happen. Don't they have a STD dating site? I'd think it would be better to look there.
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 64
Posted: 4/14/2007 12:51:03 AM
There are dating sites for people with STDs.
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 65
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:48:25 AM
yah its like do you do drugs? do you think the majority of people would be honest? or would they wait to see if this would turn out to be a prospective relationship first.. or maybe even wait until the first time you have sex.. is this right?
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 66
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:59:05 AM
well yah, my guy told me right off the bat he had an std. yes its not curable.. but what he didnt tell me was he had hep c. and now i have a bit of uneasiness wondering how much should i actually accept.. herpes i can deal with hep c.. we.ll its a bit ,,,.more to deal with... now im, nervous that i may contract somethin g.. ive got akid to worry about,, its a big deal ..yah
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 67
Posted: 6/8/2007 4:59:27 AM

If you have an STD, when should you bring it up? Should Plenty of Fish have a check box so that you can be upfront about STDs in your profile?

I guess part 1 of the answer should be "How long into the relationship do you go before getting in bed together?"......with part 2 being the sarcastic sounding (but not really) "Sometime before then".

If you are comfortable with your sexuality and emotionally secure, you may want to explore the physical side of loving very early in the relationship. This does present a burden as your mutual communication skills and styles are not yet honed to interact at this level with the person.

If you decide to wait multiple weeks/dates, then I'd say it's probably more along the line of when the kissing and petting have started to take on more urgency......but never at the time where passion influences judgement.

As far as where and how? Phwew....great question. I think it should be somewhat private, but not prison-like. IOW, neither of your homes, where one or both of you may feel trapped after the conversation and any separation is very awkward. I would almost imagine it to be a first date kind of scenario.....somewhere fun, sometime when there was a limit on the amount of time available, and preferably when there was time immediately afterwards to reflect, call on the phone (or better, meet up with the person again), etc..

Most of all, I think you should be prepared to have an intelligent, sensitive talk with the other person. Be ready to discuss risk factors, options, etc.. For example, if I was told that even after making lifetime commitments I should still wear a condom every time, this would be a bad kills spontaneity, it is desensitizing, and most of is a constant reminder of the condition and their mutual plight. Granted, for a true soulmate it may be worthwhile.....but you don't know that someone is your lifelong soulmate until long after the infatuation phase is over.

Just my $0.02 (U.S.) worth.
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 68
Posted: 7/23/2007 4:47:44 PM
This issue actually scares the SHYTE out of me. I personally know five people who caught herpes from a partner who KNEW they had it and didn't tell them because they "would not have had sex with him/her otherwise." Also, given the statistic that 1 in 3 people are carrying something contagious in the STD ddepartment... well the stats are not favorable.

Seriously. I am just moving toward dating again and as far as I know the only way you can tell if someone has herpes II or cold sores: herpes I. is if they tell you and are honest. I sure as hell do not want to get ANY disease as I bath in the same tub as my kids. I also so not want to get anything nasty in my mouth if you nkow what I mean from kissing someone infected. The idea that someone would lie by ommisssion simply for a shagging is horrific to me. But some people are THAT insecure about rejection or that evil about CONTROL that they would rather expose another human being to a horrible perminint disease then be honest. There ain't no love in that.

I have the added concern of being allergic to latex. So pretty much the whole sex issue is one I will have to approach with a polygraph and an extensive line of blood tests and a helluva lot of caution. The whole things concerns me, especiually knowing there are there are people who don't care if they expose their entire community to antibiotic resistant TB for that matter.

BTW: My ex sister in law is a music teacher in a Jr High and high scool and puts her mouth on the kids instruments, even licking clarinets. She has cold sores. She feels her desire to teach outweights the children's right to be safe from her evil self. She has exposed thoudands of kids to herpes over the years and the parents think she is a "great" teacher. Most of those kids will never even know how they became infected.
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 69
how did they get it
Posted: 7/23/2007 4:56:17 PM
I have a family member who was married for 25 years. She was married as a virgin and never had sex with anyone else and.. guess what...
in year 22 of the marriage, doctor told her she had herpes.
She is now remarried and very crazy incredibly happy. I am pretty sure she was up front and honest with the new husband.

Having a STI (Not STD, get into the new milennium!) is not a reflection of character. Well, not always.
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 70
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:15:54 PM
marsforme, just so you know there are condoms that don't contain latex that are just as reliable as latex condoms at preventing pregnancy and STI's. Female condoms are latex free and you can get polyeurathane (sp?) male condoms as well. Apparently female condoms are better for preventing the spread of skin STI's like herpes and genital warts, as the female condom covers the entire outer genital area for the lady.

And like th above poster said, the PC term is STI because the majority of them are infections and not diseases.

As for the OP's original question, I don't think it's a good idea to put a box in your profile, even one that says you have long term health issues, simply because some people may make assumptions about you before even meeting you. And you have to think about where the line is drawn as well. I'm anemic and will be for life. The only 'side effect' is I have a rapid heart rate, which really isn't a big deal, I'm just not supposed to have caffeine (sp?) and red bull and stuff like that. I also have to be careful when I exercise. If I start feeling dizzy or out of breath I have to stop immediatly (although that's the same for everyone). I have to get blood tests every couple of months to see how my hemoglobin is doing, and if it gets too bad I may need a blood transfusion or drugs, but since I was about 10 my hemoglobin levels have remained stable at a sustainable level. Lower than what it should be definitly, but not so much that I have to worry a lot. Based on tests and what not, the dr. says there's about a 10% chance I may develop complications later in life (things like early heart failure because my heart is constantly beating faster and they apparently have a 'beat limit' which varies from person to person), but there's nothing I can do to prevent it. If I put down that I have a permanent health problem and people know that it's also for people with STI's I'd be worried about people assuming I have one, which is definitly not the case.
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 71
Posted: 7/23/2007 6:09:02 PM
damn the dirty whores
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 72
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:18:52 AM
It has been a couple of years since I posted the topic and I have learned a lot about people and the topic since then. The first thing I would recommend, is DON'T accept test results on something potentially serious the first time around... INSIST on more testing. Labs are run by people and people do make mistakes. The definitive test is the Western Blot, and in my case, it came back negative for any STD. I never did get how I could be diagnosed with an STD since I never had an outbreak other than a spot the size of dime on my side... which turned out to be hives. javascript:smilie('')

I am glad though to have had this forum going as it did provide and avenue for sharing views and experiences. Thanks again for your posts, support, opinions and frank talk! : )

Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 73
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:49:10 AM
Thanks for reupping this, Arita.

One thing that did not come out before...and that I find few people that the sore doesn't appear just on the can appear any where on the skin below the sacral area. The virus lives there. It could be a sore on your ankle!

oh...congrats that you only had a case of hives!!!

There is no test that can be done without a current outbreak. Most alot of people have been exposed yet have no outbreaks until years later.

I suppose I will read up more on the herpes thing. I don't know as much about the long term effects as I would like to.

Protection is always good. Monogomy is another good one...but you can't always believe your partner...sad but true.
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 74
view profile
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:55:19 PM
Put it in your profile. Let everyone know from word one. Get on sites that specialize in bringing STD sufferers together.
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:59:00 PM
Actually many of the normally cureable STDs-such as syph-can be so overdosed on anti-biotics that he germs become immune to the cure, so the strain you get can be incureable.Chlamydia is not curebale. It is treatable. There is a difference. HPV is not curable, either.
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