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Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 75
STDsPage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Some GP-type doctors need to do some reading too, and they rarely have time to stay current with the latest Sti information. A health nurse at an actual STI clinic may have more knowledge and expertise in providing information and advice.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 76
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:04:07 PM
I definitely agree with Ironbelle. Educate yourself on STD's. If there is chemistry people should tell the other person that doesn't have it upfront, if there is not chemistry there's no need to explain themselves to another person because things are not going any further.
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 77
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:07:13 PM
I worked for an R&D Pharmaceutical company and one of the research lines they do is on herpes and now work for the world's leading diagnostic company in R&D. Here are a few more things:

1) Approximately 70% of the U.S. population over the age of 35 has herpes; it goes up after 40.
2) Even if you get tested for herpes, you can test negative, because you only test positive when you are in an active outbreak (which differs in symptoms from person to person)
3) A person with herpes can have it, not know they have it and pass it along to someone else completely without knowing. Depending on your own body and diet, you can be completely symptom free. It's why the frequency and severity of outbreaks differ from person to person. Diet heavily affects how one controls this STD.
4) A condom will protect you from herpes during intercourse.
5) Herpes is spread more easily and more commonly through oral sex than intercourse.

To the idiot who claimed to know everything about this STD...REALLY? Doubtful.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 78
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:22:25 PM
^^^^^^^^Thank you. A little reason-ability added to a whole lot of ... well ... crap above.

~OT~ For those who are not quite as knowledgeable as they'd like to think, maybe add influenza to your list of "must disclose before I meet you" list because that can kill you. Personally ~ I agree with iron above. Full disclosure when it's determined there is a reason to disclose. We're all aware of the infamous one-n-done's that go along with meeting/dating today ~ seems only logical to keep some things private until there is a need-to-know. JMO
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 79
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:37:32 PM

1) Approximately 70% of the U.S. population over the age of 35 has herpes; it goes up after 40.

Yea, oral herpes (cold sores). Not genital herpes. The % of adults with genital herpes is far smaller.

I don't think there is a need to advertise this in your POF profile. But, I would definitely want to know someone's STI history before engaging in any kind of sexual activity with them. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can be eradicated relatively easily with antibiotics but you will never get rid of herpes no matter how much Valtrex you take. Same with HIV. You can control it but you can't cure it (at least not yet).
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 80
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:40:24 PM

if anything, it makes it look like any or all of you 3 could have herpes and know it, and want to shed a positive light on it to feel some sense of acceptance for having it. i.e. self serving. that, or just not taking it as seriously as it should be taken, which is *irresponsible*.

When you have a close family member who has been through this, yes...I get a little feisty. No, I do not have it...just standing up for what I believe in. No ones trying to say "hey, go get yourself some's not that bad!" WE are trying to say first and foremost to educate yourself about it..not just you, everyone! But also, it's not the end of the world. It does NOT affect having a relationship like you think. And if you knew anything you would understand that. Now for some who aren't on the meds, and don't tell their partners when they are having a break out and dont' use protection and all that, tis a different story. But for someone on the meds, you tell your partner when you have a breakout and refrain from sex, and use protection(it's clearly not completely helpful depending on where you get the breakouts but can help) it is not something that would prevent you from having a wonderful and healthy sex life and relationship with someone who doesn't have it.

You're condoning nondisclosure of an STD until you're close to them or about to have sex. that is wrong any way you try to twist it.

NO ONE said anything about condoning nondisclosure. Maybe you should learn to read. And NO it isn't wrong to wait till you see the relationship going somewhere. Anyone with herpes is still a person and still deserves to be seen as who they are..not just as someone with herpes.

the reason why people don't tell them until they're involved is because they know if they told them outright, they probably would have said no. but now that they're attached, that decision may lean in their favor. again, selfish.

And what is wrong with this and how is it selfish???? I didn't know it was selfish for wanting to be seen for you you are as a person..not what STD you have. I'm starting to feel like I'm having to repeat myself.

I feel sympathy for people who have herpes, I really do, especially if they caught it without being informed. but that doesn't mean you just go on with your life acting like you don't have it or like it's not a big deal at all. herpes is a big deal that affects you for the rest of your life and your partner, and their potential future partners. so that one decision between two people could affect dozens of people or more for the rest of their lives.

Yes, you go on, living your life acting like you don't have it until a relationship starts and you have that discussion. Herpes is not something you let weigh you down or something you should feel like shit about everyday. People who have herpes I'm sure know what a big deal it is...they don't need to be reminded on this forum by some idiot about how serious it is. You know you have it, you move on and live your life and take precaution when you are suppose to.

if someone held me down prison style and said 'OK, which STD do you want?', I'd choose most of the ones that were curable before I would choose herpes, which makes herpes high up on the STD ladder simply because it's with you for life. there are for more deadly and damaging STD's than herpes if left untreated, but many of those, if treated, ARE less serious than herpes in the long run

Well isn't that nice you would have the choice.....cause I really don't think anyone who has it had the choice. Now some could have not slept with strangers and so on...but some people have contracted it innocently and mearly by accident or because they knew nothing about how it transfers. I'm sure if they had a choice they would have chosen a curable one as only the world worked like that! Pick your STD....

"unme2011"- final thought, like another poster had you plan on making every girl you make out with get tested for herpes first as well? Do you honestly think people that have herpes on their lips tell everyone before they make out with someone if they don't currently have a break out? NO, they usually don't. You could share a drink with someone, and get it. Then you are only one small step from a genital STD. If people realized how easily innocent people can contract it maybe they would be more understanding like I am or some of the others on here. But you go live in your box where there's zero chance of you ever getting it...

Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 81
Posted: 3/19/2012 10:02:02 PM
Radiculus - no, those statistics are for genital herpes; sad, but true.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 82
Posted: 3/19/2012 10:36:30 PM
I agree with keeping some STD matters temporarily private. However, I believe the carriers responsibility is to monitor themselves when they run the risk of spreading their disease. Aside from that, I'd be displeased at enjoying many dates or whatnot, only to find halfway down the road the girl is a carrier.

If it's a disease that really turns me off, than I'd feel quite displeased for investing so much into the relationship when the disease runs a risk of completely killing the mood for future bonds.

I'd be okay with maybe 2 - 3 dates in or whatever. However, it depends. Don't "accidentally" spread a disease, because it's really your job to monitor yourself. Please research your STD, and protect fellow members of society from obtaining the disease unknowingly.
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 83
Posted: 3/20/2012 7:10:00 AM
This does not affect me. All I promote is to gain knowledge of whats out there, be cautious, ask questions, and just be aware with an open mind, nothing more. The facts are, that there are more people than we think that are affected with some type of disorder, and they don't even realize it.

Some of the comments made here are quite demeaning to some, much like a racial slur. No one needs to hear that. If they are affected, they already feel enough turmoil without the stigma emitted from others. Because it affects some of my loved ones, my outlook has somewhat evolved.......

That's all I have to say about this.
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 84
Posted: 3/20/2012 8:00:38 AM
Even if they knew I don't think many would check the box. Most meets & or dates never become sexual. A need to know basis would be prior to doing it I guess. You have to be self aware though since most don't even know they have them. I've had a few women want me to forgo using a condom because their tubes were tied, which is kind of a silly request nowadays.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 85
Posted: 3/20/2012 9:42:54 PM
With so many cheating and being so promiscuous, it's important to get to know someone. Peoples past do matter. Can't believe people are dumb enough to still do unprotected sex but that's another forum.

If you knowingly have sex with someone and you have HIV and/or an STD, you are EXTREMELY liable. The liability differs from each state but I've heard of big lawsuits for doing it. It's important to be honest.

There is no good or right time; everyone is different. But if you have sex and you knowingly hide an STD or HIV, get ready for some kind of lawsuit if you infect the person.

Morally it's the right thing to do anyways. I'd hate to have that bad karma. Peoples pasts do count. I've been careful with my sex life and I want the same.
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 86
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:17:34 PM
The stat for genital herpes is for adults over 35 and 40. The generally published stats are for ALL adult population, which starts at age 18. So the total vs a specific age+ range will differ.

There are approximately 1 million new cases of herpes each year (of which about half - 500,000- are in the US), with that equaling about 1 new case every 30 seconds for the entire adult population.

80-90% of the adult (total) population that have herpes have gone undiagnosed.

Yes, a condom, when used consistently and correctly, will prevent you from getting herpes. It is HPV that it does not necessarily prevent you from getting.

Are we all having fun now and ready to go out and meet someone new
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 87
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:30:47 PM
Yes, a condom, when used consistently and correctly, will prevent you from getting herpes. It is HPV that it does not necessarily prevent you from getting.
Not true. Testing from a reputable establishment can keep you from getting this lifelong afflication. Before starting a new relationship get tested. Pay for it, don't count on saving money going to government sponsored (free) medical testing. Get two tests (HIV, Herpes). Have a good life, but don't hurt them.
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 88
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:58:12 PM
In regards to the use of N9, it actually can increase the risk of contracting an STD or HIV in women. N9 is basically a detergent and with consistent, frequent or over usage (and in some/rare cases only once) it damages the vaginal epithelium. It causes inflammation of the vagina and cervix killing layers of cells which render a woman more susceptible to infection and, if infected, may make it easier to transmit an STD or HIV. Which contributes to the statistic that more women that men have herpes.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 89
Posted: 3/20/2012 11:02:38 PM
ok, so like 80% of the population has gental warts or herpys, and wareing a condom wont completly help you. so who cares, i mean i had a friend that had gental warts and she said you can't even see them, and she lived with a guy for 2 months and had unprotected sex with him and he never cought them. so what's the big deal, odds are you already have them and just havent had an out brake yet. i mean what are you going to do just not have sex, and even if you say i will not have sex with someone unless we both get tested first, gental warts can not be tested for unless your haveing an outbrake, their is no blood test for it. so my friend that has it would come up negatvie for it in a test bc their is no test for it. so are you going to go thrugh life just super parinode of chageing any thing and just never have sex again. yeah right, no guy is ever going to do that. you should still ware condoms regardless, but if you have something, it's not the end of the world, most peole do, so chill out.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 90
Posted: 3/21/2012 2:35:34 AM
^^^^ did your friend tell this guy upfront about what she has before sleeping with him? Cuz it's important to be up front with these things. Cuz in different states they can sue you for that. I know in Canada they have lawsuits about people not telling.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 91
Posted: 3/21/2012 8:04:38 AM
i've never heard of someone getting sued for something like that. and i don't know how you could even prove something like that. gental warts takes up to six months befor it will even show up, but it may take years for it to actully show any sign. and by then most people have already had sevral other sexaul partners.
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 92
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:14:19 AM

so who cares, i mean i had a friend that had gental warts and she said you can't even see them,

That's your friend... on her they may not be much of a problem...
On someone else, they could be so bad as to be painful and leave scars... Not everyone is the same... As I said before, goto Google images and type in Herpes... you might want to keep a bucket handy to throw up into...

I have a friend that has had gential warts. She says it isnt painful and it went away and never came back. So transmission is low when outbreak free. Herpes is a much different story. And those pictures online are usually people with immune defencies like HIV that appear worse than it actually is. You need to educate yourself before saying stuff you know nothing about.
Joined: 12/17/2010
Msg: 93
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:31:35 AM
I'm noticing a pattern here. the same old people (mostly women) are trying to downplay the seriousness of herpes, to the point of listing false facts about it. on top of that, they're trying to 'lump' oral herpes, cold sores, and genital herpes all into the same class.

with the way some of these people are defending herpes, makes it look very much like they probably have it themselves (notice how it's always a 'friend' that has it, but no one has outright admitted they themselves have it, despite them trying to say that virtually everyone has flag! and even if they don't have herpes, they're defending it sooo much that they're basically saying "sure, I'd sleep with someone who has herpes if I like them")

and for you people that are trying to falsely say "Oh almost everyone has genital herpes!", then why don't you specifically look for people who have herpes, instead of trying to sleep with people who don't have it, only to continue spreading it?

of course, people with herpes are going to try to downplay it because they crave social acceptance for having it. and it seems like that's all this thread has turned into - people seeking social acceptance for their herpes.

now here's the simple TRUTH. if you're trying to start a potential relationship with someone on here, SURE you might not get anywhere with them, you might only go on a date or two and never have sex... but from the start, you're building towards sex at some point - even if you don't get that far with them.

so to wait until after a few dates or right before sex to tell someone you have herpes, is an omittance, a deception, a waste of their time.

herpes doesn't define who you are as a person, but it does define whether or not people are willing to sleep with you if it gets that far. to say "Oh it's OK that I don't tell them upfront because it might not get that far", is selfish and despicable behavior.

that potential person might always say no to sleeping with a person who has herpes. so if that persons answer to sleeping with someone who has herpes was always going to be 'no', you're deliberately wasting their time and being very inconsiderate of their feelings and wishes.

yet the people with herpes are holding back from revealing they have herpes in the hopes of convincing them it's not soo bad or allowing a person to grow an attachment to them to bait them into making that decision, which deliberately and deceptively lessens their chances of saying 'no'. even worse, with some of the inaccuracies about herpes I've seen listed here, they're trying to convince them with inaccurate information while downplaying the severity of it.
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 94
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:14:16 AM
unme2011, Just because a person defends something, doesn't mean they have it..lmao. It's all about being educated. I don't have herpes, cold sores or genital warts. I prolly have some strain of HPV, which almost everyone has unless if you are a virgin. Most strains are not dangerous and have no symptoms. Some do like women who catch genital warts, or cervical cancer. I'm not trying to downplay anything. Herpes is very serious, and I would highly suggest people to tell potential partners about the disease. Even coldsores, which thankfully I never had. I am just saying most pictures online are from people who have HIV. STDs does not discriminate. Anyone could get one, whether you had one partner or 100. Sadly, condoms do help a little, but it doesn't protect you fully from herpes cause it doesn't cover all the skin of the penis. It's just a part of life. The best thing you could do is be educated so you limit the risks And if you do have it, educate yourself, listen to your doctor and be honest about it.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 95
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:52:37 AM
but you shouldn't feel your life is ruined just b.c you got herp or warts, some times shit just happens. and most people that have it don't even know they have it, and wont know for maybe a year or too. it's not really that big of a deal. also the pics that they show of herb and warts online are rare and extream exp. it even says that under the pics! they only take pics of the most horrific exp. but it is rare and usally people that get it that bad either got cancer or hiv. it's like being back in the dark ages with all you close minded and condeming people.
Joined: 10/27/2011
Msg: 96
view profile
Posted: 3/21/2012 6:37:56 PM
interesting site really,
met a nice gal on here want to learn more about all the herpes thing. She told me after the first couple of dates which was nice of her I thought. I think it was fine on her part But it scared me to death cause i dont know anything about this.. got anything good STDs sites i can go to learn more????
Joined: 12/17/2010
Msg: 97
Posted: 3/21/2012 6:46:46 PM

even the CDC proves the people on here downplaying herpes to either be uneducated or outright liars.

take that information and do what you will. but do know it shouldn't be a decision to be made lightly, and can be a decision that affects you long after you're no longer with the person who gives it to you.
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 98
Posted: 7/17/2012 11:35:57 AM
One of my friends has herpes. She is on a dating website for ppl w STD's. She dates & has had relationships over the years. She's been on it for years.
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 99
view profile
Posted: 7/17/2012 11:43:07 AM
You bumped this 3 month old thread just to tell us about your friend?
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