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 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 2
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kidsPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Same law here. You sound like someone just burned. Although here I think it is more if you stayed and helped raise the kids, if you find out early on you are free to walk away with no obligations unless you choose to remain a "father figure" so for once the ball is in your court for a change. And again you must find out and act quickly if this is the case.

Gotta love a world of DNA tests, and pre-nups, just to cover your a55 no matter how much you may trust the person.
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 5
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:17:45 PM
Good point spider I completely forgot about the move in when she already has kids and she declares you a father figure after you move out one. That has gotta suck. Silly assed laws like this go a way in explaining why some guys just don't want to get serious. But still you won't win the lotto without a ticket, so its a risk/reward thing I think.

Lol, just wait ten years paternity tests will be mandatory and part of the normal process ..... immunization, weigh, inspect eyes, joints and so on then a sample to see who your daddy is.
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 6
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:24:24 PM
ok, I am presuming you are all writing from the US, well I live in Canada, and the part I live in is similar to the fact that if a man moves in with a women who has children, and stays with her 6 months or more, they are legally married. The children involved, even though their hers, the man has a obligation to look after them - it seems more so if the child(ren) do not know their own father and they take on the new live in as their dad. My girlfriend went through this when her kids were only 2 years old and the man was the only father they knew, after 10 years, they split and the courts found him to be liable to these kids as they were the only father they knew - biological dad no where in picture.

I presume it would work both ways though, if a lady moves in with a man with children, and she made good monies, they split, I think she'd be held accountable too...that's what I heard - but don't hold me to that one.
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 8
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:30:12 PM
Lol river you have me confused with someone else. I follow no man. And really could careless who the OP is or what he does.
In several areas maybe cali, maybe not I don't know.... but right here it is a law, and was made in an effort to address some rulings that were unfair to women. Now the gate has swung too far the otherway, and should be re-addressed as there are women that take advantage of that law without scruples or morals.

Before you attempt to judge me I would advise you get to know me first. And if my veiw that the family court system could be alot fairer and more equitable to both men and women is enough for you to decry me and label me a "follower" of an alleged mysogynist or chauvinist. Well then I recognise a closed mind when I see it and couldn't be botherred beyond a civil hello. This sort of thing only adds fuel to a fire that shouldn't even be burning.
 Norwegian
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 13
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 3:30:34 PM
How long is the time frame that a person have to live with this parent to be made to pay child support if he/she leaves? I could understand it (but never agree with it) being so if you are talking 8-10 years. But after a year or 5? No way. Totally unfair.
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 28
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 9:38:26 PM

If there is a child support order for the biological father to pay, then he is the one souly responsible for paying. YOU would have had to come into a BINDING agreement in order to being forced to pay for a child that is not biologically yours.


We have this law here and that is NOT the case.
A woman can be getting child support and move in a higher income male, later kick him out while having him declared the new "father figure" and in essence "trade-up" her support payments. Sad but true although likely happens in a small percentage of cases. But having this possibility hanging over a potential relationship could answer a few other threads, some people will not be able to help being more cautious with single mom's, atleast until they feel secure that THIS woman isn't going to do that to them. Even then ...... well my ex has pulled some nasty stunts that I would never have creditted her with being in her nature to do, spite and bitterness can bring out the worst in otherwise decent people and can be an issue at break-up.

As for the just being out to get laid..... I really can't say that is wrong. Right after separation I still craved sex, physical closeness and didn't see a reason to deny myself these things. But it's all in how you go about it. I was very upfront about what I was interested in. I was not "over" all of my issues then and would not have had a healthy romantic relationship, so while fulfilling my desire I kept the womans opinion I mind, I wouldn't blow them off if there was no sex, but they knew what I wanted and I knew what they wanted (different things obviously) so there was no confusion. Wesimply knew the other was in a different place than we were. A little thing like having that respect for them instead of slamming women in general lead to a few even setting me up with friends of theirs that were in the same place I was.

Take it easy, or anyway you can get it :-P, and play safe.
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 33
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 11:41:18 PM

I stated (quite a few times in this thread), that, you must have unknowingly signed some document that states you are responsible for court ordered child support. And, in THAT CASE, yes, you should pay, as it is now your legal obligation.


Attn: River, sorry but your assumption of "signing something" is completely inaccurate and untrue as I've stated, also several times.

Further, please don't foist your assumptions off so easily with
Of course we all crave sex. I did and still do, after my divorce. However, Im smart about it. Im not going to say Im going out and am going to just have sex with a bunch of guys and thats all I want. If that is how you percieve and take your cravings out, then I think you need to reflect back on your judgment and self esteem issues.

First off for "smart about it", what works for you and your beliefs is not right for everyone, this has nothing to do with intellect. I did not anywhere state I was bedding every willing female, you can be honest and open yet still selective. My choice at that time had more to do with knowing myself, my wants and reconciling them in a way so as to not hurt myself or someone else. Essentaill seeking FWB for that period of my life. That may not be the choice you would make, but that gives no reason to question my judgement or self-esteem. STD test beforehand, hmmm can you say that was always the case with every single partner you have had, yet I am not questionning your judgement. As for self esteem, bull, I was happy enough with myself and my life, I was just able to understand that I needed time to heal before I would be "relationship material" yet still could have some aspects of those without anyone being hurt.
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 66
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:00:52 AM

in Illinois, we have a law that states if you're living with a chick that has kids that are not yours and that when you break off the relationship, you have to pay child support.
They're not your kids! According to family court, that's true but you were there and you were like their father and you still have to pay support and alimony to your ex-girlfriend.


This sounds like bad information. How can you be expected to take the financial responsibility of the biological dad? He's the one really on the hook unless you did something silly like allowed your name to be put on their birth certificate if the dad wasn't around, or adopted another woman's children.

The only case I ever heard of this happening was a man who adopted a woman's children by having the biological father sign away all legal rights to his children. He had to pay for kids that weren't his because he adopted them.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 67
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:57:50 PM
are you saying this is taken into consideration as part of some palimony and /or divorce law (with or without kids, but considering household expenses) or that you are made to pay seperate child support as well? i heard of this in canada as being a barrier for single parents to re couple. never heard of it here, except as common law generalities, where it is all bundled together. same would apply, for example, if she were putting you through med school and then would be expected to continue with alimony.

is there a time frame on this, eg how long must you live with someone or be married to them, before this is applied and have you kept your prior assets seperate, as i know that with marriage, this is another issue in general. if you combined all assets and expenses, as well as income, then again--is this part of an agreed upon life style to date, which they take in consideration over time. also, what about the birth father's responsiblity here? is there a timeframe, eg. at some point she is expected to work and take over all of it? i have married friends here in CA who cannot get birth parents to cough up money, let alone a live in boyfriend!
 Stafford_Jim
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 69
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this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:12:13 PM

I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. Here is a thread explaining it further:


That still goes back to what I said in my original post. He may not be the father but since he believed the child to be his, he most likely has his name on the birth certificate listed as the father. It's pretty much in set in stone at the point.

Now it's highly unlikely, but if he can produce somehow the real biological father he could probably absolve himself of child support.

But just living with a woman who has children who clearly aren't yours is not going to earn you child support obligations unless you do something like adopt her children.

As much as I might care for someone else's child, or as much as I may love the mother. I would ABSOLUTELY NEVER adopt someone else's children. Do that and you're guaranteed to be obligated for child support if you should divorce.
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