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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++      Home login  
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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 26
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++


It matters. To me personally ~ a great deal. The bonus is when you find an attractive person with all the other traits you would like to find in another person.
 Captain_Whatever
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 27
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 12:48:25 PM
Yeah, looks matter. But it really is in the eye of the beholder. Some people think I'm good-looking, but I think it's at least kind of a questionable good-looking.

If a hot girl is interested in me, it has a different effect on me. Possibly one that would disappear in time, I don't know. Never been in a relationship. But I don't know how to control it.

And I don't go for just the hot girls. I go for average or better. But if they are average, I'm sacrificing a little. So hot versus average is mostly just a bonus.
 traderna3
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 28
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 5:36:45 PM
"It seems like some guys only care about a girls looks than what she has to offer"

this must be a troll job?
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 29
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Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 6:18:34 PM
This is another one of those threads that has been done to death....
So here is the answer again ......
In the natural progression of things, nature has made it so that looks count for EVERYTHING initially. After the attraction if the looks has created a 2 way click or attraction, then the rest comes into play..... the personality ..... the personal traits ..... then the love and connection on a spiritual level. Then the looks take a second place. They are NEVER unimportant, so don't think that, but the level of importance is balanced with the more important aspects of the relationship.
This, also is not to say that something such as an accident or illness which causes a physical change for some reason , will diminish the love level of the relationship, because it doesn't tend to work that way, But, on the other hand, if someone just lets themselves go....male or female .... it can put a strain on the relationship and may even cause a break. The reason for the differences are purely psych. ..... if a person has a disfuguring sickness or accident it is something beyond any area of control and by nature we become accepting and nurturing.
If someone just lets themselves go /// excessive weight gain /// not evenb trying with the looks/cleaning up / et cetera .... it is taken as a mental sign that they do not care anymore and the other may end up giving up or moving toward someone who does care (whether an affair or an actual split).
Meeting someone on line and growing to like them, and appreciate their ways, and points of view, and even loving some characteristics about them is not any sort of fair or understandable assurance of a possible relationship. You could meet in person and be repulsed by the looks of the person. Evern if the profile pic is accurate, there is more to the person, and the pics tend to show the best qualities. (how many times have we seen the thread about someone putting average or a few extra pounds in their profile, when in fact they are huge, but don't believe they are / thats just an example...there are plenty more).
So talking on line is just fine, and may even get you some friends, but all that is for nothing when it comes to the relationship department, if the physical appeal is not there or mutual in the initial stages.
So yes ... emphatically ... looks do count and will always count. It is a very basic human instinct and we come by it honestly through nature.
The basic differences are what appeals to us as individuals. That is based on many factors ... our upbringing ... our parents or guardians .... our location and what we are exposed to .. et cetera. So there are many views on what is attractive and appealing physically and they cover most every type and shape of person. In other words...what appeals to me, may not appeal to the person next to me.
There is a general assumption of what is attractive, but no-one actually looks for their view of physical perfection, but they will look for someone who best meets the general view of what appeals to them....the one who has the most and best qualities, physically.
This too may all be for nothing if the personality and mentality is not appealing. If she/he has all the looks and nothing else, they are put aside also (this is assuming that we are considering the person for an actual relationship beyond just a physical fling). So it all has to balance, but looks are the primary factor in initial attraction and remain important at all times where an actual relationship is involved.
I have, as with many people, had a physical thing with someone I found attractive but would not consider them for a relationship because of their personality or something .... they were hot! I have also done the same with someone I didn't find particularly attractive, but we were both hot and available...... I know.... people are fickle..... but when it comes down to what is right for us for the longer term.....the looks count first and foremost, and the balance plays into it after. Its how we are built and it will never change! Perpatuation of the human race is the reason and it is in our genes.
 1800DoUCare
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 30
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 6:34:50 PM
Looks don't matter, but they are a big part of the whole package. "an important part"
they are the first thing that draws our attention..
 simeonsonnow
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 31
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 6:36:54 PM
Unfortunately in this youth oriented society a huge prioity is placed on looks. Just look at all the various forms of media and the emphasis that is placed on appearance there. Multi-billion dollar industries push beauty at us constantly.
But step out of western society and you can find all kinds of different attitudes. For example, in Samoa and the Phillipines large men are considered attractive. But they barely have a hope in North America.
The old expression is beauty is only skin deep. Personally if I meet a beautiful woman and her beauty only goes that far, what's the point? A true gem is to find a woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. And for you women I'm sure that holds true for the men you meet.
Beauty is misleading. Quite a number of studies have been done about how we react to beautiful people. We tend to think they're smarter, kinder etc. although none of that is based on fact. We treat them like they're are better then us. And it has nothing to do with gender. Men treat good looking men that way and the same for women treating good looking women that way as well.
We need to de-empasize beauty in our search. Often the beauty is a veneer covering up the ugly underneath.

I'll conclude with another old saying, "Be very careful not to judge a book by it's cover. You'll never know what beauty and poetry lies within unlees you look inside."
 vesseloflove
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 32
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:07:26 PM
yeah looks matters a lot. I am not good looking, and it effects the way people treat me, not just in dating but in all social situations. if you are attractive, people will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you right off the bat. but with me, people right away put up a defense wall. more with women of course . When women see me, they give me that look like, "oh God I hope he doesn't come over here". I've learned to be very diplomatic and polite and have good social skills, and make a negative first impressions into a positive ones. Every ounce of trust I get is earned. Never given. once a person gets to know me and sees that I'm cool, the defense wall drops a bit and I get along fine. attraction too. every ounce is earned, never given. my "game" has to be air-tight. There are lots of guys out there who are taller and better looking who can easily divert a woman's attention away from me.

So next time you are judging a person because of their looks, try to imagine what it's like to be in his or her shoes.
 Tall_cat
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 33
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:14:56 PM
Looks will always draw someone attention at first, that just human nature. After a person gets pass the looks and actually get to know someone. Then you can eliminated the bad people ones from the good ones.
 wupchurch
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 34
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:26:58 PM
I'm a web/multimedia designer for a living, which involves a lot of marketing. I don't think dating is any different from that. Here is why:

How a websites or ad looks determines whether or not people bother to pay attention to it. But it is the content and interactivity of the site that determines whether or not people return to it.

With people, looks attract people. But personality keeps people.
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 35
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Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 7/8/2007 9:26:27 PM
I think looks should matter, but ONLY to a certain extent... Something has to cause the initial attraction. However, in order for a relationship to truly thrive, there has to be more than just looks, or intimacy, to keep the fire burning.

I've heard that after the first few years, many relationships just fizzle out. Why? Because there was not enough common ground once the new wore off. As people get older, the looks fade. When a lot of women were younger, before children, they were skinny, and after 2 or 3 kids, and life, they tend to accumulate more weight. Don't forget the slowing metabolism. Then same with the males, as they age, their activity may slow, as well as their metabolism, and they may gain some weight as well.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! What may be attractive to you, may not be as attractive to your brother/sister, or even your best friend...

Still, there's gotta be more to a Lasting relationship, than just the outward appearances...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 bailame
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 36
Do looks really matter
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:27:25 PM
Yes they do. For me at least they do. As a woman I need to be physically attracted to MY TYPE, especially a man's face, persona, etc. I cannot get aroused by the world's best kisser if I think he's ugly. He has to be my type physically. Most men think they're god's gift to women but very few are that attractive. He has to have a certain look, smell (not the cologne, his natural scent of his body and breath) and have a certain way about him he can't mimic or ape from anyone else.

You can't fake attraction. I want to be sexually attracted to a man and it is done by sight. Who cares if he knows all the moves in a bed. If he isn't hot-looking in the way I like, no amount of alcohol, flattery, gift buying, power, intelligence, wit, guilt or deal-making will work.

Only looks will get me on a date with a man. And very good looks or oozing sexuality will get me in bed with a man. If he's a great person, so much the better. But to get me to be sexual with someone he's gotta be hot. MY TYPE of hot.
 rockchick35
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 37
Do looks really matter
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:02:02 PM
I understand why looks somewhat matter to the attraction aspect. But why do you look at the whole body and not just the face? Im not exactly the skinnest person in the world and I grew up with a family full of guys so I dont dress in a skimpy skirt and not a lot of guys hit on me because of that. The guys cant always have the model like girls sometimes I think they need to remember that
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 38
Do looks really matter
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:28:46 AM
If looks didn't matter, makeup companies would be outta busniess and the diet industry wouldn't be a multi billion dollar industry... So yes looks matter from your hair to your toes.... If looks didn't matter you wouldn't pay $150 to get your hair did... $100 for your make up, $50 to get your nails done and you'd buy your Clothes and shoes from K mart and pay less.. You'd Eat whatever whenever you want and you wouldn't look at yourself in mirror everyday and be like " Damn I gotta do something about myself" Oh and plastic surgery wouldn't be a multi BILLION dollar industry and no Nip tuck on T.V. Speak'n of TV. How about we sell pictures of Danny Devito, Jack Black and Drew Carry with their shirts off instead of Brad Pitt Mathew Mc Donuhey and LL Cool J ... And instead of see'n Beyonce, J- LO and Pam Anderson half naked in bikni's. How about we sell posters of Rossie O'Donnel, Mo' Nique and Kristy Alley in bikini's.. Oh and Rogaine ?? who needs that, what for ? looks don't matter.. No I don't need to stop drink'n all this beer cus women are not gonna care about this Big asss beer gut I have, make'n it so that i can't even see my penis.... This thread is a freak'n JOKE ! does look matter ? Next time you go'n for a job interview or for a promotion.. Go in there dressed like a bum, don't brush your teeth don't comb your hair.. And then come back and let me know if looks matter not only in the dating world, but in almost everyting that we do.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 39
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Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:34:46 PM

It seems like some guys only care about a girls looks than what she has to offer

Some guys? Women don't do that ever? Give me a break, that is most certainly something that goes both ways.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 40
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:46:21 PM
Physical attraction starts the ball rolling. What keeps the ball rolling is having the attributes that person wants rolled up into an attractive package.

Unless you want a trophy which some do then in that case they won't care what you have as who cares what the trophy has written on it or what it is made of as long as it is shiny and looks good.

To say it doesn't matter or shouldn't matter is unrealistic. This applies to both men and women. We just don't like to say it to stay "PC"
 Savona
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 41
Do looks really matter
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:32:48 PM
"""Oh and Rogaine ?? who needs that, what for ? looks don't matter.. No I don't need to stop drink'n all this beer cus women are not gonna care about this Big asss beer gut I have, make'n it so that i can't even see my penis...."""



Savona
 Animaniac69
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 42
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:58:52 PM
You're worried about this why?
 bowlerman67
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 43
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:42:44 PM
Here is my perspective on this topic. Looks are the first important thing, but not the most important. You could stand a 5'5 120-130 boobs, butt hot body and all and no fun at all to be with or you could have a lady who may have a few extra pounds but still cute, and just a blast to be with, I would take her any day of the week. To me and it is just my opinion only, so don't jump all over me about this becuase it is just an opinion , but most really hot women that I have known are too much maintenance( I am too laid back to do high maintenance). That type of personality usually takes 2 hours to get ready, have to have their make up on at all times, and just don't seem to be able to relax and just have a genuinely good time. That is what I want in a woman. So yes looks are important but they aren't everything to me.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 44
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:49:48 PM
Does looks really matter??? - catalistdancer87

> Do looks really matter. Not, does looks really matter.
> You wouldn't say, 'Is my legs OK?'
> I think you should concentrate on your spelling and grammar. Pick up a book one day and read it. Educate yourself. Enlighten your mind. Don't worry about 'does' looks. It matters precious little how anyone else sees you or judges you. What matters is how you see yourself. You will realise this, probably in 20 or 30 years' time, when you have put yourself through arduous years of 'what do they think of me?' only to discover it doesn't actually matter. It doesn't mean anything. 'Their' opinion of you changes from day to day, according to how they feel about you and their mood at the time. It can all change in the blink of an eye. It is, therefore, worthless.
> Best wishes - Soul Union.
 NERO1
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 45
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:33:52 PM
Looks matter, sure, but the person definitely doesn't have to be a centerfold layout or something like that either. In fact sometimes that's not even ideal, really.

For me it just has to be a "type" I find attractive or hot or whatever -- & sometimes my taste is not the same as some of my friends for instance. I can't really put a finger on what does that , for me. Obviously there are some people who are just going to be (probably, for the most part) considered universally good-looking by most people, there are many of these in fact, but the thing is sometimes on the "higher end" (so to speak) of that you can find people who are almost TOO good-looking! Sounds funny but it's true. I think perfection kind of intimidates most, whether they'll admit it or not. Whereas being about a 7 or 8 or so (out of 10 ) might still be in the realm of approachable, etc.
 rodeo74
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 46
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:52:16 PM
I think that every relationship starts with some kind of physical attraction because that is human nature but once you get to know the person if they have a weak personality then the physical attraction no longer really matters if you can't stand to be around the person all day every day for the rest of your life and further.sincerely,rodeo GOD BLESS.
 SensualMystery
Joined: 1/22/2008
Msg: 47
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:43:36 AM
The older I get the more I look for other things in a woman. I realize now that stupid people get laid more and I wish I never picked up a book.

jj

The more experience you get the more you realize other things matter. :)
 tigerlily1
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 48
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:53:11 AM
Men fall inlove with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears........

Its not always true but its a good guide to how it is.

Dont question it just accept it, And what visually appeals to some men may not visually appeal to others

blondes brunettes, legs, bums , eyes, feet. it could be anything, big small tall short what ever their visual version of attractive is........

Tarts usually do get attention, because they visually look like they will put out easily and their fore attract alot of attention, based on the fact men like sex, so that is different and they assume tarts dress that way to get that attention. Sometimes its just hot and how esle do you dress to go to the beach.......... So that is not always right either

doesnt mean that is the visual criteria for falling love.

Most guys are not fools, and the looks come first, personality next, then intelligence etc etc etc.......... th ewhole package make up the attraction.

some women go for looks jsut the same as men

but the first saying can be considered the average way it is..........
 blaka11
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 49
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:22:42 AM
i say lets be real ..yes they do theres no other way to answer this ...i say when you lock eyes with girl/guy and if theres a click then proceed to target..i f not there are 6 billion people on this planet come now theres gotta be someone out there for ya!
 GREEN-EYED-ANGEL
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 50
Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:20:07 AM
It took me a while to come to this conclusion...yes, it does...maybe it shouldn't but...this is a dating site, which is a form of mate selection...a few years ago, I took a class in evolutionary psychology. Alot of it had to do w/ the hardwired behaviors of men & women, what we inherited from our ancestors, that animalistic part of us...some of it has been our life experience (ie. a man who likes blondes & his Mom was a blonde) & we get a "lovemap"!

Ultimately, a relationship will fail or stick due to our personalities & character... HOWEVER a relationship will not jumpstart w/o the bait that attracts the fishie...is this right or wrong? it's just the way things are...no answer to that one!

A few years ago, I met a gent in the forums & got to know him a bit from online & the phone...he had alot of wisdom...he was from Detroit...I am paraprasing here...he said honestly, do people come here saying I want to meet someone as ugly as a mudpost???

I'm sure there are many attractive people in here, but how many are attractive & have the character traits that you value?

My opinion is we can say looks don't matter, this & that doesn't matter, but then we'd be living in the Land of Denial. If you want to be successful in dating, embrace reality & make the best of it.

I'd also say watch The Millionaire Matchmaker TV show & listen to Patti Stanger, alot of people don't like what she has to say about men & women, because the truth hurts.
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