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 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 396
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?Page 5 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Wyh are so many women online anti-sex? Is it some kind of religious movement? I got no problem waiting a few dates but I enjoy sex and think there is nothing wrong with it. I usually have sex on the first or second date but have waiting months. Many women are afraid a guy will leave her as soon as they ahve sex? Or will lose respect for her. What kind of guy does this? I beleive life is short and we should enjoy it. And enjoy eachother while we can. So if you say no sex on the first date Ic an dealw ith that. But no sex ever I can't.
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 407
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:53:06 AM
Kind of touching up on the last sentence Post punk said... It's funny how women use this tactic to weed out the "Players" when it actually does the opposite.. A player is a "player" why ? He has MUTIPLE women.. So guess what ?? The player does not need to have sex with you right away becaue he has OTHER women he can do that with while you take our sweet time waiting to give him some.. So that guy that you think s sooooo Sweet because he hasn't put he moves on you.. Its proably because he got him some form his FWB before he went out with you LOL.. But yes when women say that upfront its very annoying especially when its from a chick that I don't find all that pretty.. Maybe us guys should start saying yeah we can go out but Im gonna tell you up front Im not pay'n for the date.. That way we can sort out the "Gold diggers"
 MrSmileyHimself
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 409
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:31:43 PM
I personally would be a bit insulted. Then I would have to question what kind of a woman I was dating that would even be thinking about sex on a first date.
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 410
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:37:44 PM
Sounds artless, crass, legalistic (just sign right here where it says "no sex")

If during the date the lady can't signal what she does/doesn't want, go back to signal school.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 414
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:25:27 PM
That's probably a bad course of action unless the majority of the men you date are overly aggressive. You should have a feel for this before you go out with him. If he fills his emails with a lot of sexual content, you'll probably have problems on a date.

However, suppose the guy is OK - on paper. A woman should know how to maintain a certain amount of coolness towards a man on the first date but not be so cold that she discourages him from another date or further contact.

Now let's get to the sex stuff. Both Men and women want sex somewhere down the dating path. They just have to talk each other into it. I'll tell you how I operate.

When I take a woman out, I take her to a Mexican restaurant and make sure she stuffs her face with a big Fajita. I also encourage her to have a couple of drinks. We then drive back to my place to listen to some music or watch some TV. I always have some wine chillin' in the fridge.

Assuming she's a little friendly I always try for a kiss hoping it will lead to bigger things. Hopefully that Fajita and liquor has loosen her hold on morality and she'll willingly let me have my way with her. Unfortunately, most of the time she'll just burp but there is always the second date?

The Eagle
 MrSmileyHimself
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 419
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:16:34 PM
I've learned that for me, in a lot of cases, learning about my partner ends when sex begins. Is that a personal flaw in my character? Yes, yes it is. So I've learned that if I want to have a real, long lasting, emotional relationship, I wait for sex. I don't go out on a first date, second date, third or even forth date expecting anything. If she offers on the first date, I assume she's just out for the lay (yeah those girls exist) so there probably won't be a second date.

Besides, where I live, if all I wanted was sex, I could find a prostitute for that. j/k
 cmdr_iceman
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 421
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:31:49 AM
For me I take it that NO sex on the first date with a woman is implied unless she says otherwise. I always conduct myself like a gentleman, irregardless of the woman's behavior, because I like who I am.

But ladies you must understand that when you overtly say no sex on the first date that is as appealing to a man as him telling you that he always goes Dutch-style on first dates. When the possibility of sex is taken off the table right out of the gate, then any incentive for a man to be chivalrous or gentlemanly has also removed.
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 422
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:43:50 AM
Personally I think any woman who actually says it is conveying that they have a history of sex on the first date and are simply trying break the cycle. My favorite is after sex on the first date when they say that "I've never done anything like this before" particularly when other than the sex part, it wasn't really a remarkable date...

I don't believe in double standards and have no preconceived notions about dating behavior, particularly when it comes to sex. It's no less slutty for a man to participate in sex than for a woman, and the timing is irrelevant. If people (male and female) would just be honest with themselves and admit that sometimes sex is all they want, there would be far less game playing involved in dating.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 423
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:52:23 AM
Talking about not having sex surly is a good idea, just like talking about anything else.
However, talking about it and following through are two different issues, at this tread clearly states, http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9467148.aspx

Even though it has been said men have a one track mind, that may or not be true. However it is when to people meet, start talking, feel there is some kind of chemistry, that will be the deciding factor, right or wrong, we all respond differently to every situation, and every one we meet. What never happened before,, just might happen on the first date. The important issue is,, are you both mature adults, who can and will take responsibility for their actions. Stop blaming the other person.. It's all about the choices we make as mature adults.. If more men and woman could just do that,, we would have less gender bashing on the subject of sex on the first date...
 Bobby Ramone
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 430
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:55:03 PM
If that comes up upfront from someone, I probably think they have already had sex on a first date before.
 dannyr0697
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 435
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:33:53 AM

Unless the two parties in question are primarily here for let's just say a one night stand so to speak I think it's ridiculous to discuss sex prior to meeting.

Example #1- Girl talks to boy on phone... Girl tells boy there will be no sex on first date. Girl winds up in bed with boy same night and posts on these horrid forums a week later about how boy used girl for sex because he never returned call...Blah..



I sooooo agree and I''ll add that I've had several dates from POF since I've been on here and the girls that end up wanting sex on the first date ALL had something in their profile to the effect of "if you just want sex, don't message me" . Huh???
Unless you ARE looking for sex, you shouldn't even bring it up. And if you AREN"T looking for sex, guess what, you just brought it up first.



L8TR
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 444
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:28:13 AM
1. I would not rule anything out or say no to anything until I met the girl. Waht if we really like eachother and things get hot after some passionate kissing? There is nothing wrong with sex even if its ont he frist date and its especailly good if it forms a clsoe bond and leads to a serious realtionship which is what usually happens with me. But as you may or may not know men show intimacy through sex. There is nothing wreong with getting to know eachother or taking your time but if I don't have sex or at least a BJ by the 3rd date I may start looking elsewhere while still dating and feeling things out. I keep all options on the table.
 genegem
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 445
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:28:53 AM


Unless the two parties in question are primarily here for let's just say a one night stand so to speak I think it's ridiculous to discuss sex prior to meeting.

Example #1- Girl talks to boy on phone... Girl tells boy there will be no sex on first date. Girl winds up in bed with boy same night and posts on these horrid forums a week later about how boy used girl for sex because he never returned call...Blah..

Are you people 12? get real!


Well said ciaobaby71

Every woman I ever dated who said [on phone/in email]
"I don't sleep with guys on the first date" or "I'm not into one night stands"
slept with me on the first date ...

whilst those who never mentioned sex before [or during] the first date didn't.

Draw your own conclusions ....
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 449
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:02:44 AM

if you really like the guy dont give him sex. he will be gone.

I'm not really sure what that means, do you really think a woman is doing a man a favor by sleeping with him either on the first date or the 10th date..If she is,, she should take a hard look at her self..
Further more, whats to like about a guy, if in your thoughts, he would be gone...if you have sex on the first date. That man could take a hike anytime he chooses..


sex on first date makes a woman look slutty no matter how u slice it. use ur brain. a man cannot trust a woman who sleeps with him first date. so no relatiosnhiop or in 99 percent of cases will a relationshiop occur. no man wants a loose woman for long-term.

How you come up with the idea that men look at a woman as being slutty is beyond me..
How you again say men can't trust a woman who have sex on the first date, is beyond what I am able to comprehend,, I never looked at a woman in that way..
As for a man seeing a woman as being loose,, men don't see it in that way,, I would say men see a woman who is in control of her own sexuality..needs and desires

Lets say this again,, no woman is obligated to have sex with any man, ant any time, unless she decided she wants to. The same hold true for men..Yes men do say "NO" contrary to some beliefs..

I think a mature woman can decide whether to have sex on the first date or the 10 date,, Woman have need as well as men,, if both communicate what those needs are, and feel comfortable with each other and they have a certain chemistry . As mature adults, take responsibility for there actions, what ever the out come,, do what you feel good about.. not what is expected, if anything were expected..

How can you even suggest this, men view woman who sleep with them as untrustworthy, a slut, or even loose, .... What you are really doing is bashing the women who feel secure with who they are and their own sexuality..


As a Man....I would never view a woman who slept with me as untrustworthy, a slut, or even loose, as you suggested..
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 451
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:26:20 AM
quote] I said nothing abouat her being obligated at all. Quit changing what i siad.
I never suggested you said that.. I was stating my own opinion.. and it was this

Lets say this again,, no woman is obligated to have sex with any man, ant any time, unless she decided she wants to. The same hold true for men..Yes men do say "NO" contrary to some beliefs..




I siad if she is that loose the man is not gonna want her for nothing other than a plaything.
you said this;;
no man wants a loose woman for long-term

Implying if a woman sleeps with a man she is loose,, I think it's wrong to imply woman who have or had sex with a man on the first date or any date should be considered loose.. At the same time I think it's wrong to speak, put words in ours/men mouths about what we think about a woman who had sex with a woman on the first date.. for all men do not view a woman as loose....


I never said it was not her choice but her choice has consequences.

I never suggested you said that.. I was stating my own opinion..and it was this I said

[Quote]I think a mature woman can decide whether to have sex on the first date or the 10 date,, Woman have need as well as men,, if both communicate what those needs are, and feel comfortable with each other and they have a certain chemistry . As mature adults, take responsibility for there actions, what ever the out come,, do what you feel good about.. not what is expected, if anything were expected..


so dont put words in my mouth. what i said has nothing to do with rape or obligation.

Never once did I suggest rape, so please don't miss read my words either..

Your right you have a right to an opinion,, but please lets not suggest all men view woman in a negative way because they have sex on the first date..
And please have some respect for the woman who choose too,, they should not be considered loose by you, or by a man or another woman..

We all make choices,, but should not to be judged by some one, who has not shared in what ever experience a man and woman may have had,, I am certain, many man and woman have had sex on the first date,, and are still leading normal happy lives with out being scorned,, or have a label as a slut... So please let mature men and woman make their own choices with out you calling them names and suggesting men have a negative view of woman...
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 453
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:47:21 AM
I understand that some guys may try to get sex on the first date, but the reason I am greatly offended by the mention of what is sexually acceptable and what is not, is that the woman, without seeming to haven got to know whether I am that type or not, is willing to ignore all that we have shared & to lump me categorically with the guys who would try to get it on the first date. Dr. Laura Slessinger distinguishes between 'guys' and 'men'; the first, all males are born as, the second, some men become (while others stay as 'guys'. I wonder if they were actually listening to me when we talked & got to know each other (or so I would have thought of it) before that date. While I can understand why the woman, if she is unsure of me, would tell me up front, which I admire that honesty, to do so (apparently they are willing to go out with me without having gotten to know me enough to know whether I am that type or not, generally this will ensure that there will be no date if they are willing to going out with somebody they don't know well enough that out of their ignorance they are willing to insult that person. I have had two women (both whom I had known a while) tell me up front what was not accepted sexually, & the mere thought that I would want anything (beyond maybe a kiss depending upon how the date went) seals the deal that there will definately be no first-or any- date.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 454
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:55:51 AM
This what OP wrote

There are tons of posts on 'why does a guy always want it on the first date' etc, etc..
I want to know, when we say, upfront (say on the phone, or even possilby, an email) that sex on the 1st date is NOT going to happen, what do you guys think...most guys will be thinking about it, but not all are going to outright try. So, should we tell you immediately, and save each other time (and us a night of makeup ;)..or what? A lot of guys seem to get offended if we bring that up right off the bat, as if we're lumping them into a category. However, if you polled us women, lots of you guys will try!



now u might feel different but you are not the guy that op is talking about. better for her to be safe than sorry if she really likes him. op's male friend she is interested in might feel different about the subject than u feel. u are not him. niehter am I,

OP did ask for men's opinions,, and she is not just talking about a single man in her life,, it is a general question...about sex on the first date..
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 459
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:28:12 PM

Sex on the first date?? Are you guys crazy? Why would anyone have sex with someone they just met? Has anyone heard of aids and herpes? What ever happened to getting to know someone first? Yikes . I have just deleted my pictures off my profile and will use this site only for the forum as the people on here are obviously not looking for anything real, just a cheap thrill.

Gee if a guy expects sex from me on the first date, I think I will bring my bills along and he can pay them too, why not?? If you are ready to have sex on the first date, you are ready to start being a couple.


I was wondering, if men and woman are so bad on POF,, why would anyone with your values and morels even consider staying here just for the forums,, what kind of quality forums to expect to be in,, yet you stay and complain, judge others,,

Yes bring your bills,, would that make it easier for you to have sex,, knowing your getting paid...
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 461
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:53:51 PM
So basically your against a open discussion about whether men and woman should or should not have sex on the first date,, therefore conclude we are all with out morels, it it you who mentioned bringing your bills not me....

how do you know what all men and woman are looking for,, yet you just said you stay in forums because you have friends,, aren't they the same people you generalized with those statement below,, and no one else here on POF shall meet those wonderful expectations you have of your POF members/friends,,, you have a way of double talking....double standard...


I have just deleted my pictures off my profile and will use this site only for the forum as the people on here are obviously not looking for anything real, just a cheap thrill.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 462
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:09:14 PM
ang65

I would like to add,, I don't think, a man or woman in this forum, ever suggested they were here for just sex on the first date,, if one did say that,, they would be the exception, not the rule,, yet you judged all of as wanting sex on the first date,, and I am sure I would not be the only one who would take offence to such a statement as you made,, Because I have some very nice female friends here as well,, as I'm sure we all do....
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 464
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:45:28 PM

I am just saying why would anyone even think about having sex with someone they don't even know .

The reason someone might think about it is,, they are attracted to them,, But that by no means suggests to people will have sex on the first date...

If you are just looking for sex, go pick someone up at a bar or get a hooker,

Now you are assuming people in this forums are looking for sex on the fist date,, not only have you made that assumption,, you meant just men by using the word hooker,, and that is wrong.. Woman don't want sex either,, so do you know,, and they are right here on POF..

I guess I grew up in a different world, where people dated, cared about each other, and had goals in a relationship and were not just looking to get laid on the first date

Why do you think you are any different than the rest of us,, most want what you suggested,, in short a loving caring relationship,, what gives you the right to say we don't...

You wouldn't propose to someone on the first date, you wouldn't move in with someone on the first date, why would you sleep with them?

I don't have that answer,, but to assume we are all like that,, you are just wrong....

Whatever happened to self respect and self control?

That is a matter of opinion,, to say just because a man and woman had sex on the first date,, they don't have self respect,, again,, who are you to judge that.. if those two are comfortable with what they did or going to do,, that is between them,, I personality don't care what goes on in anyone's bedroom,, and surly don't want anyone to get up in arms wondering what I did in mine......because it's no ones business..

No one here exposed dirty laundry,, yet because we talk about sex on the first date,, we don't have the same values as you,, that is such an unfair way to think about us on POF..


I am looking for someone to have a Whole relationship with, not just a cheap thrill. Real relationships take time.

Believe it or not,,, most of us here want the same thing,,
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 465
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:23:55 PM
First of all no; thats not classy; if you even have to tell a guy that then you shouldn't be dating him. No one should have sex on a first date unless your a dog.

If your with someone that is so sleazy that you even have to say it, then you shouldn't be on a date with them and you've chosen terribly.
 * Magic Man *
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 469
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:35:57 PM
I suppose - if *SEX* has been the main focus of your conversations before you 'even meet', ... then I suppose you may wanna go-ahead-and-mention it !

Supposing (of course) that you were "only listening" and NOT participating in the original conversation. (In which case - why didn't you DROP HIM like a H~O~T potato?)
Otherwise (of course) one would have to ask ... Why were you participating in that type of dialogue in the 1st place?

MM
 phoenixdreamangel
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 470
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:05:21 PM
I agree with the need to get to know them before you meet, talk! ALOT!

I personally have only had to tell one guy on a date no sex, but that was because he was a jerk and he woulda ****ed a cow if it'd said ya sure!

And by saying cow I dont' mean fat woman I mean MOO

LOL Sorry that was mean but true!

As far as needing to tell them, no you shouldn't need to tell them. In this day and age, who the hell jumps in bed on the first night? It's not safe, you know nothing about this person! Oh wait.....he or she looks cute...wow......such a build up!

I'm old fashion the sex isn't gonna happen unless I want him, as in I've got feelings for him that are or may lead up to love! I'm not going for less, if I were I wouldn't still be a virgin!

I know TMI but it's a point to be made!

Michelle
 rjc97vette
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 482
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Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:24:45 PM
I would say no to bringing it up even before meeting a person (men are people too). Please wait until you are asked before saying no. Besides it gives you the option of saying yes if you want to. It seems combative and borderline rude otherwise. I read one lady's profile which was several paragraphs of ranting over men asking her for sex and how offended she was and how all men are animals. However, her pictures were dominated by poses of her putting her butt and cleavage into the camera. She also talked in length on how many hours a day she worked to look sexy for men. Then she was angry that they found her "sexy" i.e. they actually were awful enough to want sex with her. I was tempted to tell her to put a picture of herself on the site reading a book instead but I doubted she would get it even though it is a "DUH" thing. With that in mind maybe you would have less negative expectations to deal with if you used a photo other than the one with the shirt saying what: "Support our BOOBS"? Maybe that has something to do with fund raising for cancer research but why throw gas on the fire and then complain about the heat from the flames?
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