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 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 135
What does my children come first mean to you?Page 13 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

If they have the need to emphasize it in a profile, to me it means I'm just a bed partner and an after-thought.
No need to say it, it's assumed.


I agree.

My children automatically come first and that my self-care is also a priority as so I'm a healthier, better parent. Of course, I don't need to spell it out on my profile -- it's assumed or it should be, that I'm doing what's necessary to care for them, properly. (It's why that with my availability, I want to let the person of my interest know that I'm available.) If I don't adhere to these responsibilities, I couldn't and wouldn't be a good partner. I expect men to take of their children, and I'm happy that they do. I, too, could never have a relationship with anybody who is a selfish and inattentive father. But if they work all of the time (I respect strong work ethic, but you know) and have children full-time, practically, where is the time available in investing in a relationship, lest They want to use my availability for their time pass and nothing seriously. No, thanks.

I'm also not a single mother -- I'm a co-parent. The other parent and I have joint custody and we are equally invested in the care of our boy. I'm raising one minor child and the other is grown and independent. I also have my shit, together, and the ex and I don't have any drama between us -- our divorce and custody arrangement were amicable and uncomplicated because we were concerned the kids would become damaged from it, if we quarreled and played games with their stability (My ex-husband had good character and really demonstrated immense love for his son by his good contributions; and he is happy, once again, which is doubly good for the kids, especially our adolescent so .)

Of course, I've explained ad nauseaum about my preferences regarding men with children. The other side of it is that I don't want to enter a situation in which parents are quarreling and children are suffering. Unfortunately, the conversations with people alone, here, have alerted me to the horrors of their patent irresponsibility. Witnessing such horrible chaos and children emotional deteriorate before my eyes will just break my heart and emotional tap me. Unfortunately, it is either I have the knack of attracting broken people (which I put a stop to) or irresponsibility and selfishness are reinforced traits in our society.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 136
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 8:22:49 AM
I think it means different things to different people who post them in their ads...

A guy may post it, cuz he thinks it makes him sound like a "nice guy"...

Another may post it cuz he is too enmeshed w/ his kids...

A woman may post it cuz she can't always afford a sitter...

Another woman may not have custody, so she puts it in to sound like mother of the year...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 137
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 8:30:32 AM
I wonder how women would view it if I was to put in my profile that my cat comes first.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 138
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 12:52:52 PM
I am not one who says or said "my children come first". Even while my children were young I thought my husband came first and put him first. It's not that I didn't give my children the best of care and attention...it's just that I knew that one day my children would be grown and making a life for themselves and it would be just myself and my husband rattling around the house with years left to live. I saw far too many couples that put their spouse aside and too far back on the list of priorities that when the kids did move out...these two had nothing in common anymore and one or both couldn't be bothered reconnecting after years of neglect.

I've also seen people do this with their grandchildren .... put their life on hold to tend to the grandkids. I love my grandkids and I'd love the odd sleepover or babysit while my son and his wife have a date night...but it's on my timeline.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 139
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 1:22:15 PM
^^^bluemoon. Agreed.

This is why I discourage women to have profiles that have a photo of or in anyway emphasize the grandchildren.

I am foremost my boyfriends sexy hot babe...not a 'grandmother'. I love my granddaughters to pieces but it is just a niche in my life...my identity does not revolve around the role. The more content and fulfilled in our primary relationship with our partner, then we are more likely to be happier and thus even better in other parts of our lives. I'm been baking with my granddaughters this afternoon but their mom is picking them up soon. I need time to don my Goth look for a night of dancing at our club.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 140
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 3:04:39 PM
It means "next profile".

How about if I put "My Bentley comes first." (which it does but please do not tell anyone).
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 141
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 4:15:31 PM

which it does but please do not tell anyone

lol
I'd suggest you get it a little mustang friend so they can play.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 142
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/6/2014 6:03:29 PM

lagoodguy wrote:

^^^^^^^^^^^^ would you really think that any parent would say that there kids are stupid or have a problem???
I don't think so ....... So where all those stupid people come from???? Where all those murders come from???


Usually they say: "He was always such a good boy, he just had a slight twitch.".......
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 143
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/7/2014 4:01:50 PM
What does "my children come first" mean to you?

It means this is a person I wouldn't waste my time on.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 144
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/7/2014 4:13:57 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^ +1

It also means if they don't like you.....they will hide behind their kids' school and extracurricular schedules as a means to avoid spending any time with you......

been there and done that....which why I won't date men with kids.....unless their grown....and even then I consider that carefully.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 145
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/7/2014 8:06:05 PM
^^^^Agreed.

I don't want to sound like an insensitive prick but I found that all too often that women will hide behind their kids in order to avoid doing anything. I met a girl on , we spoke for two weeks and we finally met, she came by my place, we talked and we hit it off. After that meeting up with her to go out anywhere was a pain in the ass, it was either she had to watch her daughter, she didn't feel like doing anything because she was tired from taking care of her daughter, she didn't have a sitter etc. The only reason why I didn't cut off contact was because she was the first promising girl I had met when I lived in OR and I really just wanted a friend anyway as I gave up trying to do anything romantic or sexual with her despite her constant attempts at flirting and sexting. I remained realistic that if she wanted to do anything, she would make the effort to meet up every once in a while. It seemed like she wanted me to be her emergency****but she even sucked at that.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 146
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:16:08 AM
Kiashmiah- I can relate to this one, I'm in the same boat.
Divorce is hard enough, but it's sad when one parent losses sight of what matters the most.
That's not to say children should be all there is to your life, but remarriage or a new SO isn't an excuse to check out as a parent :(
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 147
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/8/2014 6:37:14 PM
I agree that children should be their top priority. However if someone rarely has time to date because of this, perhaps they should stop dating until their life circumstances changes.


Agreed. Although to be fair, this can apply to anybody ( not just single / divorced parents ) that claims not to have much free time to date.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 148
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:00:12 PM

Most normal men understand that emergencies happen. I think the trick is, to let the guy know you really are sorry, and to show how much you understand his disappointment because the date was cancelled, a good blow job really helps. Some people are total flakes, and hopefully thats not you.


This is important, show some effort and occasionally planning the dates would help as oppose to agreeing on a date that's not guaranteed.
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 149
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What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/9/2014 12:06:22 AM
*standing ovation!!!!!*

Well said!!!! As a single woman with no kids, I DETEST seeing men say this on their profile. Do you assume I'm a moron? Your children's needs should always come first - that makes you a good parent. Your children's wants or whims shouldn't control you, however.

Saying something like "my kids come first" on your profile is telling me that you don't know how to balance your parenting life with your romantic life - and an even keeled relationship requires that you integrate the two. If you cannot find a way or are not willing to make the two priorities EQUAL, then you probably should not be dating. I have dated a couple of single dads. I'm not saying its EASY to strike that balance, but if you want a companion you can't say to them - I really adore you and I want you around, but only when its convenient according to my parenting schedule.

No one wants to come in second place. It's just the same as if a man told a woman he went out with someone else instead of going on a date with her. Would you do THAT? (If you just said yes, you need to go back to Dating 101).

If you need to say to a man that your kids' needs come first, he's the wrong guy. If you feel the need to be assertive about it with everyone you meet, maybe you need to take a break from dating.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 150
What does my children come first mean to you?
Posted: 12/9/2014 6:42:00 AM
Saying something like "my kids come first" on your profile is telling me that you don't know how to balance your parenting life with your romantic life - and an even keeled relationship requires that you integrate the two. If you cannot find a way or are not willing to make the two priorities EQUAL, then you probably should not be dating.

Yes, if you want & need someone who understands & knows about balance..these are the people you should make a point to be with & very desirable.....no question. jmo
And that goes both ways.... and if he or she is not....then imo best to move or if you are the same way then enjoy being second best...


I wonder how women would view it if I was to put in my profile that my cat comes first.


^^^^ As it still come down to is.... where is the balance to make it work....
imo, more then half of the relationships with fail cuz of lack of balance..... too many toys,too many outside interests,
or too many cats......
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 151
What does my children come home early mean to you?
Posted: 12/9/2014 9:46:18 AM
I will confess, when I witness a person posting on their profile what they don't like (or some ground rule that should be obvious, like don't be a male organ), I suspect...they have to say that b/c that's what they keep being attracted to. If they have to explain to future dates, "my kids are important", perhaps they date immature men who cry when they don't get what they want. I think adults--even childless ones like myself--understand "balance"
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