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Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 76
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You know you're old when...Page 4 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
When you see a pretty girl and wonder about how her mother looks.
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 77
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/1/2005 9:46:13 PM
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 78
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:02:17 PM can't pull out that grey piece of lint in your beard. So you shave the beard off!
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 79
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/3/2005 8:29:12 PM
When what used to stand up and salute you every morning now sleeps most of the day away.... lol

Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 82
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/8/2005 10:01:56 AM
When a woman who is looking for a long term relationship looks at you & tells you you won't last that long.

You find things like speedos and spandex workout shorts in your dresser and think you're in the wrong house.

You post here.
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 83
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/8/2005 12:06:25 PM
The light changes from green to yellow to red and then green again and you're only half-way across the street.
Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 84
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/10/2005 11:05:10 PM
I know Im getting old when...........what was the question?
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 85
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/11/2005 12:33:01 AM
Some of these posts are soooooo funny...yet sadly true.

OT...when your kids all come out to help you carry in the groceries
because they think you can no longer do it yourself.
(use this one to your advantage by grasping your heart and going along with it)
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 86
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:49:50 AM
When you get up out of a chair and you grunt and say Oh Boy and then you hear your knees crack.
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 87
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/11/2005 8:36:12 AM
^^^Worse yet Clarkey is realizing the age restriction is roughly half your age
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 88
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/15/2005 6:53:52 PM
you know your old when "young people" who are 30 and shoppping for and elderly shut in to complete their "community service" approach you in the grocery store and ask you where;
1. geritol
2. hemroid creame
3. denture adheasive
4. depends
can be found
(this happened to me and BTW I don't use any of that .....yet.......soon but not yet)
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 89
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/15/2005 7:05:48 PM
If you were born between 1940 and 1955, this is for you! .... If not, pass it on to someone who was. :)) We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the PILL. We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ball-point pens ... before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air-conditioners, drip-dry clothes -- and before man walked on the moon. We got married first -- and THEN lived together. How quaint can you be??

In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out" of. Bunnies were small rabbits, and rabbits were not Volkswagens. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeannie. And having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We thought fast food was what we ate during lent, and Outer Space was the back of the Riviera Theatre. We were born before househusbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers and computer marriages. We were born before day-care centers, group therapy and nursing homes. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt, and guys wearing earrings. For us, "time sharing,” meant togetherness -- not computers or condominiums, a "chip" meant a piece of wood, hardware meant hardware, and software wasn't even a word! In 1940, "Made in Japan" meant JUNK and the term "making out" referred to how you did on your exam. Pizzas, McDonalds and instant coffee were unheard of. We hit the scene when there were five and Dime stores where you bought things for 5 and 10 cents. You could buy ice cream cones for a nickel or a dime, and for one nickel you could ride a streetcar, make a phone call, buy a Pepsi, or buy enough stamps to mail one letter and TWO postcards! You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600.... but who could afford one?? A pity, too, because gas was only 11 cents a gallon. In our day, Cigarette smoking was fashionable; Grass was mowed; Coke was a cold drink; Pot was something you cooked in; Rock Music was a grandmother's lullaby; and AIDS were helpers in the Principal's office. We were certainly not born before the difference between the sexes was discovered, but we were surely before the sex change -- we made do with what we had. And we were the LAST generation that was so dumb as to think you needed a husband to have a baby.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm…So what happened to those “good old days???”
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 90
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:32:18 PM
I went to a restaurant with a friend of mine. The Hostess asked if we knew where the washrooms were and I told her she didn't have to tell us because we both had on fresh Depends, and she believed me! Then my partner in crime forgot his glasses, and since his arms were too short, I had to read the menu to him.

What really gets me is when people make those "old people sounds". You know, the grunts and groans as they attempt to get up from the kitchen chair. I was in a traffic accident and much of me was replaced by surgical stainless steel and I refuse to make those noises. My lawyer told me that, "After you get your settlement, you won't feel any more pain". I must have a very, very vivid imagination because I still hurt like heck!
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 91
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/16/2005 12:52:45 AM
I tried to figure out what was wrong with me - now I know!

I definitely have this disorder!!!

They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder...

This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. Ok, I'm going to wash the car. But first I'm going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trashcan is full. Ok, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.

Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, or maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.

I head towards the kitchen and the vase of flowers, catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put the mail away first.

I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots - -Aaaaaagh ! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We will never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.

I splash some water into the vase and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do.

End of Day:

The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys!
When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!

I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...

Please send this to everyone you know because I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I'VE SENT THIS TO!!!

But please don't send it back to me or I might send it to you again.
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 92
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/16/2005 1:58:24 PM
People over 35 should be dead.

Here's why ............

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

Lets not mention the extreme risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights
came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

We did not have Play stations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends!

We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the
same grade.

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them! Congratulations!

People under 30 are WIMPS!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 93
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/16/2005 6:45:21 PM
Ace once again!

posted b4 yours but I love this one!!!!!
[You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.]
oh too true!!!!
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 94
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/16/2005 9:24:07 PM
Old" is when...
...Your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
...A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
...You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
...Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
...You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
...When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
...When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
..."Getting a little action,” means I don't need to take any fiber today.
..."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 95
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/17/2005 10:00:28 AM
You are at one of those "classic rock" reunion concerts and when the band yells out for everyone to "Stand up and ROCK !! " the sounds of joints creaking and groans is louder than the music.
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 96
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/17/2005 10:12:26 AM
Fuzz was a substance, real fluffy, like lint.

Mooning meant staring listlessly off into space.

Inflation was something to do with a balloon.

A Saturday Nigh Special was a double dip chocolate soda.

Freeze-dried meant the family laundry had hung all day on the clothesline.

A Big Mac was a truck.

A drug problem was trying to get a prescription filled on Sunday.

Bicycles and chickens came fully assembled.

The quality of music wasn't measured in decibels.

"Is it a boy or girl?" was only asked about newborn babies.

A floppy disk was something to see a chiropractor about.

Marriage problems were solved, not dissolved.

Health foods were whatever your mother said you'd better eat or else.

A man wore a pink shirt only after a laundry foul-up.

It was more important what a girl measured up to, than what she measured out to.

Instant recall was a sign of good intelligence, not bad manufacturing.

Trouble in the street meant potholes.

Movies were rated on how good they were, not who was allowed to see them.

Lights, not people, were turned on and off.

A compact was something girls used to repair their complexions.

A movie did not boom just because of a bust.

Cigarettes were called coffin nails and it was a joke.

A girls unmentionables were also unobservable.

The saltiest thing you got in a movie was popcorn.

People worried about how much it took to buy something instead of how long.

It was the patient that needed insurance, not the doctor.

Campers were people, not trucks.

When high school girls talked about the pill, They were discussing their teachers.

The only energy crisis was kids having too much of it.

The back seat driver had enough room to sit there.

The postman not only rang twice, but also delivered twice.

Jokes that couldn't be told in mixed company weren't.

Paperbacks had more passion on the cover than in the contents.

The only thing kids needed batteries for was reading comic books under the bed-covers.

Charity was a virtue, not a telethon.

People were more intelligent than machines.

It was people who were cooperative instead of apartment houses.

A person saved up for his old age instead of April 30.

The last thing you needed after a day's work was exercise.
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 97
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/18/2005 12:34:59 PM
You always find something in the last place you look

You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

You have the right to remain silent everything you say will be misquoted then used against you!

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You know when your losing you're figure when you come home and find your husband wearing your bra and panties - and he looks better in them.

You know your social life is in trouble when your best friends are Waffle House waitresses.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You may not be able to turn back the clock; but you can always wind it up again.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20-years ago today . . ."

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

You're listening to country music because your love life is bad, you're drinking a lot and your dog was recently killed.

You've got the brain of a four year old.

Everything hurts and what, doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eye is the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night after, but you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning

You join a health club, but don't go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

A fortuneteller offers to read your face.

You forget, why you are reading this.
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 98
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/18/2005 1:45:46 PM
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.


1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

But Most Of All, Remember...A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 99
You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:22:56 PM
When I was younger, birthday presents carried the implicit message "Let's go out and have fun!" Now that I'm older, they carry the message "Let's remove the hair from Dad's nose!"

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time searching for the meaning of life. Now that I'm older, I spend a lot of time searching for where I parked the car.

When I was younger, I saw the movie Jaws and for years after was nervous at the beach, always afraid I'd be wading in the water and hear someone call out "Shark!" Now that I'm older and the waistband on my bathing trunks is considerably larger, I'm more concerned I'll hear someone shout, "Whale, ho!"

When I was younger, I thought a job was like an elevator: You got on at the ground floor and rode it all the way to the top of your career. Now that I'm older, I see a job as more like a rope swing: You're far more likely to remember it as a pleasant experience if you concentrate on picking the right time to let go.

When I was younger, I used to fuss when even a single hair was out of place. Now that I'm older, I'm happy when they are anywhere on my head.

When I was younger, I was a very fussy eater-I didn't like much of anything. Now that I'm older, I have much broader tastes-I'll eat just about anything, but my doctor won't let me.

When I was younger, I used to invent all sorts of excuses for not getting regular exercise. I didn't have the time, I couldn't find the right health club, and I lacked the right clothes or equipment. I was always going to start a work-out program just as soon as I got organized, or when I'd finished some project, or with the start of the new year. Now that I am older, I see those excuses as foolish and ridiculous. There's no reason why a man like me couldn't spend an hour a day or so working out, staying in shape. I just wish I had started exercising back then, because it is obviously too late now.

When I was younger, I was at the center of my children's universe. They looked to me for guidance and direction, and obeyed me when it came to life's important decisions. Now that I am older, my teenagers keep trying to alter this very sensible system.

When I was younger, I wasted a considerable amount of my brainpower thinking about girls. I thought about them when I really should have been concentrating on something else, like when I was taking my SATs or one time when my car hit some black ice on the highway and began to spin out of control. Now that I'm older, however…well, I guess some things never change.

When I was younger, our music was powerful and alive. My parents didn't understand it, and thought it was junk, but it spoke to my generation and me. Now that I'm older, I can see that my generation's music has withstood the test of time. (Though I don't understand the junk my kids listen to.)

When I was younger, I always wanted to be older so that I could play basketball and football and baseball better. Now that I am older, I wish I were younger so that I could play basketball and football and baseball at all.

When I was younger, I was impatient and easily bored. I seemed often to lack for something to do. Now that I'm older, I can always go to the bathroom.

When I was younger, there was always a baby, or an ill child, or a crisis at work, or some other intrusion into my sleep, and I was tired all the time. Now I sleep as much as I physically can, and I am tired all the time.

When I was younger and just starting out, people used to tell me I was going to accomplish much that I was quick and bright and energetic and ambitious and I was going to do very well in life. I haven't heard very much on this subject lately.

When I was younger…I didn't use the phrase "when I was younger" very often. Now that I'm older, well, it seems to be creeping into almost daily usage.
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 100
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You know you're old when...
Posted: 12/20/2005 2:01:56 PM

Girdles. Does anyone wear girdles anymore, or know what one is

Hey, I saw girdles up for auction on eBay. They were in the vintage section!
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > You know you're old when...