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 pbear511
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 78
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?Page 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
"obey" doesn't belong in a wedding vow.

cherish, honour, respect..any other number of words fit much better..

lots of people write their own wedding vows. not a bad idea..but here's a better one: write the vows for the *other* person. then you know what they really want and if there should even be a wedding..
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 79
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:41:47 AM
I am not certain how I feel about marriage anymore... quite ambivalent actually, so it shall be interesting to see where my opinion on it evolves.

However, a partnership involves subjugating yourself to needs beyond your own, otherwise why bother?
 Boomstrike
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 84
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:24:57 PM
Obey seems outdated and archaic to me, especially since the vow applies only to the woman.
 SwampHunter
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 85
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:09:30 AM
For you folks who like this topic - let me suggest a great book - "Every Man's Marriage" by Fred Stoeker & Stephen Arteburn. Most Christian men who want to be "Obeyed" would CHOKE on this book. Yes, in a Christian marriage the man IS the head of the household, but he is also supposed to place his wife's needs above his own, and he is held accountable to God for his actions as well as the salvation of his family.

Yes, a wife is supposed to submit to her husband, but the husband is also supposed to submit to the wife. In other words they submit to one another, just is slightly different ways. It creates a blancing act - kind of like the separation of powers in our government.

A good Christian marriage is supposed to be like a candy cane. You have a red stripe, and a white stripe. The red stripe may be the dominate color, but without equal amounts of white, you have one jacked up candy cane.

Being the head of the household does NOT give ANY man the right to trample his wife emotionally, physically, or spiritually.

Mark
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 94
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/13/2008 8:58:57 AM
First of all, it sounds like the Priest was the one who required the obedience. And, Biblically, the woman should obey the man, and the man puts the woman first. If he meets his obligation, then there should be no trouble with trusting him to be in charge.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 95
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/13/2008 3:56:50 PM
Why does someone need to be in charge? I thought communication and coming to a mutually agreed answer was the healthy way to go?
 miss_tea00
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 100
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:09:12 AM
Eh...I will be throwing tradition out the window. Someday. When I have someone to marry, no rush here. But I have never really been interested in the whole traditional vows thing. I just personally think the vows would mean more if written from scratch. I wouldn't really want to hear the same words spoken to me that have been said to millions of other women. There's nothing wrong with the symbolism of traditional vows, but to me it just wouldn't be as personally meaningful.
 cmdr_iceman
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 101
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:52:30 AM
One of the primary reasons why it is important that the wife obeys the husband is because in God’s eyes he is ultimately responsible for protecting her and providing for her - with his very life if necessary.

If she is free to do as she pleases and willfully conducts herself in a manner that places herself in dangerous situations where she will need protection, then I would argue that yes her husband should by all means have say in where she goes, what she does when she is there, and who she associates with - after all she may not only jeopardizing her life but his as well.

For instance when I was married my wife put on this very tight yellow skirt that I felt rode a little too high on her thighs and would attract the wrong kind of attention from other men when going to the mall. I didn’t want to spend the day confronting guy after guy because he had made some lewd comment about my wife and thus insulted her HONOR. She obeyed me and she changed into something more conservative without incident. However had she not changed and some guy had insulted her regarding her slutty appearance then as far as that matter is concerned I was under no OBLIGAION to PROTECT or defend her honor.

The same principle applies to a man’s DUTY to provide. For a man, he does not have the luxury of deciding whether he will provide for his family or not so if that means he has to go into a career field where there is a high mortality rate in order to put food on the table and a roof over his family’s head then so be it. The wife has no comparable obligation. Therefore if a wife is conducting activities that are undermining her husband’s ability to provide for her and he orders her to cease and desist and she tells him “I don’t have to obey or listen to you!” then he is thereby relieved of his obligation to work himself to death or risk death in providing for her.

Remember ladies: “Rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand; it is woefully unhealthy to have one without the other.” Thus, if you feel it is your right to be protected and provided for by a husband then it is your responsibility to be obedient to him. Otherwise he is free to leave you to fend for yourself.
 7upguy
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 103
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:59:04 PM
i will obey u if u obey me it is a 2 way road just like respect and that means sooo much to people
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 105
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:33:37 AM

love, honor and cherish

I like that best.

To use the word "Obey" in your Vows is a throw-back to a time where the woman was expected to listen to the husband. Old fashioned, outdated and is in poor taste IMO.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 108
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:57:51 AM
Since most of the marriage vows are broken before the divorce rolls around is a moot point anyway. I don't think most people really know the religious significance of the marriage vows according to the bible. If people are having that much trouble over one word, probably needs to reevaluate their reasons to why they are getting married in the first place.
 Embraceable You
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 109
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:07:12 AM
Reading a number of responses I was surprised by statements similar to: "it's just words, who cares, do what you want once you get married"..or ...."it doesn't matter, half the marriages end in divorce...."

If you are making a vow then you are promising to do something....what good is your word on anything if you don't adhere to your wedding vows, one of the most important promises you make in life? If you include OBEY then you should have a mind to do so....if you can't (or won't) don't include it....why lie in front of your friends, family and if you believe, God? What a poor way to start your marriage and a good indicator as to how it will end.
 cmdr_iceman
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 111
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:52:13 AM
I fear many of the women here have misunderstood me and think of me as some control freak or tyrant.

If someone were to ask my future wife about the dynamic of her being submissive or obedient in our relationship her understanding of it would so thorough that she would respond with the following answer:

“My husband and I are equals, he isn’t so much in control of me as in charge of me. I bestowed upon him the privilege of being in charge of me, it is mine to both give and take away. It doesn’t make me an automaton or some kind of robot. Nonetheless, I am his co-captain, my input and opinion carries as much weight as his. My husband understands that it is his duty to consult me and allow me to weigh in on all matters of great importance. Indeed, he is in charge of me and our family but that alone doesn’t give him license to make unilateral decisions. If I had even the slightest inkling he was such a man I would never have given him authority over me. But in the end because he is the head of our family and thus ultimately accountable before God for our welfare I leave the final decision making to him.”

Now ladies, why is that so difficult to understand?
 nycdoctor
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 112
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:39:30 PM
A woman should Obey his husband...she need to be submissive...like the old days
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 115
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:08:34 PM
It's bibilcal that for a woman to have happiness in her marriage, she is to obey her husband. The husband is to be the head of the household.

Obedience comes when the husband is doing what is right. Whe the decisions he is making are morally (which is biblically) wrong, then the wife doesn't have to obey him in those areas.
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 116
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:10:13 PM
So a lot of the women that you know who are not happy in their marriages, chances are that they are not obeying their hsubands.

Good book: "Love and Respect" I don't remember the author's name, but I am taking his courses right now.
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 117
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:16:26 PM
He was clearly outvoted, why did he get his way? That could be a sign of
things to come in the future of your marriage. Big RED FLAG
 dsleeth
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 121
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/8/2008 11:13:59 AM
Oldsoul "I have a phobia about being a passenger in a car so I'm ALWAYS the driver, a gun can take care of an intruder better than any human can ( male or female), I don't dance, and I ALWAYS pay my own way !!!!!!!!!"

What happened to make you fear losing control in a relationship? Is it a divorce of your parents or something from your family life that caused it?

Don't make the man of your future pay for the mistakes of the men in your past. It's not his fault you were betrayed.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 127
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:53:27 PM
Nothing wrong with obedience....really. Some don't take their VOWS seriously. That's the REAL problem.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 131
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To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:12:04 PM

love honor and obey...more women should learn to obey...among other things


Yeah? And what should more men learn how to do? Women are neither children, animals or possessions..and being male is no guarantee of intelligence, thoughtfulness, "rightness", or superiority. Marriages are partnerships..not dictatorships..I have no problem with discussion or compromise, or listening...but, I'm smart enough to have my own opinions and beliefs, and being female doesn't make them less valid...

Yeah, I took the bait....sigh...
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 132
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:21:24 PM
hmm, well maybe they wanted it in for their own personal reasons....to each their own.
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 133
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:29:25 PM

I was at a wedding last weekend and these words were uttered as part of the ceremony...

Seemed like they were getting married to their dog!


Perhaps broaden your horizons.
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 135
To love, honor, and... OBEY?!?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:27:21 PM
dsleeth

men come from women , dont forget your place. Women rule the home as they are the nuturers. Without us you would have no one to provide or work for!!
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