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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can "Friends with Benefits" turn into a Serious Relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 101
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

psmurfy-- spoken like a typical MAN... glosses over the obvious in order to "get the goods" for free...


Hmm.. I'm not sure how he's "getting the goods for free", I mean, I read the OP:


We talk every day, spend the weekends together, have nice dinners, see movies, and basically do things that couples in long-term relationship do, but we are not labelled as such.


He feels totally at ease when he's with me. This past weekend, he took me out to celebrate 6 months of knowing each other. And I'm thinking to myself, "do "Friends with Benefits" celebrate such things or could there be a chance that a relationship could develop into something more serious? I really hope so?


I should add that besides having fantastic sex, we have a lot of great conversations, and we truly enjoy each other's company. We have shared lot of laughs, and always there to help each other out when the other needs it.


Sounds to me like a pretty decent "relationship", he takes her out, they have "nice dinners, see movies, and ... do things that couples in long term relationships do"...

And here I thought women were more into "enjoying the moment", yet she's bemoaning not giving it a "label". Hmm... is the "label" it has that important, if you've otherwise got a pretty good relationship going?
 PoeticBliss
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 102
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:07:47 PM
It's NOT a good relationship if she is questioning his motivations....
 psmurfy06
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 103
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:38:18 PM
where ...exactly ....does she say she is questioning his motivations??????? YOU are reading something into it that isn't there . good grief. from what i see, the only step left is a ring and i suspect, if he is celebrating with her, that is not too far away.
 misssexyprincess
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 104
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:18:36 PM
ummm, i dont think you were EVER FWB's, he just has a commitment problem, and the whole time u have been together.... you have been dating...............

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS= SEX, that means come over , shut up, have wild , crazy sex and go home .....PERIOD......
 GreySpot
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 105
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:26:25 PM
Good heavens Tulip, what do you think a relationship is anyway? From your description, you two are closer than a lot of married couples I know. It is not at all unusual for people, both men and women to be reluctant about commitment. It makes you vulnerable, open to being hurt, probably again. You are way too hung up on labels, as in it's not a relationship, just FWB. Who cares what you call it. Just enjoy each other and don't pressure each other to change the label. You will probably find you grow closer and closer with time and will look back together 20 years from now and laugh at how silly you were about what you called it.
 girl1234
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 106
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:48:05 PM
I was in a open relationship/fwb for a year before it turned into five years together and a baby. There is actually some kind of study that says that if u date for a year you are more likely to get married. HMMMM....it does seem like it worked that way for me. You seem like you are in a vulnerable position, my ex had major commitment issues to, but i think this guy really likes you, and if you play it cool, let him be the one to say he loves you first.
 Parisblues
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 107
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:48:42 PM
You may call it whatever you want, but you ARE in a real relationship and yes, friends with benefits can become real lovers, but I think when that happens, the dating period is right from the start more intense, just that both people want to fool themselves into believing that it is just a friends with benefits deal. This happened to me. My boyfriend wanted to make me believe that we were just in a friends with benefits situation, but we dated almost daily, connected, laughed and a bit over two months after we started the so called friends with benefits thing, he admitted to me that he had real feelings for me, two months more, and he told me that he loved me.
Friend with benefits do not meet every day, do not date for any other purpose but sex and maybe some TV afterwards.
I think your relationship might just be labeled the wrong way because of his fear of commitments. With that in mind, it is still not said that you will end up happily ever after, but I believe you're already way past the friends with benefits state.
 yewzd
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 108
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/24/2008 7:14:43 AM
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 10/25/2006 8:01:57 PM
Friends ........ sex .......... think about it ? You like them and you like the hot and sweaty stuff so why not ? pretty soon you might be best friends having sex and that would equate to soul mate material wouldn't it ?

I would have thought so, but not necessarily . . . .
 two gypsy
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 109
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 11/24/2008 7:29:58 AM
Where did the FWB's come from? You are in a relationship? Don't put yourself down by asking him if you are just a once in a while lay? Yuk, why do you want to add that type of drama to what appears to be a good start to a long term relationship? Fear of commitment, another drama issue. If he is with you, dating you, then he is not afraid of committing himself, again why this unneccesary drama. Sorry but you think too much. Enjoy yourself and don't go getting into the "we need to talk" drama.
 Im A Brat
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 110
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:31:23 PM
yes i do think so. and im saying this bc i have been in the same type of relationship. we were "best friends" who happen to fool around on a regular basis. we did EVERYTHING together. grocery shopping, drs appts, laundry, etc. feelings developed and as soon as we were completely open and honest about our feelings, we realized w/had both developed more then the "FWB" relationship. The only thing that can happen is if the committed relationship doesnt last, it may ruin or put a strain on the friendship u had before it became intimate. good luck to you.
 *Sassy Redhead*
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 111
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:39:37 PM
OP I would think that you need to have this conversation with him to get a straight answer. We can only speculate as to if it is possible based on our own experience. Although, you may not like the answer you have to ask your FWB this question to have the honest answer! Good Luck!
 KrisNAz
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 112
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:57:32 PM
Well if this guy has committment issues, I would say may be this is all he's interested in being,, "Friends with benefits." As the saying goes, why have the cow when you can get the milk for free? Seriously. Not saying a relationship from FWB is not possible because it is. My co-worker met her husband when they were FWB,, they have 2 kids now. I have had a FWB in the past (wayyy past) and I can honestly say, nothing ever materialized.
 Blue_Note
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 113
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:26:19 PM
You asked if you're wasting your time on this guy.

If you went into it knowing it was Friends with Benefits, then how can that be a waste of your time? If you went into it hoping that it could turn into something other than what it was, then it was a waste of your time from the start!

Sounds like you definitely want it to be more, and if he's a friend, then be honest with him and say so. If he says it is now what it was in the beginning, then you have to decide if that's enough for you or if you want to "cut your losses" and move on to find what you really want and need.

If you've both moved from FWB to more, then good on ya for beating the odds.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 114
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:46:48 PM
"First thought that comes to mind ... Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? "

At the same time, why buy the whole pig when all you want is a little sausage.
 yepimstilllonely
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 115
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Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/3/2009 11:41:46 AM
FWB is a crock of shit and a cop-out. If that's what he wants, he just wants to play the field and not commit, period. When it's convenient for him, he'll f*** aound with you, but try and call the shots and you'll get shut down. "Committment issues"??- another piece of bullshit. I call it shallow and selfish. FWB is dating, like the other forum poster said. Guys just like that term cause it gives them an "out".
 Gatineau_Gal
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 116
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/3/2009 11:49:52 AM
Has he introduced you to his friends and family, or when you're together its just the two of you? Is he there for you when you need support or vice versa? Do you both keep in contact on a regular basis? Are you both exclusive? I think these are some of the key differences between dating and a long term realtionship. It seems to me that he is getting what he wants and needs ... are you?
 path not taken
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 117
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:41:08 AM
Don't give him what he wants. If you give him what he wants all the time you will just turn into friends with benifits and thats it till he finds someone else.. Make other plans with him other then sex, go away together a day trip what ever. Don't give him sex it will make him want you more and then he will start making plans with you other then sex.

good luck
 annahime29
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 118
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 1/5/2009 8:48:09 PM
You got that right, if a man says he was not looking he really was not. My guy that misled me . . .who was the initiator of saying "I love you" to me after FWB was not honest with himself and ended up hurting me and himself.

He tried to keep me as a friend, but the old saying "friends are friends, lovers are lovers, friends can become lovers, but rarely does it work the other way around"

I had to tell him to quit acting like my boyfriend. Was very hard. I miss him, but a real friendship is unconditional and without limitations (the door is always open for real friends). Sadly I did not hear from him again, even though I proposed a relatioship that did not require marriage or living together for a long long time. Told him straight up that I could not flirt and touch and have nothing to do with him. I guess it is better I know now than later!

Jenn
 SpanishTulip
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 119
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/18/2009 12:34:53 PM
Wow, its been over 2 & a half years since I first wrote this posting....and its been over 6 months since I had any communication with the guy I referred to in this posting.

Unfortunately, the relationship did not last. However, I learned a lot from this experience. Though I had great times with him, I would never again put myself in this kind of situation ever again. It was very hard for me emotionally.

It doesn't matter whether he called it a "relationship", I thought it was.....we did everything a couple does....and no, it was not just "sex".....there were lots of times when we just chilled out and just enjoyed each other's company.

And yes, there was one point in our relationship that he did tell me that he loved me...and he did say it a few times afterwards. However, I realize that he was not giving me what I wanted, needed, and deserved, so I finally decided that enough was enough, and I made the decision to end this relationship. I wanted & deserved to meet someone that would be happy to show me off, and not be afraid to call me his girlfriend.

I have no regrets, and I just take this relationship as a learning experience...and I know one day, I'll meet a wonderful guy that's right for me. I am now enjoying my single life !!!
 ArtistYvie
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 120
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:00:03 PM
I'm really glad you posted yesterday. I have been reading your and other's postings on this topic and was wondering how your relationship worked out. You see I've been in a FWB relationship for four years with a bit older man than myself. I was very lonely two years after my SECOND divorce and fearing commitment entered into this kind of "relationship". We both at the time said we were hurt and against marriage and he felt "safe" and so did I. We did enjoy our times together. Did many things, trips, dinners, movies etc. And the sex was always fantastic (which was not the case in my two marriages). As time passed, however, even though the sex was great, I did miss having an emotional attachment. We were the best of friends, but I finally needed more emotion which he was not willing to give....also I moved further away and the distance caused more problems. ...so I broke it off finally. I was getting too lonely emotionally and physically with the distance. I guess we women are made that way. Now I'm really single again and enjoying meeting new people and not feeling guilty about it. I will say that I don't regret the enjoyable times we had. It met both of our needs at the time. It's just that time continued to pass on.....All the best in your life and future.
 SpanishTulip
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 121
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/19/2009 8:47:45 PM
It was really nice to read your post, ArtistYvie. Always interested in reading other people's experience with respect to this. All the best to you too in your life and future. Both of us deserve a wonderful man....take care :)
 xo~MJ~xo
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 122
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/19/2009 11:11:29 PM
I am glad you finally got it. He was not giving you what you wanted, needed, and deserved. FWB is in fact a relationship. And just like any other relationship, it changes... it either grows or dies. As long as both parties want the same thing... a partner to be there for them but with no strings attached. But once one party decides they want more, something will change.
The issue I see is that once a guy looks at you as a friend with benefits, he's always going to look at you as a fwb. Can you change that? Yes, it can happen, but it requires risk.
Tell him that you really like him, probably too much to be just friends indefinately.
Tell him that you like what you have with him, but that you want those things with someone who is open to the possibility of allowing it to develop into something more. Tell him that because of this, you are unsure whether you should continue with things the way that they are. Then walk away.
You may never hear from him again. Or, he may come back... with a new set of eyes that see you as something more than just a friend with benefits.
 DiGyalDemSuga
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 123
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:45:42 AM
Wow, I just want to say you are definitely a great woman. The fact that you stuck by this man through all his insecurities shows me that whoever you love you will definitely go the extra mile for. To me that has got to be the one quality a man looks for in a good relationship with any woman. We all want someone who will stick with us through the good and especially the bad times. Unfortunately you have yet to meet that right guy for you so I wish you the best of luck, I know you will find him. Also to all those that kept telling you to drop the guy, dont be ridiculous, like its so easy to drop someone you are emotionally attached to. When it comes to relationships and emotions we all learn in our own time.
 SpanishTulip
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 124
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:03:13 PM
Thanks scaredem! "When it comes to relationships and emotions we all learn in our own time".....this is SO true. It wasn't easy !!!
 daLibrarian69
Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 125
Can Friends with Benefits turn into a Serious Relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2009 6:23:24 PM
I've been thinking about this question for a long time and I believe it can happen, but just not in my circumstances. We were friends very close at one time. He's younger than me by quite a few years. Things evolved slow at first. Lite kissing and hand holding turned into heavy and intense makeout sessions. We became inseparable. Always together. Then his interests shifted to someone else and thats when I realized I ****ed up and fall in love with him. It was like torture each and everytime I saw them together. He would lie and say it wasn't serious between them. I guess to spare my feelings, but it was way too late for that. I tried as best I could to control my emotions, but he was telling me all the time how he loved me, how I mattered to him. I told him I love you too, but not like a friend anymore way more than that. And it didn't help that the sex is so good. Recently I ending our friendship completely. I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much, but it hurts even more seeing him and not talking, laughing, joking with my friend. The lines can get so blurred. My advise to anyone thinking about crossing that line really think it through cause once you cross over you can never go back and a friend could be lost.
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