Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 wahya
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndromePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
The grass is greener because it has been tended to, nurtured...will you tend the grass on the other side? If you tended your own, there is no need to look on the other side.
 JUSTAWOMAN1225
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 5
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/26/2006 12:37:34 PM
I think you find the grass is greener syndrome when you get complacent in a relationship, you have to work hard to keep your relationship fresh so that syndrome does not happen. I know my ex husband did the same thing and I know he regrets it today now that I have moved on and I have a wonderful husband. I truley believe everything happens for a reason and we were complacent in our relationship but in the end it all worked out for the best!
 auntymar
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/26/2006 12:47:21 PM
My x left me for what he thought was a "greener pasture". LOL at him now-- he made a wonderful choice-- she is an alcoholic and cocaine addict!!
I on the other hand am happier in so many ways than I have been for years!!
I do guard my pasture and do not allow any strays to just wander in and create havoc in my garden!! I have taken some time to patch up the areas that needed to be tended to after they were torn apart. I am not so eager or willing to let anyone in without gaining trust and have shown me that they are honorable. And this is just for the tour!!
I am definitely more jaded and guarded who I allow into my life. I just will not settle for "anyone"-- I want someone special who in turn-- thinks that I am special too. So -- when I think of myself-- I don't think that I am doing "the grass is greener"-- it is more-- my fences are now higher. Not so much-- who is out there next for me-- more-- who is brave enough to tackle the fence to get in??
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 7
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/26/2006 1:03:21 PM
I think a lot of problems would be solved if people got into the relationship. When I read about a relationship that has gone on for six months or more and the people involved see each other only once or twice a week is it any wonder one of them moves on?

IMO, it's fine to go slow and one does not have to "sell the farm" but either alternate staying at each others homes or live in one and keep the other until a conclusion is reached. If evenings are spent together it's less likely one will cruise the net, set up dates and go out as opposed to being alone 5 nights a week.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 8
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/26/2006 3:49:49 PM
I agree with Dbndon (msg 33) and Molonel (msg 34). It appears most people are afraid to meet anyone let alone multiple people.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 10
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/27/2006 6:22:26 AM
dating is the process of finding the greenest grass for your tastes (ie - the right person for you) in this process you may pass up some wonderful grass (people) based on circumstance ,distance or lack of attraction. Gotta love the grass/people analogy.

soilent grass is made of people.........peeeeeeeople.

 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 12
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/27/2006 6:27:51 PM
Hey, all:

As someone who knows a couple of certified septic system installers, I can tell everyone if the grass is green over the septic TANK, it is time to get the tank pumped! Ideally, the green grass is in the area of the LEACH FIELD. Okay, end of off-topic info.

It appears to me that those who support this 'grass is greener' philosophy (or chicken sh it mentality, if you will) have far less character than those who make a commitment and stick to it. Regarding the internet dating aspect, it seems to me the 'serial dating' phenomenon is no better than musical chairs, just one step ahead of this 'speed dating' trend, just without the organization. To some extent, I am fortunate to live so far from the center of the o' fishin' hole, the women I have found interesting and appealing have been long distance

My last two relationships were long distance ones and that actually benefited the process of learning about each other beforehand. In both cases we talked, wrote, and learned a great deal about the qualities, feelings, desires, and character of the other. As a result, either one of them could have been my last fruitless search. Why I am still looking is another story.

I think one would want to find the 'greenest grass' he/she could find, make that the permanent pasture (pardon me, these metaphors are stupid) and put up a fence!

David


Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/28/2006 2:38:38 AM
I think one would want to find the 'greenest grass' he/she could find, make that the permanent pasture (pardon me, these metaphors are stupid) and put up a fence!


Well, I agree with the 'greenest grass' version but this superlativ can still have different shades of greenest because people in love do see things differently.

The permanent pasture as the comfort ~ loving ~ inspiring and shly intruiging zone.

Put up a fence . In real terms with the real pastures I can see the point, but in relationship no "fence" should be raised. Trust doesn't know boundaries, restrictions, no "clipped wings and tail" ... at least in my green "pasture"
 belly18dancer
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 14
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/28/2006 7:41:33 AM
I think this is so so true...especially online...where there is always some person more willing/ better looking who the person you thought was interested in you, has now found....EVER notice how things are going well, the POOF...they disappear...only to reappear a little later to tell you..."wow things at work got busy" or "man I lost all your contact info"...I'm sorry I know longer buy all the crap....I'm one of those "too nice'' but ''naughty'' girls who guys initially like then don't know what to do with me, some other comes along who is thinner and maybe more of a party girl (i'm shy) so they think...ok this is better...and you know what...they 8 times out of 10 come back and expect me to be there waiting for them...they can't understand WHY i'm now talking to someone else...it's like...''you didn't wait for me?" they are completely perplexed....or if they won't commit, they don't understand why i start dating again....they get downright upset that i'm seeing someone else...even though they're talking to many different people...I just had that happen where i was seeing a guy (from this site) and he still talked to many other girls, and was happy to tell me about it...but if i so much as mentioned another guy, he'd say...''how do you think that makes me feel?" "that hurts me"....

if you're not going to commit to talking to one person, then don't expect the people you are talking to, to do so either
 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 15
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/28/2006 4:19:51 PM
Hey, all:

Whenever we use such trivialized cliches as 'the grass is greener' we run the risk of people not understanding what is meant. At least for me, the term refers to discovering someone we think is for some reason a better partner than the one we might be with. I think there is a strong element of narcissism or at least selfishness at play here.

The process of finding someone is usually not quick. This requires not being greedy or impatient. It requires being honest and open and forgiving. It requires being vulnerable while protecting the other's vulnerability. Trust is earned and requires time.

Once you find someone who could be a lifetime partner (and that IS the goal) you must still find out if the two of you can be properly seasoned together, so that your lives can properly expand and contract with changes in surroundings or influences.

Provided these steps resolve themselves favorably, there should never be any need to doubt the choice the two of you have made.

To return to the metaphor, 'green grass' is the love of your life--if it isn't, you are not mature enough to be off your mother cow's udder.

The reference to the fence that I used earlier is my metaphor and reflects the finality of and your commitment to the decision. Once made there is no reason to stray into other pasture.

Otherwise all you are doing is committing serial infidelity. The metaphor of 'greener pastures' make work in some cases, but where lifelong relationships are concerned, it serves no other purpose than to rationalize a person's lack of character and maturity.

David


Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun!
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 17
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:19:08 AM
Message 25 molonel is correct. Why would you (anyone) settle? If they move on (the greener pasture syndrome), it is for a reason it usually means we did not/could not hold their interest/attraction enough for them to want to stay. Rather than be so easily hurt, or offended move on.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 18
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:40:10 AM
^^^ all good points and right on the money ...

But do you think anyone would take a duck seriously
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 7:11:38 AM
Actually the grass can be any color.. all in all, it's just different grass.. One needs to know and pick the differences they want and go for it. Color, depth, type of grass lol....MOST on here, from what I see is said on the forums, and from ones I chat with personally and have dated (This goes for a great many women too.. though no I don't date women lol) are terrified of committment.. but they want someone in their lives.

To the general audience out there, not personally to the OP,


How many fish do you need to pull out of the water before you eat?

So far, ones I have left behind aren't for me. I don't drag them along forever in my life hanging on to them, just in case. I don't date for the sake of dating. I will know for sure when I find someone, once I spend enough time with them. I want one lawn to cultivate and make beautiful. It doesn't have to be totally green, green. That leaves no way of making that lawn beautiful and new together. The lawn should be a project for both parties. Make your own color lawn together!!

Problem is, most don't know what they want and don't want. So as soon as a problem shows in someone they run to the next pasture.

Commit to commitment. Know you are capable of it. THEN go fishing. If you aren't ready then be honest with the ones you're dating. KNOW what it is you are REALLY looking for and don't date anyone without those qualities.. Hell, make a list of "What I Do want in someone" "What I Don't want in someone" if you need to.

This shouldn't be a game hopping from one lawn to another unless you are honest about it in your profile. If so there are plenty just like you to date, so stay away from the ones who are serious about this.

Linda
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 8:53:41 AM
I would like to pick up on the point raised by Texasman:

... you must still find out if the two of you can be properly seasoned together


Ahhh that s e a s o n i n g really should show that one being 'under the weather' doesn't really mean that their 'umbrella' is not big enough to either accommodate another soul or provide safe haven for a troubled mind.

Hmmm s e a s o n i n g sprinkled with sugar, spiced up with chillies, united against outside calamities ... yep that makes a wonderful bind just like reinforcing the bond.
 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 21
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 2:10:45 PM
Hey, all:

Hey, BuzzingBee: Heh heh, while my metaphor (does everyone see how these things can be interpreted in different ways?) was a reference to wood being seasoned so that it shrinks and swells consistently, so squeaks and bad joints don't occur, sure, I can go along with 'seasoning' as a food reference! The danger here though, naturally turns to taste, so we end up thinking about how the other tastes--'uuummmm uuummm uuummm pineapple ummmuummuuummmuuummm good', and that is the topic of another thread!!

And yes, whether it is sharing an umbrella or a meal, they should be big enough or seasoned properly to accommodate both of the people in a committed relationship. In that case the 'pasture' analogy works as well, being large or small enough to satisfy both bull and cow! And being large enough, fence or no fence, there is no need to stray outside.

The 'greener pasture' is under your feet if you have the perception to manage the pasture properly. So it goes with a lifelong partner--love, commitment, patience, understanding, more patience, respect, humor, more patience, tender nudges (nudge nudge), some playfulness (wink wink), space, secrets shared between two people who could have a contest over who cares more, only to be tied and exhausted at the end--all help to reinforce the bond.

And (to mix metaphors) when two people are that well seasoned, the color of the grass is pointless--they have each other.

David


Messages done with sustainable enerby, with Wind and Sun!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 10/29/2006 11:41:27 PM
who could have a contest over who cares more ...

Sorry to contradict Texasman (my hat down to your biology life work and therefore nicely tight connection with Mother Nature on all levels though) but a CONTEST?

IMHO, contest should NOT exist about who cares more, should not be in place who loves more ... relationship doesn't know the contest, there is not even a tiny slot in mine for that matter. Even at the initial stage I don't compete, let contest. But I'm a bee indeed, perhaps an odd b u z z ingbee and a greener pasture doesn't always is the most fruitful pasture.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 23
view profile
History
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:23:26 AM

(Msg 89) HAVING...and WANTING...are two different things!


I recall an episode of Star Trek. Spock heads back to his home planet to get married accompanied by Captain Kirk. Spock's fiancee says she wants to marry Kirk instead. Spock has "the fever". (We've all been there, right?) so he insisted on fighting Kirk. A Vulcan ritual demanded Kirk fight Spock even if Kirk didn't want her.

Anyway, to condense an hour episode into a few paragraphs Dr. McKoy injects Kirk with a sedative, it appears Spock has killed Kirk, the body is returned to the Enterprise and Spock goes along after discovering his fiancee's plot about not wanting either one of them. (The fiancee figured if Kirk won the fight he would let her go and if Spock won the fight he would be courtmarshalled for killing a superior officer. Either way she would be free to continue the tawdry affair with another Vulcan.)

So, in response to Kirk saying he was sorry things didn't work out Spock said, "Sometimes wanting is better than having."
 Jessme
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 24
The Grass is Greener syndrome
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:07:54 AM
Whenever I get a case of 'The grass is greener syndrome' I remind myself that most things in life are a trade. Sure someone may be more physically attractive, but what do I have to give up in the mate that I have to get that? Am I really willing to give that up? I guess as long as you look at only the positives in 'potentials' and negatives in the person we're with, the person we're with will always seem less green. That being said... sometimes what you gain is far greater than what you lose. Tough choices.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >