|Read/DeletedPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
|Why don't short messages get replies? Your just sending an ice-breaker saying hello asking about them. People often don't have the time to send a long e-mail that might not be responded to, if it's short at least you havent wasted more then a minute on a first e-mail. Longer as the interaction goes on.|
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:25:28 AM
|From MY experience.. the shorter emails are generally "Your cute... do you have msn", "hi, how are you", "want to chat".. or giving you their email addy or phone #. Those ones are simply boring and get annoying to receive after a while. Shows absolutely no interest in the person you are messaging.|
Messages that are too long are generally "cut and paste" messages where we usually get a summed up life story of the guy with - again - no indication that our profile was even read.
Messages can be short or long and if you actually put some thought into it and show that you read their profile, you stand a better chance of getting a response (no guarentees though!)
Posted: 11/10/2006 1:11:23 PM
|I get that alot send a messege and get no response,i do the same,hense the reason for it being online you get that option.face to face you have to bs your way throught it.But what I do agree wiht is that you send out a nice messege and get no response,But lets face it alot of women on here have been played form guys,not meaning us in general,so they turn to the online situation where they have control on who they want to chat with or not,alot of guys are pigs,women also.I guess what im getting at is online is much better to walk away and not feel bad for disapointing someone and if they chose not to respond well shit its there loss not mine.I am a great person I know that and its all that matters,there is someoone for everyone.its just when the time comes.I am having much more fun here on the forums rather then chatting and getting know people,I get to know them better here,(on the forums) see there true attitude ywards diffrent situations and get to chat with everybody..|
Posted: 11/11/2006 5:13:04 PM
|Tinkerbella... many women complain that men don't read their profiles yet when a man writes something like "not looking for a relationship, just a friend for coffee and chat" it gets a response like yours. No, i am not looking to cheat. My significant other has seen and read this profile and she knows that i wouldn't cheat on her... as i said, just looking for a friend for coffee and chat. We have a very firm, secure relationship and something like this isn't a problem. As a matter of fact, i am on the road right now and She is at home getting ready to go out to a party. I don't know who she is going with but I imagine it will be a male friend and i have no problem with it because of the trust and communication we have between us.|
Posted: 11/12/2006 7:26:28 AM
|I recently had the strangest experience... had a guy msg me with just his sex, age, location, and marital status. So I wrote back to say hi, I could read that in his profile, but maybe he should fill out his profile a bit more because that is what makes people msg others in the first place, why doesn't he tell me a bit about himself? So he replies with his s/a/l/ and marital status again.|
I reply, and this time I kind of scold him, asking just what he's interested in, since we aren't communicating in any way, and it didn't look like it was going to start, and he would really have to write SOMETHING. So I get one more email back from him with one line about "please don't judge me" and he deletes his account. Weird.
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:32:09 PM
|Tinkerbella, I know that "Shrek type trucker," personally and he is a perfect gentleman and NOT looking for an affair. He is one of the sweetest guys you ever want to meet and he is in a commited relationship. He doesn't want to get into anyones pants , he is just looking for friends to share coffee with when away from home. |
He is also a great source of strength to me when I needed a friend the most . when my boyfriend dumped me because he thought I had breast cancer. That Shrek type man gave me encouragement and the best advice in the world to including coming back on POF.
It is not nice to judge a person because of their self description or what you think their intent is.
So many of us make assumptions of people because we don't take the time to get to really know someone.
Posted: 12/10/2006 11:36:20 PM
|Thank you Bubbly... and i am so glad i could be of help to you. Hope you are getting ahead of the Christmas game. Rose has all her shopping done and wrapped but i have just scratched the surface on mine.|
Merry Christmas to you and yours from Rose and i.
Posted: 12/12/2006 4:04:17 PM
|Thanks Bryan, I am happy you and Rose are ahead of the game. You Know, I really appreciate you very much and being there when I was scared out of my wits and I really don't know what I would do without you as a friend. I am falling a little behind on Christmas ...lol...burning candles at both ends....but you are still in my heart and Hopefully we'll get together soon.|
Wishing you and Rose the merriest and Happiest Christmas ever and the New Year the best ever to date.
Love and hugs and kisses.
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:04:54 AM
|Personally, I hate it. But personally I've always been one to wonder what motivations are behind why someone chooses not to speak to me. It could be something as silly and simple as my normal one liner "hello" email failed to impress them (I'm SO bad at initiating emails) or they don't like the colour of my hair. It could be nothing about me..but I think the mind wanders to those places regardless. |
I hate checkng my sent mail cause it feels gross to see read/delete or unread/delete. But I respect everyone elses opinions. You just can't help how you feel, though.
Posted: 12/13/2006 11:25:53 AM
|Read/Unread is quite common.|
It shouldn't be taken personally. No answer, is an answer, and its the most efficient one.
Posted: 12/13/2006 11:54:07 AM
|Well put Fauz, |
Best answer yet, and in so few words too.... lol
Posted: 12/13/2006 8:14:30 PM
|Ya when a woman reads your message and deletes it not replying it says most times "You do not look good enough" or "You are ugly so beat it not interested"|
Funny how I never send a perverted message and yet it gets read/deleted 90% of the time. Instead of telling a guy why she is not interested in talking to him, I mean if you take the time to read the message why not reply? I know no answer is the best reply. Hint hint
Posted: 12/14/2006 9:00:28 AM
|There are likely a great number of people out there using this and other dating sites for a very good reason, that the "electronic barrier" in place, protects them and gives them the most likely avenue to meet someone. As thru other avenues, clubs, social events or other situations, etc... they may not appear approachable or have an adversity to approaching someone else for fear of rejection. For myself, if someone is making a polite attempt to reach out in here, regardless of whether I'm interested or not, an email thanking them and informing them that your not interested for one reason or another is the human thing to do.|
Posted: 12/14/2006 12:14:03 PM
|Well for goodness sakes boys, if I read it and delete it without a reply, just count your lucky stars, would ya ? Many I do reply to I get BLOCKED when I try to write back again ... WTF???? That is rich!|
Posted: 12/14/2006 1:08:46 PM
|This seems so obviously rude that I wasn't even going to bother posting to say so, but after reading so many posts saying "don't take it personally" and even one describing it as "most efficient" I have to speak up.|
Ok, picture this. A guy sees a woman, wants to meet her. He walks over to her and says "Hi." She turns and walks away without a word. Sure it's efficient, and gets her point across, but it would be ludicrous to claim that it isn't rude.
Deleting without replying is, essentially, doing the same thing. And it is rude. Rude, arrogant, and completely contemptible. Period.
I know that some guys deserve it. If that first contact is itself rude, or too forward, or just too stupid (we know it happens), then it's likely better for her not to respond. However, if it's a friendly or innocuous introduction, just a guy saying hello, it's rude not to reply. If you're not interested, say so. Remember, like we all learned as little kids, if you can't treat others with basic courtesy, you don't deserve it yourself.
Posted: 12/14/2006 3:09:04 PM
|"Ok, picture this. A guy sees a woman, wants to meet her. He walks over to her and says "Hi." She turns and walks away without a word. Sure it's efficient, and gets her point across, but it would be ludicrous to claim that it isn't rude."|
I have to admit that I didn't see it that way before, but you are right Mr.Mxyzptlk. It is rude. It does happen in the "real" world, though, so why wouldn't it happen here. There is not a whole lot of difference between meeting someone in here or meeting them out there. People might have more courage contacting someone here because they can hide behind the computer screen. In here they say "delete", out there they say "no". To be honest, I have never asked someone for a date outside of POF. I wouldn't have the courage. lol.
Posted: 12/14/2006 3:22:24 PM
It does happen in the "real" world, though, so why wouldn't it happen here.
Lots of things happen in the real world, from stalking to assault - happening there doesn't make it ok here. Rude is rude, and courtesy is getting far too rare.
In here they say "delete", out there they say "no"
Not really. By hitting "delete" they're not saying no; they're not saying anything. You can't say no without sending a response.
I have never asked someone for a date outside of POF. I wouldn't have the courage.
I know what you mean; I'm still trying to work up the nerve myself. And, returning to the topic, it would be a lot easier for shy people like me if I knew I could count on at least getting a polite refusal.
Posted: 12/14/2006 4:10:47 PM
I said I agreed with you about it being rude. I don't know about women, but I know at least one man who went up to a woman and she looked at him as if he was a piece of sh...t, stuck her nose in the air and walked away. So, if it happened to one man, it must happen to others. Maybe they should have a "delete,thank you" button. lol. I've heard women say "no" when someone asked them to dance. They could have said "no, thank you".
Posted: 12/14/2006 4:45:40 PM
So, if it happened to one man, it must happen to others
Yes, it does. Being too shy to approach women is the only reason it doesn't happen to me more often. A "delete, thank you" button is an interesting idea.... maybe it could send a short form message, just something like, "I read your message and am not interested in further contact. Have a nice day, and better luck elsewhere."
Posted: 12/14/2006 4:56:14 PM
|many times I have been snubbed approaching women. Many times I did it just to show those who would say I dare you to go talk to her. And many times I did it just to entertain those who would be saying "She keeps looking over you should just go over there and talk to her" Meanwhile she was not even looking at me.|
Many times women would say "I think your friend over there is hot, introduce me" So I would. I don't know ho amny times I set my friends up at bars by breaking the ice for them because they didn't have enough courage to approach them.
Now you would think on here women would not be so rude. Especially when you send a message not being rude and the ultimate reason why she read deleted or undread/deleted is because she didn't think you were good looking.
That would be the number one reason.
Posted: 12/14/2006 5:40:00 PM
|@The Champ Is Here|
I don't know if you could say the reason that they read/deleted or unread/deleted was because they didn't think you were good looking. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your picture. I can't say anything about the read/deleted but they wouldn't see your picture with unread/deleted, would they? So, it may just come down to they're just being rude. I have to read my e-mails because I'm too curious to see who they are and what they have to say. I got to get a life. lol
You seem like the male counterpart of me when I was younger. My friends wanted to meet a guy but they were too shy, so I would talk to him and then introduce them. They always had boyfriends and I had just boy friends. lol. That's the story of my life. When I got older, guys would come up and talk to me. A girl friend would be interested in him, and I would just back off. Gee, I wonder why I'm alone now,DUH, and one of the girls and the one of the guys are married,just not to each other. lol.
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:43:18 PM
|My personal opinion is that I'd rather someone delete my message and not reply to me so I could not bother wasting my time. It would strongly indicate to me that they had qualities that I was not interested in at all.|
However, the bottom line is that regardless of how you view it, rude or efficient, acceptable or unnecessary, those who are read/deleting-without-replying or unread/deleting-without-replying aren't going to change. Nor are the opinions of the people who don't do it going to change about it, regardless of the reasons given.
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:59:06 PM
|Hmmmm..... so nobody's going to change, no matter what is said here. In other words, we've been completely wasting our time debating an issue we can't possibly affect.|
Ok, somebody call the PM. Let him know we have experience, and we're ready for our Senate appointments.
Posted: 12/15/2006 2:24:30 PM
|Ahhhh, the Senate, also known as the Witless Protection Program.|
Mr. Mxyzptlk, you seem to have been raised in a household where manners were taught. I agree with you that the Read/Deleted is akin to walking away. I have encountered a few of those in real life but not as often as the Read/Deleted thing. The anonymity of the computer world allows people to be rude without repercussion and these days, manners seem to be flying out the window.
As for not responding because of someone's look or profile, well, i met my significant other online and neither my picture nor my profile really held anything that she was looking for but out of politeness and curiosity, she chatted with me. Well, we hit it off and for the past six years, have had an amazing relationship. This relationship is still going strong and the trust and devotion continues to build.
i am a trucker living in Ontario. I travel to Dieppe every week, spend a day or two here, then return home. My desire on here is to meet a few friends who i can have coffee and chat with to pass the time while waiting for a load. How many of you have been in a situation where you know absolutely nobody? There is only so much time you can spend wandering around the mall or watching TV. Sure makes the time drag. I clearly state in my profile that i am not looking for a relationship, just a friend for a coffee and chat.
I try to be very polite when initiating contact with someone but this doesn't always work. I came upon one profile that was interesting and amusing although a little negative so i sent the lady an e-mail complimenting her on her profile. She promptly replies, cussing me out in no uncertain terms for being a cheater and that i was a low-life, etc. She then proceeded to inform me that i was being blocked....LOL... with encouragement like that, she need not have worried about further contact. But i do have to say, the "Lady" did respond and make her position perfectly clear. Despite the cussing out, i did appreciate the fact that she took the time to answer.
Posted: 12/15/2006 2:32:37 PM
|u hit it right on the head fauz|