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 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 48
Dating men who have never been marriedPage 2 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I too have never been married, I've been asked several times but I am soooooo dam glad I never did it. I did have one daughter though who is raised and out of the home, but not quite out of my hair nor will she thankfully ever be.

I am comfortable with my life style, but I don't know if I would ever call it selfish though. Some people might but really I do not give a shit. I work hard & pretty much have it together so I believe I have earned the right to have my life as I see it. Should I be lucky enough to find the right one, I would probably just opt to live together as opposed to marriage. Marriage is an institution and who wants to live in a freaking institution. Not I, it would take some really heavy persuasion to get me to commit myself........ to marriage that is. I never really thought that was selfish though.

:))
Witchy
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 50
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:36:06 PM
weeeee send me all the never been married 30 + men then!
totally ridiculous that someone would be considered selfish because they haven't married by a certain age - I'd call them another s word...... SMART!
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 52
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:00:39 PM
Soooooooo, going by this mentality, it would be safe to say that ALL people who HAVE been married with/without children who are NOW divorced are:

1: Incapable of communication
2: Incapable of going the extra mile to work things out.
3: Are never selfish in any way.
4: Do not have relationship issues
5: Do not have intimacy issues
6: Never make bad decisions on who to marry.
7: do not stereotype.
8: Are now single again because ???
9: Make perfect mates because their marriage failed.
10: Make their childrens life wonderful due to a split and torn apart family.

Look...... either way...divorced, never been married, etc. etc. ALL people, men or woman have to be judged on their own individual merits, character, morals and values. To stereotype and paint all people simply by their relationship status with one quick stroke of a brush is just downright wrong.

Its all quite elementary my dear Watson !
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 60
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:30:05 AM
[ kept trying to give the OP the benefit of the doubt in the post. I re read it over and over again....but it is painted with such a BROAD BRUSH, with such a general point of view mixed with slant, that it wouldn't surprise me if there was more to the issue than the guy just being selfish because he's 'never married without kids'. I see a picture of somebody sitting at a computer camera WHILE on the phone, and then stating she's got a business AND a child...and I'm thinking to myself, "maybe somebody is just spread so THIN that it isn't the issue of the child at all".....maybe the guy just decided he needed more than just to be told the relationship is based on whether he can be 'squeezed in' to accomodate the needs of 'the daughter'....when maybe he's in the position of being told...."I'll pencil you in".......AFTER everything else is done......and then my daughter comes first......and then wants to pretend to ask for a 'quality relationship'....IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN]

Sadly you only read part of the post...there is more to the story that I left out...if you really must know...the picture was taken in Feb by my kid playing aorund w/the web cam. This guy drank ALOT...I myself am a recovering alcoholic....I work during the day, while he was at work (by the way, he had no vehicle, so I took him 25 miles to and from work every day) oh, and did I mention he had no liscense either? He came home to a clean house and dinner on the table...I attend AA mtgs on a regular basis...my daughter who is very unselfish, gave up her Fridays nites w/mom time so he and I could do something ( mustnt forget that he was with me just about every nite of the week and Sat & Sun) Bottom line is He told me that I needed to choose between my daughter AND my sobriety over him...So piano man, judge not lest you be judged.... I only asked a simple question...
 Manumit
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 62
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:24:07 AM
A single mother with morals, how quaint. Your post includes the pushing of your daughter at him. Red flag for a male. Preferring divorced men over a man that have never been married is the most self-seeking kind of woman. The most dangerous type. If he fell once (divorced), he could fall again. Predators are always attracted to the vulnerable.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 71
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:49:26 PM
What you think is find with me. I doubt it should be written in stone, but it may have some basis.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 73
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:02:57 PM
[So you dated an "unmarried/selfish" drunk (go figure, like selfish doesn't go along with an alcoholic or something)... what would have made you think otherwise? Methinks that it was less of a "him being selfish" issue, than your own self-esteem in even *wanting* a guy like that in your life.] He was in recovery when I met him, had 5 yrs sober...He chose to go back out....and by the way, he ims me from time to time wanting me to come "rescue" him from his current dilemma so that HE can get sober again...and My SPONSOR knows the whole deal....geez you people judge so quickly....
 GeminiTwin
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 74
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:44:44 PM
Well, I'm 39 and never married and only because I've choose not too. I am certainly not selfish. I do however have a 16 yr old and I've met men (who have been married and not) who prefer I put them before my daughter..and so I did, on the tip of my toe as I booted them out the door..haha.

Anyways..it has nothing to do with married or not married in their years, by far. Less and less people are NOT marrying today. It's not like one HAS to marry. At one time I suppose it seemed like the norm, but today I'd much rather meet someone who's never married then someone divorced three times ..and if I never marry, so what..certainly doesn't mean I'm selfish. ;)
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 77
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:14:25 PM
I don't so much think that men over 35 that have never been married are selfish, but rather just don't want to get married, or they are just too picky.

I am really trying to be nice, but in fact I just don't understand why a man over 35 has never been married(or even over 25 for that matter). It is all so much easier for men. Easier to find someone to date, move in with, or get married to. Seems even now, women and girls are meant to just wait for a man to come to them. Men have the advantage of being able to ask without anyone thinking they are pushy or desperate.
 vbxtc
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 80
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:30:56 PM
"So piano man, judge not lest you be judged.... I only asked a simple question..."

Which offensively generalized an entire class of people WHILE leaving out (until much later) the facts which essentially said this relationship was doomed from the beginning by circumstances that had nothing to do with the guy in question never before having been married. Piano Man may have been judgmental, but your entire story and it's conclusion more so. And you stated this conclusion before you asked the question.

I'm over 40 and have never been married. That doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with me, and I'm not gay. People ask me all of the time why I haven't been "snatched up". It only means that I have waited my entire life to find the right person to share that life with, and it hasn't happened yet. My parents divorced whan I was 8 and I have no desire to repeat that experience myself. Otherwise I would have "settled" a long time ago and instead of a suspect unmarried man, I could be another bitter divorce' visiting his kids on the weekends. But hey, my parents and grandparents would have gotten some joy out of seeing me get married, right?

The other assumption/accusation unmarried men over 35 face is that we are "commitment phobic". Unlike you I can't speak for everyone, but it certainly doesn't apply in my case. Most of my 30's were spent in a long-term (8 years) relationship that included engagement. It ended because we realized marriage would have been a mistake, and she's still my best friend. I've also been in two other committed relationships and look forward to meeting the person I can spend the rest of my life with. Before you make blanket statements you should reconsider old "cliches" and how much they apply to the world you live in now.

And justmeinn05 you have GOT to be kidding, right?! In what way is it easier? There's a lot of competition out there, and an awful lot of independent women who have decided they really don't need men in their lives after all. But most of all you still have to find the RIGHT ONE, not the convenient one.
 Great_girl_62
Joined: 2/18/2006
Msg: 83
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:55:09 PM
Hey Sthrnbuttrfly.........I use to think the same way you did. I've been dating a guy now for 5 months, and he is 35 and never married, and no kids. He can be selfish in some ways, but so can i and i've been married twice and have two boys. He loves kids and would never interfere in telling me who i had to chose between. He seems to know about a lot of things that have to do with kids and can relate to them, and i always thought people who didn't have kids didn't know how to relate to them and he does. We've had quite a few bumps to deal with, but were making it through. You just can never tell anymore about anyone. Some men that have been married are sometimes more immature than a man that has never married. I just think that you didn't meet the "right" never been married man.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 85
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:17:19 PM
Maybe he likes keeping his money to himself. After all, many divorced men are forced to give 50% of their pre-tax income to their former wife.
 coruja
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 88
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/6/2006 2:28:24 PM

I am really trying to be nice, but in fact I just don't understand why a man over 35 has never been married(or even over 25 for that matter).


That's because you lack empathy. It's because this is such a rare commodity (as evinced by so much written on these threads) that good relationships are so hard to find.
 coruja
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 89
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/6/2006 2:28:46 PM
I am really trying to be nice, but in fact I just don't understand why a man over 35 has never been married(or even over 25 for that matter).


That's because you lack empathy. It's because this is such a rare commodity (as evinced by so much written on these threads) that good relationships are so hard to find.

oops, double post
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 96
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:45:30 PM

I won't date anyone who has been married or with children. I know this may sound super judgemental and selfish...

That sound reasonable to me and you avoid a lot of problems.
 Tequila Sunrise1
Joined: 9/23/2005
Msg: 97
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:58:23 PM
WOW, what a generalization! Dating divorced men isn't a picnic at times either sweety ..i've dated men over 35 never married, ya, some selfish some not, their 'status' of 'never married' (since when does a ring and piece of paper make you NOT selfish??) LMAO i doubt highly being the factor for their selfishness....selfish people are in all walks of life..just because you had one bad experience with this man doesn't mean you should generalize all men 'never married' to be like this.....look at the flip side, some won't date those that HAVE BEEN MARRIED or OVER 35! TIME TO GET WITH THE YEAR 2006!!!
 ISORealismNOTPerfection
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 101
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/7/2006 9:03:11 AM
I have to disagree with you on this one. I have some male friends who are over 35, never married and no children. They are not selfish at all and it is true they have just not "found the one." A couple of them have always just concentrated on their career and truly never had a social life. It wasn't due to selfishness, it was they were so engrossed in getting into a career, being established and before they knew it "POOF- the 30's have hit".. the big 30! There is selfishness in all walks of life, everywhere you look, no two people are just alike. I don't think it is just the "30ish single and no children dilemna".
 lovinganah123
Joined: 4/5/2006
Msg: 102
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:41:19 PM
WOW..breifly cruising through these posts...I have to say...what a load of CRAP and stereotyping that's going on here...the talk about men being "selfish" just leads me to believe it is really "he spends to much time on his own things to pay the proper attention to me that I deserve"
And the cracks about it "being better than being married 3 times" is another stereotypical statement. As a matter of fact i have been married 3 times. Would i get married again? Sure if i met the right woman....lol...and I'm tempted to not explain myself and let you judge me without knowing the facts...I bet most of the women and men reading this are thinking "geeze a 3 time loser". I married the first time after dating for 2 years to a woman 8 years older who had a daughter from a previous marriage. I was 24 at the time. The day of our marriage her personality changed. Within a year, she was checked into a mental ward. At first her doctor commended me for spending so much time helping her (and i was taking care of her daughter..who I was in the process of adopting) About a month into her stay, the doctor ordered the staff to not allow me visits and released her from the ward 2 days later, after advising her to leave me. It is my belief (she refused to talk about it) that he was actually having sex with her , and based his advice on that. And BTW i agreed to pay a minimal amount of support, that I was told was just until the girl turned 16, so she could get mothers allowance, which i was later informed was for her for life. She commited suicide last year and in her poems she left, she expressed regret for the way she treated me, and that she broke it off the way she did then waited too late to try and patch things up.

My second relationship lasted a total of 10 years, 8 of which we were married. The plan was for her to finish schooling and we would start a family in the future. When it was "time" to start a family, she informed me she changed her mind and didn't want kids after all. I wanted kids so....

The 3rd, was a whirlwind relationship, (she is 15 years younger than me) which resulted in her getting pregnant 2 months after she moved here (from US) to be with me. After jumping through red tape, we married, had another child (which she didn't want). When she finally got her citizenship,(after 6 years together) she was openly cheating on me, so that ended that. She abandoned the kids for 4 months, then took them away from me, and being this being Canada, still got custody of the children.

I live for my time with the kids, and if you knew me, you'd know i devote our time together to doing fun things together. Now i don't have a lot of money because all the debts were solely in my name (she is/was US so couldn't put her name on anything), and between paying them off and the support I pay, it doesn't leave much to have fun, but we go to parks, take walks hang out kind of thing.

SO i guess what I'm trying to say is...you can't generalize anyone...am i a bad person because I believe in love and marriage?

Does my failed marriages make me a bad choice for future relationships?

But you know what? Not one of you people really matters in my life right now (ok there is one out there that may matter in the future), so i don't really care what you think of me. And anyone who would refuse to date me because of it...I probably wouldn't want to date you anyways because of your narrow minded view. And it wouldn't matter if you were a co-worker or friend of mine either. My family and friends know i do not absolutely care what others think of my looks, taste in clothing, the way i act or anything. i care about what i think, and what my children think.

So you all have the right to be as narrow minded and judgemental as you want. You can be shallow and base opinions on looks or history. Or there may even be a small percentage out there, that may want to actual get to know someone, before they have an opinion. That is called intelligence.....lol

PS..to the poster blabbing on with all the babble about reading in books and how smart she is cause her IQ is 150...first off...books are books and reading them does not make you smart, nor can books teach you about people, because we are all different. And if reading lots of books made you smarter I would be a genius, and Mensa would be chasing me to have me as a member. Wait...........my IQ is higher than yours, and Mensa did bombard me with calls and letters to join....lol...but it's not because I read lots..it is just because i'm very very smart...so my point here is...don't try and impress people with how smart you are unless you're sure you actually are a LOT smarter than those you're "preaching" your opinion to.

And in my own humble opinion..it doesn't matter what a persons past is...it is what does the future lead to?
 atouchoftink
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 103
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:47:46 PM
Between you and your daughter? That was a no brainer. Guess he was stuck on stupid. He ought to feel privledged that your daughter was willing to accept him, as most 13 year olds are not that giving.
 atouchoftink
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 104
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:49:39 PM
Just always call them baby, and you won't have to worry about the wrong name.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 105
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Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:05:27 PM
I've seen it all now. A bunch of divorcees passing judgement that a never married man cannot sustain a relationship...LOL.

When comedian Bill Maher was asked why he had never been married he replied that it had something to do with happiness......
 sama1
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 108
Hello
Posted: 11/8/2006 12:47:21 PM
Woul like too chat with you I think we would click. Have alot in common.

Lets get to know each other

Sam
 mystery24
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 110
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:46:31 PM
I would like to disagree with this. I am 38 have never been married or have any children.

I have dated women who have had children through another relationship and at no time did I feel threatened or jealous about their relationship with their mother. It is only natural for a mother to want and need to spend time with and put her children first. If you are the right type of guy you will understand this and be happy to give them time and space together.

Please don't label all guys over 35 that haven't been married or have had children the same.
 bearwoman1959
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 122
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/12/2006 12:52:52 AM
It's been my experience thru the years that it doesn't seem to matter anymore whether someone has been married, stayed single, had or hasn't had children. Some people are just immature and selfish no matter what their status. I was wary of dating someone who'd been married multiple times (did that once, big mistake) , but I think it depends on the person. The only problem I've ever had with dating a man without kids was he was always telling me how to raise mine, his mistake that time, I broke up with him. At this point in my life (46 years old), I'd be happy as hell just to find an honest, dependable, faithful man who accepts me for how I am. My kids are 15 and 20, they don't really need a "daddy", they've done without their real dad for 7 years now and they're great kids. I really don't even see the point in being married unless you really want kids, and with the divorce rate being what it is, marrieage doesn't seem that important even then. I guess it just looks better to some people to be married when you're in a couple and have kids. I'm suprised to see anyone anymore who gets married, stays married, and is happy. That's about as rare as seeing Big Foot, or winning the lottery.
 Gorshkov
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 124
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/12/2006 4:16:01 AM
"men over 35 who have never been married"
"men under 35"
"men to got married too early"
"men with kids"
"men without kids"
"men with kids who don't take care of them"
"men who outspent their ex's to gain custody of their kids"
"men without cars"
"men with pictures of cars on their profiles"
"single dads"
"men in uniform"
"men without jobs"
"men that are too short"
"men that are too tall"
"men that are selfish"
"men that have no backbone because they're always thinking about the other person"
"men without enough personality"
"men with too much personality"
"too light"
"too dark"
"hippies with too much hair"
"republicans with short hair"


Come ON, ladies. Us menfolk aren't categories, any more than you ladies are dumb blonds, redheads with tempters, cute but stupid, ugly but smart, fat but sexy, skinny and fit, or anything else.

What are you looking for - a fashion accessory, or a freaking MATE?

Men - like women - aren't categories, or labels. There are reasons why I'm like this, and the next guy is like that. And there are many different reasons why we're single, single again, single still, or what-bloody-ever.

And every time one of you come up with one of these absurd blanket statements, the only one your harming is yourself - because you're progressively eliminating vast segments of the population from consideration on the basis inaccurate & biased generalities.

Don't get me wrong - you're absolutely well within your rights to choose your partners on whatever basis you choose.

But please ..... don't come back here in 6 months time starting a thread moaning "WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A GOOD MAN?" when you've been spending your time eliminating everything with testosterone from your search.
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