Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating men who have never been married      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 51
Dating women who have never been marriedPage 3 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Oh my god.! Me and my gender reversing again

I recently took a chance and went out with a woman who was 39 and never been married. She also had never had any children. This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that women over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish. This womans reason was that she just hadnt met the "perfect man" She claimed she loved children as well.
Needless to say, she was very selfish , and did not know how to relate to my daughter when i had weekend access (shes 13), altho she did her best to make her feel comfortable and include her in alot of her daily activities (basketball, games, etc). She eventually told me that I needed to choose. If I wanted to keep her I had to cut all ties with my daughter. thus the "forte" I had heard was proven true...that she was selfish.

What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married?
 worstguyonhere
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 52
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:48:41 PM
The admonition "Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes" has never been more apropos than it's usage here. The best part of it is that you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Your guydar is needing some serious calibration if you spent more than a day with this guy and didn't figure him out. Choose between him and your daughter? And you actually had to wait for him to utter that specific string of words? You need a relationship coach dear.

Back to the original posit: Set in their ways perhaps, but not across the board selfish. Or at least I've not encountered that.
 BradPalmBay
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:48:57 PM
How to bat 1000 in totally FALSE assumptions through the magic of Stereotyping ;

First, zero-in on ONE and ONLY ONE word... preferably a word which you don't quite know the meaning of. "Marriage" might be a good choice, since it means ONE thing to the professional philanderer who only wants a spouse for appearances & to further his professional career, and something totally different to the gay guy who's just trying to cover his tracks.

Second, focus-in on that word SO tightly that you're able to IGNORE everything else about the person behind this tiny 'label'. It takes REAL imagination for one word to loom so large that it covers up the FACT that your new, potential boyfriend had a very happy & successful relationship for well over 10 years before you began your inquisition... but then, ignorance is bliss.

Third, use the flimsy illogic outline above to make ALL your 'judgements', and then declare to the world that NO ONE can ever live up to your high standards & 'morals'.

If one repeats this cycle over & over... they CAN successfully live in a constant state of delusion leading to perpetual, mind-numbing ignorance.
 Summering
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 54
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:00:18 PM
First of all, I would have liked to hear the other side of the story - from him.

Secondly, you were predisposed to an attitude that you sought to confirm in your relationship. You did not enter an open minded relationship, dooming it before it started.
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:05:42 PM
How are you selfish because you haven't been married and haven't had kids? That's one of the dumbest I have ever heard.

Please help me understand your lgic on this one?

And as far as the morals thing goes, I don't get that one either.

Just my $0.02
 Kat-Wmn
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 56
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:22:14 PM
Just because they've never been married doesn't mean that they'll be selfish. I've dated men who have been married and they can be selfish as well.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 57
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:26:43 PM
^^^ I wonder too "Somewhere".

I've been cheated on by one woman, 6 weeks after I proposed to her (after several years together of her being "so in love, we're going to have a wonderful life together, grow old together..."). I've had marriage "demanded" of me, by a woman who had no problem telling me she didn't care, she wanted "a husband" and if I wouldn't, she'd find someone else (and did, married him a year later, and got divorced, yet again. go figure). I dated one seperated (3 yrs when we met) woman that I would have married, if she had actually gotten divorced instead of going back to "the manipulative a**hole... for the kids sake" - course, it would have been nice to hear that from her at the time, instead of just suddenly not getting any of my phone calls/emails returned for a month, and finding out from a mutual friend.

Oh wait, I forgot, this thread is supposed to be how *I'm* the selfish unmarried person... I keep forgetting how selfish I am to have never cheated on a relationship in my life, loved their kids (the ones I've dated with kids), spent a lot of money on vacations, dinners, bought two of them new stereo's (as presents, yes, no complaints), helped painting one's house, helped all the ones that owned homes with their yardwork, put my heart out there, and for wanting to believe that you should marry for love and it should be with someone you can see yourself growing old with...

I get it now, I guess I should have waited for the guy the first one cheated on me with, to cheat on her, then taken her back and married her? Or maybe I should have just said "to hell if she doesn't love me, if I don't marry her I might hit 40 and still be single on POF!!" to the one that demanded I marry her?? In fact, she wanted another kid, so I could be sitting here typing this while the child I "unselfishly" brought into this world with a woman who didn't love me is at home, with my ex-wife and her live in boyfriend!!! Or, hey, who cares... anyone??? Next person that comes along, I'll marry you because, hell, I've never been married, and love and honesty and committment don't matter at 42!!! Only that you've been "married at least once"!! (and seeing as this is a dating site, hopefully that presumes "divorced at least once" too, although obviously not in all cases it seems ).

.. 'cause I guess thats somehow preferable to being 42, single, and wanting to find a loving relationship with someone who wants a real committment, compromise, a real partnership, with no head games, cheating, selfishness (oh wait, I keep forgetting! ), etc.

I've met selfish people: married, never-married, divorced, remarried, remarried multiple times... both male and female... what does that have to do with whether you've been married or not? The ex that cheated on me, the guy she dumped me for had never married, and cheated on almost every relationship he'd had (including her).. in fact, that ended when he cheated on her and knocked up a 24y/o (he was 38) and wound up marrying her. Lucky girl, eh? Oh, but wait, he isn't over 40 and never married now! :laugh:

Cheating is the *ultimate* selfishness, and its done by both single and married people, and both men and women. But not *all* single or married people, and not *all* men or women.

When are people gonna stop with the "gross generalizations", and realize that just because you've maybe had a couple of bad experiences, in NO WAY reflects "all" of either gender, of any sexual preference, of any religion, or of any marital status??
 sngledad36_1son
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 58
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:38:14 PM
WOW I have to agree with what you said. It seems alot of Males and Females want a relationship but yet are set in their ways and afraid to Change thier ways to have that Relationship they are so longing to have. It takes two People that want a relationship to really work. With the right Balance and space relationships can work .
 merriemoe
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:40:43 PM
I hear this from alot of friends..... "he's 45 and never married? there must be something wrong with him...."

well, I'm 40 and never married, so does that mean there is something wrong with me?
In my case, It's not that I don't want that, I do with the right person, but I really haven't found the right guy yet. There were times I thought maybe I had, and was heartbroken when It didn't turn out that way but you keep on bouncing back.
I do think however that there are some men out there (and women as well) that become to used to being on their own, too much in there own box, and they have trouble adjusting anything in their lives to truly allow someone in. they may be mad about you but when it comes down to it they are unable to surrender the control so to speak. lets face it. When you decide to have a relationship with someone, there has to be some amount of compromise and adjusting your space. You do have to think about the other person's feelings and how your actions might affect them. Sadly there are some people who may have been single too long and can't seem to take that leap of faith.

I hope that's not what happens to me !
 POFer4Life
Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 60
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:44:25 PM
Based on my experience.............I stay away................I don't do it.................!!
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 61
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 5:12:42 PM
I too have never been married, I've been asked several times but I am soooooo dam glad I never did it. I did have one daughter though who is raised and out of the home, but not quite out of my hair nor will she thankfully ever be.

I am comfortable with my life style, but I don't know if I would ever call it selfish though. Some people might but really I do not give a shit. I work hard & pretty much have it together so I believe I have earned the right to have my life as I see it. Should I be lucky enough to find the right one, I would probably just opt to live together as opposed to marriage. Marriage is an institution and who wants to live in a freaking institution. Not I, it would take some really heavy persuasion to get me to commit myself........ to marriage that is. I never really thought that was selfish though.

:))
Witchy
 wpg.man
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 62
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:33:19 PM
Incredible,
you've jumped to the conclusion that I'm selfish even before you've seen my pic.

Now that you see my pic what other narrow minded conclusions will you jump to ?
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 63
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:36:06 PM
weeeee send me all the never been married 30 + men then!
totally ridiculous that someone would be considered selfish because they haven't married by a certain age - I'd call them another s word...... SMART!
 wpg.man
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 64
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:44:10 PM
I wasn't going to say it cause then I would be considered conceited.
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 65
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:00:39 PM
Soooooooo, going by this mentality, it would be safe to say that ALL people who HAVE been married with/without children who are NOW divorced are:

1: Incapable of communication
2: Incapable of going the extra mile to work things out.
3: Are never selfish in any way.
4: Do not have relationship issues
5: Do not have intimacy issues
6: Never make bad decisions on who to marry.
7: do not stereotype.
8: Are now single again because ???
9: Make perfect mates because their marriage failed.
10: Make their childrens life wonderful due to a split and torn apart family.

Look...... either way...divorced, never been married, etc. etc. ALL people, men or woman have to be judged on their own individual merits, character, morals and values. To stereotype and paint all people simply by their relationship status with one quick stroke of a brush is just downright wrong.

Its all quite elementary my dear Watson !
 Eyes O Blue
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 66
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:13:58 PM
The thing that's great about these forums is that nobody ever gets defensive.

 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 67
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:20:55 PM

Incredible,
you've jumped to the conclusion that I'm selfish even before you've seen my pic.

Now that you see my pic what other narrow minded conclusions will you jump to ?


Heh, well, that falls to the other topic... you're a man, so you're a "jerk"

But, obviously you're not a woman, otherwise you'd be a gold digger!

Now can we stop generalizing? Please?
 Steven02151
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 68
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:44:05 PM
Dont worry about it is my answer. I was pressured into two marriages, probably would not have married them otherwise. I ended an engagement to someone else I should have married and broke up with someone I was engaged to that, thank God, I had no business marrying. And I loved being married, despite the shortcomings of those relationships, and feel I am very well-suited to it, too ...but just never really found the right one at the right time, etc. Its a crap shoot. Some people have been in miserable, hurtful marriages for ages ...decades ...and no better suited for a good marriage than someone who never did.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 69
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:16:51 AM
I just don't know where to begin with this train wreck of a thread.
 selticar
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 70
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:23:35 AM
Im 39 and have no kids and never been married..engaged once...i think the sacrifices people make to have kids are admirable , HUGE responsibilty...some of us arnt selfish... we just scared shitless of such full time job....hell i dont really take care of myself that well....and my cat has been known to get miffed at me for some inconsistancy...i think ill stick to being the crazy uncle and the strange guy that visits and makes em laugh...raising one is a CHOICE and its not for me....that doesnt make me selfish...it makes me a chickenshit hehehe...
 zooom
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 71
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:28:47 AM
selticar: I thought raising kids would be a lot of work but it turns out to be fun. It's the best time I ever had. Don't be afraid of it. You'll find you do very well, and that you enjoy it. They grow up fast and then you hope for grandchildren so you can have kids around again. But being the Uncle is fine, too. I'm just saying the fear of failing and misery is unfounded.
 testbunny69
Joined: 9/1/2005
Msg: 72
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:39:48 AM
OP Every man is different.

I dated one who is very much like you described.

I also dated a man who is 39, never married, no children, never even LIVED with a woman, but he was good with my girls. On the weekends that they were with me, he would suggest things to do that included them, such as going to the park, going bowling, etc.

Then again, I have dated men who had children of their own and still ignored mine. Needless to say I didn't date them very long!

What I am trying to say, is that you have to judge each person on their own merits and not stereotype.
 !somewhere
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 73
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:56:13 AM

you have to judge each person on their own merits and not stereotype.
screw that!!!
stereotype everyone!!!

The perrenially single people are undesirable and unwanted because they're obviously selfish and there is new past relationship history proving that they can be a good partner.

The divorced people should be avoided, because they've proved that their marriages fail.

The widows and widowers had their chance. Kinda like the kid whose parents let him have a pet, when he didn't look after it and it died, they wouldn't let him have another one.



Now everyone log-off this site and grow old alone,
because nobody here's relationship material for anyone.
 zooom
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 74
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:03:26 AM
That would mean we are all perfectly suited for one another. Logic to the rescue.
 Blossom65
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 75
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:07:19 AM
I love guys with no kids and no ex wife!!!!!!!!


Ive went on dates with several guys in their 30's never married, no kids and its great!!!!! An absolute blessing!!

This means I dont have to co-ordinate with them when on what weekends or nights they have their kids and I have mine, and also, it usually means that they have their shit together because rather than settling down in their 20's and are now divorced paying child support, alimony, etc, they spent their time in college and University and now that their older are established and know exactly what they want in life. YUMMY.

For me, I see a bloody red flag in my face if the guy has 5 kids, 2 ex wives and a ex girlfriend that all hate his guts and want some money right now!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating men who have never been married