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 AUTHOR
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 128
is it harder to date as we get older?Page 2 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
...Good grief... I just read an old post of mine on page 2 going back to May of 2006 and I'm still not dating....I guess that proves a point, it is harder to date as you get older haha What am I doing wrong?

...maeflowers
 joebobbriggs
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 129
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/12/2007 3:02:18 PM
Doing wrong?

You're not in Texas...

JoeBob
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 130
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/12/2007 9:42:41 PM
...Unfortunately no, I am not in Texas....but I am considering moving to a warmer climate, these Canadian winters can be pretty cold. Besides, maybe its time I changed fishing holes haha....



...maeflowers
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 134
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/14/2007 6:52:19 PM
I figured out why it's harder to date as I get older. I'm living in Texas and I don't have BIG hair
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 135
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/14/2007 7:00:07 PM

well dating is harder for me because the women my age are now eying younger men and the younger women tell me I remind them og their dad



...Thats not necessarily true...I prefer to date someone closer to my own age, I have dated younger men, (well once) and it didn't work out for many reasons.....the biggest was common bonds, we didn't have any. I felt like I just couldn't relate even though there was only an 11 year difference.


...maeflowers

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 140
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/15/2007 5:45:37 PM

...maeflowers ---- I know where it is always warmer than Canada with lots of ice-free fishing holes, and no big sharks because the crocodiles ate them all.



...You mean to say that theres a place where I can feel warmer breezes...cast my line in shark free ponds....AND the fishies are plentyful. Let me load up my gear.



...maeflowers
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 142
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/16/2007 7:11:07 PM
Well, I'm just past 60 now...and believe me... thats a whole lot different than 40!! Back then the women were everywhere.... I could easily have several girlfriends at a time.... I was on a roll! But now...Yes, its much more difficult. Or, at least it has been for me. I don't think I know what place I am in any more. Its a very strange land, thats all I know. (maybe even a strange planet?) The women are mostly dug in at their locals.... too embedded, or scared, or unsure... to leave anymore. (maybe the men are just as bad??) The spontenaity of youth just is not there anymore. We are all so damb anilytical and philosophical and scarred up and cautious and have lists which are way too long and demanding for our prosepctive partners... don't you think??? Perhaps we all ( us matures) need to take some big doses of 'lighten up' pills?!!! ha ha!
 mizbex
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 144
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/18/2007 9:37:38 AM
On one hand I think it is harder because our list of requirements are so well defined that we might eliminate someone too quickly just because they do not meet our stringent criteria. On the other hand, I think it might be easier because as we get older your self acceptance and self esteem grows and you are more likely to give it a shot because you are wise enough and brave enough to roll the dice and give love a chance.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 149
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/26/2007 10:16:08 PM

To me, dating is when one or the other initially has romantic intentions. I know this doesn't seem clear.
Let me explain...If Joe Blow , mechanic......sent me flowers and said, "I've always liked you and wanted to ask you out. Would you be free for dinner Friday night?"
That would be a date to me.


....If my mechanic sent me flowers I would probably see it reflected in my next repair bill haha....to be honest I can't even remember the last time I was asked out on a "real" date.

...maeflowers
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 151
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/27/2007 12:47:08 PM
...If you ask someone to go for dinner and drinks is that not considered a date? I agree that when I am asked out from someone on-line, such as POF...to me that is a "meeting" nothing more....if asked out again, say for dinner and a movie...thats a date.

...maeflowers
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 153
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/28/2007 6:10:33 AM
I think dating was always hard but when I was younger, it was more fun full of possibilities and I am lot less optimistic now. I am stressed with work and more responsibilities, most men I date have kids and have to schedule time with them. Overall it just takes me longer to physically and mentally get myself up for another first date.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 155
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/4/2008 12:53:21 PM
It is clearly a lot more difficult to meet a potential dating partner after 45. In school, college and so on it was easy. Members of the opposite sex were present in abundance. It was even easy in my twenties because I lived in an urban area full of young single women and I knew all the right places to go hang out.

At this point in my life meeting suitable available women is the primary challenge. Where are they? There are plenty around to date - I know where to hang out to meet them - but few would I consider LTR possibilities for a plethora of reasons.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 157
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:10:06 PM

If you ask someone to go for dinner and drinks is that not considered a date? I agree that when I am asked out from someone on-line, such as POF...to me that is a "meeting" nothing more....if asked out again, say for dinner and a movie...thats a date.



Lets see,I should be passing through where you live in late 2011,I'll buy you lunch.Hmmm,boy that second date's gonna be hard to do but if I survive the trip I'll be back thru in a month or so...........did I say if?
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 161
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/23/2008 2:39:29 PM
When I was young, in college and post college, an abundence of attractive available women were around. These days I find it extremely difficult to find attractive women with long term potential to date. Women I meet have financial problems, problems with their children, problem exhusbands, are too shop worn or are not sexually appealing to me. It is literally more trouble than it is worth to look. I am sticking with dating women just for fun and leaving it at that.
 mitchchan
Joined: 12/4/2008
Msg: 162
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:50:15 PM
i believe so. after we get burned out from our relationship, we just tend to be more wiser and picker when it comes to dating and of course, from our life experiences.
 CUTECAJUN
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 165
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/31/2008 1:07:33 PM
i have to agree with you mightbeme04 most of the guys that i try to chat with even if it is to just chat they don't even let you know that they won't even send a note back to you. but i have learned to just let it be. then the ones that you do chat with they have someone . so now if they get back and in touch with me ok if not thats ok too. but i do fine it hard to find dates these days.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 166
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 12/31/2008 1:09:58 PM
Harder is a gross understatement....
 ladydi1962
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 176
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:34:23 AM
I think it is much harder. One reason is the older I get the less I want to spend time hanging out in bars. My question is where do you go to meet single men? At our age, we are set in our ways but are also wiser and have past experiences that hopefully we've learned from. I know more about what I would like as characteristics in a man now than I did when I was younger. Hopefully, I will find my partner one day soon...who knows, he may be on this site
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 178
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 4/30/2009 8:25:33 AM
Although I find it quite easy to find women to date it is difficult to find one for the long haul, mostly because our histories vary considerably and our baggage will not merge. Young people have their lives ahead of them with little to drag along. The longer we live, the more baggage we carry.
 fleta
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 180
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 4/30/2009 7:41:04 PM
I can sure relate to the fears of dating, trying to find someone you both feel the same way. Feelings of rejection or hurt happens regardless of what our ages are, just recently thought in a serious relationship to find only one of us thought so. Hidd my profile for the past few weeks to heal or take a break, Wish their was a crytal ball or easier method to find someone genuine true to possible monogamous relationship - Its hard to keep bouncing back when everyone seems to be looking for a quick relationship with out open communication, to many secreates being kept.
 HeartofGoldSeekingSame
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 185
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 5/1/2009 9:07:02 AM
To settle or not to settle is a deep subject with many shades of gray, in my opinion, not a black or white issue. It depends on what you consider "settling" to be. So if someone has bad breath, will some dental care or mouthwash fix it? That's not settling. The best relationships of my life were with men I wasn't at all interested in at first, but I gave them a chance to show me what was not visible in first appearances. One of my best friends today is the brother of such a man, a brother I never would have met if I had followed my first inclination about dating someone I wasn't at all interested in.

One thing I see now that I didn't realize when I was 20, is that the pickins get slimmer and slimmer as we get older, because the guys and gals single in their forties and fifties are more often than not the "factory rejects" in the pool, versus the number of "reject" twenty somethings in the pool. I used to have a lot of co-workers who were psychologists and marriage counselors and their consensus is that 99% of divorces are the man's fault. So do the math and most single divorced men are going to be like some say about buying a used car, "buying someone else's problems." This is why I think the mothers tend to advise their daughters not to be so picky, because they know the pickins only get slimmer every year that goes by, and because of the timeline for the woman's childbearing risks, and because they know the young girls don't have the important items on their checklist anyway. As for me, I never was desperate to have babies so my biological time clock didn't trump waiting for what my heart told me is the "right" man. I also wasn't having sex outside of marriage so I wasn't lured into a relationship with men who had less than serious intentions of marriage.

On the other hand, after years of dating hundreds of men, I think I have much more wisdom now to use to pick a man for lasting compatibility than the information and dating experience I was working with when I was in my twenties. So picky to me is smarter, as long as the criteria one uses to weed out are based on wisdom and not fantasy land inflated by one's ego.

Another thing. I was really religious when I was in my twenties and my devotion to those religious beliefs forbade me marrying a man who was not a devoted and celibate member of that religion. Now, religion carries much less weight when I'm choosing a man. So one must keep in mind that marrying young has the advantage of the larger pool of possibilities who aren't the marital market rejects, but how many of us over forty have the same checklist we used in our twenties to select a life partner with? By the way, if there are celibate men of that religion in their forties, it's usually not difficult to figure out why they are celibate. What the 30-40 year-old women who still have that checklist dictated by their church tell me about the men in that religion who are the same age "they're mostly all unemployed or have teenager jobs and living in their parent's basements and have never had a date in their lives." So I wouldn't dream of telling them they're just "being too picky". But maybe they were too picky (or picked over themselves) in their twenties.

My very best friends are an elderly couple with two sons my age. Each of their sons married their wives for her looks more than anything else. Both men got divorced because those women had flaws that would make any man completely miserable, but they couldn't see it "because she had a cute butt". One's wife had a long history from childhood of mental illness that bankrupted him from her psychiatric hospital bills and lawsuits including for child custody and she caused him all kinds of stress because of her hallucinations and delusions and promiscuity and illicit drug use. The other is alcoholic and was having lots of one night stands with men she met in bars, resulting in 3 illegitimate pregnancies, and leaving his toddlers at home alone, unfed in dirty diapers. She's still alcoholic and never paid a dime of child support since the divorce. Every time these men whined to me about how those women were stressing them out before and during and after their divorces, I remembered them telling me they married her "because she has a cute butt". Those women still have cute butts, as many men in the bars in town will agree because they've all seen it.

Now every time I see a man's profile claiming to be only looking for a woman who is exceptionally beautiful, in addition to other qualities that will benefit him, especially when the man himself is low on the attractiveness scale, I think "there goes another fool" or "there's another shallow man with more ego than brains." That to me, is someone looking for "perfection". I've had men tell me that my criteria of "white, tall, non-smoker, clean-shaven" is expecting "perfection". And those aren't all my criteria, those are just the initial elimination round criteria. So, to get to the point, we all have in our minds a list of what we're looking for, what we're willing to settle for and what we won't put up with. The longer the list, the more likely you are to remain single. Some of us figure our list out before marriage, and others are late learners. In my experience, when I'm reading a man's profile, the shorter his list of non-physical criteria for the woman he's looking for, the more likely he is to be only interested in a short term fling, especially when his criteria is almost all about what she looks like, since her body is the main concern to a man who isn't looking for long term. In internet dating, it's also how I weed out the men who are looking for flings, because they don't read the woman's profile, since all they care about is what she looks like. I think smart people read a person's profile, because internet dating profiles reveal much more than who someone is looking for. The Who I AM and WHO YOU ARE parts are really both about the same person, the author of the profile. Being single is to me, better than to settle being miserably married because at least in the former situation, there's more room for hope because I have more options available to me.

I am ever reminded these days of a poem I kept with me since high school, "When you are old and gray and sitting by the fire, take down this book and dream of me...how many loved your beauty with love false or true, but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, and murmur a little sadly, how time fled, and hid his face amid a crowd...." There's a fine line between waiting for the greener grass on the other side of the hill, when for all you know, there's nothing but desert sand for miles to come. That's the adventure in dating life: to play the cards you are dealt, to know when to hold and when to fold, and when the gambling has become an addiction you can no longer afford.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 191
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 5/4/2009 10:29:39 AM
For me, it's been way easier post 60 than before. Peeps sort themselves out faster, lol! If I see bitter, angry, unrealistic, I no longer hope I can fix it, love them into health, show them that all women don't whatever. . . . 'Cause I know, by this age, that if they haven't got it yet, they're not likely to. Therefore, I don't waste any of my life trying to deal with them. What's left has been wonderful! Never was a numbers game, anyway; always *just one* ~~

 BLACKBETTY1
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 192
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:27:35 PM
Now you know you need to stop its not that bad, just don't be so down on it, buy now we all know after you go through the I hate men and I hate wemen, we learn to entertain ourself again after the devorce,then when the kids are all grown and doing there thing we should be doing our thing and look for someone to share it with if it fits ok if not ok one way or another you have a new friend don't forget some people come into our life but are not meant to stay you learn a lesson from everyone you meet and if you don't you continue to make the same mistakes,
 BLACKBETTY1
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 193
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:33:01 PM
Girlfriend stop it, ok you have to pump up yourself your waisting to much of your valuable time thinking like that when you walk in the club, bar, where ever you walk you must have your sexy on. Walk in with confidence in your self that you look the best you can bee and carry it sister girl work it ,put your thing down and work it, if the guys don't want to dance with you , you dance by yourself and show them what you are working with, just because we are getting old does not mean we have to own it.
 BLACKBETTY1
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 194
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:39:42 PM
Get some new glasses, or contac lens, new cloths this era,and don't look so neady
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