|Verbal AbusersPage 9 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)|
|I experienced the same thing... the result.... i lost the ability to reason out. And its became my disability as of now.|
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:28:51 AM
|Actually you can take it to the real police because if he is making threats, your computer stores the conversations and he can be tracked by his ip adress unless he is a very savy computer geek...making threats on the computer is probably easier to prove than over the phone|
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:00:28 PM
|Oh for sure, my ex was in the army and all he did outside work was drink like crazy. And when he did I was called everyname in the book, dumped, blamed for everything, even things that he did on his own, oh the things he said. Than the next morning he wouldn't apologize or care that he hurt me, he'd be like you know I didn't mean it, end of discussion. Than he blamed me for the relationship ending, stupid thing, I still love him and want him when he gets back in 2 months from Afghanistan, insane what we put up with huh?|
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:21:22 PM
|Verbal abusers are often worse then physical because they can pretend they've done nothing wrong. They try to crush you emotionally/mentally/spiritually (which eventually will effect you physically), it's a matter of wanting control. Often alcohol and drugs are involved but not always. |
It seems that this is the only way they can feel good about themselves (bring the abused down to the floor so they can tower over them emotionally - schoolyard bullies all grownup). They are bitter, angry, vicious people who blame everyone else for their misery and want everyone else to be miserable with them.
Men/women/parents/spouses - many different forms of verbal abusers. And because there is no physical abuse they can totally disregard what they do as being wrong. It's called mental cruelty. I experienced it first growing up then as an adult. Sought help and got away from those (including family) who do that. I won't let that be my daughter's legacy. NOONE deserves verbal abuse, or abuse of any kind. And I really don't care what their childhood was like/marriage ect, it's no excuse to abuse anyone else.
I work hard to weed out people like that from my life. I have no time to put up with that anymore, I realize that I deserve better then and no longer will tolerate someone being abusive. I love happy people!!! Kind and nice people!!!! NOT jerks and jacka$$es. Too bad they often disguise themselves at first as really nice people - but I have and continue to learn how to weed them out quickly.
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:05:02 AM
|after two and a half years of being free from my verbal abuser i wish i could say that i have moved on. just recently i spotted my abuser while i was shopping and it brought back so many horrible memories. Now for the past few weeks all i can think about is how he treated me. i know he means nothing to me and i'm glad i moved on but i hate the way he still has this effect on me. it's getting so bad that it's affecting my relationships. i met a really lovely man on here but i feel it can't progress any further because of my self doubt.|
Posted: 8/17/2008 7:54:04 AM
I went thru both...while the physical will heal on the outside...it is still raw and hurting on the inside...With verbal abuse...it's sort of being physical only with the mind...someone berating you all the time...screaming hurtful things at you..name calling...etc..it's all painful and it all hurts...sometimes I think the verbal takes longer to heal from...simply because that person is attacking your self confidence & self worth...it gets to be a habit from then on out whenever anyone raises their voice to you that you cringe,,it will get better with time,not over night... if possible..get some counselling..I do wish the best for you...
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:19:37 AM
|We all have to take a stand and say any kind of abuse is unacceptable. Abusers should know better, but some of them just don't get it. Unfortunately, many of them grew up in abusive homes and simply don't understand that trying to control someone else by being abusive creates an intolerable environment.|
We also need to teach our children that they should be aware of how to handle being in an abusive situation and how to set boundaries to protect themselves. I am truly amazed that this is still going on in 2008. Schools need to teach children conflict resolution programs in addition to their street smart courses. We all need to learn how to say 'NO' when someone crosses the line the very first time it happens and if it happens the second time, walk away. Easier said than done, I know.
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:30:16 PM
|I have been through both. All in all, any form of abuse is damaging. If you are in this situation, do what you can to get out. It took me several years, but I finally made it out. I have only been gone from him for a week. But already I feel so much better. No one deserves to be abused. If you need someone to talk to, Im here. Cherie|
Posted: 8/27/2008 4:04:05 PM
|remember; men were raised by woman so look to yourself for the answer...Give me a break here, when are you gonna learn that this country is thee most abusive country in the world. Here are the five areas of abuse; Physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual. We have all been abused on these levels. Its how we handle that childhood abuse as to its affect on our lives today!!! And most of you don't know you were abused- DENILE!!!!!|
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:23:33 PM
|my mom verbally abused me all my life she screams at me all the time growing up.|
espeisually at church then she allows my litte sisters to scream at me. she says im no good and no woman would ever want me. that whats turned me into a wimp. she would also crack fat jokes on me growing up i got pick on all my life in elementery through high school and even in the work place. because i thought it was normal and okay for people to be cruel to each other i recently find out u cant let people direspect u. my mom was the dominant one in the household. all my dad did was sat on the couch drank beer and vodka and watch soccer. being verbaly abused gave me low self essteem and till this day i m still scared to talk to women. 4months ago i told my mom to drop dead u peace of shit and stay the **** out of my life and i told her if she died i wont go to her funeral then i moved out. i know thats no way to treat my mom but i am standing up for myself and i grew some balls to stand up to my mom thats something i should have did when i was 16 like most teenagers do. and i vowed to never let anybody disrespect me if they do i will catch a charge
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:12:47 AM
|Yes Verbal abuse is very damaging to your self esteem whether it be at work or home. I had it both places. Still work at the same place but have learned to brush it off. The bosses where I work are jerks and my ex was a jerk as well. He thought he could have any woman he wanted. He tried to put the moves on my female friends but they were smart enough to stay away from him. He is with a woman whom I caught them both red handed. When that happened and I finally had enough after 23 years of marriage and being suspicious of other women when my children were babies. Now he has met his match and gets the boot periodically. LOL...gotta love it...I am no longer what I call fat...fix things on my own and go out alot...Have along way to go but he cannot accuse me of being stupid, fat, antisocial, ugly(changed my whole out look on life and looks)Now when I get to my ideal weight he will not accuse me of looking at other men or trying to find a good man b/c I am now. No more losers...He cannot tell me what to wear or how to wear my hair. I made him pay for my daughters education, and when the others had problems I also made him help them with money,(I gave them support and tried to keep their confidence up)I took the creep to court and made him pay there too. The divorce is next. Have not talked to him in a year and loving it. Oh yes right up to the legal agreement he tried to tell me what to do,when to sleep what to wear etc etc. I have my own home and he has nothing but a woman contolling him now.I always say you play you pay one way or the other. I could go on and on but all is done and I am the happiest person always with a smile even when things are tough and down. Now for my perfect man and who knows he could be miles away or very close but he is out there somewhere.|
Posted: 1/2/2009 12:08:52 PM
|Hello regnj, I give you alot of credit and you sound like you are getting stonger everyday. I always told my kids you can do anything you set your mind to do. If you want to be an electician then do it. It is all part of our inner strength to do what we set out to do. My son experienced the same things basically and he has a very nice girlfriend to help him and I pray that he will do the same as what you are setting out to do. Go for the gusto and don't quit there keep going to improve yourself. We are the only ones who must look out for ourselves b/c right now at this point no one else will. Good luck in the future. dixie|
Posted: 1/2/2009 12:21:08 PM
my mom verbally abused me all my life
Boy do I relate. Congratulations on the personal progress you are making. My mother was my initial abuser. As a young adult, I ended up in a couple fairly distressful situations ~ it really was ALL I knew. I was able to leave the male abuser, my Mother on the other hand? Not quite so easy. I finally have managed to get it done, but it took years of counseling to convince me that DNA is not what makes family. (Thank God for a very wise counselor!!) Recently, I had the misfortune of a necessary call to her and I've really suffered the past month. Nightmares, one episode of clearly "giving up" and many hours sitting wondering how on earth I ended up back under her scathing control. Well, history does repeat itself, I suppose. This time however, I was smart enough to say, "Screw that....NEVER again!!" And this time I'm holding firm to that resolve. I do wish you great healing and just remember: YOU are far more important than a defunct familial relationship (no matter who that family member is or is not!)
Posted: 1/2/2009 5:32:04 PM
|^^^^^^you just told my story...sadly i think it is more common then we wish to believe.|
Posted: 1/2/2009 6:48:31 PM
|It is so very common but it is important to get it off of our chest. We are all strong and can only make ourselves what we want to be. My goals are strong and stand by all you wonderful people. dixie|
Posted: 1/2/2009 6:54:12 PM
|I was verbally abused by my grandmother from the time I was about six all the way into adulthood - until I was about 25. |
My favorite thing she told me was how I had damn well better get my high school diploma as I would flunk out in college and not make it. That I would be VERY lucky if I got a job in an office building (and a nice one at that) emptying trash cans and cleaning bathrooms.
some of the other things she said to me were how I would NEVER amount to anything, that I was stupid, and definitely NOT worthwhile, much less worth anyone's time.
Well, needless to say, I DID get educated, have a Master's Degree (and it was very hard earned, thank you very much) am professionally employed and doing just fine thank you. In other words, I proved her wrong and she REALLY hated that.
After all was said and done, in her later years when she was homebound, and ultimately in a nursing home, she had the audacity to wonder aloud as to why I would not see, call, or visit her. - amazing, huh?
But in all seriousness, - this did erode at my self esteem and self worth and it took me many many years to come to grips with the fact that I am an intelligent, worthwhile, talented, and hard working person. I still have times I hear those old tapes playing in my mind, but I now have the tools and means to pull myself out of it.
Needless to say, I WON'T take any of that sh*t from anybody. Never.
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:19:01 PM
|I give you alot of credit on what you did to resolve your issues. You deserve the world and I am sure God and his angels are there with you all the way. You sound like a wonderful person and a fighter which is very important during all this process. I all ready love you for the great person you have become. My mother is an abuser as well but in a way she tries to make me feel guilty and anymore I don't let her pass go. Please keep up the wonderful progress.|
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:53:22 PM
|I almost think verbal and emotional abuse are worse than physical abuse. I say that because receivers of these types of abuses tend to have lower self-esteems and are very unsure of yourselves. You can be a perfectly confidant person and if involved with this type of abuser, over time you doubt anything you thought about yourself. If you are seeing someone who shows these tendencies, GET OUT NOW! As time progresses it only gets worse. Let me just say, it takes a long time to believe in yourself and your self-worth again.|
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:10:42 PM
|I can relate to the comment regarding pretending like they've done nothing wrong. My ex, to whom I was married for 12 years, still denies saying many of the things he said to me. He also told me, after I moved out, that every time I tell the story, it gets worse. He basically implied I made a lot of it up. The point in my posting this is, some people that abuse verbally get so angry they don't even remember saying the things they said when they were in a rage. I have asked him why he thinks I would make any of it up and he just looks at me. He has no response.|
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:37:40 PM
|In my marriage, I was subjected to both emotional and verbal abuse. My husband when he was annoyed at anything, would yell at me, calling me names - all this infront of the kids. When there was not a reaction from me, he'd go into the front yard, and keep it up for quite a time - so the neighbours would know what type of person I was.|
The toll this took on me was physical - he'd come up to me, and I'd shrink away. I'd just start crying, and sliding down the wall I'd been shoved up against. I'd start shaking, and if it didn't stop, I'd start vomiting. He'd just stand over me yelling at me to stop doing these things as I was only doing it to make him feel guilty. I ended up getting sick from anything that was going around.
He'd take it out on our kids - if they would come to my rescue. My kids are now 3, 5 and 8 - the 8 year old still suffers nightmares from it, and my 5 year old suffered severe anxiety - where anything changed, he'd wet himself.
I left him in March 2007, and I still get very scared at even the slightest bit of anger - I tend to flee it still, even if its not directed at me. I wake in the night, still having nightmares, shaking and "freaking out" even when I have not had contact with him. I've had counseling to deal with it, and my eldest is finally old enough to get some help that way too. It still effects her, as she knows that if she does not do what he tells her to do, then she cops the full brunt of it - as a result, she tends to do stuff she really does not want to do - like spying on me all the time.
Verbal abuse tends to go on silently in some cases, teamed up with emotional abuse. I left him thinking that I was no good, I could only survive with him there, I was not a good mother etc - all bad things. In the last almost 2 years, I have come a long way out of his thinking. I hear his comments about me to various members of society - police, courts, school etc - but I know that I can be a person without him in my life - and its taken me a fair amount of time to get to here. Broken bones can heal, and are socially more understood, the emotional and mental scares run deep - and are there often just under the surface.
Why did he do it? I'm not sure that even he would know the answer to that - but to blame it on me. I could speculate as to why, but what would be the use? There is no justification for doing it.
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:47:20 PM
|Anyone who has done any kind of basic psychological studies know that it is indeed often the precurser to physical abuse and that there is a pattern of behavour that these abusers follow over time to esculate to that point in their behaviour. There are things you can ask yourself that may indicated verbal abuse in your life. Has that wonderful person you started out with left you doing or saying things just to avoid angering him/her? Do you feel that you live you are walking on eggshells? Does he/she talk negative to you in the privacy of your own home, especailly in front of your children, while in the presence of others they can't say well enough of you? Do you spend all of your time other than at work at home focusing on how to "please" so that you can avoid his disappointment or anger? People who are the victims of such behavior often have been lured into it over a period of time after committments are made, rarely before.|
Even when you have escaped that situation, you can suffer personality changes that are the result of the abuse you have suffered that you may not be aware of, but often others who knew you previously can see. Issues with trust, trying too hard to please, ignoring insults, rudeness, and other forms of negativity in others can linger in new relationships as well as other older relationships with family and friends. I highly recommend that if you are having these issues after such a relationship, to get professional counseling.
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:44:10 PM
|And when all is said and done - and often, much gets said and done in these situations... we learn a lot. I still love my friend. But it is better for me to be clear and safe, and better likewise not to be the trigger. Life is pretty darned interesting. I feel as sad for his pain as for mine... time heals a lot. Love yourselves, all.|
|Verbal Abusers |
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:16:31 PM
|I have come to the conclusion that verbal abuse is much harder to come to terms with. It hurts and no one knows. If you are sad about it people say you are the "victim" verbal abusers get joy of seeing their "victims' go lower and lower in to the ground. I don't get the meaness and its all classified as Domestic Abuse only verbal abusers can't be charged with anything they are just "mean" and its just trivial. I just don't get it. Physical abuse can be charged and you heal from. Verbal abuse will live in you for a very long time and can't be bandaided. Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse as well and both I think are really bad, however, sometimes I would rather have gone through physical abuse. But this is me trying to heal and I wish I could stop looking back.|
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:14:50 PM
|People abuse others to make themselves feel important or powerful.|
I've been subjected to verbal, emotional and physical abuse all by one man..
That relationship has been over for more than a year now. Thank God..
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:28:44 AM
|Abuse only happens more than once if the "abused" allows it to. Adults abuse other adults, because they allow themselves to be abused.|