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 AUTHOR
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 2
HapinessPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
To the judges..I don't know why my post would have been viewed as a self pity thing. I am asking a valid question for dialogue and learning.

To Xoadora...I hope I spelled that right. I get your...in a way thing. I think it's just because of the way that each one of us understands hapiness. Being with a jerk might influence your hapiness because it is based on your wants when it comes to what you desire in a long term relationship versus a casual friendship for instance. It's like family, you can't chose them, sometimes they are jerks but you tolerate them cause their family. But in the end you are still happy cause it's not dependant on just them. I think I was trying to separate determining factors between wants, choices and true hapiness. The point is that if you enter a long term lifetime relationship being already unhappy with yourself, "unhealthy" so to speak, even if that person where "an angel" they wouldn't make you happy. Versus the other way around like you say, if you are whole and your hapiness is not found in another then you could stay with a jerk. Well it's more about if you are happy, you know how to make healthy choices maybe? I wouldn't want to be with a jerk all my life because they aren't happy with themselves and this does not enhance or benefit my life and because I am happy and whole I want to chose things that enhance and benefit my life. I can also chose this way to be there for people and help them and be a friend, however, I am not responsible for their ultimate hapiness either.

It's wierd, ironic....it all depends on your perception of hapiness I guess. Like the car thing their girl...a new car would certainly give me some joy...but it's not what grants me eternal hapiness. That is my perspective but words create different perspective and understandings...it is a hapiness..just a temporary one...moments of feelings ecstatic or euphoric...all that.

Chow again.
Jean
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 3
Hapiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 1:02:42 PM
Dam your good RainMan. Very well put!!

Very wise just like the RainMain.......got to go to K-Mart...watch judge Wopner lol...

Peace
Jean
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 4
Hapiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 1:48:02 PM
Again very good points, Subotai and Spade. Interdependency versus codependency.

Such wisdom, i've always believed in personal growth and I am certainly learning a lot on this site, so cudos to all of you.

And yes...wonderwoman, I might be a litlte happier too if I was getting some.....lol

Cheers.
Jean
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 5
Hapiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 1:48:31 PM
I think another person can make one happier or increase your happiness. For myself, being happy means being healthy and having those around be healthy and happy and everything else is just icing on the cake. Sure I get a broken heart, but I know that life for me will go on as it always does. It just sure would be nice to have someone to share things with rather than my friends and family. I do have love in my life, but a mate is a different type of love-so again just increasing the love you have in your life.

I don't need material things to make me happy, sure it makes life enjoyable, but when you've been sick or lost someone, have almost lost someone or seen someone decline before your eyes, your description of happiness changes. I think if you've experienced all of these it changes you even more.

When you realize how short time is, your priorities change. Some of the simplest things make me happy. Some people need to keep themselves constantly busy to be happy, myself I prefer to take time to slow down and actually think, daydream, play a game of monopoly with my niece etc.

Interestingly enough, I meet alot of people who do not seem to understand or relate to my idea of happiness. There are a few, but until you really understand someone and can emphathize with them - it is difficult. As mentionned before, happiness can be something different for each person.
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 6
shallowness
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:00:15 PM
Yeah Noble...it makes sense to me too. I get what you are saying and again have continued to learn from everybody here. It's way cool. I love to dialogue and I love the people on here.

Thanks everyone for sharing, it's just great.

Jean
 montanadharma
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 7
Hapiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:44:15 PM
To me it's not about another person making me happy or whole. A person can be happy with themselves and whole within themselves and it is a prerequisite for being capable of being in a REALationship.

That being said, I believe in the yin/yang of REALationship. Part of being on this earth is about being in relationship, not just mate type of relationship but all the relations we have with everyone and everything.

REALationship with a mate is about learning and sharing for me. I desire a mate because I believe that is the place where true growth occurs. In a lot of ways it's easy to just be with the self. You don't have to tell anybody where you’re going, no arguing about money, no sex problems; it's all about the self. Looking at their crap and realizing it bugs me because it's my crap is a great source of learning. We are great mirrors for each other. The yin/yang of that can only be attained in REALationship.

I love nature. The mountains and valley's where I live are beautiful. I see them everyday. Somehow, they are more beautiful when I have someone to share them with. I want to share all of the beauty of my life with someone else.

REALationship for me is also about healing and there are certain wounds which are best suited to be healed within REALationship. Especially the ones we received in relationship.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 8
Happiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 4:47:11 PM
Yep, stress huge factor!! I hate being stressed. And for me, the weather does make a difference - I am much more relaxed in the summer (despite having to work overtime more than any other time of the year lol). When not participating in winter activities, it really is more stressful to have to commute and do your day to day activities in cold weather.

I also do think that people who are in healthy relationships are probably happier than singles. I think they did studies to that effect also.
 blueyed25
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 9
Hapiness
Posted: 11/12/2006 10:03:50 PM
I have always told friends that you have to be "happy" with yourself before you can truely be happy in life or relationships. I wouldn't say that my over all happiness revolves around others in my life, but they are a huge part to the puzzle that completes me. If I am missing a peice than I will search for it untill I find it or die..but it won't effect my happiness.
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 10
Hapiness
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:03:08 AM
That is what I have beein saying "alifeofserenity"...the posts on here have been so educational and thought provoking and growth charging. I am glad that my question was answered in so many ways but that in return though it also provided something for all of us to think and contemplate.

And, by the way, I did appreciate your perspectives about "head hapiness, heart hapiness, and soul hapiness" That was a cool way of putting it and even the aspect of how we sometimes need to focus on the negative....how can we overcome a storm if we run away from it????....No, we have to pass through it to learn how to deal with the hardships of life and that can sometimes be negative it's by acknowleging what we are feeling that we can learn to not let our feelings control us. If we bury them, they will always fester and control in the sense that we have not addressed us when rather we face things head on....we grow through struggle, hurt, pain, joy, hapiness, etc.

Thank again so much....for sharing too.

Errnst....you would have to go back and look at my original post...I started this thread with some questions. Basically what we are meaning by hapiness is more relative to what you think the word means or how you are approaching the term in relation to what you are relating it too. That is why I mentioned that different people will have different understandings of what hapiness means. Hope that helps.

Cheers all,
Jean
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 11
Hapiness
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:23:16 AM
Rainman

I totally agree with your thoughts on happiness. Its all about who we are and how we live individually. I feel that when you are involved with someone, their influence should be positive and enhance your personal happiness and enjoyment - while you have the same effect on them. I think the problem lies in not being truly happy ourselves and then not knowing what each of us as an individual wants that will ehnance our lives regarding another person being involved in it. Much of the unhappiness is because people sometimes settle and try and push "red flag" issues under the carpet as they want to be with someone more than being with the right someone.

You are correct about Western society - I believe that we dont live a balanced life and that is very stressful and undermines the general wellbeing of those living on the continent. We consume far too much - many dont save money - and create an artificial environment of being happy with "things or possessions" and ignore or throw away all that really matters.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 12
Hapiness
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:50:00 AM
Singleguy64 - in your message 24 you outlined that you have provided well for yourself. I am curious to know what things make you happy that you have not purchased. Things like waking up in the morining and seeing the sun shine throught the windows of a nice day - enjoying a sunset, things that make you reflect on how wonderful it is to be alive.

I believe that knowing and understanding this personal happiness is the big difference in determining if we are happy. If we are not, then changes can be made in our lives and when we are happy we are in a position to give/receive the enhancement another person brings to our lives.

Creativeguy - I really enjoyed your thoughts you shared with everyone. So funny and sooooo true.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 13
Hapiness
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:55:44 PM
fastboy7 - dont you think being happy includes balance in your life. I dont think someone who is a lousy parent or a person with little conscience or depth or takes little responsiblity can truly be happy - they might masquarade that they are, but I dont really believe so.
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 14
Hapiness
Posted: 12/20/2006 6:21:28 PM
Well said singleguy.

ps.........do you cats like dogs...........I have two big ones and they looooooooooove cats......for lunch that is! JK.

Jean
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Hapiness
Posted: 12/20/2006 7:31:35 PM
I would say that living an honorable life is a key to happiness. Integrity is everything.

Having loving friends/family can add great happiness to one's life. I know from my own experience that despite hard times, I have been happy because of the support and love from family and friends. Of course I would like to meet someone special, but my happiness is not predicated on that. If I am a happy person in the first place I am more likely to attract that someone special.

DW
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Hapiness
Posted: 12/20/2006 11:16:13 PM

Wonderwoman84: I am very happy. But I would be a whole lot happier if I was getting some regularly. It's all gravey.


*boggles over this*

Love.

Without it, all states of happiness are temporary to whatever induced the state, be it ice-cream, a chance sunbeam through the clouds, a sudden cash dividend, etc.

One of the problems endemic in the post-industrial/modern nuclear-unit world is we learn to distrust. When we distrust each other, we cannot at the same time love them. Further, we are taught it is safe to love a god or a spouse or a child or a flower (occasionally) but it is somehow wrong/inappropriate to love strangers.

A catastrophically asanine philosophy with far-reaching implications for our species and how we'll evolve socially. Soon to come: The Society of Hate. A matter much manipulated by certain social forces with the tool of fear.

Personally I refuse to own a tv. Nor do I glance much at popular press. Instead I fill my time trying to learn how to love life and everyone I meet. This is not an easy process, and one I've spent a long time trying to do and am still not very good at.

Some excellant posts in this thread; it is reassuring to see such involvement on such an important topic.

Cudo's to the Op for starting it.


ss
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 18
Hapiness
Posted: 12/22/2006 10:37:41 AM
Thanks for your reply Counte Monte Cristo. And yes you are right, it is an abstract thing as it is a mystery that largely evolves from our own experiences. So the point of my post was not to "get an answer" or a formula for the "box" that hapiness fits in. It was to stimulate conversation, to learn, to see what all of us have to say about it, to dialogue, to learn....this is why I mentioned that different people will have different repsonses based on what they believe the term to mean. This is what makes the topic so interesting and intruiging...we can all learn from one another to expand our perspectives on things. Does that help?

I think you get my drift :)

Chow and Have a Merry and Blessed Holiday Season to ALL!!

Jean Bean
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 19
Hapiness
Posted: 12/22/2006 11:02:27 AM
I hope that's irony there Thorn! LOL

Cheers.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Happiness
Posted: 1/9/2007 12:20:50 PM
I think not only should we be happy with ourselves and grateful for having the bare necessities in life (a job, shelter, food, and family and friends) but I believe that who you attract is a direct result of your attitude and contentment (or lack of it).

If you're looking for someone to fill a void, then you can be taken advantage of by someone who sees that in you. If you are balanced, content, at peace and enjoy life no matter what - and then stay open to something if it happens, then you'll attract people who recognize that in you and are drawn to it.
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 21
Hapiness
Posted: 6/19/2007 2:58:30 PM
Wow everybody. I haven't been on POF for quite some time. But today, a friend of mine was asking some questions about hapiness, so I directed them to this post because i remembered there were so many great responses!!

In the meantime, I had a reread through everything. And I know I am repeating myself here...but kudos to all of you. I really appreciate the growth and learning we can gain simple from just listening to each other's responses on things, which often comes from our own experiences.

Thanks again for all of your insights....and Alifeofserenity...I am glad I could be an inspiration to you

Take care all and may you continue to be HAPPY

Jean Bean
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 22
Hapiness
Posted: 6/19/2007 3:15:00 PM
Let me rephrase for Alifeofserenity...sorry...lol. I am glad that I was able to start a post, which became an inspiration to you because of all the wonderful responses. :)

There now I took the foot out of my mouth....because I sounded a little conceeded there a second ago...

Chow all...looking forward to more intruiging responses.

Jean Bean
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Hapiness
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:13:14 AM
Because I can stand me and my own company for only so long-! Then I require additional social stimulation.

We humans are social creatures. We need a sounding board for our thoughts, feelings and desires. We need to feel as though whatever we're thinking and feeling is "normal". We have a need to "belong" to something greater than ourselves, fit in, be part of a couple, a "team".

But, I agree, we've got to find some comfort in our own skin, because, even in a relationship, we're still stuck in that black void of ourselves, so we better learn to enjoy our oneness, our individuality, our solitude too.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Hapiness
Posted: 7/18/2009 10:50:37 AM
Because many of the moments when we are happiest are associated with people. When something awesome happens in my life, my first reaction is to tell someone about it, and we re-experience it through sharing.

The moments I have had the greatest happiness were when I was genuinely in the moment; totally absorbed with whatever it was.
 Jean Bean
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 25
Hapiness
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:46:53 AM
Hey lovemygirlie. I as well agree with you. Glad people are still looking at this post. I started it so long ago.......it's been great to see all the though provoking responses.

What I get from your message too is this idea of wants versus needs. We often want what we don't need and need what we often don't want. When we discover what we really need to be fulfilled I think is when true happiness can begin.

Thanks for sharing.

Jean Bean
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 26
Hapiness
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:43:17 PM
I think true happiness comes from, first understanding the nature of the world we live in, its complexities and even though not necessarily understanding the whole purpose of it, just having an idea. The second important ingredient of happiness, is, having understood the world we live in, to find the role that we play as individuals (this could also be an abstraction). Happiness comes from a sense of 'security' and this to me is the realest sense of security. Of course there are other pseudo forms of happiness that can be derived from abberations of the fundamental paradigm of what it means to be alive - some people construct life as accumulating material possessions and to such an abstraction, happiness would entail being able to have financial and material security etc etc.
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