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 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 401
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Women making the first move...Page 17 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

Site, you think there aren't a gazillion men that marry to hold onto a sex partner, and offer nothing else? Those men are probably the ones that are divorced, among others.


BUT those men don't have everlasting relationships.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 402
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 4:50:13 AM
Some do have everlasting relationships though. A relationship based on just sex in the beginning either goes one way or the other. Sometimes couples get closer with years of shared experiences and they learn they mesh well in other ways and sometimes they don't.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 403
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 5:41:38 AM
*BUT those men don't have everlasting relationships.

Heck, no men have everlasting relationships anymore. It's futile. After all, what do you call a man who is faithful, good tempered and cordial to his wife's family and friends? A scumbag player of course. There really isn't much a guy can do.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 404
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 7:40:26 AM

Some do have everlasting relationships though. A relationship based on just sex in the beginning either goes one way or the other. Sometimes couples get closer with years of shared experiences and they learn they mesh well in other ways and sometimes they don't.


Exactly. But that's not what NewYorker58 said. Going back to her original post, she stated:


So first date sex can lead to a relationship, and maybe everlasting, but he's still looking at the woman as a sperm bucket, nothing more.


My point was that if a man were looking at a woman as nothing more than a sperm bucket, the relationship would fail. He would have to think of her as more than just a sperm bucket for it to be an everlasting relationship.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 405
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 8:01:52 AM

After all, what do you call a man who is faithful, good tempered and cordial to his wife's family and friends? A scumbag player of course. There really isn't much a guy can do.



IF .................someone actually believes this …………..garbage, ……………..sad and pathetic.

"..................isn't much a guy can do"?
IF...………... guy is, "faithful, good tempered, and cordial",................

Sure there is,...………. go solo or choose a better partner.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 406
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 8:15:12 AM
Nice guys or nice girls....let's just eliminate the word "nice" to start. What it is is a person wants someone in a league above them but the reason that someone is attainable is because they do have less than endearing qualities. Its the catch really. Yeah, you might be getting the good-looking person but they either come with lots of undesirable baggage or they come with bad qualities. Then when it doesn't work out you are shocked. You should realize that good-looking people, if they are good inside as well, usually end up with someone of equal looks as them. There is an exception though and if a guy has money and a good job, it can make up for what's lacking in the looks department. Women usually don't have this option although sometimes men do go after women for their money too.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 407
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 8:46:40 AM
LOL, Whatever...………..I never put much stock in "leagues", or any other term used to designate a persons date-ability per their physical appearance. Leaguesshmeagues, blehhhhhh, MEH!


I have learned outward appearance is skin deep. Bull crap can hide under any skin.

In my quest for a man, to be in a LTR, I went for, "Good to me/Good for me".

(Oh and a motorcycle, LOL)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 408
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 1:15:06 PM
wtf with this league crap still...


What it is is a person wants someone in a league above them but the reason that someone is attainable is because they do have less than endearing qualities.

so you think a man that is good looking is in a league above you....but they are "attainable" because basically they are an ahole...
IMO....that puts him below me in this "league" crap....

How about....picking a partner on how they treat you and others....instead of how good he/she looks...
and quit with this he/she is out of my league because of their looks...
start judging people by who they are....
you could very easily be overlooking the best partner in your life because you are too focused on looks...
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 409
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 1:42:06 PM
Sure there are leagues, being looks, social status, monetary, education. Does everyone choose within their league, not always, but they sure try to. If there weren't leagues, homeless people would be going on a lot of dates.
 acrosstheplains
Joined: 8/1/2017
Msg: 410
Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 2:00:15 PM
I can think of multiple reasons why homeless people seldom date outside of their community. It's a grave pity that so many so called developed countries have such huge amounts of homelessness, caused by multiple reasons including vets with PTSD losing their home, family and livelihood because of unresolved issues that the armed services should make damn sure were sorted before the person was cut loose. Other reasons for homelessness include greedy banks foreclosing when they could have made alternative payment plans. People being evicted so landlords can redevelop. Relationship breakdowns resulting in the innocent party losing everything. The list goes on.
But anyway.
Leagues. There are indeed some of us who place higher value in personality than looks. Higher worth in generosity of spirit than big fat bank balance. Not all attractive people are ***holes, and not all unattractive people are saints. But because of the education system that most of us are raised under, we 'learn' that to get what you want, you have to be better than the others. No prize for second place. "no body loves a loser" and all that crap designed to divide and conquer us, while the real villains sneak off stage left with the lion share of everything
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 411
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 2:07:47 PM
*How about....picking a partner on how they treat you and others....instead of how good he/she looks...
and quit with this he/she is out of my league because of their looks...

Strongly agree. Never mind leagues. Lightning can strike anybody. A quick story...

A friend of my sister thought that about a friend of mine. She was short, overweight, wore glasses and worked in daycare. He was a 6'3", brown haired, blue eyed NHL hockey player with an engineering degree from Notre Dame. Hot women ran him ragged. At first he didn't notice the girl and then one night she sang karaoke. She did, "Close to You" by the Carpenters in a beautiful soprano voice. His mother's favorite song. That did it. From then on, she couldn't get rid of him. They married the next year.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 412
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 3:50:44 PM

How about....picking a partner on how they treat you and others....instead of how good he/she looks...

First, nobody's picking a partner. This isn't a country bar where a certain song's playing and ya gotta grab a partner. :) It's hitting on someone, due to Attraction, kicking it off. And it's Looks Looks Looks. It's the #1-10 biggest thing, whether we like it nor not. It doesn't just cover raw insta-sexual attraction, but reading the person and their type, and if they seem to resonate with us as part of the Attraction package (stereotypical, yes; but natural and we can't help it to some degree).

and quit with this he/she is out of my league because of their looks...

Huge job/occupation difference and/or fame aside... when one talks about 'league', it's Looks. Some people are Notably better looking than others. If looks didn't matter -- the dating game would be much easier. :)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 413
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 4:21:13 PM
Nope....not buying it!!
and yes....we do pick our partners....for what ever reason whether it be looks, personality, status or money....we pick who we want to date.

If you think in "Leagues"....then you are limiting yourself....

as for attraction....there are those of us that are attracted to things besides looks....
I am attracted to someone that stimulates my brain and my funny bone....
those are the men that will make me linger and talk...and truly get to know the person they are....

Sure....a good looking man will get me to turn my head....but his looks will not get him the date...
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 414
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 4:48:37 PM
We do look at the whole package (physical attraction, personality, job/money). But there are still leagues mostly having to do with looks. Sorry but there are. Would a great-looking guy ever possibly like me? Sure, definitely, but its unlikely. And if I got a guy like that, I'd be insecure about keeping him. So I look for a guy with a personality and certain reqs (gainfully employed and taller than me) but I only look within the group of guys I think I can get. I ignore most messages I get from really good-looking guys and answer messages from guys who are of medium looks. Sometimes I do respond back to really good-looking guys who are persistant but I would never have the guts to even meet them in person.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 415
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 4:58:28 PM
that is a self imposed league you have put on yourself...and as I said....you are limiting yourself because of it.

also...and I know we've all had this conversation before...but...
your lack of confidence is what would run the good looking guy away...
not the fact he is more attractive than you....
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 416
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 5:07:31 PM

...but I only look within the group of guys I think I can get.

That's just sad.
As MsMicki says, you are the one limiting yourself.


... but I would never have the guts to even meet them in person.

This is even sadder.

So, you're the person all those guys are complaining about that won't even answer messages.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 417
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 6:41:18 PM
It's much easier for people to dismiss you or think you're out of their league if all they go off of are some pictures on a dating profile. I like the story in post #429. If Mr. Hot-Shot 6'3" Engineer just saw the short, overweight daycare teacher w/ glasses on a dating profile, chances are he would've ignored her. However....it was the choice of song and her beautiful voice that drew him in. We miss so much potential from both being on these types of sites & judging others' attractiveness on these sites too.

I love a beautiful singing voice too. Most times, that'll make an average-looking person automatically appear more attractive to me when I see & hear them singing or creating beautiful music. It has to be a song I actually like, not just anything.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 418
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 7:01:39 PM
That is one of the most limiting things about online dating. If I was to meet a guy in real life I could at least gage his level of interest and attraction beforehand. But online, I can't read what his interest is in the physical me and I hate seeing disappointment on someone's face when they meet me expecting better. I have hit it off a few times with someone online and in phone conversations and its obvious that our personalities jive well and I can see we are looking for the same thing but then we meet and I see disappointment from him because he was expecting more or I see the way he talks with me that there just isn't that spark on his part. And me, its funny because I have never been wrong on whether I will like someone or not. I have met guys that I really like personality-wise and I feel connected and we meet in person and I'm attracted. But I have felt luke warm about someone based on chats and when we meet there isn't much attraction.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 419
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Posted: 8/19/2018 7:38:01 PM
Then post a photo.
Not your best photo, but something that looks terribly normal.
Then you'll know that he probably isn't disappointed in how you look but rather that there wasn't instant chemistry.

(And 'instant' chemistry is an entirely different post altogether."
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 420
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 8:31:09 PM
You're good looking, July. I'd respond to those guys and feel them out. What do you think the good-looking guys want, just sex? That's the same with a lot of the men on POF. It didn't matter what they look like, their thoughts are similar, LOL.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 421
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 8:34:36 PM
I had several photos up before. I took a break though so took my pic down.

I get the thing about the instant chemistry but that's why I really hate online dating. No way to know if there'll be chemistry. I guess the only way to find someone is just keep going on date after date with different guys and hope someone clicks. But to do that you have to face a lot of possible rejection.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 422
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 9:10:59 PM
Do you mean asking a guy out or meeting once and it not working out, regarding rejection? Whatever the scenario, men have to do this all the time. They just keep on doing it, because rejection is part of the process, and they don't want to not date because they could get rejected. I'm not saying its easy, but you have to try and take it in stride. Don't get emotional about it. Don't take it personally.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 423
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 9:42:05 PM
I don't know how to not take it personally. I wish I could just be happy being alone but I can't. The truth is I'm lonely for adult companionship. But how does a person get over a fear of rejection?



In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 424
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 10:01:04 PM
Maybe some of the men here can tell you how they handle it. Anyone want to give July advice with how men handle rejection?

 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 425
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/19/2018 10:48:44 PM
IRL, not to well. I wont ask a woman out until after many signals are given. online, different scenario altogether! ALL the women are available and wanting to date, just not me in particular. with absolutely no signals before actually meeting, many messages are never answered, some conversations (via messages) lose momentum quickly and when everything clicks just right, I still know our first date/meet is still with a stranger I never met. the first date isn't a start to a relationship but to see if they are even a candidate. I compare it to trying on new shoes, it isn't that either of us are not worthy, we just don't fit! I can predetermine work boots, tennis shoes or ballerina slippers, I can then narrow them down a bit before actually trying them on but I know when I find what appears to be the perfect pair, trying them on may be a huge disappointment. are they bad shoes? no, they just aren't the right ones for me. I will admit that online dating does little for my self asteem but at the end of the day, it isn't rejection, I just wasn't their match.
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