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 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 26
Women making the first move...Page 2 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
^^^^

I agree and speaking of fun - show me a woman who is able to take the initiative and I'll show you a woman who is more likely to be more adventurous in bed !







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 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 27
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/21/2017 11:54:23 AM
Well women can not live on air alone you know! We also need a bit of crumpet!

But... the problem is to message or not to message. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't...

Had someone view me today. He has a cute smile, lives reasonably close, seems like a happy go lucky guy. I haven't messaged. Why? Because I know if I do I am less likely to meet him.... So I just viewed his profile. He either fancies me or he doesn't and to be honest I get fed up with worrying about it so I don't.

Apparently men want an independent woman but if she can hang doors and swing an axe that isn't so attractive as being able to go to a nail salon or the hairdressers...

Apparently men want women to make the moves but I suspect that actually comes later after a few dates rather than before the dates. So I quit making the moves.

As I said sometimes I will message a guy first but the response rate is very low. I don't think I am ugly or unattractive so must be that they just don't fancy me or don't want to live the way I do.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 28
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/21/2017 11:58:08 AM
" Well I thought she was super hot - UNTIL she sent me a msg ! EWWWWW what a turn off ! "


SAID NO GUY IN HIS RIGHT MIND EVER







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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 29
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/21/2017 1:23:24 PM
Admittedly, just b/c someone views our profile, doesn't mean they liked everything they saw. But, I would suggest, Jelly, you give this lad some time to respond and if he doesn't...drop him a line. If he doesn't respond, then you didn't mess up anything, he wasn't responding anyway. I don't ask out women nearly as much as I used to, but if someone shows an interest and there's no risk in trying, i'll give it a shot (in real life, that usually means starting a convo and seeing if I can work into it a comment or a joke about a fellow in her life. Usually it turns out there is, so I avoid just asking her flat out. but since this is a singles' site...)
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 30
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/22/2017 1:25:25 PM
Guys I know you are trying to encourage me but I have been doing this for two years now and in that time I have not stinted in sending first messages etc. Most of the time I just like the sound of the guy. They just sound like decent sorts of people. I find that attractive so I am just curious to know more. Not once have I ever met a man I contacted first. At most we exchange a few messages then it fizzles out rapidly because there is just no interest there.

When guys have contacted me first and I message back its because there is interest on both sides. A positive start. OK sometimes it fizzles for what ever reason but I have had plenty of dates from men contacting me first. Initially it was a bit hit and miss but then I learnt what to look for and I have had some great dates with some great guys who sadly are just not for me nor I them. Nothing to do with either lacking anything its just not...

So I hardly ever send messages these days. Because its not worth it. I have banged my head against the brick wall. All I got was a head ache so I changed tactics. Who knows what people think about me sending messages but I have been asked if I am looking for clients, I have been insulted by some for no reason that I have said hello, did you see that awesome game between England and Wales at the weekend. Hey that is really great you can juggle, I can teach you to sin poi if you can teach me how to keep those balls up! Its just striking up conversation to see who they are and what they are like. But it seems I am some sort of slapper for doing that.

And yes I am direct, and yes all my exes have said (even after we break up) that I am dynamite in the sack. Problem is it takes more than that to make a relationship on both sides and I am not in this to get laid by 100 random men... Just one will do me fine thanks.

Like everyone else I have layers and it takes time to get to know me. Sometimes I come across great, other times I am just plain tired, because I am human. I work hard, I am sociable with out being a drunkard, I am independent and capable, I have a soft side that is as squidgy as goo and the harsh side that can deal with unpleasantness life sometimes hurls. In some situations I am as hard as nails and an absolute ****. I also know that I am Marmite. You either love me or hate me. Thankfully most love me and its rare for me to find someone who hates me but it happens and that is life.

You also forget that we have interacted on here for a while now so we kind f know each other a bit so your views of me will be skewed.

I know the sort of person I am looking for. I just have no idea what the outer packaging looks like.

So that is why I hardly ever message first. I know full well that if I do that it is highly unlikely that I will even get a response let alone a date. So I may as well just sit back and wait. You guys all think that if women send out messages that men will like it and that we will have our pick.

Truth is that it is just as difficult for women as it is men to find the right person.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 31
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/24/2017 3:15:55 AM

I've been thinking about this for some time.

Do guys like when women make the first move? (both men & women feel free to reply)

And if so, would a guy be off-put if a woman proposed marriage?

Personally, I think it's a turn off to the more traditional type of guy, and since I enjoy the "traditional types" I'm not one of those "pioneering women that makes the first move".


No guy on planet Earth is going to dislike a woman making the first move unless he finds the woman unattractive. But even then, most men will take it as a compliment. There's absolutely nothing to worry about in this situation. I also agree with other people that said women DO make the first move often. They do it through eye contact, touching your arm, laughing at your jokes, etc. The only exception are the "perfect ten" women that get a lot of attention from men. They usually don't show as many obvious signs so the best indicator of interest is that they're still there talking you, listening to you, asking questions, etc.


So that is why I hardly ever message first. I know full well that if I do that it is highly unlikely that I will even get a response let alone a date. So I may as well just sit back and wait. You guys all think that if women send out messages that men will like it and that we will have our pick.

Truth is that it is just as difficult for women as it is men to find the right person.


I disagree with the first part but agree with the second part. I've answered 100% of emails I've got from women on this site and other social media sites. I think you're being a little pessimistic when you say you're unlikely to get a response. If men had your attitude, no one would ever send a first message. Finding a highly compatible match is difficult though.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 32
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/24/2017 8:36:44 AM
I've had male friends of mine talk about how they like aggressive, first move making women, only to completely NOT know what the hell to do with one when they came across them.
 Greg48051
Joined: 9/3/2017
Msg: 33
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/24/2017 11:55:26 AM
I have no issue with a woman asking me out.
As far as asking to marry me? The relationship should be far enough along that it is a matter of when, not if. The marriage question is one that that starts early in the relationship and continues until oone or both of you are dead. Or not, I am kinda weird.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 34
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/24/2017 5:20:20 PM

I've had male friends of mine talk about how they like aggressive, first move making women, only to completely NOT know what the hell to do with one when they came across them.


Well, there are two types of men. Those that know what to do and just aren't into the woman making the advances and those that actually don't know what to do.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 35
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/27/2017 8:08:17 PM
The former is what I was referring to, and it's always hilarious to witness. Chick comes up and pays them a compliment, they become the proverbial deer caught in the headlights, and can only respond with a "thank you". She follows it up with something like "so, you ever been here before?", they respond with "yes". Their dumb ass comes across as totally uninterested and she bails.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 36
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 7:49:32 AM
I'll concur, it happens...I think even I've been caught off guard. But i'll suggest the lack of reaction is due to the uniqueness of the act. If a stranger came up to you and offered you $100,000...how would you react to the offer? Probably with a little bit of suspicion...but that shouldn't be taken to mean you don't want the money, right?

that all said, I can understand an initial flabbergastedness....but a fellow with game should be able to recover. If Senior Dumbass spends the rest of the conversation moot...then I agree, its fair to wonder what he really seeks in a date. Is he interested in getting the date, or in getting the win (represented by he somehow got the date), and thus an "easy win" is not worth much to him? Of course, this does assume that the woman coming on to him, is a woman he would normally chase after. I've had some ladies come on to me, but I wasn't interested so I "tried to give 'em the hint without being rude" as well as any woman's done it to me :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 37
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 8:09:21 AM


I think even I've been caught off guard. But i'll suggest the lack of reaction is due to the uniqueness of the act.

Granted, it is MOST unusual here in the OLD world. And for the most part it’s rather unusual in the real world. But join Meetup and see what happens! (smile)



Of course, this does assume that the woman coming on to him, is a woman he would normally chase after. I've had some ladies come on to me, but I wasn't interested so I "tried to give 'em the hint without being rude" as well as any woman's done it to me :)

In the past I have observed that one of the best “deflection techniques” for a woman is to state flat out that they are “husband hunting”. 99 men out of a hundred will immediately bail.

For me, if a woman is trying to carry on a conversation, acting interested, I will usually make polite conversation for a few minutes, and then excuse myself with something like, “I promised this next dance to _____”. If the woman keeps approaching me, not taking the polite hint, then I have a “patented deflection technique”. I simply tell them that I’m not really interested in a relationship, I’m just here for the sex. You have to say this nicely, with a smile, almost like you’re joking, only not really. One of two things will ensue. In the great majority of cases, the woman will laugh, wish me luck, and move on. Every now and then it gets more interesting…
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 38
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 10:37:51 AM


If a stranger came up to you and offered you $100,000...how would you react to the offer? Probably with a little bit of suspicion...but that shouldn't be taken to mean you don't want the money, right?


Suspicious? Certainly. Rendered speechless? Absolutely not.

I have my own canned responses to just about anything, then improvise after that. I was at a concert Sunday night, and a woman told me she loved my hair. I told her it loved her, too, as I do every other time I hear it, then I'll eventually say "you can stop admiring it from afar and touch it if you want to." depending on whether I actually want her to.

Oh, shit. I meant "latter" in my response to Coma, not "former".
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 39
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 11:21:47 AM
Playing at a winery recently, I was table wandering and a guy asked if he could put money in my bellows. That was a first... not really keen on someone's hands on my bellows BUT.. I don't say no to tips. Then I had to listen to a dumb accordion joke. I should work on canned responses as I often don't have good ones. Just smile and nod a lot.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 40
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 2:41:07 PM
In response to 6jellybeans, from msg 30.
With regards to OLD.
I had the same experience as you, with first messages, when looking to date.
A few men replied to my first message, ..............they simply replied to my interest in something from their pics.
A car, a bike, a place, etc. I would then respond.......................crickets.

The other way around, many convos started and met many ..................also similar to 6jellybeans.

Now in person, I can talk to just about anyone first and the majority of the time they respond.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 41
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 3:22:13 PM

With regards to OLD.
I had the same experience as you, with first messages, when looking to date.
A few men replied to my first message, ..............they simply replied to my interest in something from their pics.
A car, a bike, a place, etc. I would then respond.......................crickets.

The other way around, many convos started and met many ..................also similar to 6jellybeans.

Now in person, I can talk to just about anyone first and the majority of the time they respond.


This is exactly my experience as well. I much prefer actually meeting people rather than endless messaging or texting. It dies with guys when they endlessly text as they run out of stuff to say and I often read it think I will reply later as I will be in the middle of something then forget. I see it again later and by then its just...

Men really do not pick up the phone these days. they also seem to stall constantly or just want a pen pal... I have loads of friends I find it difficult as it is to keep up with them all. Why do I want to add another text buddy to the list? I don't in all honesty. I would rather sit on my bum watching TV than having to constantly go to the effort of keeping up conversations with people that I am highly unlikely to ever actually meet. Just can't be bothered with it. Its a complete waste of time.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 42
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 3:46:34 PM
This online dating shit is always changing. Today, the longer you take to cut to the chase, the better your chances are of walking away empty handed. It is now the norm to see mention of getting the ball rolling quickly in the average profile.

F*ck the ping pong messaging crap to learn about each other. Learn about each other on the actual date. Message them only to get their number, find out what their weekend plans are, see if they want to join you. Period.

I'm sure there are those of you who still want to do things the "old school" way of taking your time before meeting, but I just don't see how that can lead to any significant success today.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 43
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 6:57:59 PM
Henry, you're right about the meetups, as soon as i'm done with my usual activities this time of year (car shows and history tours, where yes I get to be the youngest person there. Quick story: a tourguide who does Civil War reenactments got asked why all civil wars took place inside national parks--now there's a thought process for ya--and his friend quickly responded that the wars only took place outside of national parks, that's why none of the statues had bullet holes from battle).

As for the canned response....that kind of "roleplaying", as some of the positive-thinking crowd would call it, where we think of what can happen based upon our view of human nature (or as pig said, from prior repeated experience), really helps in a pinch, and I think it comes from those of us who think ahead rather than just rolls with the punches. I remember a former friend who used to volunteer for one of the big cathedrals in NYC so he could hang with the celebrities who came in, and he never planned for the day someone might actually notice and call him out on it. I was there when it happened, and all he had for a defense was spreading his hands out and gulping, "but, but, but". Especially when you have a comedic response planned, amazing what humor can smooth over.

tho if you're pretty, a nod and a smile can go far, too.

back when I used to make an effort chasing profiles (come to think of it, even before that when it was ads in the local newspaper, remember personal ads?), if I got a response I let it go back and forth maybe 3x, and if it lasted that long, they were good "flake risks" and i'd want to move it to a meet.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 44
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/28/2017 8:16:40 PM

As for the canned response....that kind of "roleplaying", as some of the positive-thinking crowd would call it, where we think of what can happen based upon our view of human nature (or as pig said, from prior repeated experience), really helps in a pinch, and I think it comes from those of us who think ahead rather than just rolls with the punches.


I can generally improvise my way through just about anything. A woman that could leave me speechless would have my deepest admiration. It helps not to have a shy bone in your body, too, which I don't believe I have. I think KJ and the others I met might attest to that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 45
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 5:51:51 AM
"I can generally improvise my way thru just about any situation"

>>>I had a boss once who insisted I could pull that off b/c I was a single child...no siblings to blame when a lamp broke so I had to think on my feet :) However it happens, its a good skill to have and probably a sign we're not too lost in thought at the moment to switch gears. I'd say its intelligence, but I don't want to be seen puffing us both up :) But I imagine people with their nose in a cellphone and think, if they are behind a steering wheel its "distracting driving", so if they go thru life that way, is it "distracted living"?

"a woman who could leave me speechless would have my deepest admiration"

>>>yeah, that would be a fun experience for me. to be rendered speechless by something not bad :)

I don't know about your shy bones, Tom Da Bomb thought you were the strong silent type but i'll put that in the category of "better to be silent...than to open one's mouth...", if you are familiar with that long quote. There are times I am outgoing and quick to strike up a convo with a beautiful woman, and other times where I just like to admire and escape notice from her (so as not to be creepy--if i'm noticing her, she's used to being noticed, but no reason to be standing there slackjawed like a doofus). Sometimes its also amusing to watch every other guy in the crowd do a double-take...human nature in action.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 46
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 8:53:26 AM
I chat people up almost anywhere - but - it's just for the sake of chat and to hear their adventure stories, not to hit on women. So when I send messages in OLD - it's the same style, I'm just chatting about some photo or subject that's in their profile. I tell a story, and I ask for their story.

Honestly, I'm more interested in the STORY than the person. If the person is a good story-teller, uses good grammar, adds good humor or historical details to the story - then I gain interest in the person. So for me, idle chat on a bus, in a mall, in a long line or anywhere else is NOT a "waste of time". I dig for stories of human experiences.

Now, of course, some people can't tell a story or a joke to save their lives - so in that case I shut them down and play "Game Show Host". This is when you barrage them with a lot of questions and all they have to do is say YES, NO, I AGREE and suchlike. In this manner I can get details out of them that they can't put into a sentence or a storyline. This DOES NOT WORK in messaging or text. Game Show Host is fast and furious, and relies on seeing someone's face to know if you're on a good track - messaging is far too slow - and people get overwhelmed if they see more than (2) questions in a message - their brains lock up. I'm sure the same happens to me when people toss out a lot of questions at once.

I always like GTO's posts because he puts everything into context. He gives an opinion based on persona experience, and walks us all through that experience step-by-step so that we understand:
- What he was thinking
- What he did
- What happened
- What he learned from the experience
- How he feels about that lesson

It's marvelous.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 47
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 10:27:14 AM

Tom Da Bomb thought you were the strong silent type


haha, what?! No disrespect to him, but he probably thought *all* of us were silent types. He had a hearing impairment. Not to mention, he ended up separating from us after not very long.
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 48
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 1:11:32 PM
I dunno. I think guys like the ego boost of having a woman ask but I don't think they like being asked out. I think women can make it clear we want to be asked out and we can be encouraging. But I don't think anything comes positive by actually doing the asking.

I think as a woman my best bet is to keep encouraging those I am interested in.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 49
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 1:50:33 PM

I think guys like the ego boost of having a woman ask but I don't think they like being asked out.


I have never been put off by it. I have respect for women who do the initiating. It tells me they're not mousy, and I dig that.

My longest relationship started with my ex seeing my picture through her cousin (who I was friends with) and she said to her cousin "give me his number", I'm going to call him." She did, and we lasted 6 years from that point.
 Kj521
Joined: 11/16/2016
Msg: 50
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/30/2017 2:25:49 PM
"Tom Da Bomb thought you were the strong silent type..."


Lmao! Nothing silent or shy about, Mr. Pig!



"better to be silent...than to open one's mouth..."


Yeah if he would do that....he wouldn't have the problem of women grabbing his hair and dancing all up on him out on the dance floor.

Can't feel sorry for him....he brings it on himself. ;)
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