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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 551
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Women making the first move...Page 23 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
They're basically cheating, and asking you to join them, because they feel they can't get away with it otherwise. Asking to have you join them in cheating isn't being altruistic☺ They're doing no one a favor except themselves.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 552
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/30/2018 7:18:42 PM
I_Am_Cons wrote:
adultery is alive and well

people are carnal beings-not just men!
True.

Julystorm wrote:
Some men (and less often women) always have the desire to want to see what else is out there.
True.

Problem is, today's go-go, transitory lifestyles and the internet/technology are huge enablers of this.

In my view, NSA sex has never been easier to get, and meaningful relationship/LTRs have never been harder to get or maintain. One probably has to do with the other.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 553
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/30/2018 8:28:05 PM

Swinging is not the same as poly/non-monogamous relationships. In some regards I respect the swinging community more because they're more open about their intentions. Besides, a lot of poly/non-mono people get offended if you associate them with swingers because, in their eyes, they believe they're forming meaningful bonds with these people outside of their primary relationship. Poly community tries to dress it up (I hate repeating myself) as more 'love' & relationships with multiple people when they're just in it for extra sex. Was your ex-W trying to go on dates with these men who DP'd her and trying to make them her boyfriends under the false promise of "I can both love my husband and boyfriends"?

I'm not talking about swingers.


Most swingers aren't honest about their intentions though. Swingers usually come from failed marriages and try the "open marriage" nonsense to save it. It's very rare that people stick to the rules. Most sleep with people behind their spouse's back once the line's get blurred. I knew swingers that would encourage non-swingers to cheat on their spouse so they could be with them in secret. You're really not missing out on anything by staying away from them.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 554
Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/30/2018 8:39:40 PM

It's very rare that people stick to the rules.



You're really not missing out on anything by staying away from them.


You are 100% correct. Too many shady, phony, lying-ass people in both the poly and swinger communities. Monogamous relationships are already enough hard work and commitment without bringing in other people just for some sexual gratification. Being poly or open will just highlight your existing insecurities.
Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/30/2018 9:43:08 PM
It appears this forum has been going on for a while as the original question appears to have been forgotten about. Anyways regarding if the woman should make the first move does it really matter at this day and age. I think we would all be sitting around waiting for someone to make a move if no one did. As far as people being misleading it happens from both women and men alike.

So for all those women that see a man that interests them. I strongly suggest sent out a message and say something more than hi. Some of us need more than a one word message. Say something before you miss your chance at gold fish before you end up with a carp.

Happy fishing to you all
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 556
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/31/2018 7:33:06 AM
Norwegian...You look a lot like a poster who was here a long time ago name Confident-Realist.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 557
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 9:02:02 AM

Great new pic norwegianguy456!
Who knew you were so handsome?

Oh, shut up! You should talk! ;)

Norwegian...You look a lot like a poster who was here a long time ago name Confident-Realist.

Ahhhhh, good call. Are you sure I don't post like Him too -- with the incessant ramblings and such? ;)

I think with the serial cheaters it comes down to lack of sexual satisfaction but in no way do I think the woman is to blame. Some men just aren't satisfied with monogamy, no matter what a woman is able/willing to do sexually or how much he loves her as a person.

I think cereal cheaters usually are tired of Wheaties -- they're looking for more of the sugar-coated offerings. :) But I agree, lack of sexual satisfaction. They're riding off the natural urge of Variety, which conflicts with the natural urge of the L-word. However, I will say that serial cheaters tend to not be in LTRs anyway, so they won't have a chance to cheat on a solidified GF/BF.

Some men (and less often women) always have the desire to want to see what else is out there.

I think both do. Men & women cheat ~equally. It's the females taking care of the kids which keeps their #s down, but eliminate kids or have them grown, you have an even playing field of eating from another buffet. It's a human thing, although "they" say men want it more. I think that's when you're in primal human-survival mode, reflected when the female stays home with the kid(s) in more modern-day stuff. Again, eliminate that, and you have No difficulty finding the female who's Not the "skank at the bar" who's getting in another guy's underpants. No difficulty finding that in guys, either.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 558
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 10:58:24 AM

I think both do. Men & women cheat ~equally. It's the females taking care of the kids which keeps their #s down, but eliminate kids or have them grown, you have an even playing field of eating from another buffet. It's a human thing, although "they" say men want it more. I think that's when you're in primal human-survival mode, reflected when the female stays home with the kid(s) in more modern-day stuff. Again, eliminate that, and you have No difficulty finding the female who's Not the "skank at the bar" who's getting in another guy's underpants. No difficulty finding that in guys, either.


I am gonna disagree. Most of the women who sleep around a lot are doing it because of insecurity, self-esteem and emotional issues. Though some women sleep around purely for sexual satisfaction, its not the norm. Many women want sex because they want to feel wanted by men and are desperate for male attention. There aren't too many Samanthas out there.
 Seahorse_Jockey
Joined: 8/24/2018
Msg: 559
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 11:36:01 AM
Maybe it has something to do with PMS, since there are women who start to become dissatisfied in their marriage around mid-life.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 560
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 11:48:15 AM

I am gonna disagree. Most of the women who sleep around a lot are doing it because of insecurity, self-esteem and emotional issues.

I think you're way off base. :) Don't go with your "gut" on this one. People's "gut" says that men sleep with more women than women sleep with men -- and surveys strongly back this incorrect assumption, too. But it's wrong. Mathematically it's has to be ~equal, due to ~equal # of men & women. Just an example of never unquestionably follow your gut. Especially when culture shadows many things.

First, sleeping around doesn't = cheating. Two totally separate issues. Second, just because you sleep around, doesn't mean they're 1-night stands with strangers on-the-fly. That would fit more your mold of having emotional issues. If you remain single long enough, you can rack up "high" #s, thus the label of sleeping around. Third, "sleeping around" or "sleeping around a lot" is a relative term. Considering a typical single independent gal living in Chicago, she "sleeping around" to a gal living in mid-size city's suburbia. Said single gal isn't facing the same level of cultural criticism For sleeping with someone they're not "with". Opinions vary. A Lot.

Also, when girls started liking around the turn of the century, one thing I realized is this: What people say about how gals are, is not entirely true. It includes things that lead one's POV astray from reality. It doesn't take an emotional basket case to fool around with a guy they're not established with as Dating. At all. It's called Human Nature. You realize this when it comes to a gal with a good job, emotionally stable, and attractive.

Being Independent includes being Emotionally Independent. When they are, they're not caring about following cultural lines and feel guilt from it all. The emotionally stable & independent gals are the ones who will have a fling, hook up with a guy like find attractive -- without having nor striving to have an LTR with. It's the emotionally Unstable gals who feel wigged out if they do "such a thing".
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 561
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 11:52:41 AM
I'm sure there are women that have casual sex because they are insecure or have low self esteem. I don't necessarily think it applies to most though. Some women might have ended a LTR or marriage and aren't looking for another serious relationship yet. Some women may not want to invest time and energy into a serious relationship because other things happening in their lives. Others may like a man. But don't want a serious relationship with him because of some differences in beliefs or lifestyles.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 562
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 4:24:29 PM
Ok, let me specify what my definition of "sleeping around" is when it refers to women. It refers to a woman who sleeps with multiple people over a long period of time such as months or years. A women who sleeps with a bunch of men in a short period of time after a longterm relationship is a little different although there are some major emotional issues present in that stage of life too. There are also the women that prefere to not be in a relationship but every once in a blue moon go and have a one night stand because they need to let off some tension. I was referring to women that spend a large period of their life going from guy to guy to guy. Almost always there are emotional issues (such as detachment issues caused by past heartbreaks or childhood experiences of abandonment). Where as many men will go around sleeping with several different women for several months or years, there usually aren't doing it because of emotional issues, it's just because they want to do it and they feel a need to do so. The Samantha Jones and Blanche Devereauxs of this world are rare.
 WhatNamesAreLeftThen
Joined: 8/25/2018
Msg: 563
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 4:48:50 PM
I may be perpetually single but at least I can say I've met an awful lot of rare women.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 564
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 6:14:17 PM
Perhaps you thought they were a certain way but I suspect you didn't care to know differently. But were the women you slept with women who slept with a lot of different men over a long period of time or was it just a rare one night stand for them? There is a difference. I will stand by what I said. Any woman who goes years sleeping with many different men and never having a relationship has some sort of emotional issues.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 565
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/2/2018 7:10:48 PM
I agree with you July. Women who perpetually hop from one guy to the next without ever being in a relationship are often damaged with low self-esteem and use sex as a means to gain validation and attention. After all, being sexual is the easiest and quickest way to gain male attention. It's also very fleeting and meaningless though. A woman who goes "wild" after being in a LTR and then settles into another LTR is not in the same category as someone who is just wild all the time while single.

I tend to attract those kinds of female acquaintances and all their stories are the same. She slept with someone who she probably shouldn't have just because he gave her attention, he doesn't treat her like she thinks he should (i.e. like a girlfriend) and then she is pissed off so she cuts him off. A few weeks or months later, the cycle continues with some new guy. They're never in relationships or their last relationship was several years ago. These men they're sleeping with are not men they're actually dating or FWBs, just randoms from Tinder, their bartender, some married man, their tattoo shop guy, etc. I just have to sigh. No emotionally well-adjusted person with a healthy self-esteem would choose to put themselves in that predicament over and over.

When I hear "sleeping around" ^^^ that is the type of behavior I associate with it.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 566
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 7:06:39 AM

A woman who goes "wild" after being in a LTR and then settles into another LTR is not in the same category as someone who is just wild all the time while single.


- yes, some people get wild after a breakup. It's called being on the rebound. There are lots of people on the rebound out there, and on dating sites.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 567
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 7:18:46 AM
Yup. I suspect even a lot of the guys that seem to be players are like that. They have been in a relationship for so long then boom they are able to sleep with as many women as they want. But many of these guys will end up in a relationship again sooner or later when they are ready when the right girl comes along.

As for the fact that NG always brings up, that statistically as many women sleep around as men because the men have to be sleeping with someone, I think its bulltweed. I think there are just a few women that sleep around with a lot of men. Like, for instance, lets say there are 150 men in their 30s on POF in a 75km radius and there are 80 women. 8 of those women sleep around a lot and between them they've covered about 90 guys. The other 72 women have only slept with a handful of guys or less.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 568
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 7:34:19 AM
July I attest to that, my boyfriend when he was single said he met a girl that said she had slept with like 100 men lol. I think the others had only slept with a bunch countable on 1-2 hands max.
Men sleep with more women on average than women with men but. Men also perceive themselves to be less popular sexually even though they have slept with more. I put it down to the fact that men chase and get rejected far more than women. So they kind of focus mentally on all the rejections.
So while a women probably feels like guys are pretty interested in her sexually and like she is sexually popular, she has slept with less than the average man but been rejected less.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 569
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 8:02:45 AM

Any woman who goes years sleeping with many different men and never having a relationship has some sort of emotional issues.

I might agree if you had said "many women". However I won't make sweeping generalizations and use terms like "all" or "any". Some women may not need an emotional connection for sex and can enjoy sex for what it is.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 570
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 9:13:11 AM
^^^^^^ I agree. I also cannot assume that a span of years sleeping with multiple/many (and it is subjective as to what many means) men with no long term relationship naturally means a person was not trying for a ltr or under the impression that their relationship was heading for lt status. There are all sorts of reasons that promising looking relationships take a different path. I can't presume it means a woman has emotional issues.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 571
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 9:17:14 AM
So it's bull that lots of women have lots of sex. Who do you think all these men have sex with? Is there like a couple of women in every town who have sex with all
these men? Come on, lots and lots of women are having sex with lots of men in every single town/city.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 572
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 9:49:43 AM
It's a slippery slope to generalize, yes, but from what I know of the promiscuous women that I've actually gotten to know, they were not happy with their choices although they tried to use the hook-up culture & the Samantha Jones attitude as justifications for their self-destructive behavior. Also, aside from sleeping around they liked to indulge in partying, drugs and/or alcohol. Coincidence? I think not. Easy sex and substance use are often intertwined & are symptoms of a much bigger, underlying issue. Like July said, women who truly use sex as recreation without any twisted up feelings over a period of time are extremely rare.

There are a lot more women like the ones I made mention of. If you don't know them personally or have made an effort on getting to know them & are just going off of the facade they put forth, it's quite easy to assume they're OK with their choices.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 573
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 10:55:20 AM
It's okay to state "the women that I know" or "the women in my experience" behave a certain way. But I still wouldn't make generalizations about an entire group of women based on a given sample size. Not all situations or variables are always the same. Also this can be subjective. One person's definition of "having many sex partners during a certain time frame" can be different than another person's definition.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 574
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 11:01:28 AM

Ahhhhh, good call. Are you sure I don't post like Him too -- with the incessant ramblings and such? ;)


So you were really Confident-Realist who joined in early 2004 or are you pulling my leg?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 575
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Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 11:07:11 AM

It's okay to state "the women that I know" or "the women in my experience" behave a certain way. But I still wouldn't make generalizations about an entire group of women based on a certain sample size. Not all situations or variables are always the same. Also this can be subjective. One person's definition of "having many sex partners during a certain time frame" can be different than another person's definition.


I think you can generalize if it's something about their nature or if the numbers back it up. Things like women initiating more divorces than men and men being more affected than women by break ups are facts.
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