Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > borderline personality disorder-any info?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 112
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?Page 11 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

Let's see...you butt your nose into what I'm saying to another poster, tell me how I'm supposed to word my posts to suit "you" and insinuate I have a mental problem by projecting things on me you couldn't possibly know. Then when I don't validate your "I'm the victim" routine, you get pissed off at me...accuse me of blaming "you" for pain caused by someone else, then pretend anything I have to say about my experience with BPD is somehow a personal attack on "you". You say you don't take anything personally...then take it personally (what you say and what you do are the opposite).

Yep...you don't need to convince me you have BPD.


You are making statements now, that my perception of is so different, that I am not going to address them.

I get the distinct impression, but I could be wrong, that anything I say is going to be "borderline", and without beneficial merit.

That is my opinion, and I am choosing to end this discussion. I don't believe that anything beneficial will be gained by carrying on.....
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 113
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/16/2010 1:49:13 AM

I don't agree that she's trying to run the thread at all, nor does she try to correct people or argue a man's opinion. If she disagrees with someone, she usually says something very polite like, " I may be wrong, but..". She's been very polite and considerate.


Thank you again, for your support vicavictor, and your insightful assessment of the situation.

My "job" on this board....and it is a job, I've been doing it for over two years, is to try to help people understand what happened in their relationships, explain how BPD comes about, try to explain that sometimes...only sometimes malicious intent is not involved in things that happen, and most of all try to convince anyone who has been recently diagnosed with BPD to get help! It's hard work, but it's very worth the effort put in.

The thing that does bother me, is when people read the self help books....which are written my a Non BPD about BPD....this information is being filtered through two people's throught processes, and perspectives....and I will say something, and they will tell me I'm wrong. What I'm saying may not be right for everyone, but that's how it works for me.

I will not be leaving this board as long as there are BPD that may be watching.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 114
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/18/2010 8:57:26 AM
Now that hopefully the dust has settled....

Thank you again vicavictor for your support.

While I am in fact "tuff", there is nothing wrong with support. Support builds confidence.

Ripping someone you don't even know apart, on a website, because they are "similar" but different from someone who ripped you apart doesn't really make you much better than them, does it.

I have a feeling that vicavictor can offer support, but maintain his boundaries. He offered me support, and defended me, without trying to FIX anything. And he checked in regularly. This is a perfect recipe for dealing with a BPD......or anyone who decides that they want to take out their lousy day on you.

More people should use this strategy....it works.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 115
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/18/2010 10:44:41 AM
Anyone here can point a finger at me, and be "right".

I don't have the same "privilege" by virtue of my illness.

I am BPD, but to a large degree, I was in the same shoes as YOU for 42 years! Just because it wasn't with an SO, doesn't mean it was a walk in the park. But nobody seems to see that part. They just wanna take shots at the BPD.

Professionals get their knowledge about BPD from BPD's. And it's been filtered, and tilted in a little different direction before it gets to them, unless it's an actual discussion with a BPD.

Do I out and out lie? Not anymore. Although my perception of something may be totally opposite to yours, and it seems like a lie to you. I ended the discussion with squirt, because his perspective was so different than mine, there was no point in addressing it....it would have turned into a flame war, with me on the flame side.....

I don't see any other BPD's stepping up, and offering any information, so does it LOOK like I'm trying to control the thread.....I guess it does. I see it, as I'm pretty much the only source of "genuine" information. Is it "my" information....yes, but it's legitimate 2nd generation information.

I've said before, this is almost like a job for me....I try to answer questions that make no sense whatsoever....because I know there have been many times that I was bowled over by what my Mom did.

I have no obligation to explain my intent to anyone....so if anyone wants to flame....flame away, I can't stop you.

 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 116
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/18/2010 1:51:39 PM
Spagett

You are taking nearly every word I post, and dissecting it according to the criteria of BPD.

I am "recovered" (meaning my thinking and behaviour have been 'deemed' acceptable to pass for "normal" in society) You are giving me much to much credit for "maliciously" using BPD behaviour. Has my thinking been re-vamped 100%....no....that's not possible. Will I come out with a black and white statement.....yes....as do normal people, just not as often.

Ummmm, not really, means just that....in my opinion, that's not REALLY how it works. If I mean "Nope", I will write NOPE. I don't beat arount the bush! And that's why I don't like people splicing my posts.....because it changes the MEANING of what I've said!


<div class="quote">All the blame and devaluation they throw at everyone around them, is just projected feelings about themselves which they go to great lengths to hide from themselves....

The reason I disagreed about devaluation being projected feelings about myself, which I explained in my post, is that when I devalue, it's RESENTMENT I feel. RESENTMENT because I've been triggered by something that may have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PERSON I'M DEVALUING. I'll say this again. FOR ME, devaluation happens when I RESENT how I'm being treated.

That is as far as I'm willing to go to equalize what it looks like I'm doing. You have obviously become so entrenched with what you have already read, it seems to me, that when you read something DIFFERENT, FROM THE HORSES MOUTH, you don't believe it.

So be it.

Trying to make sense out of BPD is like trying to make sense out of nonsense.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 117
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/18/2010 3:44:32 PM

BPD is a learned behavior, and can (and HAS) been un-learned. Unfortunately, you have to talk to non's to do it, and the BPD person has to want to do it.

I pointed out that you are still very much acting in a BPD manner, and that your "advice" is not very reliable because of that. You have just admitted that in the post above this, thank you.

Readers, look at the links I have provided. My opinion is just as bias as Quazi, or Albinosquirlz, the links are not. They have real answers, real options, not "opinions" or "feelings" or classic BPD behavior as exhibited in this thread.


Spagett!

You will not chase me off this thread....let people read your posts, and my posts....and decide for themselves.....I'm good with that.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 118
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/18/2010 5:20:00 PM

You will not chase me off this thread....let people read your posts, and my posts....and decide for themselves.....I'm good with that.


glad to see that. because i know that i, and others, have learned a great deal
from the insight shared in this thread.

i had a 2-year 'friendship' with a bpd. i couldn't for the life of me
figure out what the hell went on with the bizarre conversations,
accusations, temper tantrums, lies, delusions and so on.
i had no clue how to handle someone like that. i did the best
i could, but got to the point where i just couldn't deal with
the craziness.

what quazi shared throughout this thread helped me to
understand the incident. she helped me to understand the reasoning
behind the behaviors i witnessed. and her words have encouraged me
to believe that, should i encounter another bpd, that i will have
more resources at my disposal to better comprehend what i might
experience from them.

so, thanks! and keep up the good work.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 119
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/21/2010 3:10:03 PM
"Actually one cue may be if she mentions having being raped, molested and/or beaten; many times these victims develop personality disorders. :( "

Whaaa?????? That is one of the more ignorant things I've read in awhile. Personality disorders, from my understanding, are "developed" in early childhood. Some are chemical imbalances, no more the result of an event than being a diabetic. I've read a lot about different personality disorders, I suggest you do the same.

The things that present after being victimized are different altogether and not even in the same category.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 120
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 5/22/2010 7:45:17 AM
"As for people who have been victimized, who hasn't been?"

The post mentioning victimization was talking about physically assaulted. People are victimized by having things stolen from their house, being fired unfairly from a job....sure almost anyone has been victimized by situations, but physically assaulted and brutalized?!! Hardly a comparison...boohoo waaa yeah we've all been victimized...sheesh.
 Chazz44
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 121
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 9/27/2010 10:50:30 AM
Ummm, no Phredly....

Bucsgirl and Peppermint Petunias are correct. Rape, molestation, physical abuse do NOT cause a personality disorder.... PTSD, or Generalized PTSD, would be a more likely diagnoses.... Except to the extent that a personality disorder, or worse, is predictable in those committing such offenses. (According to the FBI, 92 percent of rape reports are NOT false.... )


Quazi 100, your advice has been amazingly helpful and on point.

vicavictor, you are my "knight in shining armor", even though you never applied for the job for anyone.


Here's what I think - and, I'm speaking from a great deal of professional and personal experience.

No one definitively know the causes of BPD. There are a number of theories, some overlap, but no one knows the genesis of BPD for sure. It's likely that there are a confluence of causes depending on the individual. Temperament, brain chemistry, neurological factors, life events, are bound to be factors, but that can be said about any disorder. Psychiatry is NOT an exact science; it's doubtful it ever will be in the foreseeable future.

It is possible for individuals with BPD to live relatively stable, productive lives - IF - they are treated.

If you are going to partner with a TREATED BPD person, it's in your best interest to educate yourself. I had a partner with multiple sclerosis (MS). I needed to understand that my partner's "mood swings" were a predictable feature of chronic ill-health, fatigue, frustration over the loss of mobility/self-sufficiency, etc. ~ not reactions directed at me, personally.

I've been a member of several well known and highly trafficked sites for NON-BPDs for some time. Such sites are invaluable; they serve a much needed purpose. People need to vent, garner support, heal and be educated about BPD. They need a community of healing.

However, it's been my experience that such sites are peopled by angry, bitter individuals who remain stuck in their experiences wth a BPD partner. Not everyone at these sites is like this, but some few are. I've also been surprised by the sexism and homophobia that goes unexamined at these sites. Some people cannot (?) objectively see their own part in a relational dynamic, let alone a BPD one. They are blinded by codependency, a sense of entitlement, and/or their own emotional/mental health issues.

I've also been struck by how many non-professionals presume to diagnose their partners with BPD simply because their relationships didn't work.

Claiming the label of NON-BPD, does NOT automatically confer a clean bill of mental/emotional health.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 122
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 9/28/2010 11:14:48 AM
it's been four months since 5/21/10 when Phredly wrote:

"Actually one cue may be if she mentions having been raped, molested and/or beaten; many times these victims develop personality disorders. :( "

I would love to hear that, in these four months, Phredly has had an opportunity to re-evaluate his opinion ... and he has come to see that being raped, molested and/or beaten will NOT CREATE a "personality disorder" ...

these are SITUATIONAL events ... acts of violence perpetrated upon an innocent ... and I believe the victim's emotional well-being can be greatly improved with a sympathetic listener ... love, patience and understanding can go a long way to improving the victim's transition back to her previous state of well-being ...

IMHO ... shunning a victim and/or treating her as though she has a mental illness probably won't help her at all ...

I've lived with family members with mental illnesses ... and I've interacted with friends/family members who have been victims of violent crimes ... HUGE DIFFERENCE ... not at all the same ...



I'm sending out thoughts of love and well-being to all victims everywhere ...
 Chazz44
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 123
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 9/28/2010 9:47:56 PM
Molly Maude , there are all sorts of ways to blame a victim. This has been one of them.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 124
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:41:41 AM

" **** me get out "


I literally heard those exact words mid-stroke.

It took me way too long to learn to keep an emotional distance, but I did learn. Sometimes the emotional cost far exceeded the emotional gain, so the feet needed to do their walking. Other times, things were incredible. Yet, in the end, nothing worked like keeping a long emotional distance. I didn't cause the problem, and I couldn't fix it.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 125
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 12:34:28 AM
Some people really are monsters who don't deserve anyone's sympathy. Death rows are full of them. But people can also do some horrible things for reasons that are just not within their control.

The paranoid schizophrenic who kills a person thinking he's a demon God's ordered him to eliminate. The person with a brain tumor in the wrong place, or with temporal lobe epilepsy, who flies into a rage and beats someone senseless just for glancing at him. The sleepwalker who does something dangerous. There are all sorts of reasons not to hold people fully accountable for the harm they do.

So-called "borderline personality disorder" (the name itself is to be changed to something more accurate and less judgmental in the next DSM) can also cause people to do some very cruel things. But no one should forget that this problem is cruelest of all to the person who has it. I doubt anyone who makes fun of these people would like to be on the receiving end of that, if fate had happened to inflict this godawful disorder on them, instead.

They may secretly feel awful about hurting someone's feelings, and yet angrily justify it as self-defense against the person they think provoked them. It's not so much that they won't admit blame--it's almost as if they *can't.* And they'll probably do the same thing the next time, gradually making themselves even more lonely than the disorder itself makes them feel. About 10% of them eventually despair and kill themselves.

They get to spend much of their lives feeling depressed, worthless, anxious, angry, wired, and frustrated--or sometimes feel some or all these things in a day, or an hour, or even at once. They also live with certain typical delusions and sometimes even mild hallucinations. And it can hardly be fun to have very little solid, consistent sense of what makes you uniquely you--your own personality. So it's not as if these people sat up one night and decided to give themselves all these ungodly problems, just for the he!! of it.

Very similar symptoms are seen in some types of bipolar disorder. It's not exaggerating that much to say people diagnosed as bipolar get medication and--more and more--public acceptance; while a "borderline" diagnosis (75% of which go to females) gets you, if you're very lucky, some medication and some skillfully done "dialectic behavior therapy." This has worked well. But more often, people diagnosed as "borderline personality" have gotten interminable and largely ineffective talk therapy, no useful meds, and very little sympathy either from the public, OR from many medical specialists.

Even *they* often may come to view the typical "borderline personality" as an angry, unpleasant, uber-drama queen, often pretty, but uncooperative, manipulative, self-aggrandizing, and generally a royal PITA. And these doctors may think patients like this are sort of a sinkhole for medical resources that could be going to people who'd actually be grateful for the help. It's an understandable reaction, I guess--but it's also wrong.

That is changing very fast now, though. Some of the top medical authorities on bipolar disorder in the world don't believe there is such a thing as "borderline personality disorder." It seems to overlap the rapid-cycling types of bipolar which are now being recognized. And this overlap's so great that it's not clear just what reliably distinguishes the two disorders, except for a tendency to feel more "empty" or "hollow" than guilty, or worthless, which people with bipolar disorder tend to feel when they're depressed.

Some of the evidence these are the same disorder (or very nearly so) has come from experiments that show the core symptoms of people diagnosed as "borderline" tend to respond to some of the same drugs that work for people diagnosed as bipolar. I understand this is one of the hottest areas of research into emotional disorders, with big advances expected during the next several years. New drugs already being developed will probably be part of this.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 126
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 8:20:50 AM
Basically borderline personality disorder basically works this way:

Victim
Persecutor,
Rescuer.

All working in a triangle and they well assume the role of one. This is how they "know" love. As it was stated here it takes many years of professional treatment to get them right. I recommend finding someone that has lots of experience with these people, because they can run over a green-pea therapist. DO NOT TRY AND FIX THEM YOURSELF. Get a professional to do it.

It is a lot of heartbreak too. I would say if they have borderline personality disorder, cut sling and save yourself a lot of pain.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 127
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 10:06:11 AM

it takes many years of professional treatment to get them right.


So far, that's probably true--although some people who have been diagnosed as "borderline" have eventually stopped showing most of the symptoms. But the more researchers find out about what's going wrong in the brain to cause these problems, the better the chances of giving the people who suffer from them better lives.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 128
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 10:44:18 AM
The thing about BPD is that eventually it effects the overall mental health of the care-giver. This is a neurosis that can't be aided with medicine alone like some other psychological disease. The question becomes how long is the care giver able to hold up under very stressful situations? Remember it will take years of intense therapy to help these people and often they have family members with the same neurosis making all that more difficult to treat.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 129
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 12:22:08 PM
Interesting thread - I've learned a few things from reading it. My younger sister was for many years diagnosed as biopolar and was taking Lithium and then another mood stabilizer. Then her psychiatrist told my mother that she's very difficult to diagnose and that the true diagnosis was probably BPD. Unfortunately, she hasn't been to a psychiatrist for many years and refuses to admit that there's anything wrong with her.

She also seems to have Munchausen syndrome - she creates symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome and other problems, and in that way she gets a lot of attention, permanent disability status, and strong prescription drugs, which she is obviously addicted to.

She can be quite pleasant as long as you are agreeing with her (and playing along with frequent lies, manipulation, and delusions). If you try to be honest with her and point out how destructive her behaviour is, she turns from Jekyll into Hyde, and goes into projection mode, with you as her enemy. This makes her vindictive to the point of being vicious.

My family keeps their distance out of fear, and would like me to do the same. I often feel guilty because by turning a blind eye to her behaviour I feel we are in some ways condoning and enabling it.

I volunteered for a while at a mental health organization, and I met two BPD young women who admitted their disorder (in one case she was also an addict) and were getting help from anywhere it was available, as well as family support. One of them was married with a baby. I had the impression that there was hope for these people.

My sister had never been able to maintain a relationship or a job. The older that she gets, the more lonely and isolated she will become. I don't know how much she suffers in her head, but she's certainly caused a lot of suffering in our family. I feel compassion for her but I need the boundaries in place to protect myself, especially if she will continue to be in denial.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 130
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 1:05:49 PM
Great additional info post # 363-matchlight.


Thanks, sharptack.

My first real love was the girl next door--and I think her mother had something like this. The husband was a veterinarian, and a good guy. She was a pretty woman who always had the clothes, the new car, the travel--and endless trips to some Beverly Hills analyst. He kept her so medicated that she seemed fairly normal, and she was always great to me. Not so nice to him, though, from what my girlfriend would tell me.

He'd been sharing his troubles with his office manager, a younger woman, and something started between them. And as soon as the daughters were out of the house, he left the wife for her. I heard later that she'd tried to harm herself, and that she later became an invalid and met a very sad end. Probably nothing unusual.


It is one of the saddest things... to watch someone who is such a wonderful person in so many ways simply self destruct due to their own body chemicals. It is a real tragedy.


I sometimes wonder if their disorder clouds their vision as to what's happening to them. If I knew I had an emotional problem that could cause me permanent brain damage, and that that damage in turn would make the problem even worse, I think it would get my full attention. Right now.

But certain parts of the brain--prefrontal cortex, the amygdalas, etc. are measurably different in people with bipolar disorder. They may be less dense--sort of slightly atrophied--or the blood flow to them may be abnormal. Or it may contain byproducts from the thyroid that aren't found in most people. And there are other differences besides those.

Also, these things seem to get worse as the symptoms go untreated. It's as if the insulation on your car's electrical wiring developed little pits that let the electric flow get out of control, heating up the wires and melting away even more of the insulation, until the electric signals seldom went where they should, and half the things on the car never seemed to work quite right. But, some drugs actually *reverse* part of this damage. How, exactly?

Isn't it odd, too, that the amygdala is involved in regulating emotions. And the "clock" that controls our sleep cycles and responds to light and darkness--a structure so basic it's almost identical to the one insects have--is located near this area, and connected to it. Is it just coincidence that these things usually don't work right in bipolar disorder, and that they're probably involved in triggering its mood cycles?

One thing I suspect keeps some bipolar/"borderline" people from complying better is that when they *do* feel good, they can feel SO good. And the sex is part of that. I'm sure that at those times, the orgasms can be frequent and intense. But there are medications which I know have that same effect on the libido in a lot of people who *don't* have bipolar disorder. And not just part of the time.

So it's not like they have a magic key to a kingdom no one else can enter. Most of them wouldn't be giving up anything by getting themselves fixed, even if they like it enough to justify the misery they feel the rest of the time.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 131
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 1:20:51 PM

I don't know how much she suffers in her head


Quite a lot, I would guess. You might just ask her sometime, in passing, if she's happy. Yeah, the disagreeing is just fueling the flames. It's like pushing against someone who's standing on the edge of a cliff--they don't feel they can afford to give any ground at all.


Medication i.e anti-depressants, certainly masked some of the bizarre behavioural traits but they soon came back up to the surface.


That's not too surprising. A lot of those meds--SSRI's particularly--can trigger mood cycling in as many as 15% of people with BP. From what I've read, the best specialists would probably try lamotrigine or some other mood stabilizer first, and monitor things very carefully.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 132
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 2:37:21 PM
Thanks for your metaphorical explanations, matchlight. That helps me to understand. If I asked my sister if she's happy, she would get immediately defensive and insist that she is. She is in deep denial even though there is no part of her life that is functional. To add to that, she's so self-medicated that she's in a fog. But it is sleeping pills and narcotic painkillers - nothing that would address her psychiatric problems.

In the past, she would appear to have some mania - although not necessarily euphoria. It seemed to be mostly hair-trigger rage, shop-lifting and other very impulsive behaviours. The most pervasive feeling that I get from her is chronic depression.
The reference to sleep disorders is very interesting, because if she didn't knock herself out with meds every night, I think her moods would spiral more out of control.

It is a very tragic thing to watch and to have no control over.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 133
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 3:43:41 PM

f she didn't knock herself out with meds every night, I think her moods would spiral more out of control.


Maybe, depending on what she takes. Some just make things a lot worse. So does light after you've turned in--you condition yourself to feel awake at night in your bed, which is the last thing someone with insomnia wants to do. A couple Benadryl works for most of them (me, too), and it's pretty safe.

Depression seems to be sort of the usual state for most people who have this disorder. And you're right, the "mania" part isn't always euphoric, and anger's often a part of it. So is doing impulsive things. The best you can do may be to make clear you're there for her, and ask her neutral things that may make her think a little. If she insists she's happy, just agree. That doesn't mean she believes it--and she might actually believe it less if you agreed.

My own sister has a light touch of this kind of thing--moody, insecure in many ways, but superior, self-centered, manipulative, and quite capable of turning on people close to her.

When I lived in St. Louis, I used to call my Mom most days, especially when my Dad was failing. One evening, I didn't get any answer. I tried several times for almost an hour--still nothing. And all this time, I couldn't study, or do anything except pace around outside and try not to worry. Finally I called my sister, who lived about four miles away--a little closer than my 2,000.

I explained what had happened, but she didn't even want to drive over to check it out. When I said I felt she really should, she eventually agreed--angrily--and hung up on me. My Mom had accidentally turned off the ringer on her phone and was fine. She was embarrassed and apologized, but she told me later how despite that, my sister had read her off, loud and clear, for inconveniencing her.
 PeaveyT40
Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 134
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 8/23/2011 10:35:38 PM
I was in a serious relationship with a girl with BPD. All I can say is strap on a helmet, buckle-up because it's going to be a turbulant and exhausting ride. One example, ours was a semi-long-distance relationship, a four hour drive between us. We would alternate staying 2-3 weeks in each of our homes. Last summer, while up at her place, my dad sufferred a heart attack. I had to leave immediately to come back home to be with him during surgery and recovery. During the three weeks that I was with Dad, her and I talked/texted daily. All seemed well. Finally I was able to return back up to her. When I got into town she was not home and would not answer my calls. I was able to stay with another friend for a few days while I attempted to find out where she was. Needless to say, I was very concerned for her well-being. She finally called me and told me she was in a "safe place" and was ok, but would not be able to see me for a couple of days. On about the third day I found out that she had not only cheated on me, but had actually moved in with another guy that she had met during a prior hospitalization. Needless to say, I was devastated. Their relationship only lasted a couple of weeks, and then she called me and asked me to take her back. I did, but was never able to really come close to forgiving her. Things just were never the same after that incident. Although some of her actions could be attributed to her illness, the person must still be held responsible for their actions. Our relationship lasted nearly 2 years, a new record for her. After extensive research and speaking with professionals knowledgable with BPD, attempting relationships of any significant duration is typically highly improbable.
 PeaveyT40
Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 135
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 8/25/2011 8:34:07 AM
Three books that I highly recommend for a non-BP to read before getting into a serious relationship with a BPD:

1. "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" (Randi Kreger)
2. "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" (Jerold J. Kreisman)
3. "Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies" (Charles H. Elliott PhD)
 unspoiled
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 136
view profile
History
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 10/22/2011 8:47:56 AM
I think this "border-line" personality is a catch-all for whatever condition psychiatrists cannot pigeon-hole in some other category. It could be that society is so screwed up now that what is normal now is worldliness and one who is not worldly would be considered by the masses as such a misfit from being so different from the common person's corrupted philosophy on life that the one who is different is decided to be labelled negatively.

How about instead of using the term "borderline personality" and simply state the condition exhibited by the actions and continue your story from there?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > borderline personality disorder-any info?