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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > borderline personality disorder-any info?      Home login  
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 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 126
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borderline personality disorder-any info?Page 16 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Basically borderline personality disorder basically works this way:

Victim
Persecutor,
Rescuer.

All working in a triangle and they well assume the role of one. This is how they "know" love. As it was stated here it takes many years of professional treatment to get them right. I recommend finding someone that has lots of experience with these people, because they can run over a green-pea therapist. DO NOT TRY AND FIX THEM YOURSELF. Get a professional to do it.

It is a lot of heartbreak too. I would say if they have borderline personality disorder, cut sling and save yourself a lot of pain.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 127
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 10:06:11 AM

it takes many years of professional treatment to get them right.


So far, that's probably true--although some people who have been diagnosed as "borderline" have eventually stopped showing most of the symptoms. But the more researchers find out about what's going wrong in the brain to cause these problems, the better the chances of giving the people who suffer from them better lives.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 128
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 10:44:18 AM
The thing about BPD is that eventually it effects the overall mental health of the care-giver. This is a neurosis that can't be aided with medicine alone like some other psychological disease. The question becomes how long is the care giver able to hold up under very stressful situations? Remember it will take years of intense therapy to help these people and often they have family members with the same neurosis making all that more difficult to treat.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 129
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 12:22:08 PM
Interesting thread - I've learned a few things from reading it. My younger sister was for many years diagnosed as biopolar and was taking Lithium and then another mood stabilizer. Then her psychiatrist told my mother that she's very difficult to diagnose and that the true diagnosis was probably BPD. Unfortunately, she hasn't been to a psychiatrist for many years and refuses to admit that there's anything wrong with her.

She also seems to have Munchausen syndrome - she creates symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome and other problems, and in that way she gets a lot of attention, permanent disability status, and strong prescription drugs, which she is obviously addicted to.

She can be quite pleasant as long as you are agreeing with her (and playing along with frequent lies, manipulation, and delusions). If you try to be honest with her and point out how destructive her behaviour is, she turns from Jekyll into Hyde, and goes into projection mode, with you as her enemy. This makes her vindictive to the point of being vicious.

My family keeps their distance out of fear, and would like me to do the same. I often feel guilty because by turning a blind eye to her behaviour I feel we are in some ways condoning and enabling it.

I volunteered for a while at a mental health organization, and I met two BPD young women who admitted their disorder (in one case she was also an addict) and were getting help from anywhere it was available, as well as family support. One of them was married with a baby. I had the impression that there was hope for these people.

My sister had never been able to maintain a relationship or a job. The older that she gets, the more lonely and isolated she will become. I don't know how much she suffers in her head, but she's certainly caused a lot of suffering in our family. I feel compassion for her but I need the boundaries in place to protect myself, especially if she will continue to be in denial.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 130
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 1:05:49 PM
Great additional info post # 363-matchlight.


Thanks, sharptack.

My first real love was the girl next door--and I think her mother had something like this. The husband was a veterinarian, and a good guy. She was a pretty woman who always had the clothes, the new car, the travel--and endless trips to some Beverly Hills analyst. He kept her so medicated that she seemed fairly normal, and she was always great to me. Not so nice to him, though, from what my girlfriend would tell me.

He'd been sharing his troubles with his office manager, a younger woman, and something started between them. And as soon as the daughters were out of the house, he left the wife for her. I heard later that she'd tried to harm herself, and that she later became an invalid and met a very sad end. Probably nothing unusual.


It is one of the saddest things... to watch someone who is such a wonderful person in so many ways simply self destruct due to their own body chemicals. It is a real tragedy.


I sometimes wonder if their disorder clouds their vision as to what's happening to them. If I knew I had an emotional problem that could cause me permanent brain damage, and that that damage in turn would make the problem even worse, I think it would get my full attention. Right now.

But certain parts of the brain--prefrontal cortex, the amygdalas, etc. are measurably different in people with bipolar disorder. They may be less dense--sort of slightly atrophied--or the blood flow to them may be abnormal. Or it may contain byproducts from the thyroid that aren't found in most people. And there are other differences besides those.

Also, these things seem to get worse as the symptoms go untreated. It's as if the insulation on your car's electrical wiring developed little pits that let the electric flow get out of control, heating up the wires and melting away even more of the insulation, until the electric signals seldom went where they should, and half the things on the car never seemed to work quite right. But, some drugs actually *reverse* part of this damage. How, exactly?

Isn't it odd, too, that the amygdala is involved in regulating emotions. And the "clock" that controls our sleep cycles and responds to light and darkness--a structure so basic it's almost identical to the one insects have--is located near this area, and connected to it. Is it just coincidence that these things usually don't work right in bipolar disorder, and that they're probably involved in triggering its mood cycles?

One thing I suspect keeps some bipolar/"borderline" people from complying better is that when they *do* feel good, they can feel SO good. And the sex is part of that. I'm sure that at those times, the orgasms can be frequent and intense. But there are medications which I know have that same effect on the libido in a lot of people who *don't* have bipolar disorder. And not just part of the time.

So it's not like they have a magic key to a kingdom no one else can enter. Most of them wouldn't be giving up anything by getting themselves fixed, even if they like it enough to justify the misery they feel the rest of the time.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 131
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 1:20:51 PM

I don't know how much she suffers in her head


Quite a lot, I would guess. You might just ask her sometime, in passing, if she's happy. Yeah, the disagreeing is just fueling the flames. It's like pushing against someone who's standing on the edge of a cliff--they don't feel they can afford to give any ground at all.


Medication i.e anti-depressants, certainly masked some of the bizarre behavioural traits but they soon came back up to the surface.


That's not too surprising. A lot of those meds--SSRI's particularly--can trigger mood cycling in as many as 15% of people with BP. From what I've read, the best specialists would probably try lamotrigine or some other mood stabilizer first, and monitor things very carefully.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 132
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 2:37:21 PM
Thanks for your metaphorical explanations, matchlight. That helps me to understand. If I asked my sister if she's happy, she would get immediately defensive and insist that she is. She is in deep denial even though there is no part of her life that is functional. To add to that, she's so self-medicated that she's in a fog. But it is sleeping pills and narcotic painkillers - nothing that would address her psychiatric problems.

In the past, she would appear to have some mania - although not necessarily euphoria. It seemed to be mostly hair-trigger rage, shop-lifting and other very impulsive behaviours. The most pervasive feeling that I get from her is chronic depression.
The reference to sleep disorders is very interesting, because if she didn't knock herself out with meds every night, I think her moods would spiral more out of control.

It is a very tragic thing to watch and to have no control over.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 133
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/9/2011 3:43:41 PM

f she didn't knock herself out with meds every night, I think her moods would spiral more out of control.


Maybe, depending on what she takes. Some just make things a lot worse. So does light after you've turned in--you condition yourself to feel awake at night in your bed, which is the last thing someone with insomnia wants to do. A couple Benadryl works for most of them (me, too), and it's pretty safe.

Depression seems to be sort of the usual state for most people who have this disorder. And you're right, the "mania" part isn't always euphoric, and anger's often a part of it. So is doing impulsive things. The best you can do may be to make clear you're there for her, and ask her neutral things that may make her think a little. If she insists she's happy, just agree. That doesn't mean she believes it--and she might actually believe it less if you agreed.

My own sister has a light touch of this kind of thing--moody, insecure in many ways, but superior, self-centered, manipulative, and quite capable of turning on people close to her.

When I lived in St. Louis, I used to call my Mom most days, especially when my Dad was failing. One evening, I didn't get any answer. I tried several times for almost an hour--still nothing. And all this time, I couldn't study, or do anything except pace around outside and try not to worry. Finally I called my sister, who lived about four miles away--a little closer than my 2,000.

I explained what had happened, but she didn't even want to drive over to check it out. When I said I felt she really should, she eventually agreed--angrily--and hung up on me. My Mom had accidentally turned off the ringer on her phone and was fine. She was embarrassed and apologized, but she told me later how despite that, my sister had read her off, loud and clear, for inconveniencing her.
 PeaveyT40
Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 134
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 8/23/2011 10:35:38 PM
I was in a serious relationship with a girl with BPD. All I can say is strap on a helmet, buckle-up because it's going to be a turbulant and exhausting ride. One example, ours was a semi-long-distance relationship, a four hour drive between us. We would alternate staying 2-3 weeks in each of our homes. Last summer, while up at her place, my dad sufferred a heart attack. I had to leave immediately to come back home to be with him during surgery and recovery. During the three weeks that I was with Dad, her and I talked/texted daily. All seemed well. Finally I was able to return back up to her. When I got into town she was not home and would not answer my calls. I was able to stay with another friend for a few days while I attempted to find out where she was. Needless to say, I was very concerned for her well-being. She finally called me and told me she was in a "safe place" and was ok, but would not be able to see me for a couple of days. On about the third day I found out that she had not only cheated on me, but had actually moved in with another guy that she had met during a prior hospitalization. Needless to say, I was devastated. Their relationship only lasted a couple of weeks, and then she called me and asked me to take her back. I did, but was never able to really come close to forgiving her. Things just were never the same after that incident. Although some of her actions could be attributed to her illness, the person must still be held responsible for their actions. Our relationship lasted nearly 2 years, a new record for her. After extensive research and speaking with professionals knowledgable with BPD, attempting relationships of any significant duration is typically highly improbable.
 PeaveyT40
Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 135
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 8/25/2011 8:34:07 AM
Three books that I highly recommend for a non-BP to read before getting into a serious relationship with a BPD:

1. "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" (Randi Kreger)
2. "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" (Jerold J. Kreisman)
3. "Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies" (Charles H. Elliott PhD)
 unspoiled
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 136
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 10/22/2011 8:47:56 AM
I think this "border-line" personality is a catch-all for whatever condition psychiatrists cannot pigeon-hole in some other category. It could be that society is so screwed up now that what is normal now is worldliness and one who is not worldly would be considered by the masses as such a misfit from being so different from the common person's corrupted philosophy on life that the one who is different is decided to be labelled negatively.

How about instead of using the term "borderline personality" and simply state the condition exhibited by the actions and continue your story from there?
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